by Pamela Ann
“Can I ask you something?” he murmured over my head as he gently and aimlessly stroked my hair.
“Hmmm?” I garbled, trying to stay awake.
“I heard Kells’ joke around with Anton and how he was ‘technically’ a virgin.”
Even in my state, I had to snicker as I wondered what River might have thought when he had heard it. It was an inside joke.
“Oh, that. Well, he’s not a virgin, per say. He’s had sex with women before, but never with a guy. He’s holding out. I don’t know why. To clear any confusion, he was in denial and didn’t come out until a few years ago.”
“Ah, that explains it.” He laughed before pulling me closer to his body.
“Can I sleep now?” Shutting my eyes, I had never felt so sated in my life. Intense orgasms were the best medicine to put one to sleep, guaranteed.
“Really?” He blew out a breath before grabbing his phone on the side table. “I gotta jet out in six hours, babe. I was hoping to stay up late with you. But never mind me; you go get some beauty rest.”
He was being slightly incredulous. “Gee, thanks, you have yourself to blame for taking all the energy out of me.”
“You’re welcome, my beautiful love. I hope you don’t mind if I take you while you’re sleeping. I intend to do it, anyway, but thought I’d give you a heads-up.”
“What’s the point? It’s not like you haven’t done it before.” He did as he pleased with my body, with or without permission. The moment he took my virginity after a prolonged wait for me to be ready, he had been unstoppable. Therefore, this admission didn’t surprise me at all.
He kissed the top of my head before whispering how much he loved me. “Sleep well, my beautiful Cara.”
I wasn’t his, yet what was the point in arguing? My body was exhausted, and my eyes could barely stay open. Besides, I loved waking up to him taking temporary bliss between my thighs.
And I woke up several times as he raged into my body, taking it harder as he chased his guttural pleasure, fucking me until he screamed my name. Then, right before he left, I recalled him whispering into my ear that he would see me soon and declared how much I owned him and his heart.
Gradually, I began to gain consciousness. The throb in my pussy became more apparent as I reminded myself how this came about. In the midst of reaching for my phone on the side table, I was confused to find a basket. Then my eyes diverted to a note that rested against it.
Morning Sleeping Beauty! Thought you might need some complimentary ‘after good sex kit.’ =) I had Joe run to CVS before picking me up. I’ll call you when I land.
Love you,
R
“Cocky bastard.” I laughed at his audacity before my eyes caught sight of the largest bottle of Aleve, ice packs, and other items he deemed necessary for me to recover from his tumultuous onslaught. The man had a charming sense of humor. I always loved that about him.
Just as my mind began to drift away, my phone beeped, indicating a message received. It was a message from Kyle.
Thanks for dining with me last night. When can I see you next?
Here lay the conundrum. I couldn’t have both, and as much as I wanted River, Kyle represented a clean slate, a new relationship without the past hanging overhead. A very distinguished difference I had to account for.
Life was short, and I was going to start living it.
Que sera, sera.
Chapter Fifteen
It had been a week since Addison gave me a call and announced that I got a small part in the movie I had twice auditioned for. I hadn’t minded that it was an Indie film, all I cared about that I was given the opportunity to act and I will give with everything in me. As long as I could do what I was passionate about, that’s all that mattered.
So here I was, just recently landing in Vancouver before I was whisked off to where the location was set. After being introduced to the assistant that would be helping me, Ginny showed me to the trailer that was assigned for me. Makeup was due in ten minutes so I had that stretch of time to gather my bearings before planting myself to be beautified for the set. Setting my sights on the pasties and refreshments gathered on the table, I was surprised to find a beautiful floral arrangement. My very favorite kind. Plucking the white envelope, I had an inkling to whom it had come from.
I’m so proud of you. Have fun on set.
Love you forever and ever,
River
A loud sigh passed my lips as I stared at the sight before me. River had been courting me, sending gifts and little mementos to win my heart again. I had confronted him few days ago about what it all meant, but he easily denied it. He insisted that it was his way of loving me.
When he inquired about Kyle and the progress of my relationship with him, I never denied him any information. It was a subtle way of proving that sex didn’t mean we were in exclusivity. Regardless, River remained unmoved.
I had a week of shooting before I was jobless again. Clover wouldn’t shoot for another month and a half, so I had a lot of time on my hands. For the time being, I lavished on being out on location and doing what I wanted the most in the world—acting.
//
A week later, three hours after I landed, I had Kells pounding on my door with my dinner in hand. Anton then soon came to catch up with the ins and outs of our lives. Nothing seemed to change on theirs, except of Kells’ thriving relationship with Phoenix. I had never seen her happier. She had that glow about her, the one they pointed out as “the honeymoon” glow.
“Gee, guys, thanks for the food and all but can we resume the reunion tomorrow since I’m crazy tired?” Rest and sleep were quite scarce since my work kept me awake, reading and rereading my lines, making sure I got it right. I had an obsessive personality, one that came out in full-force once I began acting.
Anton chewed on his steak before giving me a considering look. “You can cover those dark circles in a flash, you’re coming out with us tonight. And heck it’s Friday night. It’s illegal to stay home when you’re under twenty-five.”
“Please?” Kells chimed in. “I know you’ve been working hard all week but Phoenix has this thing tonight and I promised to drag you both with me.”
Oh, damn. Sometimes it was hard to resist friends when they became persistent. In a way, I could make this into my advantage.
Giving Anton a pointed look, I beamed at him. “I’ll go if you promise to come with me. I’ve enrolled us for boxing/mixed martial arts classes. We apparently start Monday.”
His eyes buggered out, like the idea of exercising offended him. “You did what?”
I couldn’t help laughing at his ghastly expression.
“Don’t be a baby. I’m sure it’ll be fun. You’re doing it with Cara.” Kells gave him an encouraging look. “How bad can it be?”
“Laugh now, but if I end up in the hospital, you two will be footing my bill.”
We both agreed to his condition before we finished our meal.
I took my time getting ready, and after a long hot shower, I took a half an hour nap. It felt as though I had just shut my eyes closed before my alarm shrill next to my ear.
“The things I do for my friends,” I grumbled as I reluctantly slid off the bed and sleepily stared at my wardrobe. “Coffee. I need caffeine first.”
Leaving my closet ajar, I marched toward my kitchen as my phone rang, flashing River’s name.
“Hi,” I yawned before sliding a mug underneath my Keurig machine. “How’s it going?” Another yawn came out of my lips before I sighed at the sound of a dripping coffee.
“Hello, sleepy head. Did I wake you, babe?”
The sound of his voice soothed me.
“Wish I was sleeping, but I’m making coffee. Have to go out and support my friend.”
“You don’t have to if you’re too tired. I’m sure Phoenix will understand.” Of course River always ensured my wellbeing before anything.
I appreciated his concern, but I had already given my word.
&n
bsp; “I’ll go for a bit, then I’m coming back home to hit the sack.”
My coffee made, I stretched to grab the sugar container and took a spoonful into my drink. Taking a careful sip, I immediately felt the good work of caffeine kicking into my system.
“Anyhow, as much as I love speaking to you, lover boy, I gotta go and get ready for the evening.”
River groaned. “Call me when you can, yeah?”
“I promise.”
An hour later, my friends and I were in one of Hollywood’s hottest club where DJ Phoenix was playing. Her relationship with Phoenix blossomed. Scared as she might be, she was hopeful this might be the first real relationship she had ever had.
Kyle had been meaning to see me, but I couldn’t indulge him just yet since I had already given my word to Kells. Besides, he and I have been in constant communication. Soon, I promptly promised him.
We had our own private lounge along with Rock, Manu, Mint, Carly, and Lauren. Kells seemed to be getting on with Phoenix’s friends, and I couldn’t help smiling as she broadened her wings as she let boyfriend into her life.
Three shots in, I was happily floating in my buzz when Anton led me to the dance floor, ready to bring the house down with his dancing skills. We were in the midst of a popular dance song when Kells joined us before they began pointing at someone behind me.
“Do you care for a dance, beautiful?” a deep voice boomed behind me, making me pause.
I spun around to face the man. River. I almost lost shit upon seeing him as he madly grinned at me.
“What! How?” Beaming from ear-to-ear, I had to squash down the notion of kissing him on the lips. As much as I ached to do so, I just couldn’t when my friends were in full-view. “You’re back!” My excitement hadn’t ebbed away, my eyes unable to get enough of him.
“I am,” he stated as his eyes roved my face, longing and yearning to touch and kiss me.
“We just spoke. You never said you were home,” I rambled, still shocked to see him right here, in the middle of the dance floor. “Don’t you have another two weeks to shoot?”
He kept popping out in and out of my life while filming. Wouldn’t he get in trouble? I hoped not. As much as I was glad to see him, missing each other could wait. River was a passionate man and tended to be compulsive when his heart ruled over mind.
“I’m leaving again tomorrow.” He tried to hide his smile, seeming a little embarrassed for his spontaneous actions. “It’s a crazy idea, and I’m hella tired, but I want to see you even for a day. It’s worth it. You’re worth it.”
Damn. “You’re insane.”
He looked amazingly delicious, too. The scruffy long hair look was really doing wonders to my libido. Hell, it was hard to control my urges around him. When would it end?
“About you, yeah, there’s no question about that.” He leaned over, and I felt his breath teasing my ear, spreading wild fire of goose bumps all over my body. “May I kiss you, Cara?”
This was challenging for me, too, but there was a time and place for showing such intimacies.
“When we’re alone, you can kiss me all you want, but not here, not when everyone can see.”
“I’ve missed you.” He tried to control his emotion, but I could easily detect the depth of his words.
My heart thudded at his close proximity. Temptation so blindingly potent that I was drunk from lusting over him.
“Then dance with me, River Ellis.”
“Thought you’d never ask.” He pulled me close to him as our hips began to slowly sway, grounding, grinding from the beat of the music.
We danced, forgetting about Anton and Kells who were a few feet away, glancing at us every so often. However, all I could feel and focus on was River and how his hands held my hips.
The alcohol worked through my system as we swayed to the beat. I could feel his restraint, the heat of his desire as he harnessed his emotions to play my game of waiting. He knew he would get his way later tonight. We were lost in our own little world, spell-bounded by something greater, a profound force that kept bringing us together. Hypnotized, magnetized by elements we could barely control ourselves, consuming us with such profound adrenaline-charged transcendental, mystical form, a magic that bounded us together.
My breathing hitched as River slowly made us sway our way toward the section of the floor where the lights didn’t grace, a dark enough space for privacy from prying eyes. The moment we were out of sight, River practically devoured my neck with his kisses, nipping as he made small thrusts of his hips, making me well aware of his profound arousal.
“Baby,” I moaned, not stopping him. Little did I realize that this was the first sentiment I had ever used on him since our reunion.
He was practically making out with my neck, gripping on the tiny thin threads of control before he was about to spin out of it, losing his will to harness the fire that burned so violently in his heart, mind, and soul.
“Can I take you home?”
We were pushed to the limit, and it was high time we take this elsewhere.
“Take me home, please.”
He didn’t say another word, merely ushering me out of the bar before speed dialing Joe. In the space of ten minutes, I was in the back of the Range with his grip entwined with mine, never letting go. The ride didn’t take long, and once we got to my apartment, he didn’t bother turning on the lights before pulling me close to him.
“Come here,” he demanded then began demolishing my lips. He planted his hands on my hips, lifting me as I wrapped my legs around his body, kissing him back. Our lips became one, gentle but strong, hungered but measured.
“Take me to bed please,” I pleaded as my hands fevered to connect to his bare flesh, exploring his body like it was the first time I had lain hands on him.
River did as I asked, carrying me toward the bedroom without breaking our kiss. He then lowered me down the moment his legs hit the edge of the bed. Drowning in his sheer magnificence, he resembled like a beautiful dark angel descending upon me.
Undressing each other, we drank each other in, lost in our own time, in our own made-up world. Each kiss, each touch amplified thrice fold than before. He was slowly making love to me, and I could sense myself opening up to him. As if all the barriers, all the fight had evaporated into thin air. I felt it all—every fiber of his love, his pain, his hope that he proudly showed to me.
We rode the height of our passion without any pretenses. We were a man and a woman, the past all but forgotten as we came together, sealing our unity with a kiss. And when he fell on top of me, exhausted and asleep, I had never felt such completeness. A joy so intense, so overpowering that tears began to slide off the sides of my face.
“I love you, River.” The words caught me off guard. All the sleepiness immediately vanished as the words sank in. “I can’t be—”
Everything I had worked hard for, all that I had accomplished, all were for naught. The sex must have been driving me into such maddening thoughts. No. No! I wasn’t going to be weakened by any man, most especially River.
Here I had believed that I was no fool in love, but it was harder to fool my heart. It knew all along, and now this secret was something I dwelled to keep for as long as I was capable of hiding it.
Chapter Sixteen
It took everything in me to act the same, taking his calls and pretending as though I didn’t feel the same. River had been patient, not noticing anything amiss. It had been a few days since that fated night, and tried as I might, my thoughts would sprint back in time, rehashing moments spent with him and dissecting where I possibly began falling in love with him again.
Anton and I began our introduction to mixed martial arts, and on the second try, he was ready to give up. The sport was crucial, and I admit my body was sore in places I didn’t know existed.
“We really should give up now,” Anton grumbled as he slid on his training gloves. “Who said being skinny was fun, anyway?”
Grinning at him while securing my a
nkle brace, I blew out the few strands of hair that fell out of my ponytail. “I’m not doing this to be skinny, babe. There’s a difference between that and just wanting to be fit and healthy.” The three of us lavished on fattening foods, like blocking the arteries kind. This was our way of starting to compensate for gulping down such scrumptious waste into our system. Kells had her yoga, and well, this was ours.
“Wanna do something fun for lunch?” Anton ignored my comment as he conjured what he was going to have for his next meal.
Shaking my head, I tried not to pester him that he had a serious problem when one had to begin daydreaming what he was going to eat soon when his belly was still filled with what he had for breakfast. “Not today. I’m seeing Kyle.”
He frowned like I had just said something offensive. “I thought you were doing the dirty with River?”
They didn’t hide the fact that they liked River and weren’t making it easy for me to just be on my own for a while. Parker had been trying to reach out, but I wasn’t going to hear one of his hate-filled tirades.
“Nothing’s changed, but I gotta live my life the way I see fit,” I argued, hoping that he’d just let it go.
“Kyle’s hot, I give you that. But River … Are you fucking kidding me? I’d give my toe just to breathe next to him.”
Anton liked to exaggerate.
“You’ve been close to him. You’ve hung out with the man several times now, and you’re still not over it.”
“Uh, yeah, but he gives me little seizures each time he’s a few feet away,” he easily confessed with a deadpan expression. “Never mind me. I know what you’re trying to prove to yourself here, but you gotta give your first love another chance, Cara. He’s earned it. You might not think so, but the guy did earn it, boo. I’m serious. He’s bending over backward, scramming and rearranging his schedule just to be with you. Doesn’t that deserve praise?”