by Pamela Ann
“I don’t want to argue with you when you’re half-delirious.”
“Huh.” He let out a dry laugh, shaking his head before granting me those wounded eyes once more. “So, tell me, is the sex really that good with Kyle? ’Cause those screams, man … you sounded like you were getting murdered.”
“Stop!” How dare he go there when all I was trying to do was help him? “Don’t go there …” I whispered.
“I’m really curious. Can you blame me?” His jealousy was consuming him, and he didn’t even have the audacity to mask it.
I joined him on the white couch, taking a seat a few inches away from him. My eyes wouldn’t leave him, drinking him in, realizing that our love ruined us both. There was no escaping it. We were feeling the whiplash of our errors, and the only way forward was to keep on and not give up. We had to lead separate lives, and maybe in time, when we were both healed, maybe … just maybe, we could mend things again.
“You have nothing to say?” he pressed. He was holding it against me and wouldn’t let up until I gave him what he dreaded to hear.
“It’s just sex, River. You have it all the damn time.”
“This—you—it’s making me sick,” he confessed in the most heartbreaking manner. He looked like he couldn’t wrap his mind around my decisions and why I had to throw and vandalize something so delicately beautiful.
“You don’t mean that.” My voice quivered.
“I do. You’ll be my downfall, so please just walk away. We’ve said what we needed to say. So, go on. I’m not stopping you from moving on anymore. Just forget I ever happened to you these past months.”
His words shredded my heart, my soul. He was gutting me raw, draining the life out of me. River never spoke to me this way, and it was bewildering to hear him say it to my face.
“Can you wait for a little bit longer? I’ll go home after …” I came here to explain myself, but this somehow turned into something I couldn’t control.
“I’m moving out of LA. I’m going east for a bit until this all settles,” he stated in such a way that proved he was moving on with Hailey, away from me, away from the toxic hurt we inflicted on each other.
Licking my lips, I tried with difficulty not to cry. “But, why are you leaving?”
Pressing his temples, he let out a shaky breath before shutting his eyes as he rested his head against the cushion. “I just want to start over with my life. A fresh start without any reminders of the past. It’d be hard to do that here.”
I was living a hellish nightmare that didn’t seem to stop any time soon.
“But you can’t just up and leave. Do you even like New York? Is she moving out there with you, too?”
“She offered to help, but I’m not sure yet.”
I was sure she did. Hailey was obsessed with him. I didn’t doubt it for a second that she would leave everything behind to be with him. Was that the kind of woman he liked? A stage five clinger?
“When do you leave?” I tried not to picture them moving into a condo, doing all sorts of domesticated things such as cooking together, grocery shopping.
FUCK. My heart couldn’t take it.
“Tomorrow night … The movers will come the day after tomorrow to finish the rest,” he stated with finality that rendered me speechless.
I remained silent, embroiled in turmoil and heartache, loss and regret. His move entailed a far greater meaning. He was giving me the middle finger. He wasn’t going to dwell on the past as I had done.
I should be happy. This was what I had wanted all along. Yet, that was further from the truth.
I didn’t want to get back with him, right?
Simmering in my own entangled web of emotions, I barely heard the knock on the door. It had to be Anton.
Getting up from the couch, I strode toward the door to greet him.
“Thank you for coming,” I said as I ushered him inside River’s apartment.
Handing me the bag full of things I asked, he gave me a short, loving hug. “How bad is he?” he asked, sounding concerned. “I knew something was off the other night …”
Right, he was there at House of Blues, too. I was sure he witnessed Hailey draping herself all over him. Not that I was going to pry. I could only handle so much. And after the bombshell River had just dropped on me, hearing about how him and Hailey as a couple would leave me deranged.
“River?” I asked softly as I tenderly stared down at his quiet form, feeling helpless at his weakened state.
“I think he’s asleep,” Anton said, standing right behind me.
I was literally gone for a minute to let Anton in and River was out cold. Damn.
“How am I going to give him his meds now?”
Anton was downhearted, looking at River. “Maybe we should take him upstairs. He looks really uncomfortable.”
Eek. Biting my bottom lip, I shook my head at my dear friend. “That might piss him off. We’re not on the best terms.”
“You guys fight, make up, fight again.” He shrugged before mussing up my hair. “Trust me; that man would love to have your hands all over him.”
Not anymore, I thought. But Anton was right; River would rest better if he was in his own bed.
“Let’s get him upstairs, then.” Slipping off my shoes, I eyed Anton as I slowly woke River up.
Stroking his forehead, I gently leaned over his sleeping form before softly whispering into his ear, “Hey, I’m sorry to wake you. We’re going to help you upstairs. Can you stand up at least?”
“Hmm,” River grunted in response to my question.
“Okay, I guess that’s a go,” Anton cheerily announced before instructing me to take the opposite side before we gradually lifted him.
“Damn, he’s really heavy,” I exclaimed as I placed my shoulder underneath his.
Anton, being the stronger one, aided us slowly toward the stairs. River seemed out of it as I tried to softly speak to him, reassuring him as I asked him to lift his leg one at a time. We were beyond grateful upon reaching the landing. And in less than two minutes, we finally reached River’s bedroom.
Gently, we lowered him down on the mattress. Pale as he was, his lips were redder than usual. Gazing at his tranquil face, he reminded me of a sleeping angel. Softly brushing his hair away from his forehead, I lowered my body and kissed his feverish skin.
“It’s hot,” River mumbled with his eyes closed.
“Can you sit up so I can give you meds?”
He gave a nod, shifting his upper torso just enough to gulp down the pills. He was woozy, so I didn’t ask him to hydrate more.
Expectantly glancing at my friend, I let out a sigh before joining him a few feet away at the foot of the bed. “Should I turn on the AC?”
“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea at all.”
Well, damn. “Okay, I guess I can take his clothes off. Hopefully that’ll help him cool down a bit.”
Without Anton’s help, I pulled the covers down and began to pull his shirt off first. It was tricky to maneuver his deadweight, but I somehow managed, sweating as I did. Who would have thought stripping someone was such a hardship? He only had his Calvin’s on.
Just as I was about to put the covers back on him, Anton made a guttural groan.
“What?” I asked, turning to see what was wrong.
“I’m getting wet.”
Christ Almighty.
“Oh, stop it, you pervert! The guy has a freaking fever; give him a break.”
Anton giggled. “I know, I know. But are you blind? Oh, my gosh, this is a wet dream come true. Would you be mad if I took a selfie?”
I threw him a murderous glare. “Anton, shush!” This wasn’t the time or place to be ridiculous. Seriously.
He held up his hands, still beaming madly. “Okay … Geez, it was only a question.”
Rolling my eyes, I looked at him, hoping he would be more useful, instead of drooling over River’s physique.
“What else can I do to lessen the fever?”
“Let me google it,” Anton offered before pulling out his phone and typing on the screen. “Okay, wait—okay, so how about you get a cold towel and put it on his forehead?” he said as he scanned the page. “It says here to make sure his head is always cool. But if he’s worse, wouldn’t it be easier to call nine-one-one? I mean, what if this is something else? He’s been very bad lately, and he might’ve had a bad reaction, you know.”
He made an excellent point.
“He made me promise not to.” My hands were tied for the time being. “If he’s not any better tomorrow, I’ll definitely call one.”
“Well, you better get to being the best nurse in the world. He’s dangerously hot. This could turn into something else, Cara.”
“I know.” It was dangerous to be toying with his wellbeing, most especially after the lecture I had spewed on him earlier. But … he made me promise, and I was going to keep it until I knew I couldn’t help him anymore. “Keep your phone next to you just in case I panic.”
“Will do, Sprinkles.” He gave me a tight hug before kissing my cheek. “Try to get some rest, too. You look like shit. Still pretty, but tired.”
“Thanks.” I laughed as we slowly walked out of the bedroom.
Anton had to be somewhere, so I was beyond grateful that he took a moment out of his schedule to drop by.
After Anton left, I restlessly cleaned. It was a good effort to keep my mind off things. It took me about an hour to finish and polish everything back to its pristine condition before I joined River upstairs.
The second I stepped foot in his room, I heard him cough a few times.
Rushing to his side, I asked if he needed anything.
“Can you get me something to drink? I’m thirsty,” he croaked out, barely opening his eyes.
“Of course.” Pouring him a glass of water, I held it to his lips as he took small sips. After he was done, he let out a ragged breath before dropping his head back to the pillows and taking hold of my hand, halting me from moving away.
“I’m sorry,” he rasped out before closing his lids again.
Two words, and my heart melted, all the pain we had caused each other ebbing away.
“I’m sorry, too.” I knew he couldn’t hate me for long. We never could.
Setting my alarm so he wouldn’t miss a dose in six hours, I cautiously maneuvered myself next to him as I intently viewed his chest, making sure he was still breathing.
While the world carried on about their day, I found peace in the most unconventional of places. And as the minutes ticked, my eyes began to droop. Not before long, sleep caught me, as well.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The unending loud shrill of my alarm brought me out of my deep slumber. River began to stir, as well.
When I reached out to touch his forehead, his temperature hadn’t gone down as I had hoped.
Barely awake, I slid off the bed and rounded toward his corner and took two pills from the foil packet before pouring water into a glass tumbler. His pale pallor didn’t ease my worry.
“It’s time to take your meds.” I softly shook his arm to wake him up. “It’ll be a quick sec, I promise.”
He barely managed to crack his eyes open as he made an effort to sit up and open his mouth. I slipped the pills inside then held the water to his lips. He gulped it down with no hesitation before slumping back into the pillows.
He appeared to have sweated a little, so I figured I had to do something about it. I went downstairs to get a few essentials, such as a fresh icepack, a large bowl filled with cold water, and a towelette, before hurrying back to his bedroom.
“River, I’m going to give you a little bath to lower down your temperature, okay?”
He incoherently mumbled something, which made me smile. Back in the old days, we used to nurse each other when the other was sick.
Diverting my attention back to the half-filled bowl of water, I gave him a towel bath, running the cold wet cloth over his feverish skin, limb by limb. Once that was done, I dried him off with a clean towel before securing the comforter over his body. Then I carefully left an icepack behind his head, hoping that it would help with his headache and rising temperature.
After cleaning up my mess, I strode back to his side. His skin didn’t feel as heated to the touch, which was a good sign. I knew I had to bathe his body a few more times to help lower his fever down.
Softly gazing at him, I prayed that he would get better soon. It had only been a little over six hours. Hopefully, by tomorrow the fever would break.
Sighing, I plucked my phone from the side table to check the time. It was five in the afternoon. I set my alarm for eleven o’clock for his next dose.
I reverted back to my old spot and situated myself next to him. For another hour or so, I steadfastly watched him breathe before that, too, lulled me to sleep.
The room was dark with only a few streaks of moonlight filtering through the curtain when the familiar sound trilled, indicating it was time to take care of River again.
Browsing through his fridge, I was aghast to find that it was filled with beer, bread, cheese, and not much else. Who put bread in the fridge? Frowning, I wondered how the heck this man survived without food? Oh right, he ordered in. I would have done the same, but it was past normal delivery hours, so I had to make do with what I could.
I scoured his pantry and found two containers of chicken soup. I took my time heating them in one of his white ceramic saucepans.
His kitchen was beautifully equipped. It made me wonder how often the man cooked. Then again, this new version of River, I barely knew anymore. The old one used to love cooking, but by judging on what I could see, he barely used the kitchen these days.
Making sure the soup had fully simmered before pouring it into a bowl, I then placed it on a serving tray, along with some fresh toast. This was the best I could work with, so hopefully he wouldn’t mind it.
Gripping the tray on each side, I made my way upstairs, overtly cautious not to spill anything. He was still fast asleep when I lowered the food tray on his side table.
Switching the lamp on, the room immediately basked aglow.
Gazing down on him, I took one towel to gently dab the sheen of sweat on his forehead. “Wake up, sleepy head. It’s time to eat a little bit before you take your meds.” When he didn’t wake, I pondered what to do next. Should I shake him or gently lure him out of unconsciousness? “River … wake up.”
“Another hour … Just wanna sleep,” he mumbled with his eyes closed then rolled his head to the side, avoiding the bright light coming from the lamp close by.
This patient loved being difficult.
“Honestly, River, if you don’t eat, I’m going to force feed you. You know I mean it, too, so the choice is yours. Do you want to give in, or do you want to fight this one, too?”
“Christ, I hate it when you begin terrorizing me,” he groaned before irritably sitting up and leaning against the headboard.
That made me grin stupidly. He was damn right.
“You know how it is.” Even in the least opportune time, we still bickered like old people.
Peeking with one eye, he groggily watched me give him a spoonful of soup. He gradually opened his mouth as I fed him. And after the tenth attempt, he was begging to go back to sleep. I indulged him after making sure he took the pills. And in a heartbeat, he was out like a light.
Just like I performed earlier, I gave him a quick sponge bath that seemed to be helping, then made a new ice pack for behind his neck. The whole process took almost an hour, and by the time I finished, I was dire need of nourishment myself.
I managed to eat some peanut butter and toast with a couple glasses of wine. It was unusual for a meal, but what the heck, there wasn’t much to select from.
It was extraordinary to be staying here, but I had already made up my mind that I wouldn’t be leaving until he was better.
I strode into his walk-in closet in search of a shirt to sleep in. The se
cond I entered the vast white space, I was instantly engulfed with his masculine scent, and my hormones went haywire. When would this addiction to him ever stop? It was becoming a drag, most especially when it took me by surprise. Nothing good could come out of it.
When I spotted the section of black shirts, I took one then ran out of there as fast as I could.
Biding time, I took a hot shower, my eyes scouting for clues of any feminine products. So far, there was nothing. It seemed that she hadn’t been here or, if she had, she didn’t come often. That left me with the conclusion that they conducted their affair elsewhere, quite possibly her home.
I remained in the shower for about an hour. The hot water was too therapeutic to resist. After finishing, with just his shirt on, I towel dried my hair and brushed my teeth. Surprisingly, my designated toothbrush was still right next to his, just like the last time I had left it.
Before settling into bed next to him, I decided that I would give him his next medication in the morning so he could have a lengthy rest. Turning off the lamp, I left the bathroom light on with the door slightly ajar with just enough dimmed lighting so he wouldn’t be disoriented if he did wake up.
The California king mattress was big enough to give us enough space without touching one another. Basically, I was an arm’s length away if he was in need of assistance. With my damp hair and too exhausted to care, I discreetly slipped into the sheets.
Sometime later, I wasn’t sure what had woken me up, but my body was on full alert mode, mind trailing behind, still suffering from severe sleep fog, when I felt my heart rapidly pounding against my chest as hot hands skimmed my bottom, rubbing and cupping.
What do I do? I silently panicked. The man was high with fever, but somehow, he couldn’t resist touching me. Wait, did he realize it was me, or did he think I was Hailey? Fuck.
I pressed my lips together, trying to hold myself back from moaning as his fingers began to delve deeper into the curve of my buttocks, tracing the soft opening as he glided his middle finger forward. My juices trickled while his notorious digit sought the pearl button, rubbing it in a circular motion while he simultaneously began to nudge his hot manhood against the cheek.