by Pamela Ann
Of two gold ingots, like in each respect: The reason no man knows; let it suffice
What we behold is censured by our eyes.
Where both deliberate, the love is slight: Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight?
~Christopher Marlowe
Untitled
“Love is not a force between a mind and a body, but a force between two hearts. Your mind and eyes will never tell you when you feel true love, for only your heart can receive the true love that another heart sends directly to it.”
~Dr. Laurence J. Peter
Chapter Ninety
My phone vibrated and I fished it out of my purse.
Carter: Baby, want to meet me for lunch?
Crap, this was not good since I hadn’t decided what I was going to do about him yet.
Me: Sorry, can’t. I have school stuff to do.
It was a half lie, technically, but what was I to do? I was still coming to terms with how I felt for him and I would probably freak out if I saw him right now.
My Human Sexuality class ended with a yawn. My teacher, Mrs. Crowley, was a total bore. To think I was ecstatic to enroll in this class. What a laugh!
I was surprised to see Lindsey outside, waiting for me when I got out of class. “Hey, what’s up?”
“I need a 911 emergency therapy session. Let’s do lunch then I’ll tell you all about it!” Her pretty pink, glossed lips pouted. I loved Lindsey to pieces, but she could be so emotional sometimes.
“Oh, okay, I’m starving anyway. What do you feel like having?”
“Tacos and margaritas!” she exclaimed.
We ended up at Los Agaves and ordered our usual However, after we’d ordered Lindsey stayed busy on her phone. She had waited on me outside of class before, twice, actually, and both times were quite interesting. I was her emergency therapy person, which was why I was wondering what was taking her a while to speak up.
Lindsey Mason was not your average chick. She was a straight forward, no-nonsense kind of gal. She was quite smart, like MENSA kind of smart. We immediately got along when we became roommates and were best friends now. She was a sexy brunette and adored her brother more than anything.
Carter and Lindsey’s parents died in a car crash seven years ago and their aunt and uncle adopted them. I knew she was close to them, but Carter didn’t speak much about them at all. He rarely ever opened up. Well, actually, he never did.
My relationship with Carter was mostly based on well, sex and not much else; and oh my, the sex... it was scorching hot and so good! Just thinking about it made me blush.
Lindsey finally pushed her phone aside and clasped her hands on the table, trying to look serious, but failing because her eyes were twinkling with enthusiasm. With a big grin she spoke, “Brody wants to date me.”
Brody Thompson was Carter’s best bud—and quite a sweetheart—a smoking hot sweetheart to boot.
“And?” I dragged out my question, my excitement from her announcement evident on my face. I knew it! I even teased her about it before. I saw how Brody had been checking her out, but she always played it off like I was imagining things.
“And… I’m thinking of saying, no?” Linds bit her full bottom lip while tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
Okay, I didn’t expect her to say ‘no.’
“Um—why not Brody? I can’t think of a reason why you wouldn’t want to date him. He’s nice… and cute!”
Lindsey leaned back and huffed. “Why not Brody? Okay, let me break this down for you. First, he’s my brother’s best friend. Second, we grew up together and I was friends with some of his ex’s. Third, Brody’s just not my type.”
Not her type? Was she crazy?
“He is so your type, Linds! Admit it—you don’t have to be all coy.” She was interrupted from responding when our waiter delivered our food. I took a lengthy sip of my refreshing strawberry margarita, letting my words sink in as I gave my friend a simpering smile.
“Fine, I was lying. I think Brody’s hot, but he and I aren’t happening. I know you’re wondering why, but we just aren’t, okay? I just wanted you to know because I might be skipping a few parties.” That was odd. So, what if she was turning him down? Brody was not going to be a sore loser, was he?
“That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?” I took a big bite of my chicken taco and my tummy did a happy little merengue. God, I was starving!
She merely shrugged. “It is what it is, doll.” Lindsey wiped off a little sauce from the side of her mouth with a white linen napkin and focused on me. “How are things between you and Carter? Still going strong? We were almost like sisters, if you thought about it.” I coughed at her sentiment, seriously?
“It’s not like that with Carter and me. In fact, that’s far from what we are. Truth be told, it’s like having an exclusive bootie call with a dash of party scene involved,” I bravely admitted the true nature of our relationship. It sucked to blurt the truth out, but no more hiding from it. It was black and white with no gray in between.
Lindsey finished her margarita and grabbed mine. That was quick. She held the stem of the glass and spoke with disdain. “Fucking Carter! I don’t get why he’s so afraid of commitment. I just want him to be happy. He could be great with women, but he’s a complete shit to them instead. Are you happy with him, Em? I mean, with this cold, technical arrangement?” she asked as she annihilated my drink.
GAH!
I was, but not anymore. I loved Carter, but shit would hit the fan if he knew. Carter was known to bounce out of a relationship for less. Ask the long line of broken-hearted females who made that very mistake.
“I am… I mean I was, but I’m not too sure anymore. Carter’s a great guy, Linds, but I don’t think I want to be that girl anymore.” I had always been a free spirit—not having a care in the world—I just wanted to have a good time, but now, things had changed and I wanted more out of my life.
Lindsey caught the waiter’s attention and ordered two more drinks. Hmmm… why the need to get wasted during lunch time, girlfriend? She usually only had one drink in the middle of the day.
“I support you in whatever decision you choose, but to be honest, if my brother can’t give you his all, why the heck would you want to stay, you know?” I nodded.
Good point. Yep. Why should I stay?
Let’s see, because you would go mad without him? You’ve been living and breathing the scent of the very sexy Carter Mason for the last three months; how do you figure on surviving without his ambrosial enticement?
Fuck! Fuck! Could I really do it? It would go down in history, surely. I would be the first female to dump the hot jerk. Hot, but a jerk all the same!
Carter was not my first love. I had been in love before. His name was Lewis Grand and he was my high school sweetheart. It was cute and sweet—totally opposite of what I had with Carter. Lewis had been accepted to Harvard to study medicine, but before college, he planned to take a year or two to work with the underprivileged in Africa. Lewis was a great guy, but we both agreed that a long distance relationship wouldn’t work for us. I was devastated and so lonely when we broke up after being together for four years, and I wasn’t sure how to be single.
The summer before college, I became depressed. It was a dark, debilitating depression that kept me secluded from the world. In my moment of darkness, I realized that I wasn’t mourning my relationship with Lewis, but the end of something that was sweet and comforting and familiar.
By the time I started college, I was slowly pulling myself from the darkness and I knew that I was ready to try to start living; to be happy again. Lindsey talked me into attending my first college party. I was wary about going, but I wanted to try and live. That’s where I met Carter. Since I had been with him, I had slowly pulled out of my funk.
Dating him became a perfect solution to my loneliness; I didn’t need another serious relationship. I just wanted something fun and jumping into bed with him seemed like the perfect thing to do. Cart
er was great and hot damn the sex! He took me places that I didn’t know existed. Lewis was good, but compared to Carter, he was mellow and tame. Now, though, my ‘perfect idea’ had just become a perplexing quandary.
After lunch, Linds had to get back to school for her class, which left me with a lot of unanswered questions. I wanted to know what was going on in that pretty, little, dark head of hers. At times, she could be very closed off; much like her brother. However, like the good friend I was, I didn’t want to push the issue and pressure her into answers, knowing quite well that she was conflicted. I knew that when she was ready, she would tell me.
I was free for the rest of the day, so I decided to hit the beach and try to clear my head. It was a warm, glorious September afternoon and the beach looked heavenly. Santa Barbara was a nice, little, charming town that had a rustic Spanish feel to it. I had good memories of this town from trips with my family and friends growing up. That was why UCSB had been my first choice when I applied for college. It was close to home and at the same time, it gave me enough space to find myself and figure out what I really wanted to do with my life.
I grew up in Ojai, a mere forty-minute drive from here. My parents didn’t argue much when I decided to study nearby. I think they were relieved that I didn’t plan to tag along with my boyfriend, Lewis, to Boston. My mom and dad adored Lewis, but they wanted their baby girl to stay close to home more than anything.
I parked my car and opened my trunk to fetch a beach towel—it was necessary to have a beach towel and extra clothes with you at all times when you lived around here. With my purse and towel tucked under my arm, I trotted towards the shore and found a spot to lie out; somewhere not too close to the buzz of people, but somewhere not too far either because my imagination tended to run wild—I feared getting stabbed to death or being kidnapped. Weird really, but I blamed it on watching too many Bones and True Blood episodes.
I made a blissful sigh before I spread myself out across my beach towel. The sun greeted my face and I basked in its delightful warmth. I loved the beach; it was the perfect escape from life. I wished that life was as easy as being here with the peaceful waves and the warm sand. I wished I could find the answer to my complicated situation with Carter.
It was a good thing I was wearing a faded denim skirt with a fitted, sleeveless cotton shirt because the sun’s rays were beaming down from a cloudless sky and I wanted to consume as much sun as I could before fall rolled in. My tan made my cornflower blue eyes more noticeable and I thought that it made me look much better. As much as I loved being golden-hued though, I would never get an artificial one from a tanning bed. I had nothing against people who used them; it was just that some of them went overboard and managed to look like an Oompa Loompa. I would so not look as good as an Oompa Loompa, so I’d rather stick to the real thing.
My ringing phone brought me out of my reverie. Grabbing it, I checked who the caller was.
Carter.
Clearing my throat, I answered it, “Hey.”
“Hey, I just saw Lindsey and she said you two had lunch. Why wasn’t I invited? I would have loved to dine with my two favorite girls,” he drawled and I couldn’t hold myself back from rolling my eyes.
I’m your favorite girl, for now, I wanted to voice out, but held my tongue.
“Yeah, she wanted to have some girl time. What’s up, Carter?” I wanted to sound bored and irritated, but my voice ended up sounding breathy.
“Just wondering what you’re up to ’cause I’m free for the rest of the afternoon. Feel like coming over to chill a bit?” His voice deepened when he said, ‘coming over.’ It was basically his come-hither term for ‘let’s fuck.’
“Um, I don’t know about that, Carter,” I whispered. Sex would be a very bad idea. It would be like piling more shit on top of an already enormous pile.
I wanted to kick myself—if I could—for falling for the man. I mean, come on, Emma! I scolded myself.
Where the hell is your brain, huh?
It was probably somewhat brain dead from mind-numbing orgasms.
As much as I loved Lewis when we were together, I always wondered what it would be like to be with someone wild and unrestricted—someone without limits or boundaries—who didn’t have a care in the world. Carter fit the bill and I was sucked into his world the moment our eyes met. I was screwed; in more ways than one. Literally.
He grunted on the other end, frustrated.
“I haven’t seen you in two days, Em. TWO DAYS! This is the longest I haven’t seen you,” Carter started to sound irritated.
I guess two days without sex could really make a man grumpy.
“I’ve been… busy,” I said hesitantly, but he wasn’t buying the crap I was spewing.
“Busy? You’ve been busy? Get real, Em. We both know you haven’t been busy. Why don’t you come over? Maybe it’s high time we talk.”
And here it is…
Doomsday was here.
I waited a beat or two before I replied, “I’ll see you in an hour.” Yeah, an hour would be enough time to come up with some kind of a plan and recharge my battery. Maybe.
“In an hour and not a second longer, got it? If you keep hiding away from me, I will scour the entire campus to look for you.” He was heated. Carter was angry and his underlying threat was quite clear. My time was up and it was time to face the music and dance.
“Got it,” I responded and quickly ended the call.
I knew Carter had a mean temper. He wanted to see me pronto and I needed to show up. I didn’t doubt for a second that he would follow through with his threat.
He was notorious for his bar fights and his road rage. One time, we were stopped at a stoplight and when the light turned green, the driver in front of us didn’t move because he was too caught up in his phone conversation. Carter didn’t even blink twice before he got out of his SUV, cussed the guy out and managed frighten him so badly, the man was on the verge of tears.
Yep, Carter had a problem with his temper, and I didn’t want to push his buttons further to see how far he’d take that temper of his.
Untitled
“I can usually tell if a man is emotionally unavailable by my instant attraction to them.”
~Author Unknown
Chapter Ninety-One
After another forty-five minutes, I decided it was time to leave. I gathered my belongings and headed out to see Carter.
Carter had bought a four bedroom villa that overlooked the beach where his friends, Brody and Cooper, rented rooms from him. It was quite close to Main Street where the bars, clubs, restaurants and all types of shops were located.
I parked my car just outside his house, killed the engine and took a deep breath. “Showtime,” I muttered under my breath as I opened my car door.
The guys never locked the main door so I turned the doorknob and pushed the heavy, white door open. The house was actually quiet for the first time since I’d known the trio. They usually had a crowd of people lounging and hanging around.
Where was everyone?
“Good of you to finally show up!” Carter announced from atop the landing only wearing a pair of cargo shorts. His tanned, sculpted torso and abs were out on display and his dark hair had droplets of water in it like he had just come out of the shower.
I salivated like a bitch in heat.
Fuck, this is not going as planned!
“I’m five minutes early. What more do you want?” I asked, in a mere whisper. The emptiness of the house made my hushed tone quite loud.
He took his time coming down the stairs, using his usual lazy, care-free swag as he walked towards me. It sucked! The man didn’t even have to try to look hot, he just was. Like air equaled breathing, water equaled drinking; Carter Mason equaled SEXing. It was quite absurd. I despised the fact that he held such power over me and was mystified as to how I had let that happen.
He continued his lazy saunter until he was right before me, his almost bare-naked, glorious body stood only a foot a
way as he studied me quietly. “What more do I want, Emma?” he parroted my question back to me. “I want you to be honest.”
He wanted honesty? Right, then I’d give it to him… somewhat.
“I don’t think I can do this with you anymore,” I managed to whisper. His gaze was penetrating, never leaving my eyes.
“Why? What’s changed? You were fine the last time we were together. If I recall correctly, you were more than fine. You were insatiable and didn’t want me to leave your side—you even followed me into the shower. What was it that you said? Oh right, ‘because you missed me.’ So, from that type of adoration to ‘I don’t think I can do this anymore,’ tell me, what’s changed?”
My brows furrowed. Fuck! Dammit, was I really that pathetic the last time we were together? That was sickening.
What do I tell him? I was panicking and couldn’t conjure any reason at the moment other than the real truth. I wasn’t a raving idiot, I was not going to confess my undying love and humiliate myself.
“It’s just not working out, Carter.” God, that was the best I could do? I really sucked at this.
He moved a little closer. “That’s not really telling me much, Em. Do you expect me to let you go,” he snapped his fingers, “just like that?”
Well, yeah. “Sort of,” I uttered.
I gasped as he moved closer. His masculine scent hit me like a brick. Fuck, my body was shaking and my senses were taking over.
This is so bad, stop it, I scolded my lascivious body.
“That’s where you’re wrong. This body,” the back of his forefinger grazed the tell-tale outline of my erect nipples, “responds to me. You may not notice the changes, but when you entered my home, these weren’t visible.” He pinched my nipple and I gasped at his crass boldness. “But the second I stood before you… your body betrayed you… it acknowledges the kind of power I have over you.”