by Pamela Ann
He looked at me, his eyes unreadable. “Did you love that guy you were with, Em?”
My throat ran dry. “Unfortunately, yes.”
“I knew you did. I just needed confirmation. Thank you for your honesty.” all right… then.
He got out of the car and opened the door for me. I cleared my throat as I stared at him; the sun was glowing behind him, almost blinding me. “Bass, I think you’re great, but I don’t think I’m what you’re looking for. Everything’s complicated with me right now.”
He held my chin and forced me to look deep into his eyes, powerful in their passion, acute in their force. They reached something inside me.
“Aren’t we starting out as friends as we agreed upon? Don’t worry, Em.” Bass gently kissed my forehead. “Be ready by five come Tuesday afternoon. I’ll see you then.” With that parting, he slid back inside his car, gunned the engine and raced out into traffic.
I was standing on the pavement, rendered speechless.
What a man…
With my purse in hand, I strode toward my building and into my dorm. Thoughts of the night spent with Bass raced through my mind. The sunrise… each time I saw one would forever bring me back to the night I spent with Bass.
I was about to unlock the door to my room, but before I could even get my key in the lock, it was yanked open by an angry looking Carter.
What was he doing here? Probably to see Lindsey, they were siblings after all.
“Uh… hello," I said lamely as I started to walk towards my bedroom.
Carter jumped in front of me. “Is that all you have to say? A fucking hello!” In my sleep deprived state, it annoyed the hell out of me. What a drama queen! I was not in the mood to be bombarded by him at that time.
I looked up to face him as I folded my arms across my chest. “What do you want, Carter?”
Carter pulled me inside my room and shut the door loudly. He shoved me up against the wall and placed his hands on each side of my head, caging me in. “What I want is for you to explain what the hell you’re doing? The entire school knows about your little getaway and your little stunt with that actor dude.” So what? Who cares about the entire school? I had fun and that’s all that mattered.
“That’s none of your business, Carter, and certainly not the entire campus’s either. I couldn’t care less about what they think. Now, will you please move? I need to rest. I’m exhausted.” It was too late to realize that that was the wrong thing to say. It set off something in Carter. He looked downright murderous.
“You’re exhausted? From what, Em?” Carter’s voice had gone low and deadly. I swallowed hard as I studied him. He looked deadly; his eyes were so dark and dangerous. Had I pushed him too far? No matter how angry he was, I knew for a fact that he would never, ever hit me.
“I said. That’s. None. Of. Your. Business. Got it?” I spat the words back at him. If he was angry, I was angrier.
How dare he march in here and act like this?
“Don’t do this to me, Em… this is driving me insane!” he spat out, wretchedly. I wasn’t expecting that. Never from him.
I felt a spring of hope… maybe… just maybe… “I thought we were done?” I asked, watching him with uncertainty, trying to gauge his thoughts.
He closed his eyes and whispered, “I know, but I can’t stomach the thought of you with another guy. I just can’t. I’m going crazy here, Emma.”
Oh fuck, I feel torn. Did he have a change of heart?
Oh, fuck it! It’s now or never.
Emboldened, I went for the kill. “Do you love me?” I throatily asked.
His eyes instantly opened with my damning question, searching and pensive. “I told you I don’t do love, Em,” Carter responded with distaste.
His words gutted me all the same. What was I thinking? He wouldn’t just change after a few days. “Then there’s no point of you being here, now is there, Carter?”
His dark eyes penetrated mine and my heart stopped when he spoke. “Are you in love with me, Em? Is that what this is all about?” His hand cupped my cheek. The sudden contact of him almost undid me.
For some odd reason, I wanted to cry. I loved him so much, it was crazy. I felt crazy for wanting him to love me, even if it was just a small fraction of what I felt for him.
But alas, it was not meant to be.
“I don’t.” It was the biggest lie of all, but I wouldn’t back down knowing he didn’t feel the same way about me.
“You don’t sound convincing to me and if that’s the reason why you broke it off, then I don’t mind that as long as you’re with me again,” he emphasized. How embarrassing was that?
He didn’t mind that I loved him, did he? Well, great. Good for him because I fucking minded! I minded that he didn’t feel shit about me.
Romantic, was he not?
“Well, that’s your problem. Now, will you please get out of my room? I didn’t sleep much last night and I need some rest.”
“Em, is it true? Did you spend the night with him?” His voice sounded pained again.
Was it pain, really? Or was it his bruised ego because I ended our stupid relationship? The question was a Catch-22 and I didn’t know which answer to give him.
Did I spend the night with Bass? Yeah, I did. Did I have sex with him? That was a definite no.
“He took me back to his home. We spent the night together, if that’s what you want to know.” I pressed my lips together as I watched all kinds of emotions run through his eyes… his face. The way he looked at me, sliced me in two. There was so much hatred there, I felt pained and wretched. I wanted to reach out to him, but I didn’t. We were past that.
He punched the wall next to me hard and growled like a maniac. I was surprised that the wall didn’t have a hole in it. His knuckles—from what I could see—were cut open and bleeding, but it didn’t seem to faze him.
“Goodbye, Emma,” Carter whispered and marched out of my room, my life.
What a stupid mess this was. I guess this really was goodbye for us. It was the conclusion, the ending.
Why wasn’t I crying? The night we officially broke it off, I felt every single pain that wracked through my body. Now, there was still pain, but not as intense or numbing. It was bearable. Heavy on my heart, but bearable.
It took me a good five minutes before I was able to move. I stripped off my clothing and jumped into bed in my underwear. I just wanted to hide inside my comforter and curl up. I definitely needed my brain to shut down and dream away. It took an hour for my pressing wish to happen and I was more than relieved when it did.
Untitled
“Sometimes you need a second chance, because time wasn’t ready for the first time.”
~Author Unknown
Chapter Ninety-Eight
I barely made it to my literature class the next day. I slept so soundly that I didn’t even hear my alarm clock. When I did wake up, I didn’t want to get out of bed.
Lazy bones.
For one thing, the rumor mill was probably going viral about Bass and me after that video evil Cece uploaded; God only knew what the gossipers were whispering about. The break-up with Carter was big news around campus. Actually, it was probably MAJOR news. Second, I knew Carter would be around school and from our heated encounter yesterday, I honestly did not want to see him so soon.
After an hour discussion on Leo Tolstoy, the class was dismissed. As I got up to gather my belongings, two girls stopped in front of me.
“Is it true? That you’re the mystery woman?”
I’m a what? “I beg your pardon?” I questioned, looking wholly baffled at the two enthusiastic women.
“You’re Bass Cole’s mystery woman. You’re all over the gossip blogs and gossip magazines.” No. Fucking. Way.
“Sorry, I have somewhere I need to be,” I excused myself and left them whispering to each other.
Later, I was at the coffee shop, enjoying my macchiato, when Trista and Amber walked over to my table. Trista slapped a ma
gazine down as they both sat across from me, each with a mile wide grin on their faces.
My eyes immediately darted to it. ‘Who is Bass Cole’s Mystery Woman?’ it said in bold blue lettering. There were two large, grainy pictures of us on the front page. The first one was a picture of us leaving the club, Bass’s arm clutched on my hip as he guided me towards the SUV. The second picture, on the other hand, was something else entirely. The picture was taken through the gates of his home and it showed him opening the car door for me—I was dressed in the same clothes from the club picture the night before—and as I looked up to his face, I was smiling and looking rather… well, happy. It looked like we had a great night fucking each other’s brains out.
Pictures could really be deceiving and from what little I read in the article, it seemed like his fans were going on an online rampage trying to figure out who I was. “This is bad,” I muttered, freaking the hell out.
I wasn’t worried about my parents because they barely had time to watch the news, let alone read a gossip magazine. Still, how was this going to affect me? What were people going to think of me?
“You think? This is awesome, babe! You’re like Bass Cole’s girlfriend!”
“I am not! Stop saying that; people might hear you,” I hissed at her as I looked around the coffee shop.
I warned her off, but she was grinning like she had won the lottery. “Oh, shut up! This is great! You should enjoy it! I mean, you should really enjoy Bass Cole… I would happily sell my grandmother if I could spend a night with him in my arms. What I wouldn’t give to be with him for one night…” she trailed off, day dreaming her heart out.
Even if I wanted to “enjoy Bass” and all his glorified scrumptious body, the man wouldn’t even kiss me, knowing the kind of emotional rut I was in.
“It’s not like that with us. Trust me. I admitted that I had just broken up with Carter and stuff so that put him off a bit, I think.”
Trista’s eyes bulged out. “For real? Emma! You’re crazy! What woman would say shit like that when she was out with the hottest demigod in Hollywood?” Trista looked stressed out as she frowned at me. I couldn’t stop the bubble of laughter that threatened to crack. Her expression was just too hilarious. “So, did he, like, dump you already? He’s quite known for his one-night stands! I guess it’s a good thing that he did dump you; it’s not like you need another Carter in your life, you know? Yeah, Emma, you’re better off without Bass.” Trista looked like she was trying to convince herself more than me.
Poor thing, she was so invested; I felt bad seeing her that way. “Actually, I am seeing him for dinner tomorrow. He signed onto a movie and some of the cast members are going to be there as well; to get to know each other and whatnot.”
She jumped out of her seat and lunged at me with a big hug. Her shrieking caused some of the people to look at us to see what the ruckus was all about. I did say she was always damn cheery, didn’t I?
“Trista Stevens, did you forget to take your anti-psychotic pill again?” Amber’s question made Trista laugh so hard she started to tear.
“This is why I love you, Amber. Your twisted sense of humor never fails to entertain my boring life.”
“Love you too, Tris.” Amber blew Trista a kiss. “This is crazy!” she added enthusiastically.
It certainly was.
I was lost in thought, staring at the magazine cover when I felt Trista freeze next to me. “No dolls, this is about to get insane. Carter Mason just walked in and he doesn’t look happy.”
Oh no. Not yet. I’m not ready to see him yet!
Too late, when I looked up, he had just barely arrived at our table. Fuck my life!!! God, he looked so—so dark, dangerous and sexy; a total opposite of the blond hair, blue-eyed Bass.
“Can we talk outside?” He sounded ominous as usual; no nonsense or pleasantries, no ‘Hello’ or an ‘Excuse me’.
I stopped gawking at his beauty and managed to quickly gather my thoughts.
“All right.” I got up. “See you ladies later,” I murmured, looking at Amber and Trista. They both looked like they were going to burst from curiosity. The other students in the coffee shop watched our exchange and stared at the unfolding drama we were causing before their eyes.
Once outside, he walked towards his black Escalade and opened the door for me. As I sat, the familiar scent of Carter permeated my senses. His fragrant essence made me nostalgic, amongst other things. I tried to calm my nerves, but it was pointless; I was extremely anxious, on edge.
Suck it up, Emma.
When the other car door opened, he slid inside and locked all the doors. The engine was running with no music playing and the silence was deafening.
“I thought you wanted to talk. So, talk,” I commanded, aggravated at his silent state.
His large hand ran through his disheveled hair making him look even sexier.
GAWD!
My blue eyes met his dark fathomless depths. Without breaking eye contact he spoke with evident strain and torment, “I really want you back, Emma.”
Steady, my shattered heart.
“We’ve been here before. Yesterday, in fact, if you don’t recall.”
“I know. I was an idiot. I haven’t slept because every time I shut my eyes, you’re all I see. When news broke about you and Bass spending the night together, I couldn’t take it, Em. This is fucking killing me. You’re killing me and I’m going insane. I can’t think straight!”
Tempting… how fucking tempting…
I leaned back against the leather headrest and contemplated what to do. Could I really be with someone who didn’t love me? It was obvious that the more time I spent with him, the more intense my feelings for him got. At the end of the day, going back to him wouldn’t solve anything, not really. I would have him physically, but I’d never have his heart, his love. Knowing how I was, I would not be happy with that nor would I be content with a half-ass kind of commitment. If I stayed with him, when the inevitable end came, I would be sorely hurt and I would regret it sooner or later.
“I can’t do that.”
“Why the hell not? You and I were great together, Em. We were… and you know it!” He sighed heavily and stared at the car ceiling. “Are you guys dating now or something?” he challenged, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as his eyes moved to mine, searching for the truth.
Or something… that’s what Bass and I are… the connection was there. I felt it, Bass felt it, but the timing was all wrong.
“No. It’s not like that. The gossip you hear is just, well, gossip.” That was the truth.
“Why are you doing this now, Carter? Is this about your pride and ego? Because I honestly don’t buy the shit you’re telling me. We both know that you’ve had some crazy wild rides around town. Sex with me isn’t exceptional. You’ve done more questionable sexual exhibitions with other women. So, what the hell is going on?”
“Unfuckingbelievable! I fucking miss you! That’s what’s going on. It’s the entire truth!” he barked out in frustration.
He missed me? That was a first. All he ever said was, ‘I need you’ and the other infamous line, ‘I want you.’
“Don’t shut me down without some thought, Em. Just promise you’ll think it over before you give me an answer? I’d rather take that than your immediate rejection.”
Astounding, I thought. Had the world tilted on its axis or something? Had aliens abducted Carter Mason’s brain? There had to be some bizarre answer to this. This was so unlike him; he was the most insensitive, callous, demanding, detached jerk that I had ever met.
“Emma?” his voice pleaded.
His tone was melting my purpose; my sole objective of staying away from him. Fuck love! “I’ll think about it. No promises though, just so we’re clear,” I clarified with total nonchalance.
“Thank you. That means a lot to me.” I barely nodded because my mind was going through a battle of sorts.
“It’s past one already; want to grab something to eat
? Or better yet, why don’t I take you out tonight? I haven’t taken you out on a date for a while,” Carter suggested, hopeful.
Yeah, amongst the other deficiencies you have, I wanted to add, but couldn’t muster the energy for another lengthy argument. When was the last time he took me out properly? I couldn’t even remember.
“I’m fine. Do you think you could just drop me off at my dorm?” I didn’t think I could muster enough energy to endure a meal with him.
“Yeah, of course.”
When he got into traffic, he turned to me. “It’s our second to last game of the season against UCLA. Will you come and wear my jersey?”
How about not? I’m not going to be your jersey girl, buddy! “I can’t. I have things to do.” Carter just nodded.
Student housing was pretty close to the café so the ride back was quick. I didn’t waste a moment’s time getting out of his SUV. “Thanks. I’ll see you around,” I muttered before slamming his door shut, not giving him a chance to respond.
Untitled
“I’m intimidated by the fear of being average.”
~Taylor Swift
Chapter Ninety-Nine
With another grunt of frustration, I lightly hit my forehead on my closet door a few more times before I heard Lindsey clear her throat. “Oh honey, that’s not how you say a prayer. You should try the floor; it clears your mind like no other.” Smartass!
I glared at my smirking friend. “How does one dress amongst Hollywood folks?” Lindsey barked out a shrieking laugh and I gave her a death stare.
“This weird upheaval is for tonight’s outfit?” She looked at me, her head askew. I threw a discarded shirt at her and she laughed even harder.
She was certainly not helping the situation.
“I was fine about it until Bass texted me that it was going to be held at Martin Lombardo’s home.” That statement made her laughing rampage halt. Her mouth hung ajar.
“No shit, and you don’t have an outfit?!” she said, purely horrified. Now it was her turn to freak the fuck out.