by Pamela Ann
After reading fifty pages, my cheeks were flushed. Wow, Martin was aiming for this film to be a heck of a rollercoaster of raw sex and a mind-bending whirlwind of emotions. The first kiss between Angela and Logan the first night they met was scorching. SCORCHING to the point where I could see me and Bass kissing like our lives depended on it. Gosh, that kiss would be explosive.
I figured out that Bass and I would be nude during the love making scenes and the thought of it made me break out in a sweat. If I felt like this just thinking about it, how was I going to feel when Bass and I were actually naked?
I closed the script and decided that I would read it later. Provoking thoughts of Bass and me in that heated sexual ordeal was too much to take in. Out of options, I retreated to the massive bed that was inviting me to sleep.
A nap would do me wonders.
E
“Hey, aren’t you that chick?” one of the guests asked me as she snapped her fingers, trying to remember where she saw me.
“Don’t think so,” I mumbled as I forked the ribs and placed them on my plate.
The girl still pondered. “Yup, got it! You were in that celebrity gossip magazine, right? I think you were with Bass Cole! OMG! O.M.G! Yeah! Yeah! That was you! You guys were coming out of a club together! Shit, you’re dating Bass Cole! Can I take a picture with you?” I stared at her, horrified. Are you kidding me? I didn’t understand why she was freaking out like that. The decently composed girl turned shrieking monster made me want to hide somewhere. “Wow, you’re really pretty!” she kept on going. I was beyond relieved when Lindsey joined us.
My friend butted in, but not to help me. “I know, right? Give me your phone. I’ll take a picture of you two together!” Lindsey offered and the ranting girl happily obliged.
What the hell? This was stupid. I was not Bass’s girlfriend! “But I’m not his girlfriend!” I interjected, but neither one seemed to care.
“Give me a pretty smile, Emma! One, two, three; say cottage cheese!” I wanted to murder Lindsey right then and there.
Once the annoying girl left with her stupid picture, I went to sock my friend. Lindsey put her hands up. “Listen, I know that was stupid and I had a lot of fun teasing you, but honey, you have to start getting used to stuff like that. In seven months, this little bubble you live in will no longer exist.”
She was right, but I didn’t want to point that out to her. Instead, I asked about Amber and Trista. I was still in shock about what happened earlier. “Amber is hard-headed. There’s no way around her,” she told me. “Trista, on the other hand, seems to be hopeless. She’s in love with that Harry guy and doesn’t want to leave him.”
Hell, it was how I felt. I was watching Trista and Amber spiral downwards and there was nothing I could do but watch as they struggled to stay afloat.
Lindsey and I were eating barbeque and enjoying the placid view of the beautiful lake before us. There were bonfires, music and tons of drunken folks singing and dancing, but we decided to choose a spot far enough away from the crowd so we could chat. We stopped stuffing ourselves with ribs when we saw Cece come out of a darkened corner with Cooper, doing God knows what. My eyes automatically darted to Lindsey.
Anger, pain, hatred and jealousy were all etched on her pretty face. “Linds?”
“I’m fucking furious right now. Does Cece have to get a taste of every guy that I’ve ever been with? I don’t get her. And as for Cooper, he can go fuck himself and stuff his sausage in Cece’s contaminated pussy.”
“Sorry, I know you liked Coop.” Lindsey did. She wouldn’t have slept with him if she didn’t.
“I just lost my appetite. Want to drink with me, doll? I know you haven’t touched much alcohol lately, but I’m asking you to drink with me. I want to forget what I just saw.” Crap, my friend was hella hurt. Men, we hated them and yet, we couldn’t live without them.
I stood up and pulled my friend out of her seat. Before we started commiserating in our drunken misery, I had to give her a big I-love-you-no-matter-what kind of hug.
“Come on let’s look for a bottle of Hennessy and Patron. It’s time to crash this party!” my hurt friend said with determination.
Lindsey Mason had one purpose and that was to show Cooper Haze a big fuck you.
Untitled
“Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with.”
~Candace Bushnell
Chapter One Hundred Eight
We’d been drinking for about two hours straight and I must say, neither of us were coherent. Once the alcohol hit Lindsey’s bloodstream, she was unstoppable. She danced and made out with Brody, for Cooper to see.
“Get your tight ass up here, Emma!” Lindsey and Trista tried to gather me up with them.
I was about to get on top of the mahogany bar and join them dancing Coyote Ugly style when Carter pulled me back. This better be good… “Don’t you dare get your drunken ass up there, Emma!” he bellowed as something flashed below me and my eyes went straight to his pocket.
Carter was wearing white surfer shorts and I could easily see my phone screen flashing.
Bass Cole Calling…
I lunged towards him and dug inside his pocket. “Give me that!” I ordered, but Carter was too strong for me and he pulled my hand out before I had the chance to even brush against my phone. Fuck! How many times had Bass called? How many times had he sent messages? They all went unanswered.
“Didn’t I make myself clear that you don’t get to have it back until we hit Santa Barbara again?”
Since Carter was a major Jerk—yes, with a capital J—I threw him my two middle fingers. “F.U.C.K. YOU! Why don’t you go stick this up your idiotic ass and spin on it?” Whoops! Too harsh? My bad.
With that parting, I joined the girls on the bar just when Womanizer came on the speakers. Ha ha ha! Can you say the song was perfect for all three of us gals?
“Superstar
Where you from, how's it going?
I know you gotta clue, what you’re doing
You can play brand new to all the other chicks out here
But I know what you are, what you are, baby.”
Trista and I bumped our butts together as we continued on. Guys gathered around the table, taking videos and hollering. Lindsey was getting all hyped up.
“Look at you
Gettin' more than just re-up
Baby, you
Got all the puppets with their strings up
Fakin' like a good one, but I call 'em like I see 'em
I know what you are, what you are, baby.”
I could feel Carter’s simmering anger from somewhere in the room, but I didn’t have it in me to look for him. His abhorrent antics were getting to me and I didn’t know if I could stand being close to him without killing him.
“Womanizer
Woman-Womanizer
You're a womanizer
Oh Womanizer
Oh You're a Womanizer Baby
You, You You Are
You, You You Are
Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer.”
Each time Lindsey uttered the word womanizer, she pointed to a man—any man. Ha! Girlfriend was on a roll. Guess Cooper Haze was now history, huh?
I sang and danced with my gals until I couldn’t do it any longer. Out of breath, I jumped down off the bar and hunted for a bottle of water. I took one from the sprawling amount of iced beverages next to the bar we were dancing on and walked out of the house, needing distance from the riotous commotion that Lindsey evoked. At the same time, I couldn’t stand the swirling thoughts of the men in my life.
Once outside, I walked towards the backyard and welcomed the fresh change of scenery before me. The moon was high and my entire body was blanketed in sweat. The earthy smell of pine and crisp air cleared my jumbled brain.
Lindsey was hurt. I got that and I did feel for her, but at the same time, if I was Cooper or Brody, how would I feel if the woman I was after couldn’t make up her
damn mind? Well, I guess that didn’t take long because Cece made that decision easier for her. I just hoped that Lindsey would be okay.
Occupied with my thoughts, I strolled at a leisurely pace until I hit a stream. I leaned against a pine tree as I stared at the flowing water and the calming sound it produced. The trickling sound made me feel at peace.
Who would’ve thought a month ago I would be in this position? Life certainly had its way of surprising you when you least expected it, especially when you were down and out. No matter what happened with Bass, if we became involved or not, I would forever be grateful to him. Not only did he open a lot of doors for me and not only did he make it an easy transition for me, he made me realize a lot of things. He made me see that life was about following what your gut tells you to do and not what others expected you to do–his ‘half and half’ speech.
Bass was a passionate man. He spoke with conviction and truth. He was straightforward and didn’t hesitate when he wanted something. I wanted to be like that. I hoped to become like that. I admired him. I admired his passion and his authenticity. He was the real thing. What was exemplary about his personality was that he didn’t let all the fame and fortune get to his handsome head. Bass was a grounded man.
Even with all that, I couldn’t bring myself to be with Bass. Yes, things were running in the fast lane—even faster than the German Autobahn—and it startled me that things unfolded as quickly as they did. Even if I could get over the fact that things had been going too fast with Bass, it wouldn’t eradicate what I felt for Carter.
Sure, my love for Carter wasn’t as strong since I met Bass, but it was still there, lurking in the back of my mind and when I least expected it, it would pop right out at me like a jack-in-the-box.
Carter… where the heck did I even begin with that tumultuous rollercoaster?
I tensed when I heard a twig snap, bringing me out of my reverie.
Well, wasn’t it the very man himself? “Emma.”
I sighed. Couldn’t I just have a moment of peace without him hounding me? “What do you want, Carter? Are you giving me my phone back? If you came here to be an ass again, then I suggest you go back before I pummel your body into the ground!” I threatened.
In reality, I wasn’t capable of beating him into the ground—he was all muscle—but I needed to relay just how angry I was. Carter was being beyond unreasonable. He made a two-year–old’s tantrums easier to deal with.
Carter sighed as he raked his large, sexy hand through his hair. The moonlight made him look even more dangerously beautiful, much to my dismay. The last thing he needed was for me to gawk and praise his Adonis form and beauty. Carter already had an over-sized ego.
“Em, I know I’ve been such a jerk to you over the last week. It’s just—that’s how I was used to reacting to things and I don’t like changing what is normal to me, but this past week has been pure hell. I really want you back in my life.” Carter came closer, pained and unsure. He stared at me with such burning emotion, I felt faint. “I’m sorry. Please… please… forgive me?” he asked as he tried to reach out to me, but I quickly moved to the side, not wanting him to touch me.
Words. An ‘I’m Sorry’ from Carter wouldn’t cut it with me. Well, not anymore. “You’re sorry? For the last week, you’ve been acting like a little boy who wanted his old toy back. Well—that’s just it, Carter! I told you I was done with you. I am done with our half ass kind of relationship. I want more than sex. I want commitment—I want it all! You’re not that man—you have some kind of phobia when it comes to commitment. So, please, just walk away and stop pursuing me.”
He moved a little closer before he spoke, sounding more sure, more than ever. “I could be that man and I will—for you, I will, Em. Just give me a chance!” Empty promises, they didn’t mean shit anymore. Oh, he was good with those.
“Promises. Here we go again. Save your promises for another woman who would die to hear them from you. I am not that woman, Carter—not anymore. It’s best you get that drilled into your head.” I hugged myself and started to walk fast, away from him.
I was so over this. I’d reached my limit when it came to Carter. I didn’t think I could stomach this crazy tug of war with my emotions anymore. I needed to move on and never look back, no matter how much it pained me to do so.
With renewed determination, I walked towards the clearing. I wasn’t sure if he was following me or not. It was hard to hear because my ears were ringing from our encounter and it didn’t help that I was more than tipsy. I stopped abruptly when he did something I hadn’t expected him to.
When I was halfway through the clearing, he yelled at the top of his lungs, “I love you.” His voice was choked up, abundant with tortured pain.
Frozen, I let his words sink in.
The words I had waited to hear from his lips were now my reality. I fought the emotions that roared through me. They were igniting my whole body and burning me with their crackling fire.
In quick haste, I turned around and ran towards him. “Don’t you fucking dare use love in this, Carter! We both know you don’t do ‘love.’ You don’t get to use that as a fucking weapon,” I spat at his face, even more furious that he was riling me up. He had the audacity to use that damn four letter word. The gall! My determined stance and face spoke volumes. He wasn’t getting through to me. He knew I meant what I said. Carter would not weaken my resolve. Been there, done that.
Carter stared at me for a second, his face contorted with misery. He looked simply wounded and in utter disbelief that I threw his declaration of love back in his face. His breathing was ragged and his pained gaze simply eviscerated me. His Adam’s apple bobbed before he rasped out, “Emma, please…”
My eyes searched his and in that very instant, I knew he meant every word. Defeated, he sunk to his knees. With his head down, he inhaled, deeply, like he needed to get as much air as he could to enable him to breathe properly. Startled and panicked, I stared at the broken man kneeling before me.
What the hell do I do? I thought as I bit my lip.
Carter looked up at me. “I love you, Emma. I’ve loved you ever since the first night you spent in my arms. I’ve been in love with you all this time, but I never had the courage or strength to tell you how I felt because I was a coward, but being a coward made me lose you and now I’m trying to brave it out for you—face my demons because of my love for you and you alone,” his voice wobbled. “I feel like half a person without you, Em. I can’t function. I need you back; I want you back because I honestly love you.”
God! He did mean it.
Shit.
Fuck.
Shit.
There went my damn perseverance.
Carter…
“My father used to be so in love with my mom, to the point where nothing made sense to him unless my mother was around, close to him. My mom was his obsession, his drug. But even with his obsessive adoration, my mom cheated on him. One night, she came home and told my father that she was pregnant and the father was her personal trainer. She was going to move in with him… my dad… he was distraught, even then, he begged my mom not to leave him. He even went on and on and promised to love the child she was carrying as his own because he loved everything about her and if the baby was part of the bargain, he’d take it in a heartbeat. Lindsey was too young to understand what was going on. But I did, I saw what love could do to a man. It weakens you and it makes a fool out of you.
“The same night of her revelation, my mom left us. My father, fool that he was, followed her out in a separate car. My mom ended up crashing her car against a broken-down truck on the side of the road. I guess dad was following closely behind her because his car followed suit. I’m not sure if it happened because he didn’t have much time to maneuver, or if he did it on purpose so that he could follow Mom because he couldn’t live without her.
“You see, Emma, love doesn’t come easy for me. It was the one thing I promised myself not to do—I didn’t want to follow in my f
ather’s footsteps. I wanted to hide it from you… for as long as I could, but you left me no choice. When I told you I loved you… it’s because I honestly do.”
Oh, my God… Carter did love me.
“Get up, please,” I begged. I couldn’t stand the sight of him hurting and in evident pain as he knelt before me.
Carter shook his head, clearly adamant. “No—not until you take me back.” His contorted face gave away how serious he was.
What do I do? I was torn. Should I wait for a sign to tell me to take him back or should I grab at the opportunity to be with the man I had fallen for? Maybe this time, we could make it work as a couple in a real relationship, not the sexual one we had before.
Bass…
What about Bass? Bass and I had known each other for such a short amount of time. I lusted after him. Who wouldn’t? However, it was Carter who I loved, right? This was my chance to have my heart’s desire.
Then, what am I waiting for?
“Fine, I’m taking you back… as long as you promise that you will try very hard to make this work. I’m giving you this one chance, Carter, don’t fuck it up.”
“What did you say, Em?” he asked, a smile forming on his handsome face. He obviously heard me, but wanted me to say it again.
“Uh, now you’re just driving me nuts!” I complained as I held out my hand for him to grab onto so I could lift him up. To my surprise, he pulled me down with him. I let out a loud squeal as he tickled me half to death.
With my back on the ground and Carter on top of me, I felt deliriously happy. Our faces were inches apart as he spoke, “I love you, Emma, and I promise to be loyal to you and you alone. I will give my all to make you happy.”
God, let’s hope so because I’m dropping Bass Cole for you. You better make it worth it.
I linked my arms around his neck and looked at the man I had fallen for. For the first time since he said those words, I saw Carter in a new light. I whispered, “I love you, too, Carter Mason.”