by Pamela Ann
I started picking at the edges of a pillow when I heard Carter speak. “I know there’s nothing that I can say that will make you forgive me. I was so stupid. When you told me that you were late, I started to panic. All of my doubts of becoming like my father surfaced again. It was a big reality check for me. I suddenly felt suffocated. I can’t even describe the kind of relief I felt when you told me you weren’t pregnant. Nothing mattered then because I felt free. Before I even decided to cheat on you, I knew for a fact that it would hurt you, but it still didn’t stop me. I do love you, Emma, but I don’t know how to accept it and live with it without getting paranoid.”
He came over to the bed and sat across from me, the bed dipping under his weight. “I’m really sorry for hurting you this way. There’s no excuse that will make anything better for you. I love you and I will always love you. Maybe someday, when I am ready to fully accept my love for you, maybe we can try again.” Fat chance, bitch.
When I looked up and met his eyes, I felt pain. I had really wanted things to work out between Carter and me, and he screwed it up because he couldn’t accept the fact that he loved me? LAME BALLS! “Well, geez, this was a nice chitchat, Carter. What are you going to say next? That Cece and Amanda were your side whores while you were with me?”
“No, it was just you then, Em, and no one else.” Yeah, sure, I so believe you. Not.
Carter raked a hand through his hair and let out a long sigh. “I fucking miss you, Em. What the hell am I going to do without you? I don’t like that I love you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I do. You’re all I see.” Good, let the ghost of me make you suffer and hound your thoughts.
My breathing hitched when he came closer and touched my cheek. Fuck! “I’ve missed how your skin feels. You’re beautiful and I just wish things weren’t so fucked up.” Carter moved a little closer.
I wetted my suddenly dry lips. I couldn’t do this with him. This was just too much. “Carter, you have to stop.”
“I know, but I don’t know how, Em. I don’t know how to stop…” Carter trailed off as his lips captured mine. Maybe it’d been too long or maybe I somewhat missed this stupid toad, but I responded to his fevered, hungered kiss. I moaned when he pushed me down on the bed and positioned himself on top of me.
A knock came on the door. “Carter! Your time’s up! You gotta scoot!” Lindsey yelled from behind the closed door.
“Fuck!” Carter cussed against my lips. Yeah, fuck. Thank God for Lindsey because I was just about to submit to him again.
Getting off the bed, Carter stood up and gave me a quick kiss. I just stared at him, wide-eyed. “I love you, Em.” After telling his sister to back off, he stormed out and left the apartment.
Lindsey knocked on my door before she opened it. She strolled in and sat on my bed. “I knew you were in trouble when I didn’t hear voices anymore. I just had to throw in my super life-saving skills.”
This woman was awesome! “Thank you, Lindsey. Yeah, your brother almost had me. Fuck! I’m so stupid.”
Lindsey gave me a quick hug. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Carter is just stupid. He’s hurting because of what he did to you, but there is no one to blame but himself.” She kissed my forehead and left me with my thoughts.
And for the next two months, he stayed away; physically, not emotionally. He would send flowers or presents to me on a weekly basis, along with random text messages.
Carter: I love you, my Emma.
Carter: I miss you, my Emma.
Carter: I can’t stop thinking about your lips. I wish you were next to me.
Carter: I saw Pirates of the Caribbean today and couldn’t stop thinking about our Halloween together.
Carter: I bought your perfume today. I just wanted to smell you again.
Carter: I will come back for you when I’m ready and I won’t stop until you’re back with me because it’s not over. It will never be over.
Although I tried ignored his messages, they were in my thoughts. I had to give him props because he was really getting through to me.
I was being mind-fucked, plain and simple.
E
A month before I left for Greece…
“Emma?”
I was surprised that Carter was waiting for me outside of my class. I had seen him around school from afar, but never up close. From time to time, I could feel his hot gaze follow me around, but he never approached me, until today.
“Yes, Carter? What can I do for you?” I wanted to roll my eyes, but refrained from doing so. He was exasperating.
“I got an invitation to play for the L.A. Galaxy for two seasons a few months back and I accepted. My first game is next week and I was wondering if you could be there as my good luck charm and wear my jersey.”
He got invited to play for the L.A. Galaxy? I was wowed, but I knew this day would come. He was going to be a senior this year and he was on his way to getting into MLS—Major League Soccer. His dream was to play for FIFA—Fédération Internationale de Football Association—and win a World Cup. I had no doubt in my mind that he would get there, for he was one determined mother fucker.
Carter was fascinating to watch when he played. He dominated the field and I used to love watching him own it. In his jersey he was extra yummy. I loved his powerful, strong, thighs; they were thick, hard and all manly.
I once loved this man, but that was before he screwed it up.
“I’ll think about it, but I’m not sure about the jersey thing.” I wasn’t his girl anymore. He had made that decision all on his own by choosing the kinky boathouse incident over us—me.
He handed me his jersey. It was in a white gift bag. I knew without even looking that it would have the number seven stitched on the back, his lucky number. I hesitantly grabbed the bag from him. My hand tingled when our hands brushed. “Thanks.”
Carter shoved his hands back inside his pockets, he looked unsure. “I guess, I will see you next week then?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you then.”
He looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn’t. With a sad smile, he departed.
E
“You sure you want to go with me? I mean he’s my brother and all so I have to give some familial support, but you, you don’t have to do this and torture yourself. You don’t owe him anything.”
I was already dressed and set to go, wearing Carter’s jersey. FUCK!
“Lindsey’s got a point, doll. I don’t know about you going.” Trista gave me a sad smile.
“It’ll be fine, you guys. I have you two for a buffer. Now, let’s get moving, shall we?”
We drove to The Home Depot Center—the home field of the L.A. Galaxy. Truth be told, I really wanted to see Carter play.
When he got on the field, he immediately looked to where we were seated—in the reserved seats section—and his face broke out in a massive smile when he found me. I almost smiled back.
When the game started, all three of us were cheering him on. Lindsey glanced over to the general admission seating and stiffened. I looked to see what she was staring at and I saw Cooper, Brody, Amanda, Cece and the three nameless bitches from the boat house sitting right beside our seats.
I wanted to rip Cece and Amanda’s heads off when they stood up and started hollering, their large boobs jumping along with them.
“Stupid, skank-a-bitch,” Lindsey muttered under her breath. My sentiments exactly! They definitely popped our damn bubble.
I was relieved when the game was almost over, but I was on the edge of my seat since the score was tied. All three of us stood up when Carter had the ball and started The Roulette to move towards the opposite side of the field. I knew then that he was going to do the Overhead Bicycle Kick and I hoped to God that he would fucking get it in past the goalie. My breathing stopped when I saw him go for the shot. Everything went in slow motion for me until the black and white ball went inside the goal, scoring the winning point. The stadium went ballistic and Carter took his shirt off and waved it in
the air. He bared his hot, banging six-pack for everyone to see. He laughed when people started to chant his name.
When he stopped and looked at me, he bunched up his hand, tapped over his heart twice and pointed at me. I thought I was going to melt in to a puddle. Oh, fuck.
“Shit,” both Lindsey and Trista muttered.
He gave me a beautiful smile before he threw his shirt in the air and aimed it towards the screaming fans. The crowd went wild.
After the game, Trista, Lindsey and I checked in at The Chateau Marmont, again. I supposed this hotel was now our place to stay when we were in L.A. We simply loved it here. Carter and the boys rented out a house in Malibu for an after-party. Of course, both Tris and Linds didn’t think that I should go, but I wanted to.
“I don’t know, Em. Carter still wants you after what he did. What if he tries something with you tonight? Will you be able to resist him?” Trista asked. It was a question that I couldn’t answer.
Since we would be partying with Cece and Amanda, I had carefully chosen my outfit. This was going to be the first time I had been to a party since the boathouse ‘incident’ and I wanted to make myself as hot as possible tonight. I was going to flaunt my super sexy assets—thanks to Ben and Liston’s dedication.
I chose a tight-fitted dress that matched my eyes along with some spanking hot designer nude rivet pumps. My blonde hair hung loose and I teased it to look like tousled beach hair. The tight dress made my C-cups pronounced with ample cleavage and the back of the dress had a big U-shape that stopped right above my butt.
Yes, tonight I planned to rock it with a lot of pizzazz.
Untitled
“The best kind of revenge is to let him see how strong and beautiful you are, with or without him.”
~Emma Anderson
Chapter One Hundred Seventeen
When the girls finally saw me, Lindsey and Trista whistled.
“You know, if I were a lesbian, I’d be humping you right now,” Trista declared. Linds and I both laughed.
“Come on, ladies. Let’s go find Trista a super sexy man to get over Harry the asshat,” Lindsey said as she opened the door to let us out.
Once we got to the party, Carter immediately sought me out like a horny teenager. “Em, you’re doing a good job torturing me. I want to hide you from the gawking eyes of all the guys here. Fuck, you look hot as hell.”
Yeah, you can gawk some more if you want. Just gawk, but nothing more.
“You played well tonight. Congratulations.” I avoided his eyes while I took a sip of my mai tai and looked around the throng of people.
Lindsey was in one corner having an argument with Cooper while Brody watched from afar. What was going on with those three? Didn’t she say that she didn’t want to date Brody and she wouldn’t date Cooper because of his fuck up in Tahoe with Cece?
My eyes darted to Trista who was busy dancing with a guy on the dance floor. Seeing her that way made me happy. She definitely deserved more than that douchebag Harry.
However, the burst of happiness suddenly left me when I turned to see Carter still standing next to me. My eyes connected to his; they were devouring me, but he refrained from touching me.
After two hours and a half a dozen mixed drinks, Carter was still stuck to me, tagging along like my bodyguard. When guys wanted to talk or ask me to dance, Carter stepped in like a rabid dog.
“Why don’t you go and celebrate? Why are you stuck to me?” I asked with annoyance.
“I am celebrating, with you.”
I rolled my eyes at that. Could he be any cheesier? I downed the rest of my mojito and spoke, “Well, I’m going to go find a guy to dance with. Laters!”
When I saw a hot blond guy at the bar, I darted towards him. This would be the first time I’ve ever asked a guy to dance, but after all the alcohol I consumed, all of my inhibitions were thrown out the window. I tapped his shoulder and the hot blond spun around. He smiled when he saw me.
“Will you be a dear and be my knight and shining armor tonight? Dance with me?” I asked and playfully bit my lip.
His hazel eyes lit up. “A hot, blonde bombshell asking me to dance? I’m honored.”
I pulled him towards the dance floor and started to dance. The sexy man leaned into my ear and whispered, “I think I’ve seen you before, but I can’t remember where.” Not that stupid magazine again. I opened my mouth to say no, but he kept on going, “Did you happen to be at a club with Bass Cole and a group of his friends recently? I’m Taylor, one of his best friends. I’m almost a hundred percent sure that it was you. You’ve got one of those faces that are hard to forget.”
FUCKING SHIT.
“Oh, right, Taylor.” What the hell? I knew I was drunk with Bass that night, but still… I vaguely remembered meeting him and I did remember Bass telling me they were like brothers and always looked out for each other.
“Emma Anderson, right?” He even knew my last name? Shit.
“Yes, that’s right. How are you?” Taylor then pulled me off the dance floor and found a spot where we could talk.
“Aren’t you going to film with Bass next month? He’s actually here tonight in L.A., but he heads out to London tomorrow.” Why was he telling me this?
Bass Cole, will I ever fucking forget you?
“Yeah, I’ll be seeing him in Greece.” Before Taylor had a chance to respond, Carter stepped in.
“Try another chick, bud. She’s taken.” Carter looked serious as hell. I certainly was not taken. Carter could just shove his blasted jealousy somewhere else.
Taylor just gave him a jovial smile, but stuck his knife quite nicely at Carter. “It’s not like that at all. Emma and I were just catching up since the last time I saw her a few months ago with Bass. I’m heading out to Bass’s house right now. By the way, Emma, I’ll be visiting the set in Greece. I’ll see you then. Take care.” Taylor walked off, leaving me with Carter.
Bass’s house… I loved that house. I missed that stupid house.
“Can we talk in private?” Carter looked at me while I contemplated his question.
I looked at Carter for a minute, deciding if I should go with him or not. Seeing how his mood deflated after I danced with Taylor, I obliged. “Lead the way.”
Safe in the confines of his bedroom, I sat on a chaise lounge that overlooked the ocean.
“Thank you for coming to my game. It meant a lot to me that you showed up.” Carter stood across from me.
“Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t a big deal.” It was and it wasn’t.
“So, you’re leaving in a month?” he asked.
I nodded. “Why?”
What he asked next surprised me. “Are you planning on being with Bass?”
Well… Bass… who knows? Bass touched something inside me and that alone made me hesitant. If I hooked up with Bass, would I come out of it sane? I doubted it. He would consume me. “Right now? No, but will it change once we start spending more time together? I don’t have the answer to that, Carter.”
He sat across from me, too close for my liking, but I didn’t move either. “Emma, thoughts of another guy touching you intimately drives me mental.”
Well, geez. Insert eye roll. “Good, at least you have the luxury of just using your imagination. I, on the other hand, got to watch it in HD, including groaning and moaning in surround sound, with not one, but fucking five women. So, no, you don’t get to complain to me about your tormented thoughts of me fucking Bass.”
“Dammit, Em!” What I spouted off made him mad, but it was the truth.
I should have pushed him away when his lips pressed on mine, but I didn’t. There was only one word to describe Carter’s kiss—desperate. It was like he wanted to erase all the bad things he’d ever done to me. No matter how much he wished it though, it was not going to happen.
“I want you… I want to be inside you. Let me in, Emma.” Was it wrong that I was a wee bit tempted to say yes? Was it wrong that I got wet kissing him?
“No,
Carter. You’re not just going to say sorry and slide back home like nothing happened.”
Carter’s forehead touched mine, breathing in agony. “Will you give me another shot when you get back from filming? I will change and wait for you, Em.”
“I don’t think you and I will ever happen again. I honestly don’t think I could handle it.”
“When you get back, I’ll be waiting for you. I don’t care if you’re with Bass by then. I will fight for you, Em, and I won’t stop until you’re mine again. You may believe that we’re over, but you and I will never be over, even if you want us to be.” His words hung in the air.
I looked back at the man who I’d loved, the man that broke my heart. When my eyes met his, his sincerity and tenacity showed through the darken depths… and in that moment, I had an inkling that what he said might be true.
Untitled
“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.”
~Tony Tobbins
Chapter One Hundred Eighteen
“Are you ready?” Barbara asked me, eyeing me like I was a little girl.
“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.” There was nothing that could soothe my nerves.
Barbara checked me in at the W Hotel to stay for the night before I left for Greece the next day. We were in the living room in my suite, enjoying refreshments as we went over essential last-minute details.
“You have a spa appointment in a few hours. Bass is in Europe doing his rounds of interviews for a movie he filmed before KOC. He should be joining the rest of the cast in a few days. That kid is always jumping from one city to another. I don’t know how he does it.” Barbara Schwartz leaned back and looked at me.