I stared straight ahead, trying not to draw any attention to myself. I felt completely naked, like if I so much as breathed, everyone was going to notice and point me out.
Tess laughed and jabbed me with her elbow. “Isn’t that hilarious?” She whispered, but it was a very loud whisper.
I stared at her.
She laughed again and then whispered fiercely in my ear, “Laugh.”
I forced a smile onto my face. She was right. Everyone else was smiling and laughing about this lying virgin cheerleader, so I had to join the crowd. Or else I was going to look like I was the lying virgin cheerleader.
The speaker seemed unfazed by the volume of the audience. She barreled forward. “You should know that staying a virgin is the absolute smartest choice you can make for yourself.”
I sat there with a dumb smile plastered on my face, trying to ignore everyone around me.
That’s when I saw Liam. He was sitting in the front row with Lexi and several other kids I vaguely recognized.
Liam.
Liam knew my story.
Liam was helping out with one of the assemblies.
My nausea grew worse. I pulled Tess close and whispered in her ear, “It must have been Liam.”
She pulled away and shook her head. “No way. He wouldn’t.”
Oh, but I had a really strong feeling that he did. And I was going to kill him.
CHAPTER 13
When the torture was finally over, I headed to the front of the auditorium—toward Liam. I had to play it cool. I had to act like everything was fine. As I walked against the stream of students, I overheard snatches of conversation.
“That was nuts, man.”
“Who do you think it is?”
“It’s so obvious.”
I kept moving, honing in on my target. Liam was standing near the stage, as if he was waiting to talk to the evil speaker. He saw me and came over.
“Hey. I looked for you but—”
I cut him off. “Can we talk? Privately.”
“Sure.” He looked toward the speaker and then back at me. “You okay?”
I headed for the side exit of the auditorium, which led to the music and drama departments. I didn’t even turn around to see if he was following. There were kids heading to classes. No privacy. I tried the door to a custodian closet, and it opened. Miracle of miracles.
Liam followed me in, his eyebrows knit together in confusion.
I closed the door and spun around to face him.
“How could you?” My voice cracked. I had meant to ask him before accusing him, but I was unable to hold back. “You told her; you had to have told her.”
“Mallory. It’s okay. You shouldn’t be ashamed of it.”
“Well, I am. And it wasn’t your story to tell. That’s my choice!”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think…”
“No, you didn’t. I share my most private secret with you, and you tell the entire school? In an assembly?” The tears started then, and he reached for me. I knocked his hands off my shoulders. “Don’t touch me!”
“Mallory, please.”
I tried to push past him, but he jammed his foot against the base of the door.
“Let me explain. Please?”
I kept my back to him. Just because I was trapped didn’t mean I had to listen to him.
“Mrs. Whittaker came the other day. I told her about you because I really think it’s amazing and sad that you felt like you had to lie. I didn’t think she’d repeat it here! And I didn’t tell her your name.”
I whirled around. “She said ‘cheerleader,’ Liam. Think about it. How long before everyone in this school knows exactly who she was talking about?”
“She didn’t say it was someone from this school.”
“She doesn’t have to! Everyone assumed it; and since they’re right, I’m screwed.”
I wiped at my tears and turned away again.
“Mallory. I’m so sorry.”
“Just let me go.”
I heard him move. I grabbed the door handle, flung the door open, and sprinted out of the closet, then down the hallway.
I needed to get as far away from Liam Crawford as humanly possible.
But since we had the same stupid class for second period, he showed up in the room less than two minutes after I did. I refused to look in his direction. I felt my phone buzz in my bag. Mr. Petrini was writing on the board. I nonchalantly picked it up and read Tess’s text message.
was it him
I wrote back yes before Petrini turned around. Texting during class was punishable by death, so I didn’t try again, but Tess gave me a look of total sympathy.
It didn’t help.
Especially since every conversation seemed to be about the mystery cheerleader. I was definitely getting scrutinizing looks from people. I knew they were thinking, Could she be the virgin?
There were about two dozen cheerleaders for fall sports. I mostly cheered for football, but sometimes I cheered for soccer when they were short. Several of the girls had long-distance boyfriends, and technically I didn’t have one anymore. Maybe that would throw people off the trail.
I was also relieved to overhear a number of kids who thought the speaker made up the story… since they doubted a cheerleader would be a virgin. It didn’t help the reputation of the sport much, but it was good for me.
By lunch I thought that maybe, just maybe, it might all blow over.
I sat down with Tess. Liam appeared at our table, no lunch in hand, and got on his knees next to my chair.
“Talk to me, please?”
“You’re an idiot, Liam. She doesn’t want to talk to you,” Tess said.
“Yes, I’m an idiot. I agree. Look, I’ve been telling as many people as possible that the story was made up. I don’t think anyone thinks it’s true, anyway.”
I hoped he was right, but I still had doubts. “Just go away,” I said.
“Don’t do this. This is good, you and me.”
My chest tightened. It was good. But I couldn’t trust him. You had to be able to trust people to have a relationship with them.
Liam didn’t move, and I avoided his eyes. Tess stood up, brushed off her hands, and pulled Liam up by the arm. She walked away from the table with him, talked for a couple minutes, and then came back without him.
“What did you say to him?”
“Don’t worry about it. I got rid of him.”
I glanced around to see where he went but saw no sign of him. I let out a defeated sigh. “Why’d he have to turn out to be such a jerk?” I asked. “I really liked him.”
“I know. Maybe that means you’ll forgive him.”
“He doesn’t deserve it.”
“People rarely do. But if we love them, we do it, anyway.”
I looked at Tess, who still loved her mom even with what she did every day. But a guy was different than a mom, so maybe the rule didn’t apply. Surely there were more guys out there. It didn’t have to be Liam. I tried to bolster my courage. Just because Liam Crawford was amazing and adorable and wrote me a song…
I shook my head. Liam was my first attempt at a real relationship since killing off Todd. I could try again, couldn’t I?
I stayed close to Tess as we left the cafeteria and tried to ignore the conversations around us. Teenagers bore quickly, so maybe no one would really care about it for too long. We walked into the lobby and saw Yvie and Sophie huddled by the stairs, talking. When they saw us, they turned—and scowled.
“It’s you,” Yvie said. No question. Her height made her seem all the more intimidating.
“Always had a million excuses, didn’t you? You were lying to us that whole time.” Sophie shook her head at me, making her short black hair swing across her shoulders.
Yvie crossed her arms and glared at Tess. “I guess you were in on the whole thing, too. I hate it when people make me feel stupid.” She rested her glare on me. “I’m not stupid. I trusted you, Mallory.”
Yv
ie started to walk away, and Tess grabbed her and pulled her back.
“Don’t you dare defend her,” Yvie said.
“I’m not. Mallory knows she messed up. But we’re friends,” Tess said.
“Not anymore.” Yvie swung around, and they walked away.
“Don’t worry. They’ll get over it.” Tess put her arm around my shoulder.
“But she’ll tell,” I said.
“Yeah. She probably will.”
If ever there was a day I wanted to disappear, it was this one. I was excused from fourth period early since I had to change for the pep rally. But I just wanted to go home. The only thing keeping me there was that staying made me look innocent. At least more innocent than running home.
When I turned down the hallway where the cheerleaders and football players were gathering outside the locker rooms, I knew something had shifted. I’m not sure what tipped me off more, the searing looks from the cheerleaders or the grins on the football players’ faces.
I slowed my walk. Everything is going to be fine. No one knows for sure.
Greg Paterson stepped out of the group.
“You doing okay?” He slipped his arm around my shoulder. I thought about knocking it off, but I didn’t want to draw any unnecessary attention to myself.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” I hoped that my face matched my words.
“You know, a lot of people think you’re the virgin cheerleader.”
Hearing a guy say it out loud, even if it was just Greg, made my stomach turn. There was no escaping the reality of my life.
“Who, me?” I forced out a laugh. “That’s a good one.”
“Then go out with me after the game tonight,” he said.
Liam’s face drifted into my thoughts. We were over. Weren’t we? Greg was kind of a player and had dated at least a third of the squad. But I also couldn’t deny that saying yes to Greg might make this whole thing go away faster.
“Sure. That’d be great. I’ve gotta change now.”
He let me go, and I put my head down as I passed by some of the girls near the locker room door.
I looked for Tess and found her in front of the mirrors, primping.
As soon as she saw me, she grabbed me and hauled me into one of the showers, yanking the curtain closed.
“It’s all over. Everyone thinks it’s you.”
“I’m gonna be sick.”
“No, you’re not. You’re going to remember that you’re brave, and you’re gonna go out there and face them.” Tess shook my shoulders. “Mallory. We’ll laugh about this one day. Trust me. No fear.”
She shoved me out of the shower with orders to go change. No one said anything while I changed or while I worked on getting my hair up and tying my ribbons. Everyone just stared or glared until it was time for our meeting.
We gathered at the far end of the locker room. Tara stood up with her clipboard in hand but looked right at me. “So, Mallory, is it true?” she asked point-blank. As the captain, she probably only cared about the reputation of the squad, but it felt as if everyone was holding her breath, waiting to see what I’d say.
“Is what true?” I mustered as much wide-eyed confusion as possible.
“It’s a ridiculous rumor. You should know a thing or two about those, Tara,” Tess said.
“I expected you to defend her, Tess. But I want to hear it from her.”
All eyes shifted back to me, and I froze. Lie and deny. Or come clean. Those were my only two choices. My instinct was to lie and deny. After all, there was no proof. But this wasn’t a court; this was high school. They could prosecute, convict, and execute me with no evidence whatsoever.
I had promised to stop lying. But when I worked on Step 8—making a list of those I had wronged—I hadn’t thought about the people in front of me. But I did lie to them. Over and over. Clearly, it was time to start Step 9 and make amends. I was wrong to lie to everyone. To pretend to be something that I wasn’t. Here was my chance to confess and apologize in one fell swoop.
If I could just get my mouth to work.
“Mallory, this is serious. We have a code of conduct for every cheerleader, and if you’ve betrayed the trust of the squad, we may have to cut you from the team.”
There was a collective gasp.
“You can’t throw her off the squad,” Tess said.
“I can and I will,” Tara said. “Unless she tells the truth and apologizes.”
Everyone was staring again, and I looked at Tess, who shrugged and urged me on with her eyes.
I closed mine, but I could still feel everyone else’s eyes boring into my soul.
“Come on. We have to warm up,” someone said.
“Fine,” I said. I opened my eyes and pretended it was Liam in the closet again, feeling the anger course through me. “I’m a virgin. Happy?”
I ignored the laughter and the whispers around me. Tara shifted her weight and crossed her arms, waiting for more.
“I made up a long-distance boyfriend because I didn’t want the boys right through that wall to be discussing what I did or didn’t do with them. You all know they do. My sex life—or the fact that I didn’t want to have a sex life—wasn’t anybody’s business but my own.”
“But you still lied,” Tara said.
“I know. But who in this room hasn’t lied at some point? A fake boyfriend can’t pressure you like a real one. He can’t go running back telling stories to his friends about what you did. And he can’t convince you to do something you don’t want to do in the first place.” I had everyone’s attention. “My sister slept around in college, and it wrecked her life so much that she almost killed herself.”
“Darby? No way,” Tara said.
“Yes, Darby. I never want to go through what she did. I lied so I wouldn’t have to.”
I could tell from the look on Tara’s face that I had won. I wouldn’t be kicked off the team. But everyone was whispering around me now. I suddenly had a horrible feeling that I shouldn’t have said anything about Darby.
“Look, you guys can’t say anything about Darby. That’s in confidence.”
Heads nodded all around me, but I wasn’t stupid. That was a juicy tidbit of information.
“All right. Let’s get ready, girls.” Tara clapped her hands, and the group followed her.
Tess hung back and waited for me. “Darby tried to kill herself? Talk about secrets.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve never said that out loud to anybody.”
“Wow. Well, you’ve certainly given them something besides you to focus on.”
“You don’t think they’ll say anything, do you?’
Tess just raised an eyebrow at me and pushed open the door to the gym.
Coming clean might have a much bigger cost than I realized.
CHAPTER 14
I had to force myself to be peppy and to dance and smile at the rally. Looking out into the stands, I noticed death stares and even a couple of rude hand gestures. I tried to ignore them and just cheer.
Liam sat in the front row and never took his eyes off me. And even though it was a little mean, I purposely draped my arm over Greg’s shoulder and let him pick me up to wave into the crowd.
It worked. Liam looked upset after that. I tried to console myself with the fact that it was his own fault and that I didn’t have any reason to feel guilty. But I did.
After the rally I spotted Lexi as we were filing back into the locker room. She came over and asked if she could talk to me.
“I’m sorry,” she said when we were alone. “I misjudged you.”
“Okay.” I wasn’t sure how to respond.
“I was surprised to find out that lady was talking about you. I guess I never thought about what it’s like for you. How the pressure would be totally different. I get it. I get why you lied about it.”
She glanced away; and when I followed her gaze, I saw Liam sitting in the hallway. “Liam really likes you,” she said, her voice wistful.
I liked him, too. I
looked back at Lexi, her eyes wet with tears, and I realized that maybe Liam would be better off with someone like her. She probably wouldn’t make a date with a football player just to prove a point. They fit together better. And I knew it.
“It’s okay, Lexi. I forgive you.”
“Thanks.” She gave me a sad smile and walked away toward Liam.
Liam caught my eye long enough for me to see that I had hurt him, again. My regret was starting to outweigh my anger. But I couldn’t make myself go over to him.
Instead, I went back into the locker room to get my stuff and sat down on the bench, exhausted. Tricia, one of the few sophomores on the squad, started pulling her bags out of her locker. She glanced over, then sat down next to me.
“I’m a virgin, too,” she whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear.
She scooted even closer. “I’m glad I’m not the only one,” she said in my ear. She hugged me and then jumped back up with a grin on her face.
Tess came around the corner. “You ready to go?”
I nodded, grabbed my bag, and followed her out.
Tess picked me up later to head to the game, which was at another high school. It was always harder to cheer at away games because the crowds were smaller. But this was a rival team, so I hoped more people would come. I wondered if Liam would be there.
I didn’t want it to be true that Liam would be better off with Lexi or someone like her. I just wanted to forgive him. I didn’t feel so angry anymore.
And Tess was tense and distracted, which made me wonder if things were crazy at her house.
“How’s your mom?” I asked.
“Her hand’s getting better. She hates it when I change the bandage, though.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Me & My Invisible Guy Page 11