by K. L. Jessop
Chapter Nineteen
Amelia
“So, you said you suffered a nightmare, tell me what happened.” Dr Thomas says softly over her black framed glasses. After the other night-and the new feelings that’s been running my head since Marcus come on the scene-I thought it best to talk to her before it magnified out of control. I’ve hardly spoke to anyone since it happened. Just floated around in my own little fuckup zone as the feeling of drowning in unsheltered water hadn’t left me since the carnage of the nightmare. I’ve not had one that bad in over a year and it scares the hell out of me as to why I’m having them now.
“He held me down by the throat like he always did when he wanted sex. My hands weren’t tied but I couldn’t move them. I couldn’t see. Everything was dark. Then he started taunting me and hitting me, screaming right up in my face. I can still hear my bones snapping like twigs with each blow.” My voice is thick in my throat. The waterfall of tears flow from reliving the night terror out aloud. “Then I could see him. I could smell him and hear him shouting at me as he hit me over and over. But it wasn’t him. It was Marcus. All I saw was Marcus. Then I woke.”
Dr Thomas did her usual jotting of notes as she hands me a tissue. Her work with me since arriving at the coast has been phenomenal. After intense therapy sessions in London with Dr Ahern, she has provided me with the help and support in order to continue moving forward.
“And when you woke, what happened then?”
“I realised it wasn’t real. Marcus held me close, told me I was safe. He looked terrified.” I can only imagine what went through his head. In the past I’ve scared the shit out of Megan and Lucas but they knew of my history and was aware things like this happened. With Marcus he knew very little. My body was heavy with sweat and from the marks on his chest I knew I lashed out. I never meant to hurt him.
“Did you feel safe?”
“Yes. I always feel safe with Marcus. That’s what I can’t get my head round. His ability to make me trust him is something I’ve never experienced before and that scares me because I’m not afraid of him. But I’m terrified of falling into a world where it will all come crashing down around me and because I trust him I won’t see the signs.”
“Have you spoken to Marcus about your history and how you feel?” I nod as I soak more tears into the tissue. How could I not tell him, I said I would tell him everything when I was ready, I knew then I had to bare all and let him in regardless if I was ready or not. But as for telling him how I feel in the present isn’t an option. Because I don’t know how I feel. My feelings for him grow more each time we’re together and that is something I can’t even begin to process.
“He’s been so patient with me. I just hope that this time things can be different.”
Dr Thomas removes her glasses and moves forward in her high back leather chair. A sure sign I knew the straight talking was on the cards and no medical crap I didn’t understand. “Your nightmares indicate a separation between your heart and mind. It’s a literal disconnection of how you feel and what you think. A feeling of confliction. Fighting a war to stay in control and not let the fear of what happened take over. But what you have to try and remember Amelia, is that no two men stood side by side are the same. I think you know this deep down because of your ability in trusting him. You just have to learn to believe it. Believe in yourself and you’re halfway there.”
The roar of the waves crash against the rocks, the breeze cleansing my pores as the summer sun soaks into my muscles, healing my soul from all around me. Dr Thomas helped put my mind at ease and provide positivity of present day, and there was only one person that was overflowing my thoughts with the present. Life has changed in a way I never imagined. I never saw myself ever being able to fit into this position again. That night was a mixture of dark, dangerous and devotion. After the onslaught of reliving my past through terrifying actions and painful words, Marcus caressed, cherished and worshipped my body with delicate hands and kisses as he drove me into a world of unconditional tenderness. Holding me close and protecting me throughout the night. There was nothing more I had left to give him; I laid out my history on a platter and every ounce of life as I knew it, was firmly in his hands.
He makes me feel like I’m flying. His arms are my safety mechanism and each day that I’m with him another piece of the broken girl is fixed back together. However, there was one thing that sat at the back of my mind and was the one thing I tried my hardest not the think about, because I knew it would crush me. But each day that past I thought of it more and I knew I’d have to voice my concerns, however this was the one question I was afraid of asking. In just a matter of a few weeks this year’s season would be over, and the man that leaves me breathless and protected me like a falling angel would be leaving the coast and heading back to the city.
“I was wondering where you got to. I got worried when Megan said you needed some time out.” He comes to sit behind me, enveloping my body with his as he wrapped his arms around me.
“I needed to think.”
He said nothing, just rested his chin on my head, knowing that he was giving me the time I needed in order to talk when I was ready. His patience with me always blew my mind, never once did he pressurise me to talk; he just provided the reassurance I needed and listened when I was ready.
“I hate it. I hate after all this time he still has control over me. My moods. My thoughts. My sleep.” He lifts my chin so I can see his warm hazels. The features of his beautiful face never fail to take my breath.
“But he doesn’t. You have control. You’ve moved on, took huge steps and built a new life. You control that babe not him. It’s just unfortunate we can’t control our bad dreams.”
Finally telling Marcus everything had lifted a heavy weight I didn’t know I was still carrying. It’s like the feeling you get in water where you’re dragged down to the bottom fighting before being released to slowly float back to the surface. Back to the light.
“I saw Dr Thomas this morning. We talked about the last few weeks and I told her about my nightmare. She helped put some things into perspective. I’m sorry if I freaked you out.”
“You did. But I’m just glad you told me. You can always talk to me, Amelia, you know that right?”
Marcus has transformed my life over the weeks, he’s managed to knock down walls I built and lived behind for years. Brushed away the thick dust from my heart so I’ve been able to open up to him. I’ve never felt so at ease and fearless with laying my heart, soul and history in someone else’s hands. Revealing my demons and baring my body. “I know.” I whisper, turning back to look at the shore as we sit in each other’s embrace.
“Although I am a little disappointed in you,” he says shortly after. An unpleasant feeling curls in my belly as I tilt my head back narrowing my brows. “Why didn’t you tell me it’s your birthday on Saturday?”
“You mean you’ve invaded my space all these weeks and you didn’t know? Some stalker you are.” I tease, but his expression was serious. “Ugh, I’m not a lover of birthdays anymore so the less people know about it the better. How’d you find out anyway?”
He gave me a knowing looking and Megan’s face appeared in my mind causing me to roll my eyes. “She told me earlier when I ask where you were.”
“I just want a few drinks like we normally do, nothing special. Besides the Kingston balls the night before so that is my treat.” I never really had a birthday since my mum died. Dad never remembered afterward and Daniel never gave a shit. Then I was never in the right frame of mind to even think about celebrating so movie nights and drinks where what each year was spent like with Megan and Lucas curled up on the sofa eating pretzels and drinking tequila.
“You up for a day trip?”
I smile at his childlike ways. He must be the only owner of a seven star hotel that lets one of his staff take day trips during their working week and still get a full wage. I gave up arguing about it with him after we went to Primrose Lodge as I was near on fire
man lifted out the building. “Does Andrew know we skulk off on day’s trips like we do when I should be working?”
“Fuck no; he thinks you’re helping me on interior work on a new project back home.” My head tipped back with a giggle as Marcus pulls me up.
“So this day trip, what part of our youth are we reliving this time?” I ask taking his hand.
“We’re not. I’m taking you somewhere special.”
***
My ability to breathe had been stolen. I’ve been at the coast over eighteen months and seen most of the bays but this one was nothing like I ever imagined being here. Closed off from the world Marbles Cove was a small bay of pure white soft sand and turquoise blue sea rolling in onto a thick band of colourful shells. It was like undiscovered territory and only we would ever know it existed.
“We’ve been here nearly two hours and no one has stepped foot on the beach. Just how private is it?” I ask, backing into the water and rubbing the rest of my sun lotion in while Marcus annoyingly takes pictures of me with his camera phone. The sun scorches down on his shirtless body causing small beads of perspiration on his abs that looked ever so inviting to the tongue.
“Very private. So you can take off your dress now, I want to see that bikini of yours.” I shake my head biting my lip and continue heading back into the water. My Maxi-dress now clinging to my thighs like a second skin.
“Very private as in?”
“As in I can guarantee that no one other than us will ever be on this beach.” He said with a wicked grin.
Reality slaps me in the face. “Holy shit! Are you telling me you own this beach?”
“Sorry, forgot to mention that when you grilled me in your office a while back,” he chuckles. “Now take off that damn dress it’s forbidden to the public so you don’t need to worry.”
“Fuck me are you god or something? Next you’ll be saying you own a boat and sail around topless.”
“Now there’s an idea. Take. Off. The. Dress.”
“Nope, sorry not today.” I say on a sigh.
“Right that’s it.” He throws his phone down on the towel and strides into the water. I screech trying my best to fight the tide in escape but I get lifted in seconds and thrown deep under the water as waves crash over my head.
“You asshole!” I gasp on a chuckle; Marcus curled over in fits of laughter at my drenched state. I splash water at him only for him to return it and start a full blown water war. Of course my small hands compared to his large shovels were not in any form going to help my victory of winning. He’d already won by dunking me to start with. I make my way back toward the shore as the sand below began to get unpredictable for my footing.
“Giving in already?” he shouts.
“Nope. You may see me struggle, but you’ll never see me quit.” To my own revelation I lift my wet dress over my head and throw it back toward the rest of our clothes, along with my bikini top. Looking back at Marcus with my arms out wide showing him with action that my body was on full show and only for him. “Ta-Da.”
His expression went from a wide smile to serious in a matter of seconds and a feeling of dread ran over my body. I stood as firmly as I could on the wet sand that swallowed my toes as he waded through the water, never taking our eyes from each other. My uncomfortable feeling instantly turned to heat the nearer he got. The lust in his eyes turned them to liquid which exploded fireworks inside me and soared once his mouth crashed to mine. Taking the back of my head in his hand to keep me in place as our tongues run wild, making my knees weaken the more he stole my breath.
Guiding me down, our bodies lay on the shore, waves crashing just below our feet and rolling in around us. Long, deep but evenly slow strokes of his tongue played with mine, drinking in the taste of each other and the salted ocean. He was hard against me and I incredibly turned on, but neither of us needed more than what we had right here, right now. It was a kiss of connection. A kiss of acceptance. A kiss that confirmed and ignited a feeling that had been smouldering inside me for some time.
Chapter Twenty
Marcus
“Tell me something true?” Amelia coos, slouched on the balcony chair as we have breakfast. Her hair is up in a messy bun, face make-up free as my shirt she wears drapes off her shoulder. Even with her laziness she’s sexy.
“I’m buying a boat tomorrow.”
“Is that so?” she chuckles.
“Yep, you can help pick which one you want to see me shirtless on while we sail around the coast. Your turn.” I pour us coffee as Amelia continues to pick at her bagel rather than eat it, a sign that something is bothering her.
“I’m hitting the beach after work with Megan to watch the sunset; you can come if you like?”
“Sounds great. Now tell me what’s on your mind, you’re not eating.” She flashes her eyes at me before rolling them with a heavy sigh and pushing her plate away.
“I’m stressing.”
“About what?”
“I’m stressing about stressing, then I’m stressing because I’m stressing.” Getting up from her seat she starts pacing. My shirt just covering the cheeks of her ass as her pink panties peep once and again with the breeze. “These next two weeks are a big deal, Marcus. And when you’re easily anxious like I am the stress doubles. It’s the Ball on Friday and I’m nervous, I don’t even know how to dance ballroom style, my birthday’s on Saturday not that that’s of any importance. Then at some point next week your mother is coming, what if she hates me or thinks I’m some gold-digger? And I’ve got so much to do for the following week with this fucking wedding, Nadia has me constantly on speed dial and I feel like my head is on overdrive, I. Am. Stressing.”
She’s adorable when she’s flustered but ever since her nightmare she’s been more unsettled. I leave the table and got to her, massaging her tense shoulders as we look over the bay.
“We just dance at the ball, no fancy shit. Your birthday is important. My mother will not think you’re after my money purely because you hate it when I buy you things and as for the Lenton wedding there are enough people to help out-”
“And if it doesn’t go to plan? There’s a lot riding on this.”
“It will. Just have faith babe.”
She sighs and leans into me. “You have this excellent way of keeping me grounded, Mr Matthews. You’re like my personal relaxation tape.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment?”
“And so you should,” she turns in my arms. “When it stops I stress until it plays again.”
She plants a quick kiss on my lips and moves from my arms looking less hassled then she did five minutes ago. “I’m going for a run, I need to try and clear my head. See you at work, I’m not in till ten.”
“Oi Weston.” I grab an uncut bagel from the table and toss it towards her for her to catch. “Eat. Then run.”
“Yeah. Yeah.” Waving me off.
“I mean it, Amelia, you need to eat.”
“Ooo so demanding.” She blows me a kiss before taking a bite. “Laters big guy.”
***
I was scrolling the internet looking at possible options for Amelia’s birthday present when my ears perked up at the sound coming from the hall. It’s not Amelia as she’s currently singing from the top of her lungs in the shower. Closing down the web and head to the disturbance when brown eyes catch sight of mine.
“Mum! You’re early.” Wrapping my arms around her.
“You expect me to stay in London with dirty air and traffic when I can have sun and sand on the holiday weekend? I don’t think so.” She snorts wheeling her case into the kitchen and removing her heels. “Besides I wanted to see these apartments of yours while they’re still empty. I might take one up as a holiday home,” she turns quickly. “They are still empty aren’t they?”
“They are yes.” I round the island to make us coffee, still surprised of her arrival. “I have a few viewings in the week but other than that they are free to view.”
“Good. So
what have I missed? How’s Andrew, I’ve not spoke with him recently, is there a lady in his life?”
“No. He’s still in a relationship with his office. But he’s doing well.”
“Hmm he’s been through a lot. Relationship aren’t always rosy.” She sips her coffee, swallowing it down with a hum like most people do with their first drink after a journey to a destination. “Talking of relationships, how’s things with Amelia? I can’t wait to meet her.”
“We’re good, she just finished getting changed.” I said as I hear her pad down the hall. Mum turns to look in the same direction.
“Marcus, have you seen my-” stood in a crimson bra and black hot pants Amelia halts in the doorway at the sight of my mother. Her cheek matching the colour of her bra as she quickly covers tits and waist with her arms. “I-I’m sorry I didn’t know you had company. I’ll just go grab so clothes.”
“Oh nonsense dear don’t worry about that, I take it you’re the lovely, Amelia?” Mum beams.
“Baby, I’d like you to meet my mum. She’s early.”
Mum makes her way over taking her in her arms for a hug; Amelia clearly unsure what to do as her cheeks flush even more as she bites that god damn lip.
“Don’t be embarrassed sweetie, a little red lace on our first meeting doesn’t bother me at all. I’m a woman of the world.”
“Nice to meet you, Mrs Matthews,” she says softly.
“Rosa, please. I haven’t been a Mrs, since my prick of a husband got his end away with a woman full of Botox. But never mind that, you are absolutely beautiful. Those eyes are stunning.” Amelia flicks her eyes to me and I wink, before her face suddenly clouds with panic.
“Mum wait!” It’s too late, she’s already seen Amelia’s scars as she walks full circle round to check her out. Like she did with most of the woman I’d take home. I told mum of Amelia insecurities but I never mentioned what, and stupidly I was so wrapped up in looking at Amelia to even register she was uncovered. Her scars don’t bother me at all. Only I forget they do her. Mum’s eyes flash to mine as Amelia’s stood trembling, face drained in colour. Striding over I wrap my arm around her and gave mum a look that stated not to ask.