by K. L. Jessop
“Love, is protection, loyalty and passion. It’s holding you when you’re scared, kissing you when you’re sad and loving you with every ounce of my heart and soul until the day I die. Love doesn’t hurt when you know it’s with the right one. It’s loving the wrong person that causes all this pain. What you had with him wasn’t real. What we have is, Amelia, and that is what’s scaring you. You deserve this more than you know, you just need to find a way to let me in and set yourself free from bad memories.”
“But I don’t know how.” I weep. Because I really didn’t know how to let go of the final part that I could have control over.
“Then let me help you.” He wipes my wet face and kisses away the tears that continue to fall, making my eyes close with his gentle touch. “Let me love you, Amelia. I’m not going anywhere, not now that I’ve found you.”
“This isn’t easy for me, Marcus. I need to be sure. But what I do know is I don’t want you to leave me, I can’t breathe when you’re not with me. I just need time, please give me time.” He presses his lips to my forehead and holds them, telling me without words everything I already knew, that he understands my fears and will protect me. That he loves me.
“I’ll give you all the time you need. I love you.”
“I know.” I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold him like my life depended on it, showing him with my strength the words I couldn’t yet say. The words I was too frightened to say.
***
Now I understand the meaning behind Dr Thomas’s words. The confliction between the heart and mind. A war between the two. I’m in that conflict right now.
I lay listening to the soothing melodies of Marcus’s breathing and the flutters of his heart that press against my ear as I rest on his chest. My head is pounding, my eyes puffy from my tears and sleep was not happening anytime soon. Waves of anxiety hit me on occasions but I wasn’t feeling as afraid as I had been a few hours ago. Maybe that’s because of the arms that envelop me as we lay in bed. He’s held me for hours, once he took me in his arms outside his house he never let me go, just laid down with me and soothed his fingers through my hair, reassuring me that everything is going to be alright.
Marcus made me fearless, he broke through my darkness and he reached me and in his own way without me even realising he’s made me stronger. I’m a stronger person now than a few months ago; I just have to be fearless when it comes to love.
I tilt my head up to look at him, his lashes rest on his beautiful face that’s relaxed in his sleep and his hair still salted from the sea water. His was a strong passionate man and he wanted me. He loves me. I’m still yet to look inside my heart to see what he can see, because all I see right now is a woman still living in her tainted past afraid it will happen all over again, but also knowing that it won’t because of the angel that holds me close.
I slip out of bed and tiptoe into the kitchen needing some water. Rosa was sat at the breakfast bar reading a magazine in her robe, and clutching an empty glass that’s no doubt had a shot of Brandy in.
“Rosa, what are you doing up at this hour?”
“Age. I tried convincing myself when it first happened that I was having some sort of midlife crisis, but six years later I’m still here. Can’t sleep either?”
I give a half smile whilst pouring my water and sat down next to her as she flips the page she’s looking at. Her brief look at me clearly told her I’d been crying.
“He talks about you all the time you know? No matter how the conversation starts it always ends with you. I’ve seen a change in him.”
I’m exactly the same when with Megan, I can’t stop talking about him, I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s not just him that’s changed. I sip my water and avoid her eyes.
“Sometimes I feel like I’m dreaming and everything is bright and uncomplicated, that nothing bad will even happen. But if I let my feelings take over me I’ll wake up and everything will become dark and cold again. How do I stop that from happening, Rosa?”
She closes her magazine and turns towards me, a sweet smile graces her face as her dark hair sits up in a clip. “Someone once told me that the word fear represented two different meanings. Forget everything and run, or face everything and rise.” She takes my hand. “Like you I was once broken by a man, granted it was completely different but he still broke my heart. But what you have to remember is they are not all the same and that it’s ok to open you heart and let someone in. Love is like a flame but it doesn’t mean you’re always going to get burnt, Amelia. Don’t let the fear decide your future. Listen to what your heart is telling you, not your head.”
Her words hits me more than I thought they would, here was the mother of the man I’m wild about giving me the same advice I knew my own mother would, clearly all mothers carry the same handbook. Even though Marcus said similar words and I understood them, I felt as though Rosa clarified the questions I was constantly trying to answer. Maybe it was because she herself had been through the actions of a disloyal man.
“Marcus means more to me than anyone ever has. He’s makes me breathe and I don’t want him anywhere else but with me. It’s just…” My emotions got the better of me and my eyes glassed over.
“Go on.”
“I’m scared, Rosa.”
“Oh sweetheart come here.” Her arms flew around me as I cried into her shoulder, providing a different sort of comfort to what Marcus, Megan or Lucas could bring. It was the comfort I longed to have for many years, the comfort and love you got from a parent whilst they provided you with advice of their own experiences. That was when I knew that no matter what happens between Marcus and me, I’d always have Rosa.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Marcus
“So, I’ve spoken to Amelia and everything is underway for the Wedding on Saturday, and the staff have been informed of the protocol during their stay. Lenton’s associates are currently downstairs setting up the function room, why they have to set it up two days prior god only knows and-are you even listening to a word I fucking say?” Andrew’s hard slap on my desk drew me out my thoughts, my thoughts of Amelia. It’s like she’s brainwashed my mind with her existence. Her reaction to me declaring my love for her didn’t go exactly how I planned; truth was I didn’t know how I wanted it to go. Her vulnerability ripped me in two as she divulged her fearful admission. Not only has that asshole made her fear men, he’s made her fear the one thing that will set her free.
“I told her I loved her.” I continue to draw random marks on the papers in front of me with my ballpoint, noticing Andrew placing his files on the desk and sitting back in his seat.
“And do you?” His deep raspy voice questioned me like some fucking head teacher disapproved of my actions towards a member of his staff.
“Course I do, I wouldn’t have said it otherwise.”
“So what’s the problem?” gesturing with his hands as they rest on the arms of the leather seat.
“She can’t say it back.” Ever since that night on the beach apprehension has often crept through my body wondering what will happen between us. She’s been close but yet distance and I know this is a big deal for her and that I need to be patient but fuck me it’s so hard being patient when I know she feels the same. “What gives a man the right to treat a woman like shit, sabotages her beauty, ruins her self-esteem and makes her believe that every man she falls for is just like the last fucker?” My aggression was constantly clawing in my chest, it was never towards Amelia it was towards the bastard that had destroyed my girl and caused her the troubles she faces.
“What do you mean sabotages her beauty?” He sat forward, narrowed brows covered his green eyes. I was always under the impression Andrew knew of Amelia’s history but judging by the look on his unshaven face he had no idea. Pushing back in my seat and standing by the window I overlook the bay. Even on dull and overcast days, Spring Rose was still a scene of attraction.
“The reason why you often heard her crying in her office was becaus
e she’s been battling the actions of a violent piece of shit that was meant to love her. He abused her in every way you can imagine. It was weeks before she let me touch her, even longer to get her naked because of the scars that line her skin and she can’t even fucking tell me how she feels because she terrified it will change what we have.”
“Fuck, I had no idea. She just told me of her dad nothing more.” My eyes fall to a shimmer of orange flame exiting the car at the front of the hotel foyer, her body hugging that bottle green dress I love seeing her in as her big round shades rest on top of her head, organising the staff that are test running the red carpet for the Lenton wedding as she makes her way inside the building. “So now you’re pissed because she won’t tell you the words you want to hear?”
I spun around in fury. “I’m pissed with the whole situation he’s put her in.”
He shakes his head and points his finger in my direction. “No, you’re pissed off with him understandably, but you’re more pissed with yourself because you know you’re nothing like him and even though Amelia knows this, she can’t tell you what you want to hear and that’s pissing you off more than anything. You’re pissed with yourself.”
“You’re wrong.”
“I’m not wrong. I’ve known you long enough to know when sometime is eating away at you and you have no control over it. You want her, you love her, she feels the same but in order for you to know exactly where you stand with her you need those words she fails to give and that’s what is pissing you off.”
Anything was always clear cut with Andrew, that’s why I respected him and is one of my greatest friends. But sometimes his knowledge of me pissed me off. “Fine, you’re right! But can you blame me?”
“No, it’s completely natural but you’re forgetting one important factor here.”
“Enlighten me.” I sigh, sitting back in my seat and picking up the pen to roll it between my fingers.
“Amelia spent years with a violent man who only showed his feelings with action. Then you come along and create this new Romeo and Juliet fucking lifestyle and change everything she was ever use too. Give the woman chance to get her head round that. You have to give her time.”
He was right. Although I knew Amelia had feelings for me, I never considered the fact that her head would be spinning with a different state of affairs, I just jumped right in without thinking wanting to hear the words I longed to leave her lips. I throw the pen back on the desk and sighed with a low growl, “You’re right.”
“I’m always right,” he grins.
“Yeah, and you’re also an asshole.”
***
“Did Megan and Lucas get off ok?” Mum asks as Amelia and I head in through the door.
“Yeah, I miss them already.”
“Oh sweetie it won’t be long before Megan is back dancing on tables again.” She says giving Amelia a hug along with a glass of wine before going back to her Brandy. Megan and Lucas have gone to visit family in the city before Lucas heads off back to L.A to finish his last few months of work before moving back to the coast. His last few days here have provided us a chance to get to know each other better and for a twenty-nine year old that’s obsessed with women, exercise and lounging on the bed with his two blue-eyed girls, he’s a great guy to which I now consider a friend. I feel like a jack-ass the way I behaved towards him when he first arrived but when you have some guy you don’t know over your woman it does shit to the brain you can’t control.
“So, I’ve cooked dinner for us all and thought we would sit down together and talk.”
I look up from my phone to where she stands in the kitchen dishing up the food. When mum cooks dinner that’s the norm but when she says about sitting down and talking it means there’s something on her mind.
“Rosa, this looks amazing.”
“Thank you dear.” She smiles serving Amelia her chicken salad and sitting herself down.
“What’s on your mind mother? We only sit at the table altogether when mum needs to talk; it’s an old school family thing.” I say to Amelia taking her hand to entwine our fingers.
Mum’s silence caused a sign of concern in me as she placed her fork down and picks up her Brandy. “I’m seeing someone.”
My stomach dropped and my hand tightened around Amelia’s, I wanted nothing more than to see my mum happy again but at the same time there was a guy sniffing around my mother and my protectiveness quite rightly soared. “Ok, tell me more.”
“He’s your age.”
“WHAT!”
Amelia choked on her wine as Mum’s laughter filled the room in an uncontrolled form, how the hell is this a laughing matter? “Marcus, you’re so gullible. Of course I’m not seeing anyone. Although having said that if he was your age I’d hardly tell you.”
Amelia’s giggle soon followed along with mum’s joke as I looked dumbfounded at the two of them whilst they yet again enjoyed my torment, trying their hardest to get me to crack as mum tickles her nails along my arm in her playful mood.
“Don’t fuck about with shit like that, it’s not funny.” I smirk. “Now be serious.”
She wipes her mouth with her napkin. “I’m heading back to London in the morning.”
“What? Rosa, why so soon?”
I knew exactly why and it pissed me off that after all these years one household name still controlled our family like we were their lapdogs waiting to be petted. Once this fucking wedding was out the way and everyone could get back to normal the better.
“I’m sorry sweetie, but I can’t stay around here knowing that family is in town as I’m likely to be arrested. Beside I need to run a few errands back in the office for Marcus as he needs to be here. I’ll be back in a few days as I’m technically due a holiday.”
“You’ve been here two weeks, this is your holiday.” I chuckle.
“No, Marcus, this was just an unexpected mini break that Rosa’s had to cut short because of the Botox queen’s arrival, she’s due a proper holiday.”
“Exactly. Thank you, Amelia.” Mum agrees clinking her glass with Amelia’s. These two have become thick as thieves the last couple of weeks but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love the fact they get along and feel completely comfortable within each other presence.
“You’re abusing your service to my company Mother.”
“Then fire me.” She jokes as I get up from the table collecting the plates, knowing full well I can’t fire her because I need her more than ever if I’m planning on setting up back here with Amelia.
“So going back to our earlier conversation, Marcus,” she says raising her voice from across the room. “Out of interest, do you have any friends your age that are available?”
“Mum!”
“Ok, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked,” she waves her hand and sips her Brandy. “I’ll just scroll through your Facebook.”
***
The tension was running high at the Hotel, word has it Nadia had turned up to check on things and was working her way through insulting the staff and reorganising them to do things her way. Amelia’s neck was constantly peppered in pink with her stress levels and I chose to hide out in the office for as long as I could. Once the wedding takes place tomorrow and she uses our building for the after party the sooner we can relax and mum can return back to enjoy her break.
“So, it is you then. I saw you on the web winning that award and I don’t know whether I’m more pleased because I now know who I’m dealing with or more pissed off because of who you are, thank god my father isn’t here yet.” Her voice grated on my nerves as she forces her way into my office uninvited, crossing her legs and tapping her fake nails on the arm of the leather seat she’s just helped herself to.
“You mean your research team failed to make the connection with me to this place when dealing with your demands in finding you a reception location? Jeez someone’s gonna get fired.”
“Don’t fuck with me, Marcus; I can pull out of this any time I want!”
�
��And have your name plastered across the papers for possible pre-marriage problems? Yeah I can really see Daddy letting you do that, Nadia.” Her glare was as sharp as a knife under her thick black lashes, make-up plastered on her face while her big gold earrings showed from having her blond hair tied back. Even dripping in expense she still managed to look fake.
“What do you want, Nadia?” I sigh. “Because believe it or not I have work to do.”
“I have a few things that need to be put into place. My hired team will arrive an hour before us to make sure everything thing is in order.”
“Your hired team?” I raise my brows in question.
“My extra security team that will be working for James and I during our time at The Grand, our safety is essential, Marcus.”
Hiring an extra entourage, is she for real? Where the fuck does she think she’s coming to, the Bronx? “Nadia, the Hotel has a high level of security in place already; I can assure you that you’ll be fine.”
Her deathly stare was doing nothing to me; I’m use to this woman and her attempts of trying to bring people down with just a look. “I want that Weston woman that’s supposedly in charge of the day but is wondering around like she’s just left high school to report to my head of security with any idiotic problems she can’t deal with. Lord knows how she’s managed to pull this off.”
My irritation towards her was growing by the second and with talking of Amelia that way, it only made it heighten. “Her name is Amelia, and believe it or not she’s worked her goddamn ass off for you these past few months, give her some credit.”