Tristan returned to Brynn’s house, only not to go inside, but to hopefully get his mind wrapped around the route Cayden may have taken. Tristan left the neighborhood, aiming for the nearest highway—or what Cayden may have perceived as a big road. Once there, he fought to squelch crushing waves of hopelessness and fear. Those kinds of things weren’t in his nature, so why, when he most needed a cool head, was he losing it?
Think, Tristan. Think.
Going on pure gut feel, he turned east, and kept heading east until reaching the small town of Perry. Once there, he asked around in a few shops and a gas station if they’d seen a kid, showing them Cayden’s most recent school photo. All said no, until a gas station attendant said he’d seen a boy riding by himself on his way into work that morning and thought it odd he was out that far on his own.
Tristan thanked the man, then climbed back in his truck, searching, searching for what he didn’t know.
Twenty minutes later, he eyed an old abandoned barbecue joint with the name Virginia on the burned-out sign. Following a hunch that Cayden may have thought there was a connection between this Virginia and the one where Tristan lived, he parked his truck and went inside.
The place reeked of mildew and piss.
His footsteps crunching on broken glass, Tristan did a room-by-room search only to come up empty.
He’d circled back to the main room, taking one last look before leaving when a glimmer on the floor caught his gaze. He knelt to pick up the wrapper from one of the Scooby-Doo granola bars Cayden favored.
Tristan held it to his nose to find the grainy scent still fresh. Heart racing, he bolted for the door.
A few minutes later, he found bike tracks. Once he located the spot where Cayden had left the dirt lot to get back on the asphalt, Tristan hopped back in the truck, searching the shoulder as he traveled farther down the desolate road.
Ten minutes after that, he spotted Cayden, perched on a metal guardrail, knees scraped and crying, but otherwise in good shape.
Tristan veered the truck onto the shoulder, slamming it into Park, then jumped out to lift the boy into his arms. “Don’t ever run away again,” he managed to choke out past his throat that had tightened with tears. Holding Cayden close, Tristan drank in his familiar, little boy smell. “You scared your mother and me something fierce.”
“I—I’m sorry,” Cayden sobbed through sloppy tears. “I was scared, too. L-last night there was a really bad storm and I knew alligators were gonna eat me. I missed Mom and you and even M-Mac...” The boy clung to Tristan, making his chest ache with emotion. How could he have ever left this beautiful child? Yet in the same respect, how could he risk his heart on Brynn one day taking him away just as Andrea had done with Jack? Tristan honestly feared he wouldn’t survive that kind of pain.
* * *
“MOM!”
Brynn’s knees buckled with relief upon seeing her son leap from Tristan’s truck cab. Gripping the porch rail for support, she forced deep breaths, welcoming the relief of happy tears. In a heartbeat, he’d run into her arms and she clung to him, kissing the top of his sweet, sweet head.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I promise I’ll never run away again.”
There’d been so much she’d planned to say, delivering a lecture he wouldn’t soon forget. But now, all she could focus on was how grateful she was to Tristan for bringing him home.
When the crush of neighbors jockeying to see Cayden and hear his adventure had finally lessened, Brynn felt secure enough to leave him on his own for a short while to properly acknowledge what Tristan had done.
“How can I ever repay you?” she asked past a fresh batch of tears.
“No need. Anyone could’ve found him. I got lucky that it was me.” Was she imagining things, or did he seem reluctant to meet her gaze?
“Tristan, if you think this changes anything—that I expect you to stay, you can relax. I understand you can’t make a commitment to us and I refuse to settle for less.”
Jaw clenched, he nodded. “What about Cayden?”
“He’s been in counseling. Trust me, after this stunt, he’ll no doubt have plenty more. But eventually, I have to believe he’ll be okay.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That you can’t trust me? That you can’t give more?”
“Stop...” His tone was uncharacteristically low.
“Why? You’re the one apologizing. That means something. That you feel something.” More than anything, she wanted to cling to him, fisting his shirt while kissing him breathless. But what was the point? He was still scared and after what Mack had put her through by not communicating, the last thing she needed in her life was another man who was too thickheaded to talk.
* * *
“BUT I THOUGHT NOW THAT YOU were here,” Cayden asked Tristan at the breakfast table the next morning, “that you were going to stay?”
“Wish I could,” Tristan said, “but my CO called and said he needs me back on base.”
“What’s that?” Cayden wrinkled his nose.
“It means he’s my commanding officer—or boss. If I don’t do what he says, I’ll go to jail.”
“Oh.” While pushing his pancakes around in the syrup, Cayden felt sadder than he had in a real long time. When Tristan rescued him, he thought that meant he wanted to be his new dad.
“Next time there’s a holiday, I’ll be back. Maybe I can bring my son. You’d like him.” Cayden flinched when Tristan ruffled his hair. He wasn’t a baby and he hated it when grown-ups treated him like one.
“If you don’t like us anymore,” Cayden said, “you don’t have to lie. Just go away and stop making my mom and me cry.”
“Cayden...”
His mom came and stood behind him. “Tristan, I think it’d be best if you go.”
“Yeah.” Cayden held his mom’s hand real tight. He loved Tristan and more than anything wanted him to be his dad, but running taught him Virginia Beach was too far away to get to on his bike. Even worse, no matter what Cayden said or did, it wasn’t going to be enough to make Tristan come home.
* * *
“DOING ANYTHING SPECIAL FOR Valentine’s Day?” Brynn’s boss, Lindsay, asked while they finished planting the last of the potted Christmas trees that hadn’t sold over the holidays. It’d been so rainy for the past few weeks, the ground had been too muddy to dig.
“Ha! You’re so funny.” Brynn bore down extra hard on her shovel. When Tristan left after helping find Cayden she’d hoped it would be easier saying goodbye a second time, but if anything, it’d been harder.
“I’m not trying to be. But, sugar, the man dumped you going on nearly six months ago. You can’t just sit around pining for him forever.”
“Who said I’m pining? I’m up early every morning, getting my kid to school on time and myself to work. My baby’s clean and fed—”
“Not to mention, cute as a bug in a rug in that new sweater.” She grinned at Mackenzie, who sat in her stroller, gnawing a rattle.
“You’re missing my point. If I were truly pining for Tristan, wouldn’t I do nothing but sit around in my pj’s all day? Eating bonbons and listening to Barry Manilow?”
“I don’t know.” Lindsay grunted while lifting an extra-full shovel of dirt. “I’ve always been a fan of Celine Dion when I’m blue, but that’s beside the point. I ran into Vivian at the bank the other day, and she told me a while back Sean’s firm hired a lawyer who’s single, and—”
“Stop right there.” Brynn rested against her shovel. “My so-called friend has been trying to hook me up with this guy practically since the day Tristan left. When—if—I’m interested, I’ll be sure to let you both know.”
Lindsay rolled her eyes. “Now you’re missing my point. This guy’s hot, can afford to buy you a nice steak at Scooter’s and still has his own teeth. Sound
s like a winning combination to me.”
“Nah...” Grinning, Brynn shook her head. “I only go for the geriatric set who’ve lost all their teeth.”
Lindsay stuck out her tongue, then allowed Brynn to finish the task in welcome silence save for the wind in the pines and Mackenzie’s happy babble.
It’d been so long since Tristan had been gone, when she closed her eyes she had a tough time remembering his face. But when she dreamed?
Raw emotion threatened to overwhelm her.
Oh, when she dreamed, the man played a starring role in brilliant Technicolor. But what did that matter? Even if by some miracle he showed up on her doorstep, begging for her to take him back, would she? Considering how Cayden had fared during his absence, no. And like Tristan’s mom, Brynn had been a nervous wreck, consumed by fears of what she’d do were she to hear that one of his missions had gone horribly wrong.
* * *
“TRISTAN, GOOD TO SEE YOU.” His CO, Mark Hewitt, welcomed him into his office. The room’s only decor was a cheap plastic ivy the team had bought him one year for his birthday since his every attempt at growing a real plant always ended in disaster. Sleet sounded like tacks hitting the window. “You did a helluva job our last trip out.”
“Thank you, Chief.” Tristan had been back in the country for a week, but had yet to even call his mom. He’d been working on a plan with Deacon, Garret and Calder, but wanted to officially explore his options first.
“So, to what do I owe this visit?”
“Permission to speak freely, sir?” He wiped sweating palms on the thighs of his camos.
“Granted.”
“First, let me just say I love the navy. From the day I enlisted, there was never anything else I wanted to do.”
Commander Hewitt nodded. “That’s why I’m glad to have you on my team.”
“That’s just it, sir. In Somalia at Christmas, something in me snapped and I—” he bowed his head “—I’m not proud of myself, but I lost it. In this case, my anger worked in our favor, and I got lucky in that no civilians were around, but I was just so pissed.” He leaned forward, looking the man he greatly respected in his eyes. “I hated these freakin’ assholes who cause all of us to be away from our families for so much time and for what? It’s like we take out one bad guy and four more grow in his place.”
“True.” A nerve ticked in the commander’s jaw. “But that’s what we signed up to do. And if we weren’t out there in the world’s shit holes, taking care of business, can you even imagine how much worse off the planet would be?”
“I get that. No one understands the importance of SEALs more than me. Which is why I need to run something by you....”
Chapter Eighteen
The Tuesday before his big Valentine’s Day party, Cayden was in music class when a student aide handed him a pink slip that made him have to go to the office. He didn’t think he’d done anything wrong, but all his friends made the oooooo sound anyway.
All the way there, his stomach felt like he might need to barf.
Outside the office, the principal, Mrs. Dega, stood waiting for him. She wore her meanest look and his heart beat so hard he almost ran back to class. “Hello, Cayden.”
“Um, hi?”
She put her hand on his back, guiding him to the bulletin board his mom sometimes helped decorate for PTA. “Sorry to take you from music, but there’s someone here to see you. He’s not family, but I know from several sources he’s an extremely close family friend. I would ordinarily call your mother to obtain her permission for him to speak with you, but in this case, my instincts tell me it’ll be okay.”
Nose wrinkled, Cayden asked, “What’s ‘obb-taned’ mean? And who wants to see me so bad he’s brave enough to sit alone in your scary office?”
She actually laughed! “We’ll worry about word definitions later. Right now, I just need to know if you’d like to see your old friend Tristan?”
“He’s here?”
Nodding, she said, “Yes, sir. He’s come a long way just to see you.”
Cayden nibbled at the inside of his bottom lip. Part of him wanted to see Tristan more than anything in the whole world. Another part was still mad at him for leaving.
“Cayden? If you’d rather not visit with him, you’re free to return to class.”
“I will...”
“See Tristan or go to class?”
He took the deepest, bravest breath he knew how. “I guess I probably want to see Tristan.”
* * *
“HEY, BUD.” TRISTAN STOOD when Cayden entered the room. The principal thankfully gave them some privacy by shutting her door. The blinds on her window-wall remained open. “I missed you.”
The boy just stood there, staring.
“Sorry I haven’t called. I’ve been in Africa twice this year.”
Cayden took a moment to ponder this, then asked, “Did you see an anaconda?”
“No, but I did see a lioness with her cubs.”
“That’s cool.”
“Know what else I saw every day while I was gone?”
Shaking his head, Cayden said, “Nope.”
From the chest pocket of his khaki shirt, Tristan withdrew two worn photos. One of Jack and the other of Cayden, Mackenzie and their mom. Handing them both to the boy, Tristan said, “On every mission I’ve taken since being away from you—especially since you ran away—I looked at these every morning when I got up and every night before going to sleep. I missed you guys a lot.”
Notching his chin higher, Cayden said in a surprisingly grown-up tone, “I missed you. So did Mom. She cried lots when she thought I wasn’t looking, but I was.”
“I’m sorry,” was all Tristan could think to say. Deeply, profoundly sorry.
“Okay.”
“I never meant to hurt you, but I was confused. I know that’s not a good enough reason for what I did, but that’s all I’ve got. Guess what I need to know is can you forgive me? And if you can—” he fished in his jeans pocket withdrawing a small box “—would you be okay with me giving this to your mom, then asking her to be my Valentine?”
“Whoa!” Cayden said when Tristan opened Brynn’s gift. “That’s really pretty.”
“I thought so. But do you think she’ll like it enough to marry me so I can be your stepdad?”
Tears welled in both of their eyes when Cayden nodded, then crushed Tristan in a hug. “Please don’t leave me again.”
More than anything, Tristan wished he could deliver that promise now, but before that, he had one more stop.
* * *
“AW, SWEETIE, PLEASE EAT,” Brynn all but begged Mackenzie the morning of Valentine’s Day. “We’ve got to get cookies and cupcakes to your brother’s party by eleven and judging by how much oatmeal you’ve put in your pretty curls, it’s going to take that long just to wash your hair.”
“Baaaa!” Mackenzie said in answer to her mother’s request. “Baaaa! Baaaa!” Grinning, she proudly displayed her three teeth while kicking the footrest of her high chair.
“Okey doke.” Brynn removed the plastic tray and hefted her big girl from her seat. “I’m taking that as a sign you’re through.”
She was on her way to the tub with her sticky daughter when the doorbell rang.
“Who in the world is that?” she asked Mackenzie. “We don’t have time for a magazine salesman.”
Beyond the front door window was a bright, sunny day, and Brynn couldn’t make out much more than the silhouette of a man. She pulled back the curtain only to gasp.
Tristan?
Pulse racing to an alarming degree, she wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry or bolt.
“Brynn,” he called through the door. “Please, let me in.”
She ran her hands through her hair and the
n groaned at her misbuttoned nightgown. In all the times she’d imagined this very scene, she’d never been quite so disheveled.
She unlatched the dead bolt. Door open, she hadn’t a clue what to say.
“Baaaah!” Mackenzie was all too happy to do the talking.
“Wow, has she grown.” Tristan gazed at the baby in awe. “I’ve missed out on so much.”
Yes, you have, it was on the tip of Brynn’s tongue to snap, but what was the point? Judging by the tears in his eyes, Tristan knew exactly what he’d missed out on by running.
“Mind if I hold her?”
“She’s covered in oatmeal. I was just going upstairs to give her a bath.”
He took the baby anyway, cradling her close, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead.
Part of Brynn envied Mackenzie’s kiss, but another part wished Tristan would just blurt out whatever was on his mind, then leave. He’d already caused her more than enough sleepless nights.
“I’ve been dreaming of this day ever since the last time I walked out the door.”
“Oh?” She perched on the sofa arm.
“I thought I’d make a big Valentine declaration. Buy you dozens of roses and more chocolate than you could eat in a year, but the way we left things, somehow I figured simple and straight-to-the-point was best.”
He’d hurt her so badly, she refused to even look at him. “I don’t mean to be rude,” she said, “but I don’t have anything to say to you. After you found Cayden, I told you what I wanted, and if you can’t provide at least some level of commitment to me then—”
“Woman, anyone ever tell you, you talk a lot?” From the pocket of his jeans, he withdrew a burgundy velvet box that’d been tied with a crushed white satin bow. He handed it to her. “Before you say anything else, open this. Sorry about the ribbon. Guess I should’ve planned better for that contingency.”
She opened the box only to have her vision blur by tears for him that she’d sworn she’d given up. The square-cut diamond was everything she’d ever dreamed of in an engagement ring, just as Tristan had the potential to be her perfect groom. But potential was all he’d ever be because he knew she couldn’t marry him while he held such a dangerous job.
The SEAL's Valentine (Operation: Family) Page 18