“I suspect you’re right.”
“Talk to me, Lex.”
I walked toward the stream that ran rapidly over large rocks. Like a little kid, I grabbed a small, fallen tree limb and poked at the mud beneath the bubbling rapids. Jack didn’t deserve the hypocrite I had become. He also didn’t deserve to know that the reason I was keeping so much from him was because I believed his father was the one who killed my dad.
He grew so quiet behind me, I wasn’t sure he was still there.
“Tell him, Lexi.”
I jumped, almost falling in the water. Jonas had snuck up on us. I faced them both. Jack looked from Jonas to me. “Tell me what?”
Jonas nodded encouragement.
Tears flooded my eyes. I can’t, I mindspoke to them both. A lump the size of a mountain formed in my chest and threatened to cut off my air supply. I swallowed hard against it and looked up through the shedding trees to the blue sky overhead. A tear spilled over and slid down my cheek. Sandra always followed through on her threats.
Jack took two giant steps forward to stand right in front of me. “Whatever it is, we’ll be fine. We’ve survived so much already. I can’t help you if I don’t know what it is.”
I stood straighter, swiped at the tears that revealed sadness instead of the anger that burned deep in my gut. “You say that like there’s nothing so big that it can’t take us down, but you’re wrong.”
“I’m not wrong. There’s nothing you can tell me that will change that. I haven’t made the best choices where you’re concerned the past few days, but my feelings haven’t changed.”
“It’s not your feelings for me that I’m worried about.” I turned away again. I was about to destroy any hope of a happily-ever-after with Jack once and for all.
Jack placed hands on my arms and rubbed up and down. When I remained silent, he flipped me around. Jonas had disappeared. “This is ridiculous. Just tell me. Nothing will change between us. I promise.”
“Don’t you get it?” I lifted my arms in a move that broke the contact between us. “Everything has already changed. We won’t recover from this. And that was exactly what Sandra wanted.”
And that’s when it dawned on me. Sandra fed me this video about Jack’s father, and sent Maya into our lives, at a time when we were already vulnerable. Not that she could have known just how vulnerable we were, but she had certainly intended for my twin clone to cause problems, and surely she knew that discovering that John DeWeese killed Dad would drive a thick wedge between Jack and me. “This is what she wants,” I said. “She wants to drive me away from you.” I turned and started to walk away, but Jack stopped me.
“Then don’t let her. Don’t let her win, Lexi. Tell me right now. Just say it.” His fingers wrapped around my wrists, holding me in place as I stared up into his eyes. “Spit it out, Lex.”
“Your father killed my dad,” I whispered.
“What?” His jaw tightened. “How do you know this?”
I stiffened under his touch, then said in a low voice, “Sandra sent me a video so that I could watch him do it. It was my birthday gift.”
Jack’s eyes searched mine. What was he looking for? Truth? Deceit? For any sign that I might be mistaken? His grasp on my wrists loosened, and this time it was Jack who turned away.
And after a few beats, he stormed off into the forest.
Chapter Eleven
“I don’t know where he went!” I screamed at Jonas. “He just walked away after I told him.”
I turned on him, and he backed up a step. “This is your fault. I told you this would destroy him.” I hadn’t even gotten the chance to tell Jack that I’d made sure the FBI knew John DeWeese had killed Dad.
I looked around the campfire Kyle had built. Kyle had kept himself busy constructing a campsite from the moment we decided where to camp for the night. Staying busy was his way of coping with the heartache he suffered the day Dani was stripped from us.
Dia and Lin, who huddled together on a log, seemed to only have each other. Jonas, Georgia, and Fred supported and protected each other. Briana hardly ever spoke of her family. We all suffered in our own way.
And now Jack faced the realization that his parents were not what he once believed—that his father was responsible for taking the one family member I’d had left who was capable of loving me.
We all had lost. Each in different ways, but we suffered nonetheless.
“I’m sorry,” Jonas finally said, but he didn’t sound sorry. “He needed to know. That, and so much more. This camping trip is about more than us escaping some unrealized threat on the school. It’s about you finding a way to trust again—for us all to trust each other. Sandra wants you to feel alone, but you’re not alone in this.”
“Don’t you think I know that?”
“Do you? Then start acting like it.”
“That’s enough,” Briana said. “You both have to stop this.”
Jonas raised a flippant hand and stormed off toward the fire, joining the others.
“What’s going on between you and Jonas?” Briana asked.
I glanced sideways at her. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“You know exactly what I mean. I can’t decide if you two fight like a brother and sister protecting each other, or a couple in love.”
Jonas looked up from where he was stoking the fire. Was he hearing our conversation? I thought I had successfully kept him out of my head lately, but I had no way of knowing. I only knew that he had stopped controlling my movements. And that he didn’t seem to know certain things I had learned recently. His eyes drifted back and forth between Briana and me, eventually landing solely on Bree. His cheeks relaxed, and his lips lifted into a smile.
“Is that answer enough for you?” I smiled at her.
“For now.” She left me and joined him on a log beside the fire.
~~~~~
I tossed and turned for hours. Just after four a.m. I gave up. Trying not to disturb Briana, who snored softly beside me, I unzipped the tent and slipped out into the sounds of the forest waking up around me. Birds chirped, trees creaked, and something wrestled in the leaves behind the tents.
A light fog hovered along the ground at the base of the trees. Someone shifted in the tent beside ours—someone else who couldn’t sleep, maybe. Had to be Jonas or Jack, because theirs was the only tent that hadn’t been up when I’d gone to bed the night before.
I’d heard Jack’s voice when he’d returned. It had been well after dark. I could have punched him for scaring me like that, which is why I turned over and pretended to sleep when he looked in on me. He mindspoke my name, and, fighting against tears I refused to let fall, I ignored him.
Now the fire, smelling of charred beech and the lingering scent of roasted marshmallows, smoldered in the middle of our semicircle of tents. I zipped my parka all the way to my chin and, relishing in the peacefulness of the early morning, went in search of a spot to think. I found it on top of a large boulder overlooking the creek.
Not long after I settled into a morning meditation, Jack entered my mind. I’m sorry I worried you last night.
Not knowing how to respond, I remained silent.
I understand if you don’t want to talk to me right now, but please don’t wander far. It’s dangerous in the dark.
I mentally scoffed at that. Is that why you were gone several hours past sundown?
I wasn’t far. I just needed time to think and… space. You of all people should be able to understand that.
I guess I deserved that. Since I had asked him for space not long ago. So, did you think?
Yes. We should talk.
I nodded, though he couldn’t possibly see me. I’d give anything for a chai latte right now.
There’s tea in my pack, but we’ll have trouble with the latte part. I’ll make you some as soon as we get the fire going again.
You want to join me? I asked. I was so tired from keeping Jack at a distance. My heart ached knowing I had been the on
e to hurt him the day before. Or ever.
A scuffle of feet in the foliage alerted me to someone approaching.
Please tell me that’s you behind me and not some stalker in the woods come to slice my throat.
“Don’t even joke.” He climbed up on the large rock and sat behind me, placing his legs on either side of mine. He slid his arms around my waist and pulled me back to lean against his chest. “I so badly wanted to sneak into your tent last night,” he whispered into the crook of my neck. He kissed me there, his breath warm against my skin.
“We would only have fought. I was so mad at you for staying away after dark. I was scared for you.”
“I know. I said I was sorry.” He squeezed his arms around me a little tighter, and I welcomed the touch. “I’m sorry for my father’s part in your dad’s murder.”
“Don’t be. You’re not your father. You’re not responsible for his actions.”
“Yeah, but I had suspected he had something to do with it.”
I shifted my body and tried to look back at him. “And you didn’t say anything?”
He held me tighter, like I might flee at the first sign of conflict between us. “I only just began piecing elements together the last few days. I didn’t want to believe it. And you haven’t been talking to me.”
He had a point there.
“The morning you asked me to join you for the reading of your dad’s will, I had just confirmed with my mother that she had no idea of Father’s whereabouts the day of Peter’s death.”
“That’s why you were so out of sorts.”
“How could I help you—hold your hand through that—if my own father was responsible in the first place? I was the one who told you of his death. I watched my own father console you and take care of you for weeks after.”
I climbed down off the rock and turned to Jack. He scooted closer so that I stood between his legs. I placed a palm on his cheek. “You’re not responsible for your parents’ actions.”
“Neither are you.”
I cocked my head. “What do you mean?”
“You hid this from me because you were scared of hurting me. We can’t keep these things from each other.” Jack grabbed both of my hands and brought them up to his lips, then rubbed them between his own hands, warming them. “I know you’re hiding more right now.”
I pulled away from him and walked a few steps toward the bubbling stream. The forest was starting to lighten just slightly around us. Jack followed me.
“What are you so scared of?” His voice was so close I flinched.
What makes you think I’m scared? I was sure my voice would betray me. A chill moved through me and I visibly shivered.
“Because you and I don’t keep secrets anymore. We’re beyond that.” He ran his hands down my arms. “And before you bring up how I kept your mom’s reappearance from you, save your breath. We both know I took you to see her the minute you were safely away from Sandra and the IIA. I admit I could have handled the situation better, but I know that’s not why you’re hiding things from me now.”
I turned in Jack’s arms and searched his face for reassurances—for proof that he would still love me when I revealed the true me.
“You’re shaking.” He continued to rub my arms up and down. “Does this have something to do with Jonas?”
“Jonas?” I didn’t understand.
“Why have you trusted him and not me?”
Was that what he thought?
Jack backed away from me, breaking contact. His face hardened. He swallowed hard, as if just realizing something for the first time. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you? That’s why he urged you to be truthful yesterday. He saw the video Sandra sent you. The two of you have grown closer. I knew it was happening.”
I shook my head. “No.” He looked away from me, toward the sky, but I reached up and forced him to look down at me again. “No, Jack. I am not in love with Jonas. The only reason he saw the video of your dad was because Sandra made sure he knew I had it, and he was the only one who could tell me the password for it.” It was just another example of Sandra trying to drive a wedge between Jack and me.
“You’re not in love with Jonas?”
I smiled. “No, I’m not. What I am is stubborn and confused and—”
“Scared.”
“Terrified.” My vision turned fuzzy from uninvited moisture. “Of so many things.”
“Of what? You can tell me.”
“Sandra told me that if I shared my birthday gift with you—that if I told you about the video she sent me—that the next gift she sent would be sent directly to you.”
“She’s manipulating us.”
I searched his eyes. “I know. But she hurts or kills everyone I love. I already hate her so much.” I said the last part through gritted teeth. I covered my heart. “It would kill me if she did anything to hurt you.”
He framed my face, rubbing my cheeks with his thumbs. “She’s only doing these things to drive us apart. We’re stronger together. She knows that. Of course she would try to separate us.”
I nodded, then looked down at my feet and back up. “There’s more.” I braced for the hurt I would put in his eyes, then took a deep breath. “I gave the video that Sandra sent me to Coach. He passed it along to his FBI contacts. Your father is now wanted for questioning in the murder of my dad, and for an act of terrorism outside an airport.”
Chapter Twelve
I watched Jack’s face for any changes—for any sign that this would be the end of us, because I had broken his trust in such an unforgivable way.
Jack’s silence seemed to stretch between us for hours, though surely it had been only seconds. The sounds of the rapids inches from our feet thundered in my head. Every sound of the forest—birds chirping, squirrels scrambling up the trunks of trees, leaves rustling—was magnified as I waited for Jack to yell at me for my betrayal.
Instead he wrapped his arms around me and crushed me into his chest. “I know,” he whispered. His chin rested on my head while he simply held me.
“You know?” I could barely hear my own voice. I pulled away to see his eyes. “But… how?”
“Coach called me last night. I told him you had a video that I wanted sent to the right authorities for analysis. I told him that if my father had anything to do with Peter Roslin’s death, then he needed to answer for it.”
“You told him all that?”
Jack nodded. “And it’s the strangest thing.” He crooked a finger under my chin and angled my face toward his. “Coach told me that it had already been turned over.”
“I’m sorry.” I tried to pull back, but he wouldn’t let me.
“Like we already agreed, you and I are not responsible for what others have done.” He smoothed out my hair, which was blowing in the morning breeze. “You and I can only control how we react, and what we choose to do with our own lives. And…” He pushed hair behind my ears. “We are responsible for each other. So please: Stop. Pushing me. Away.”
I slid my arms around his back and leaned my head into his chest. “Did you ask Coach if anything had happened back at school?”
“Yeah. Nothing. Students have been under lockdown in the tunnels under the school, and no new communications have been intercepted. He said it had been eerily quiet.”
“You find that odd?”
“Very. Coach will call us later, but he thinks maybe it was a false alarm.”
“I hope so.”
He wrapped his hand around mine and pulled me toward the large rock. Reaching down, he placed both hands around my waist and lifted me up onto the rock, then climbed up beside me. “Now lay down,” he whispered.
I did. He leaned in, and his breath warmed the skin just below my ear. I lifted my head, giving him access to my neck.
His lips grazed the sensitive skin below my hairline, and his body became a warm blanket over mine. “God, I’ve missed you.”
I allowed my hands to slip under his thick flannel shirt, where
he was covered by a layer of thermal. The need for skin was too great, so I pulled at the hem tucked into his pants until my hands found skin.
He flinched at first. Raising his head, he revealed the smile there. “Your hands are cold.”
I giggled. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he whispered with a smile against my mouth. He tilted his head one way, then the other, before he finally pressed his lips against mine.
My hands roamed his back, slowly warming to the temperature of his skin as he deepened the kiss with slow, mounting pressure. He pulled back and studied my eyes, then brushed his fingers along my hairline and let them float down to the zipper of my jacket next to my neck. Slowly, he unzipped the fleece and let his hand wander down the side of my body, stopping at my waist, never once taking his eyes off of mine.
“Jack,” I said softly.
His thumb roamed over my ribcage, and I about lost all concentration for what I wanted to say. “Mmm?” He kissed the corner of my lips.
“I’m really sorry.” I played with the straw-colored hair that lay across his forehead. “I never meant to give you the impression that I didn’t trust you. I know that you and I are way past that.”
“I believe you.” He kissed me again.
I placed my full hand on his cheek. “Jack, I’m serious.”
“I know you are.” He leaned into my touch, then lowered his head to smile against my neck.
“I’m just so worried that—”
Lifting his head again, he placed a finger on my lips. “I know. Sandra is a threat. A real threat. But right now, we’re the only two who matter. No one else. You and me. And I have you all to myself for a very short period of time.”
I also had more to tell him. But he was right. None of our worries were going anywhere while we were in the middle of the forest. And we did have a rare moment alone.
Finally, I smiled and let him resume his exploration of my lips and my body. He shifted us so that he was on his back and I was on top of him. My right leg fit perfectly between his as I lay across his chest. I leaned down and covered his lips with mine. When I sucked his lower lip in gently, his hand fisted in my hair, sending shockwaves through my chest and stomach.
Mindsurge (Mindspeak Book 3) Page 10