“Oh yeah?”
Ellis sat next to Dale. “Yeah. I shut Cole Allen up in study hall. I can take care of myself.”
“Cole’s a pussy.” Dale looked at Anna. “Sorry.”
Anna laughed. “Don’t be, you’re right. Cole is a pussy.”
Dale turned back to Ellis, and they stared at each other. Ellis felt like the first one to look away would lose the argument, and he didn’t want to have either Dale or his friend following him around the school, so he focused on Dale’s eyes.
They were nice eyes, the exact color of milk chocolate, Ellis’s favorite.
The two of them probably looked ridiculous, but Ellis was determined not to lose.
“Guys, you’re freaking me out.”
They both looked at Seth at the same time. Ellis didn’t know for sure who had lost, but from Dale’s stubborn expression, he had a good idea.
“Ellis, this is Seth, Seth, Ellis.” Dale looked at Ellis. “Look, I know you don’t like this, so I’ll stop.”
Ellis gaped. “Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“I thought you’d be harder to convince.”
“I can’t force you to do something you don’t want to. Besides, you’re right. I’m sure you can take care of yourself just fine.”
Ellis was still suspicious, but he nodded. “Okay. Thanks.”
Dale smirked. “I can’t tell Seth what to do either, though.”
“What does that mean?”
“That if he wants to keep an eye on you, I can’t stop him.”
“Dale! You sneaky bastard!”
Dale held his hands up. “I didn’t do anything. Did I do something, Seth? Did I ask you to do something for me?”
Seth and Anna were laughing, so Ellis turned to Rick. “Help me! Say something. Please, make them see how wrong they are.”
“He’s in some of your classes anyway, El. It doesn’t change anything. Maybe you two can be friends.”
Ellis huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t need more friends. I already have my hands full with you. No offense, Seth.”
“None taken, but Rick’s not wrong. I could use a friend to help me in math.”
“I think we’re both in trouble, then, because I suck at math.”
Seth groaned. “Damn, I thought you’d make my life easier.”
“I can help you with history if you want,” Ellis proposed.
Seth looked up with puppy eyes. “You’ll help me memorize all those dates?”
“Sure. It’ll be easier to do in two. I’ll quiz you.”
Seth offered his hand to Ellis over Dale’s tray. “Deal.”
Ellis smiled and shook. Maybe the guy wasn’t that bad. “Deal.”
He saw something pass in Dale’s eyes, but it was gone as fast as it’d come, and he couldn’t identify it. Ellis shrugged and started bitching about Dale again, just because he could.
ELLIS SLUMPED in the chair. “Where do we start?”
“I did a lot of research.”
“Really?” Ellis looked at Dale, who was sitting in front of him. “When did you find the time to do it? I don’t have practice after school, but I didn’t have the time to do it.” Okay, maybe that was a lie. Ellis had had the time to start the project, but he’d worked on his fan fiction instead. Sue him.
Dale nodded. “It didn’t take long.”
“Let’s see what you have, then.”
The library was mostly empty, but the dragon lady was there, so they had to keep their voices low.
“Most of the schools in the country don’t have rules against same-sex couples for prom. The only ones who do have them are Catholic schools, or at least that’s what I found.”
“Makes sense.”
“Yeah. Thing is, there might not be specific rules, but that doesn’t stop principals and teachers from forbidding it. I found more than one instance of this, and some schools even canceled prom when the kids protested. I’m sure there’s a lot more stuff than what I found too.”
Ellis leaned back in his chair. “What do you think about it?”
“About same-sex couples attending proms?”
“Yeah, and about them having the right to the same privileges as straight couples.”
“I don’t see why people have problems with it or with all the different sexualities. Who cares what and who you do in your bed, right?” Dale gave Ellis a cheeky grin, and Ellis’s gaze dropped to his hands.
He suppressed a smile. “I wish everyone would think that.”
“Nah, it would be boring.”
Ellis looked up and arched a brow. “Really? It would be boring if I didn’t have to hear homophobic insults just about every day? If I didn’t have people judging me for something I can’t help, without even knowing me?” He tried to keep his voice low, but anger seeped through in his tone.
“That’s not what I meant, Ellis, and you know it. Don’t take your anger out on me.”
Ellis splayed his hands on the scarred surface of the table. “Sorry.” It wasn’t Dale’s fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but the bigots, the ones who wielded the insults and slurs like weapons. “I wish I could be myself without worrying I’ll be shunned, beaten, or disowned.”
“Your parents don’t know?”
“That I’m—that I’m gay?” Ellis had said it out loud only twice in his life, and it was only after Matt had confessed the same thing to Ellis. The second time had been to Dale. He’d never even told Anna. She knew, of course, but it had been more implied than anything. Telling Dale had been scary, even though Dale already knew and clearly had no problem with it. Admitting it made it feel so much more real, like little else had since that day with Matt.
“Yeah.”
Ellis shook his head and kept his gaze fixed on his hands. “I don’t know how they’d react.”
“Do they talk about it?” Dale’s voice was gentle, as if he were trying not to spook Ellis. “About gay rights and stuff like that? Do you know what they think about it?”
“Yeah, more or less. I know they’re actually in favor of gay marriage and adoption, but… I’m still scared. They might react differently because I’m their son, because it wouldn’t be something abstract anymore, you know?”
Ellis didn’t see any movement until Dale’s hand was already on his. He squeezed. “I don’t know them, but you should have more faith. They obviously don’t think anything bad about homosexuality, and why should that change for you? If anything, it should make them more accepting of who you are.”
Ellis couldn’t answer, not when Dale’s hand was still on his. This was the most intimate contact Ellis had ever had with another guy who wasn’t his best friend, who wasn’t Matthew.
Dale’s hand was dry and warm, and the skin was a little rough but not too much. It made Ellis’s stomach squirm, and not in an unpleasant way.
Of course Ellis’s lack of response made Dale realize what he was doing. He snatched his hand away and looked around to see if anyone had seen them. Ellis wanted to be angry with him for that, but he couldn’t.
He understood. Being partnered with Ellis, or even being his friend, was one thing, but being caught actually touching him was completely different. Ellis didn’t want to lose the tentative friendship they were building just for a bit of comfort.
He cleared his throat and wished the embarrassing moment would pass. “So, why don’t we make a list of reasons people are against homosexuality?”
“Umm, yeah.” Dale grabbed his pen. “First one is obviously religion.”
“How about it’s not natural?”
“If God or nature had wanted two men to be together, they’d have made it possible for them to have kids?”
“Which one are you going to use in your part of the essay?”
Dale grimaced. “I don’t know. I’ll probably have to use more than one, but I don’t want to focus on gay rights in general. I think we should keep the focus on how same-sex couples are treated in regard to pro
m.”
“I’ll help you.”
Dale looked surprised. “With what?”
“With the research you need to write it.”
“You don’t have to do it.”
“Mr. Shea said he wanted us to work together as much as possible.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want you to read that stuff.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“What about you? Do you already have an idea of the arguments you’re going to use?”
“Some, yes.”
“Care to share?”
“The First Amendment to the Constitution.”
“Uh?”
“You know, guarantee of equality. There was even a case in the eighties where a federal court ruled in favor of a guy who wanted to bring his boyfriend to the prom.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’ll use that as a start, I guess, expose the case. I’ll explain why I think same-sex couples should be treated like straight ones in school, the new laws created to support them, stuff like that.”
“Looks like you have a plan.”
“Uh-huh.”
“So, now that you know how your essay is going to go, what about what I told you the other day?”
“Dale, you talk so much I can’t possibly know what you’re asking me if you don’t give me more clues than the other day.”
“I still want to help you find a date for prom.”
“And my answer is still no.”
“I don’t get it. Why don’t you want to go?”
Ellis played with his pen as he answered. “I don’t get what the hype about dating is.”
“You mean you don’t want to date?”
Ellis shrugged. “It looks like a complication to me.”
“I guess it depends on how you look at it. Sure, it’s a complication because you have to dedicate time to another person and compromise, but you get so much in return.”
“Like what?” Ellis was curious to know what Dale was getting out of his relationship with Stephanie. It didn’t mean he was interested in the guy. Nope.
“You know you can always count on the other person. You can talk to them about everything without having to hide. You can be yourself. You know there’s someone out there who’s not related to you but loves you anyway.”
“Is that what Stephanie gives you?”
Dale hesitated, and it made Ellis wonder why, but he didn’t ask. “More or less. We haven’t been together long, so we’re not there yet.”
“But you want to be.”
“Sure.”
Ellis told himself he was imagining the glance Dale had shot him with his last answer. It was the only thing that made sense. He was probably letting his wishes get the better of him, even if he hadn’t admitted them yet, not even not himself.
“You can’t have that with everyone, though.”
“No, but you’ll never know if you don’t try.”
“I don’t know.”
“Hey, I’m not going to force you. Just keep it in mind, okay?”
Ellis nodded, even though he knew he’d never talk about this again unless Dale was the one bringing it up.
“Oh, and the sex.”
Ellis startled. “What?”
“It’s another reason. Can’t forget the sex.”
Images Ellis didn’t want to see flashed in his mind, so he shook his head. “Oh, shut up. The last thing I want is to hear about is your sex life. It would scar me for life.”
“Ah, I bet you’re jealous.”
“Of you? Do I have to remind you Stephanie doesn’t have the right plumbing for me?”
“You’re jealous of her, then.”
Ellis stared. He knew he had to make a joke out of it if he didn’t want things to become awkward between them, but gosh, it was so hard. “Hardly. If I had to choose, then yeah, I’d be jealous of you.”
Dale barked out a laugh and was immediately shushed by the dragon lady. “Come on, let’s get to work.”
Ellis was relieved when they went back to their research, but the entire conversation left an unpleasant aftertaste.
“MOM? ANYONE? I’m home.”
Ellis groaned at the sound of Connor’s voice. “Living room!” he answered. He looked up from his book as Connor came in.
“Hey.”
“Really, Connor? Really?”
“What?”
“Oh, come on. You and Damien moved out, yet you’re here more often than when you lived here! Can’t I get just one little year of peace before I’m off to college?”
Connor smirked and flopped on the couch next to Ellis. He reached up and tried to ruffle Ellis’s hair, but Ellis dodged the offending hand. “Hey, don’t do that!”
“Why? It’s not like you have to seduce anyone.” Connor leaned against Ellis, pressing him into the back of the couch as he tried to touch his hair.
Ellis squirmed. “How do you know? I could have a date.”
Connor made a victorious noise and grabbed Ellis’s hair in his fist. Ellis froze, because the last time it had happened, Connor had left Ellis minus a few strands. He’d rather let his brother ruffle his hair. It would be less painful than to continue fighting.
“You have a date, huh?”
“I didn’t say that.” Ellis pushed away as soon as Connor released him. He made a show of straightening his clothes and his hair, even knowing the latter was probably a lost cause.
Connor poked Ellis in the ribs. “Come on, spill the beans. Who is she?”
“I told you, I don’t have a date. I was just joking around.”
“Well, it’s about time we find you a girlfriend. You’re almost eighteen, and I’ve never seen you with a girl.”
“What about Anna? She’s a girl.”
Connor waved Ellis’s words away. “She doesn’t count. She’s basically already married to Rick.”
“What is it with everyone trying to find me a bo—girlfriend?” Ellis bit his lower lip and prayed his brother hadn’t noticed his slip.
Connor did look at him as if he were trying to read him, but he didn’t ask, so Ellis relaxed.
“So, have you heard from Matt?”
“Yeah, he called the other day.” Matt had become a member of Ellis’s family over the years, pretty much a fourth brother. “What about you? Are you still with what’s her name?”
“Jess.”
“Oh, okay. Are you still with Jess, or have you moved on again?”
“You say that like it’s a habit or something.”
Ellis stared at his brother incredulously. “That’s because it is. You go through more girlfriends in a year than I go through books.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Okay, maybe not that many, but if you don’t have a different one for every month of the year, I’d be surprised.”
“I like Jess.”
“The surprising part is that she likes you.”
Connor mock punched Ellis in the shoulder. “Very funny.”
“You know me, I live to entertain.”
“I thought you lived to aggravate me.”
“That too.”
Ellis would never admit it, but he missed his brother. Well, he missed both of them, but he saw Damien nearly every day while Connor didn’t often come by the house. He couldn’t help but wonder how much he’d be able to see them when he went to college, even though he’d chosen the one closest to home.
Ellis didn’t realize he’d fallen silent until Connor squeezed his shoulder. “You know you can talk to me, right?”
“About what?”
“About anything.”
They fell silent again, but this time Connor’s eyes stayed focused on Ellis. It made Ellis uncomfortable, because he wasn’t ready to confess anything at the moment, and he didn’t know if he’d ever be. “Nothing to say. I’m fine.”
“Ellis….”
Ellis shook Connor’s hand off and stood up. “I’m, uh, thirsty. Do you want something to drink?”
“Sure.�
��
Ellis nearly ran to the kitchen. He pressed his hands on the marble counter and closed his eyes as he tried to slow his heartbeat. Connor knew, or at least suspected, that Ellis was gay.
Ellis swore. He couldn’t believe he’d slipped up, but both Dale and Anna were always talking about boyfriends and stuff, and it had just come out. Damn.
He hoped Connor would forget about it and not push him to confess, but he knew it probably wouldn’t happen. They all were stubborn like mules in his family, and though Damien was the worst one, Connor wasn’t so far behind.
Ellis grabbed two sodas from the fridge and walked back to the living room. He handed one of the cans to Connor and sat beside him again. Ellis made a show of opening his can and drinking from it as if his throat were parched, even though it wasn’t.
When he couldn’t avoid it anymore, Ellis looked at his brother. Connor was looking at him, his eyes curious. He was watching Ellis as if he were trying to read him, and Ellis hoped he couldn’t. “Mom should be back home soon. You’re lucky. You got her free night.”
“Why do you think I came today? It wasn’t luck. I called to be sure she’d be home.”
“You just wanted to avoid Dad’s cooking,” Ellis accused.
“Of course I did. Even I’m not crazy enough to appreciate that.”
Ellis laughed and made to take his book back, but Connor stopped him with a hand on Ellis’s arm. Ellis froze and kept his eyes on the book, scared of what was about to happen.
“Talk to me.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? I understand you’re not a kid, and I’m not your hero anymore, but I’m still your brother.”
Ellis smiled and turned to look at Connor. “Yeah, still my favorite brother.”
“Why don’t you talk to me, then?”
“Because I don’t want to lose this.” Ellis gestured at the room, hoping Connor would understand him, and Connor let his hand fall away.
“What could you tell me that would make you lose me?”
“Connor… please let it go.”
Connor sighed heavily, and it made Ellis feel guilty. He didn’t want Connor to think he didn’t trust him or that their relationship was weakening. Family was the most important thing in the world for Ellis, even if they were stubborn, loud, nosy, and annoying.
A Good Enough Reason Page 6