As the driver held open the door for me, I could see Elyse, Veronica and the rest of my ladies were already inside and they had Fun’s ‘We are young’ cranked up in my honour as I climbed inside.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
The reminder of my imminent demographic shift may have led to a brief panic attack, but I managed to squelch it without any tears being shed.
Far too much effort had gone into doing my makeup to ruin it now.
As I was greeted by everyone, I unexpectedly spotted my best friend from back home in Victoria, Paige, squeezed in next to Elyse.
Paige’s last name was Turner and, as our parents were also good friends, we both had our suspicions that our names were the outcome of some horrible contest gone wrong between our parents.
“I can’t believe you made it out for this!” I exclaimed with an elated squeal. “I thought you said that you had to work this weekend?”
After working for a couple of years as an elementary school teacher, Paige had become disenchanted and, having decided that kids must be cuter at an earlier age than the ones she was dealing with, she had gone back to school to become an obstetrician.
I was immensely proud of her for starting over and going back to school, but she had barely had time to return my calls since she had started her residency this year.
“Well, you only turn 30 once and I told my supervisor that for every 100 births I celebrate, at least one of them has to involve adults and alcohol. I left it up to him whether he wanted that to take place at the hospital or not,” she replied with a mischievous grin.
“Hey, no predictions on where any of us are going to end up tonight, it’s bad voodoo,” Elyse interjected, saucily, as she passed out shots of tequila.
“To Anna’s last night in her twenties. Let’s make it memorable!” Elyse bellowed as we all raised our glasses.
If my previous birthday celebrations with Elyse were anything to go by, the chances of tonight being memorable, and/or not remembered at all were both highly probable outcomes. I just hadn’t decided which was preferable yet.
Sigh, goodbye twenties; we had a good run. I’m definitely going to miss ya. Bring on middle age and my minivan.
Hmm, I wonder if I still qualify for a guest pass as long as Jonathan has a paid up membership?
Oh wait! Frick, does this mean I’m about to become a cougar?!
The secret to eternal youth is arrested development – Alice Roosevelt Longworth
33. Having survived two near melt downs in the limo, we miraculously arrived at dinner with my makeup still fully intact.
Elyse had scoped out a new restaurant in Gastown that had opened to rave reviews for its eclectic fondue offerings called La Fon Dont.
I wasn’t convinced that cheese covered rattlesnake was going to be all that tasty, but Elyse had reasoned, and likely sensibly so, that having some bread and cheese in us might be helpful as the night progressed.
Plus, I had yet to discover anything in life that didn’t taste better after being dipped in hot, melted chocolate.
After ordering up drinks and checking out the menu, we collectively decided that fondued shrimp and lobster sounded pretty delicious but shark and frog logs; decidedly less so.
While we were waiting to put our order in, birthday gifts started to magically appear in front of me. I had been dreading this moment for days, as I knew all too well how creative my friends could be, and I was sure that such a monumental event would bring out their best.
A few minutes later, sitting amidst a pile of wrapping paper carnage, I had uncovered a myriad of presents which included a mix CD of the top thirty songs from 1982, a t-shirt that was emblazoned with ‘older than dirt, but the soil is still fertile’, a ‘dirty thirty’ hat and a cougar patterned bra and underwear set that had ‘rawr’ stitched on the back of the panties.
As I was modelling the hat for a picture which I suspected was going to be uploaded straight onto Facebook, Elyse stared at me with a horrified expression on her face.
“Babe, you’re on fire!” she cried.
“Well, I guess this color does sort of work for me,” I replied, as I tilted my head jauntily, playing it up a bit.
“No, you’re literally on fire!” Elyse exclaimed, pointing at the wrapping paper next to my hand which I appeared to have nudged into the path of one of the candles on the table.
Paige, seated next to me, quickly grabbed a glass of water of the table and doused the flames in one smooth motion.
“I had to practically beg to escape being stuck in a hospital this weekend. There’s no way I’m letting you drag me back to visit another one,” she noted with a grin as she gave me a quick hug.
Our waitress, having seen the episode from across the room, rushed over and, after having checked to make sure that everyone was okay and that no damage had been done, exclaimed, “Fon Dont rule number 1; the only thing that goes over a flame here is the food,” she exclaimed with a relieved smile.
“Never let it be said that Anna can’t light up a room,” Veronica added, drawing laughs from the rest of the table which only grew louder as Paige none too discretely pushed the candles on our side of the table out of my reach.
“I’ve heard that women get fierier in their thirties. It’s not my fault, it’s my hormones. It’ll happen to all of you too,” I countered, sarcastically.
First I light the menu on fire with Jonathan and now this. I guess I can cross firefighter off of my list of potential career paths.
It was bad enough that I was turning 30. Showing up on the front page of the Vancouver Sun with a picture of me in my ‘dirty thirty’ hat having burned down one of the city’s newest eateries would have really been the icing on the proverbial birthday cake.
Here’s hoping that there’s a purse friendly fire extinguisher somewhere in this pile of presents, because apparently I can’t be trusted around a flame.
“Speaking of raging hormones, Elyse tells me that you have a new man in your life?” Paige asked, clearly eager to hear more.
Yes, and if he doesn’t put out soon, these raging hormones are going to become absolutely unbearable. In this age of equality, guys are not the only ones that should be able to demand a little b-day lovin’!
“That’s true; we’ve been attached to each other since the first moment we met. Not that I gave him much choice about it at first,” I replied with a chuckle.
“I heard about the car accident. How hard did you hit this guy?” Paige asked with a wink as I rolled my eyes at her in lieu of a response.
“So, do you know what he has planned for your birthday?” Paige continued.
“Yes, it’s actually a pretty incredible idea. I don’t know how he came up with it, but Jonathan found this place where I’ll be able design my own custom made shoes. I’m so excited! This has got to be the present that I could imagine,” I replied enthusiastically, as my mind briefly wandered to images of various shoes that I had printed off in preparation for tomorrow.
“You’re kidding? I don’t think I’ve heard of anything like that before. That’s a fabulous idea though. If I ever find time to fit a guy into my life, I’m definitely going to find a way to slide that idea into a conversation,” Paige replied, wistfully.
“As a single doctor, aren’t you pretty much in the best position possible to meet someone, particularly other single doctors?” I responded, thinking that if things ever went sideways with Jonathan, I should really go visit Paige and take a more active interest in her career.
“I don’t know, I think one of the upsides of being a doctor is that it lets you really broaden your horizons when it comes to dating. I know doctors are supposed to be every girl’s dream, but I’ve been around way to many of them to believe that it would be all sunshine and roses with any of the ones I know. As long as I connect with someone and it’s easy and real, I’m a happy camper no matter what he does for a living,” she replied, putting a damper on that dream.
“Of course, it doesn’t hurt if he ha
s a rockin’ bod too,” she continued with a giggle.
A statement which led to heads bobbing in unanimous agreement as our fondue pots and assorted accompaniments arrived with a flourish.
“Shouldn’t there be some sort of fire safety training before we attempt this?” Veronica joked, as our waitress lit the flame under the pot nearest to me.
Marissa, a statuesque blonde whom I had met while bartending, and who had since moved on to become a flight attendant, took the cue and jumped up, saying “Everyone, please note your nearest emergency exits are located here and here,” as she exaggeratedly gestured with her arms towards the doors while maintaining a profoundly serious expression on her face until we all started to crack up.
“If we should have to evacuate for any reason, you can follow my butt to the door where I will be putting the adage of ‘women and children first’ into practice,” she continued.
“What’s the emergency protocol for getting cheese off of silk?” Veronica inquired sheepishly, as she tried to peel a wayward snippet of Emmenthaler off her dress.
“I’m not really sure how you get it off, but I’m pretty sure you just committed a major fashion fon-don’t,” I retorted, giggling as I gave her arm a quick squeeze and then motioned our waitress over for advice.
I polished off another glass of wine as I watched Elyse and Paige fencing with their fondue works and I thought to myself, even though this wasn’t precisely the version of wine and cheese that I thought we might be starting off the night with, it was turning out to be a pretty good choice.
That being said, I was still a bit nervous that nobody had been willing to divulge our plans for the rest of the night. I had been doing my best to weasel a hint out of Elyse all week, but unfortunately that girl was an impregnable fortress when it came to keeping secrets.
Ah well, nothing I could do about it now. Bring on another bottle of vino!
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness – Friedrich Nietzsche
34. A few hours (and bottles of wine) later, everyone at the table had each consumed at least a week’s worth of carbs and we were all itching to head out to the next spot on the programme.
I was still completely in the dark as to what the next destination was, but the excitement emanating from my friends was contagious as we all piled back into the limo.
“So… is anyone going to spill the beans?” I asked, as I gazed about at a row of grinning faces.
“Well, I guess we’re close enough now that it won’t be spoiling the surprise,” Elyse responded. “We’re heading to Mystique but that’s all I’m telling you for now,” she continued, raising my curiosity as to what she had in store for me.
Mystique had opened up a few months ago to enthusiastic reviews and I had heard that it was still drawing huge crowds every weekend. I knew that Elyse had already been there a few times, but I had yet to check it out in person.
I’d been to more than my share of clubs in the past and I was feeling pretty confident that there wasn’t much that could surprise me as we pulled up to the door.
As I had grown accustomed to on a night out with Elyse, she waived at the doormen as we hopped out and the line magically parted in front of us. We quickly hustled inside as jeers rained down on us from the fairly large crowd of people still trapped in the line.
Looking around inside, I could see why the place had been generating a positive buzz.
Attention had obviously been paid to the décor, and the massive, elevated, two story dance floor was reminiscent of some of the more flamboyant clubs that Elyse had introduced me to on our girls’ trip to Spain a couple of years ago.
Now if only she could round us up a few guys that moved like the men in Ibiza…
I was about to make a beeline for the bar when Elyse grabbed me by the arm and led our whole group over to a side room which had been cordoned off behind a velvet rope.
“No need to worry about getting drinks tonight. We’re all getting V.I.P. treatment for the rest of the evening,” Elyse said to me as I glanced around the room.
As I took in the large, half moon shaped table facing its own small dance floor, I couldn’t help thinking that the room was a bit large just for our group…
A few minutes later, after we had all been set up with drinks, I noticed Elyse surreptitiously leaving the room. However, as I was finding my martini to be quite tasty, I quickly forgot about it.
I was also a bit distracted by a story Marissa was telling the group about a couple that had snuck into a washroom to join the mile high club on a red-eye flight, but had somehow popped open the lock somewhere in the course of their amorous activities and subsequently spilled out into the aisle whilst in a very compromising state.
While I’m all for making the most of interesting locales when traveling, I’ve always desperately tried to avoid in-flight washroom use, solo or otherwise.
Enjoying a little one-on-one time with the right person underneath a roaring waterfall on a beautiful Hawaiian island… definitely a turn on.
Being bent over a sink while plugging one’s nose and hoping and praying that nobody was standing outside listening… not so much.
My thoughts then wandered briefly as Jonathan made an appearance in my musings about Hawaii, making for some pretty pleasurable musings until Veronica broke my reverie, and I was drawn into a conversation with herself and Paige about what she should wear for her date with Derek to the country bar the next night.
As a result, I found myself momentarily oblivious to anything that was going on elsewhere in the room, and I was a bit startled when the beat from “I’m Too Sexy” started up over the room’s sound system.
I quickly glanced around, having a pretty good idea what was about to take place and, sure enough, a tall, chiselled guy with an absolutely striking face that look like it had been carved from a chunk of granite had entered the room wearing a mock tux outfit.
This was easily going to be one of the best presents of the night.
Amidst a barrage of catcalls and whistling from my seriously intoxicated entourage, our entertainer slowly started moving his pelvis to the beat, much to the delight of his entire audience.
I leaned over towards Elyse to thank her for her thoughtful present, but I stopped short when I noticed that she was ignoring the performance and instead had her eyes glued to the door.
Following her gaze, I spotted Sam standing just inside the door, motioning intently to Elyse.
Giving my arm a quick squeeze, she whispered, “I’m so sorry, I have no idea what he’s doing here, but I’ll be right back,” as she quickly got up and made her way towards Sam.
I sat back, trying to enjoy the performance, but my eyes kept darting back to the door where Elyse and Sam seemed to be engaged in a heated discussion, but their hushed whispers weren’t carrying far enough to make out what the issue was over the deafening beat.
While I didn’t have a clue what they were discussing, it was clear from the way Elyse was punctuating her sentences with her hands that she wasn’t happy and their conversation came to an abrupt end just as our entertainment was starting to heat up.
Elyse gave Sam a firm shove on the shoulder before he turned on his heel and left the room and Elyse discretely returned to her seat.
“Are you alright?” I whispered to her as discretely as possibly given the booming bass line of the soundtrack.
I was worried for her as I could see that Elyse’s face had flushed to a scarlet red and her whole body was trembling.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. I’m so sorry that he couldn’t let that wait for another time. But don’t worry, tonight’s your night,” she replied, as she flashed me a fake smile in an attempt to mollify my concern.
Good Vibrations Page 14