“Oh no, are they starting to fight back?” he replied, a look of genuine concern on his face as he reached a hand to my forehead.
“Either that or I’m going into labour,” I huffed, “but given my lack of recent nocturnal activities, it would have to have been an immaculate conception,” I retorted as my insides churned violently.
“You’re definitely feeling a bit warm,” Jonathan replied. “Okay, hold on for a couple more minutes, we’re almost there,” he continued, flooring the gas pedal.
As we screeched to a halt in front of my building a few minutes later, Jonathan turned to me and said, “So, I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t just your oysters that were a bit off,” the unsettled look on his face leaving no doubt that he was in the same agony that I was.
Making a quick executive decision, I replied, “Okay, I told Elyse to make herself scarce for the night. You use her washroom. I’m heading to mine, and let’s promise to never speak of this again, okay?”
“It’s a deal,” he responded with a grimace as we raced inside the building.
As few minutes later, after I had discretely disposed of my dinner, taking a break only to call down the hall to tell Jonathan that he was awfully lucky that he’d earned some brownie points with the shoes, I thought to myself, had I pissed off some higher power?
Was a little birthday lovin really too much to ask when one’s starting a new decade?
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make – Paul McCartney
40. The next morning started off far better than the previous night had ended as I groggily emerged from an amazing sleep to discover Jonathan’s arms still wrapped tightly around me.
Last night, after we had each parted ways with our oysters (and by the way, whoever thinks that those vile things are an aphrodisiac clearly has never experienced the effects of oysters gone bad), Jonathan was in no condition to drive home, so we had both crawled into my bed and promptly passed out.
Jonathan was still sleeping soundly, so I quietly slipped out of the bed and enjoyed a long, hot shower to wash away any unpleasant memories left by the oysters.
Returning to bed feeling fresh and relaxed, I snuggled myself deep into his arms, closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the intimacy of the moment and the feel of his body against my own.
A few minutes later, I felt a new sensation pressing up against me and I quickly realized that I wasn’t the only one enjoying the experience.
I teasingly shifted my hips in response and I soon felt Jonathan’s hands slowly running down my body, caressing me and exploring every curve of my body as it gradually continued on its journey south.
As his hand’s journey proceeded to an increasingly humid sub-equatorial region, Jonathan slid one of his legs between my thighs, gently spreading them apart.
Not wanting to be an idle companion on this expedition, I reached behind myself to do a little exploring of my own and I was ecstatic to almost immediately find my hands full.
As the pace of our movements picked up, Jonathan moved out from behind me, lowering me gently onto my back before slowly working his way up my legs, caressing me with his hands as he explored with his tongue, every flicker sending shock waves across my body and I could feel my muscles tightening under his touch as he gradually worked his way upward.
When he finally reached his destination, my back arched involuntarily at the first brush of his tongue against my moist, swollen lips and I tugged at his hair playfully, pulling him closer to me.
As his pace quickened, my breath coming in short gulps, I mumbled, “I had no idea I was getting another present” before firmly grasping his head with both hands as he found the perfect spot, swiftly getting me right to the edge…
“Come here,” I whispered excitedly, guiding him on top of me as he kissed my neck. I hadn’t realized how much I had been craving the feel of his body against mine but the anticipation I felt in that brief moment was mesmerizing.
As our bodies came together, I gasped briefly from the exquisite sensation that tore across my body as he slowly slid himself inside me for the first time.
As Jonathan ran his hands down my body, I couldn’t help thinking to myself that they really need to shorten law school.
Good lawyers really are so hard to find!
As it turned out, Jonathan was as generous in the bedroom as he had been on my birthday and my whole body felt like it was on fire by the time I finally felt myself reach the point of no return.
As Jonathan swelled and then finally released inside me, I tightened around him, my body shuddering as I came, crying out in ecstasy as a warm glow enveloped me.
Afterwards, as I lay back in his arms while we both caught our breath, my body still tingling as he gently brushed his hand across my cheek, I giggled a bit as I quietly whispered, “And here I thought nothing could top the shoes?”
Maybe my thirties aren’t going to be so bad after all?
Besides getting several paper cuts in the same day or receiving the news that someone in your family has betrayed you to your enemies, one of the most unpleasant experiences in life is a job interview – Lemony Snicket
41. By the time Monday finally rolled around, I was feeling much better about my thirties, due in no small part to my birthday activities with Jonathan
On the other hand, my pending unemployment was weighing ever more heavily on my mind, and accordingly, my interview that afternoon with Nigel was looking very much like the last lifeboat on the Titanic.
I was determined to go into our meeting having at least some idea what a junior publicity specialist actually does. It also probably wouldn’t hurt my cause if I could come up with a couple of reasons why I might be a good one, either.
Unfortunately, even after spending a healthy chunk of my morning Googling ‘publicity specialists’, I still wasn’t entirely sure what I was getting myself into.
As far as I could tell, the job likely would involve setting up social events, chatting with the press and spending some time on Facebook and Twitter, most of which didn’t sound too different from how I currently spent my spare time anyway.
Who would have thought that I could have been getting paid for my efforts all this time?
As 5 p.m. drew nearer, I was still fretting over how I could properly convey to Nigel that I had a vast array of social networking expertise without making it seem like I had been less than attentive to my current duties (even if there possibly was a tiny kernel of truth to that).
Additionally, knowing that my resume barely hinted at any sort of applicable background or skills beyond my somewhat generic Bachelor of Arts degree with an English major was doing nothing to calm my frayed nerves.
Deciding that I might have to rely on my natural charm and charisma to win Nigel over, I quietly left the office promptly at 4:30. Veronica had promised to cover for me and lock up and I hustled over to Nigel’s office, determined not to be late.
No sense in complimenting my non-existent qualifications by demonstrating my aversion to timeliness just yet.
Despite a quick pit stop to freshen up my makeup along the way, I still managed to arrive at Nigel’s office with a full two minutes to spare.
Prompt without looking over-eager.
“Anna, it’s so nice to see you again,” Nigel noted as he strode into the room, shaking my hand before directing me towards an adjacent meeting room.
Once again, he was impeccably dressed; this time in a three piece grey suit, a baby blue shirt and I caught a glimpse of pink socks peeking out from his gleaming black shoes.
“Thanks for taking the time to see me. Your offices are beautiful” I replied as I glanced around, taking in the tastefully appointed décor.
“Thank you, some of us keep pretty long hours so I wanted to make sure that it was a comfortable environment to spend time in. I’m sure it pales in comparison to a law office though,” he replied.
“Well, it’s not that our offices are unattractive per se, but after a client thre
w a hissy fit during a session and started tossing anything he could get his hands on at the wall, our managing partner decided to do away with anything that a person could lift with one hand, so it’s pretty barren in there now,” I replied, grimacing slightly as Nigel held out a chair for me and then braced it with a bit more enthusiasm than I was comfortable with.
Apparently my performance from the other night hadn’t escaped his memory.
“Thanks, that’s very thoughtful of you but I can assure you that my equilibrium issues from the other night were temporary and extremely unlikely to re-occur. I think I was just overly excited to hear about the possibility of a position that would stimulate me,” I replied vivaciously, trying my best to move the conversation along as I sat down as gracefully as possible.
“Those have always been the positions that I’ve endeavoured to find myself in as well,” Nigel responded as a hint of a smile played across his face, leaving me to wonder just how he had interpreted my response.
He certainly wasn’t the easiest man to get a read on.
Pulling a chair over so that he could sit directly across from me, Nigel continued on, saying, “Let me tell you a bit about the role before we get into your background. As you might have surmised, you would be working under a senior publicity specialist and you would be assisting her in setting up interviews, book signings and author meet and greets. You would also be expected to assist with writing up press releases and creating a variety of online content such as setting up Facebook pages and Tweeting about various events. Does that sound like something that might capture your interest?” he inquired, his leg momentarily brushing up against mine as he shifted in his seat.
Figuring out this Nigel’s intentions certainly had captured my interest. I could not for the life of me figure out if he was flirting with me or not.
“I think that it absolutely could stimulate my creative juices and it seems like it would mesh perfectly with my skills and with the direction I want to take my career in the future,” I replied cautiously, giving him enough material to work with should he choose to take it that direction.
“Excellent, I take pride in trying to keep my employees satisfied. So what was it that led to you deciding to leave your current position?” he queried, looking at me attentively.
Just as I was about to bite my tongue and tell him that I had just decided that it was time to move on to something more challenging, I had second thoughts and decided that perhaps a little honesty might help me stand out from the pack.
“Well, a co-worker and I were chatting in the copy room a few months ago and I had hopped up on the photocopier to rest my feet while we were talking. I fully admit that, in retrospect, it was not the best decision as, boys being boys; he decided to hit the copy button while I was up there. I thought that all the evidence had gone in the shredder, but apparently not, as my boss somehow came across a copy. I wasn’t willing to throw my co-worker under the bus and name names when she asked about it and I hadn’t been happy with my role there anyway, so I decided it was a good time for us to part ways,” I replied, holding his gaze and doing my best to look innocent and cute as I waited for him to respond.
Nigel had been listening to my story in silence, a bemused look on his face. It felt like eons before he responded, saying “Loyalty’s an admirable quality; I can’t fault you for that. Also, we do our best to encourage artistic expression around here, but be careful. If I came across something like that it’s liable to get framed and hung up in my office,” he replied with a wink.
Half an hour later, after we had said our goodbyes and I had departed, I felt a wave of relief wash over me.
I couldn’t say for sure, but it had felt like Nigel was partial to me on some level and I knew without any doubt that this was the job I was meant to have.
When you come to a fork in the road… Take it – Yogi Berra
42. The next day, I arrived at work to find the following email waiting for me in my inbox:
Miss Anagram,
After giving considerable consideration to your vast experience in this field, your unique assortment of interpersonal skills and your history with respect to exercising sound professional judgement, I have come to the conclusion that you are the ideal candidate to fill a position under me. As such, I have decided to proposition you forthwith.
The terms of my offer are attached. If you find them to be acceptable, please reply at your earliest convenience and report for duty promptly at, or at least somewhere in the neighbourhood of, 9:00 a.m., Monday, March 3.
Warmest regards,
Nigel Kane
A wave of relief hit me as it dawned on me that I might not have to give up on the dream of being able to afford both food and shelter just yet.
Fighting back the urge to let out a squeal of delight, I quickly fired back a response:
Kindest Sir,
While I fear that my skills and experience may be such that I am overqualified for this role, I cannot ignore such a heartfelt and sincere request for assistance from one so clearly in need of my aide.
I have reviewed the terms of your offer and, while the offer appears to be meager in light of my exemplary qualifications, I will deign to accept said terms provided that I receive full copyright ownership of any items of personal artistic creation that may fall into your lap during the provision of said services. I will see you at some point on the morning of March 3.
Sincerely,
Miss Anagram
My response might have been a bit bold, but Nigel clearly seemed to be the playful type. Besides, with this sort of career trajectory, I was sure that I would have my own publishing house in no time at all, so it was really for the best if he just got used to viewing me as an equal.
Later that morning, as I was basking in the glow of my new career, a congratulatory text arrived from Jonathan in which he promised to make up for his recent disappearing act the coming weekend, which just so happened coincide with Valentine’s Day.
Sadly, ever since I had finally got a little quality one-on-one time with him, he had been swamped at work and I had yet to be able to pry him free from his shackles.
I had been trying my best not to take it personally, but I was starting to wonder whether he had enjoyed recent events as much as I had. Let’s face it, when a guy vanishes after your first time together, it’s pretty hard not to find yourself pondering whether a few more yoga classes might have been called for.
Despite Jonathan’s text and my best efforts to mentally reassure myself that everything was still relatively tight and that gravity had not taken a sudden toll on me as a result of hitting 30, I still felt compelled to spend the rest of the day finding excuses to get up and walk past the full length mirror currently decorating our waiting room.
Drawn inexorably to its mocking gaze over and over again, I continued to cast not so subtle glances at myself in a variety of increasingly provocative poses as I wondered what could possibly have run amok.
“I wouldn’t turn that down if I were Jonathan,” Veronica said with a giggle, giving my butt a slap after catching me lingering a moment too long in front of the mirror, glancing over my shoulder in an ill-fated attempt to discern whether my butt might have lost some of its bounce.
“What’s got you looking so worried? I can tell you from experience, guys generally don’t make Valentine’s Day plans if they aren’t interested, and no man has ever gone as all out for my birthday the way he did for yours,” she continued, clearly puzzled by my obsession with the mirror.
“Well, you know that my birthday was the first time that we ever spent the night together, (a topic that we had covered in depth earlier that morning) and sure, it seemed like we totally clicked, but now suddenly he’s busy every night with work? What’s up with that? Usually guys magically become way more available once things get to this stage. I’m a little worried that maybe something didn’t live up to expectations,” I replied as I gave up any pretense of modesty while examining myself in front of the mi
rror.
Good Vibrations Page 17