I back down the driveway, thoughts racing a mile a minute. Do I have feelings for Valerie? That thought alone makes me want to laugh. I can’t have feelings for Valerie. She’s my best friend’s little sister. He’d fucking kill me if I laid a hand on her. And, hello, it’s fucking Valerie. The girl I can’t fucking stand.
But I saw her in a totally different light. For once, she wasn’t the person trying to fuck up my life; she was the person about to have her life fucked up. She was taken advantage of and used. And that’s not okay with me. But what was that, that spark I felt when we touched? Am I attracted to her at all? She’s beautiful, I suppose. She’s tall, thin, and has gorgeous features. I guess I’ve never looked at her like that. But if I think about it, she is quite striking.
Fuck, I need more sleep.
I drive back home and crash into bed, instantly drifting off to sleep, but behind my lids, I see her. I see her innocent eyes, her big smile, her soft lips. I can see myself moving closer to her, kissing her, touching her. I can hear her soft moans and gasps. I can smell her, taste her. And it’s all heavenly.
My eyes pop open, and my heart is racing. What the fuck is going on with me? I take a deep breath to clear my head. It’s obviously just a little mix up in my brain. This weekend, I saw a different side of her, not to mention I didn’t seal the deal with my date. I’m probably just horny, and I’ve spent more time with her than I ever have. Clearly, I don’t have feelings for my best friend’s sister. I can’t. I won’t.
My phone chimes from beside me, and I lift it to read the message.
It’s from Ashley: I’m looking forward to tonight.
Fuck, I forgot about that. But I guess I’ll be able to bang these feelings and urges out of me.
Be there soon, I reply.
* * *
I force myself to get up and get in the car. I don’t feel like meeting up with a girl and having casual sex. I’d much rather sit at home and relax while trying to figure this thing out, but that’s not what I do. I live life; I have fun. Deep down, I’m hoping that tonight will erase these confusing feelings I’m having about Val.
I slide into Ashely, and she feels amazing wrapped around me. I close my eyes, and in my head, it’s not Ashley I’m with: it’s Val. I can see the way her plump lips part with her heavy breathing. I can hear her calling out my name. I can feel my heart pounding like it will jump from my chest at any moment. And when I finish, it feels like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It’s like coming for the first time.
When I get back home, all I can think about is Valerie. The whole point of tonight was to get my rocks off in hopes of getting rid of this attraction I’m suddenly feeling to her but picturing myself fucking her instead of the girl I was with, it only made the attraction take hold that much more.
I want Valerie in my bed. I want to know what it would be like to slide into her. I want to know how she tastes, how soft her skin is against my lips. I want to fucking own her.
“Fuck my life,” I mumble, laying my head back as I look at the white ceiling above my bed.
When she leaves to get my lunch, I feel like I can breathe again. I know she’s noticed a difference in the way I’m acting, but I honestly have no idea how to be around her anymore. I fucking want her, and I can’t have her. Even if she’d allow it, I never could because I know Bennet wouldn’t stand for it. I’d probably lose my job. I know I’d lose my best friend. I can’t spend eight hours a day with her in this secluded office. If I didn’t have to look up and see her, if I didn’t have to smell her sweet perfume drifting my way, I could keep my distance.
While she’s gone, I pick up the phone and call the maintenance guy. He walks in moments later.
“You said you needed help, Mr. Gregory?”
“Yes,” I stand. “I do.” I walk to the center of the room. “I need help moving this desk out of my office.”
“Into the hallway?” he asks, confused.
“Exactly,” I reply. “Now, come on.”
He takes one end of the desk, and I take the other. We move it out of the office and into a rather large seating area just outside my door.
I stand back and look at our handy work. That’ll do.
I quickly rush inside and get her chair, putting it with her desk. The moment I sit behind my desk, she comes walking in, looking pissed as hell.
“What the fuck, Callan?” she asks, dropping my lunch onto my desk and motioning toward her desk that’s no longer in the office.
I take a deep breath. “After last week, I thought it might be easier on both of us to have our breathing room. It’s nothing personal.”
She snaps her mouth closed, nods her head, and turns to leave without a word.
Wow, that went better than I thought.
When the maintenance man gets back from lunch, I have him set up our phones so I can page her at her desk for when I need something. This seems like a much better arrangement. Now, maybe I’ll be able to get her off my mind and keep my damn hands to myself.
As I’m finishing up my lunch, Bennet walks into my office. “Callan, what the hell is that?” he asks, pointing toward the door.
I shrug. “It seemed like the better option.” I can’t tell him I’m fantasizing about fucking his little sister and this is the only way I can trust myself.
“I thought after this past weekend, you two would be getting along a little better. What did she do, anyway?”
“She didn’t do anything,” I confess. “I just think this is better. I have my office to myself, and you won’t have to listen to her complain about me every day. Win-win.”
He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Whatever, man. It’s fine by me.” He walks out without another word.
The workweek passes quickly, but not quickly enough. I guess Val decided that me moving her desk was a personal attack, and she won’t even look my way. She’ll answer any question I ask, and she’ll do any task I give her, but friendly Val is gone. On the other hand, so is ornery Val. She doesn’t joke or tease me. In fact, she goes out of her way to avoid me at all costs. The only problem is, every night when I’m alone or with another girl, she’s the only fucking thing I can think about. Putting distance between us isn’t working for me. In fact, it’s only making me think of her more.
I try working my issues out on other women, but none of them can get the job done. I picture fucking her over and over, and each time, my release gets weaker and weaker. It gets to the point that I have issues getting hard altogether. I’m annoyed, angry, and wound tight. Even though I want to have sex and have it end well, my body won’t cooperate.
It’s Friday evening, and most of the staff have left for the day. It’s only myself and Valerie left on this floor. I’m at my desk, and she’s at hers, finishing up our work so we can leave for the weekend. She opens my door and walks in. It closes gently behind her. I watch her walk up to me with determination. She places a file folder in front of me.
“There. Can I go now?”
I nod once, not bothering to talk.
She turns on her heel, but before she can get to the door, she spins back around. “What the hell is your problem, Callan?”
My mouth drops open. “I don’t have a problem, Val.”
“Well, something is going on. I thought we were getting along well. Then the next thing I know, I’m kicked out of the office. What gives?”
I stand up and take a deep breath. “There’s nothing wrong. I just thought this would work better for the two of us.”
She shakes her head and takes a deep breath that causes her chest to rise. With her hands on her hips, she begins walking closer, and it makes me want to take a step back to keep our distance. I know if she gets close enough, I’ll end up doing something I regret. This is Valerie. She isn’t just some random woman that wants a good time. If I touch her, I might as well pack my bags and leave everything and everyone I know.
“Something is going on, Callan. Last Saturday, we were like old friends, talking and laughing
. You were going out of your way to help me, and now you can hardly look me in the eye.” She comes to a stop directly in front of me. I can smell her perfume. I can practically feel the heat leaving her body.
I look up, and our eyes lock. I can see anger and passion brewing behind them. She licks her bottom lip, wetting it, and her lips part. It gives me flashbacks to that first dream I had. I can feel myself starting to waver. I’m thinking things like: just one touch, one little kiss. I can blame it on being confused by our new friendship. I can completely dismiss it. I’m sure she wouldn’t tell Bennet. I mean, it’s just a kiss, practically nothing. Maybe it will be enough to get her out of my head. I mean, if I kiss her and feel nothing, this confusion will go away, right?
But what if it makes it worse? What if I kiss her and can’t stop? What if it leads to other things? I need to get her away from me as quickly as possible.
“Damnit, Valerie. I was just being nice because you’d had a shitty night. I did what I had to do for my best friend’s sister. Okay? It wasn’t a bonding moment. It didn’t mean anything to me. Stop reading into everything.” I shake my head, getting angry at myself. “Why don’t you just go home? We’re done here.” I pick up the file she dropped on my desk and turn my back to her, filing it away in the cabinet for Monday. I close the drawer, and a deep breath leaves me. When I turn around, my door is standing wide open, and she’s nowhere in sight.
Part of me is happy because I managed to get her to leave without doing something I shouldn’t. But another part of me is angry that I’m too scared to reach out and take something I want. This seems like a no-win situation for me.
As I’m leaving the office, I keep trying to think of ways to get her out of my head, but everything I’ve already tried doesn’t seem to work. I need more space. That’s the only thing that will work. I need to be rid of her once and for all.
Monday morning, I’m going to fire her. I don’t care if I end up having to answer my own phone calls. At least I’ll still have a job, and my best friend. The more time that passes, the better I’ll feel until there is nothing left for her anyway.
Just knowing what Monday will bring makes me angry and puts me in a bad mood. Everything about me is tense and sore. My temper is through the roof, and I feel like I’ll snap at the smallest of things.
When I get home, I pour a stiff drink and sit behind my desk, debating whether or not I should call Bennet and give him a heads up. I’m sure he’ll ask me why I want to fire her. I’m going to need an actual answer. I mull it over and decide just to get it over with. After I talk to him, I’ll call her and fire her. Then I won’t even have to worry about seeing her on Monday. Maybe I’ll feel better and be able to enjoy my weekend instead of dreading the coming week.
I grab my phone and call Bennet.
“Hello?” he answers.
“Hey, man. What’s up?” I ask, taking a sip in hopes of being drunk before I tell him the reason for this call.
“Nothing much. I’m just in the garage, working on a car. What’s up with you?”
I chew the inside of my cheek. “I want to talk about something. You care if I swing by?”
“No, not at all.”
“Alright, see you soon.” I hang up and gather my wallet, phone, and keys to leave.
I get to his place a little while later, and instead of going into the house, I go straight to the garage. When I walk in, his head is under the hood of the car and the music is so loud, I know he didn’t hear me enter. I walk over and rasp my knuckles against the hood. He pops out quickly. At first, fear is in his eyes, but then he sees it’s me and his face smooths while a smile takes over. He moves to turn down the music.
“You scared the shit out of me,” he says around a laugh.
I lean against the car and cross my arms with a small smile.
“What’s going on? I know something is bothering you. Is it Val?” he asks, moving to the cooler and grabbing two beers.
I take the drink I’m offered, open it, and take a sip. “I got to let her go,” I confess, shaking my head and letting it hang.
“What? Why?” he asks, eyes wide and back stiff.
7
Valerie
I’m sitting on the couch downstairs when the phone rings. I pick it up. “Hello?”
“What’s up?” Krista asks.
I let out a long breath. “Nothing,” I reply, wanting to say more but not sure how to.
“What’s going on, Val?” she asks again.
“I’ve had a shitty week.”
“No surprise there,” she mumbles.
“No, it isn’t like last week. Last week was fun compared to this week.”
“How so?”
I hold up the remote and shut off the TV, so I have no distractions. “Last week, Callan and I were doing our usual thing. You know, pissing one another off on purpose. I hated it then, but looking back, I can see that’s just our way. Like, it was our version of friendship, I guess. But then after last weekend, things changed. He took care of me even after I puked all over him. He slept next to me to make sure I didn’t die. He drove me around and made me lunch. We talked, and everything was great. I thought it was a new start for us, like we were finally becoming real friends. It gave me hope for work. But then I went in on Monday, and he was cold. We didn’t go back to how we were. Instead, he was going out of his way to ignore me. The only time he would talk to me is when he was telling me to do a job. I went and got our lunch on Monday, and when I came back, my desk was moved out into the hall. No explanation or anything. I don’t know what I did wrong. I was so happy that we had seemed to put everything behind us and start fresh, and then the next thing I know, it’s like he hates me so much now, he can't even bear to look at me.”
I hear her take a deep breath. “Just seduce him and fuck him. I’m sure that’s all he needs.”
I shake my head, annoyed that she isn’t taking this seriously. “I gotta go, Kris.” I hang up before she can say anything else.
I call Maddie because she always knows what to say or do.
“Hello?” she answers.
“Hey, Mads. What are you guys up to tonight?” I ask, sitting up and crossing my legs beneath me.
“Not much of anything. Bennet is out in the garage, needing to finish up a car so he can have it delivered on time. I’m just sitting in the house, drinking some wine and reading a book.”
“Mind if I come over or is that book too good to put down? I need some girl talk.”
She giggles. “I already have a glass out for you.”
Her words make me smile. “Okay, I’ll be over soon.”
I stand and slide my feet into a pair of flip flops. I grab my purse, phone, and keys, and head for the door.
When I pull in a little while later, the driveway is full, so I end up pulling my car into the yard. I walk to the front door, and she must have heard me pull in because she’s opening it just as I’m preparing to knock.
She smiles. “I figured that was you.”
“Thanks for letting me come over. I tried talking to Krista about this, but her only advice was to fuck him.”
She laughs as she grabs the bottle of wine and two glasses and leads me out onto the back porch. “Are we having more Callan talk?”
I want to roll my eyes. Surely, she’s sick of hearing about him already. “You know it.”
We both sit in our deck chairs, and she pours two glasses, handing me one. “Okay, shoot.”
And I do. I tell her everything I told Krista. When I finish, she looks out at the lawn, thinking everything over.
“So, what do you think?”
“I think things got complicated.”
“Duh,” I say. “But why?”
She takes a sip of her wine. “I honestly have no idea. My bet is that he found himself having different feelings for you and doesn’t know how to handle them or how to react.”
“Different feelings? Like what?”
“Like maybe spending that night together m
ade him see you differently. Now, you’re not his best friend’s annoying little sister. You’re a woman that he found things in common with. He’s either confused by the sudden change in your relationship, or he’s struggling with something.”
I let my head fall back as a deep breath leaves my lips. “But what I am supposed to do? I mean, I don’t even see him at work hardly. If he needs something, he will send a message to my computer, or he’ll call my phone. He’s gone out of his way not to have to deal with me.”
“Just give it time? Let things calm down and do your job. Don’t give him a reason to fire you. Sooner or later, he’ll come around, I’m sure.”
I nod and finish off my glass. My phone chimes from inside my purse and I pull it out. It’s a text from Callan.
I’m really sorry to have to do this, but I don’t think our arrangement is going to work out. I already told Bennet, and he’s trying to find you another place in the company. I’m really sorry, Val.
My mouth drops open, and I gasp.
“What?” Maddie asks, jerking her head in my direction.
“He just fucking fired me. Over a text message!”
Her eyes widen, and her mouth drops open. “Does it say why?”
I shake my head. “Just that our arrangement isn’t working, and Bennet is already trying to find me a new position.”
“Bennet knows? I wonder why he didn’t say anything?” she asks more to herself than anyone else.
Just then, we hear a car start up, and I stand to look around the corner of the house. It’s Callan’s car.
“Who is it?” Maddie asks, not moving from her chair.
“It’s Callan. He’s been in the garage with Bennet,” I reply, looking toward the garage in time to see Bennet walking out, toward us.
His Every Desire (Contemporary Romance Box Set) Page 24