Rediscovering Peace (Military Love Book 1)

by Rogers, Steffy

  “I saw how you looked at him. It’s the same look I have when I look at Braden. I worry about you – you shouldn’t be some married guys side chick.”

  “I feel like you don’t even know me. I do have morals, you know. I don’t sleep with married men.”

  She was playing with her hair, which was her sign that she was nervous. I always made fun of her because she didn’t even realize she did it.

  “I know you wouldn’t. That’s not what I am worried about. I am worried that you’ll start falling for him and have your heart broken. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  “Girlfriend, you know I don’t fall in love. I don’t date. Never have, never will.”

  She looked at me with sadness in her eyes.

  “One day in the future the right guy will come along and sweep you off your feet, Faith Livingston. And I can’t wait for that day. I want you to be happy.”

  “I am happy,” I explained. Heck, even I knew that was lie. Happiness didn’t exist in my life. My father had made sure of that. No, I couldn’t go there, I wouldn’t think of him. I wouldn’t give him the power to haunt me anymore. He was gone and in the past.

  Skye got up and wrapped me in a hug.

  “I love you, Faith. I will always be here for you. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, it’s okay to let other people in and let them pick you up for once,” Skye said as she let me go and walked out of my room leaving me to get ready.

  I plopped on my bed thinking about Skye’s words. She knew about my past but it hadn’t been easy to open up to her and I knew I wouldn’t be able to open up to anyone else about it again. I wasn’t pretending. I was strong. It had taken a lot of therapy, but I had come a long way. I moved past my demons and was able to live a normal life. I just didn’t believe in love and everything that came with it. Other people picking me up? Yeah, that’s a negative batman. I was a grown woman and I could handle my shit myself. I didn’t need anybody to be my shoulder to lean on.

  I got ready and looked at myself in the mirror. I had decided on a red skirt that stopped right above my knees and combined it with a black short sleeved blouse. I finished the outfit off with a pair of black sandals and a red pearl necklace. I kept my makeup to a minimum and let my long blonde hair fall in waves. I looked good. The blouse hugged my curves in all the right places.

  I headed downstairs and as I walked through the door Seth pulled up in a black Tahoe. What was it with guys and big cars? Oh well. I walked up to the car just as he jumped out and came around to open the door for me. A gentleman, huh? Too bad he was taken. I really needed to stop thinking like this. I wasn’t interested in anything more than friendship anyways.

  “You look beautiful today,” he said while he backed out of the parking lot.

  I felt my face heat up, I was blushing. What the hell? I never blush.

  “Thanks. How was your day?”

  “Meh. It was long. We did some stupid preparation training. The guys are deploying soon.”

  “The guys? What about you?”

  “I am not going. I only have eight months left then I am out. So I am staying behind with Braden. I am happy about that too. As much as I hate that the guys have to go, I am done with war. I have done two tours. I think I have served my time. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a soldier. But it’s time to get out and find something I love even more.”

  “And what would that be?”

  “I am not sure yet. I think I will find out when I get there.” He chuckled and damn if the sound of it didn’t turn me on.

  We pulled up to The Boulevard and I looked at him surprised. This restaurant was for dates not a casual dinner with friends.

  “I heard a lot of good things about this place so I figured we could try it out.” he stated.

  I pushed my thoughts away and flashed him a smile.

  “Sounds good. Skye always talks about this place.”

  He came around to open my door again and was holding his hand out to help me out of the car. When I reached for his hand I was feeling the electricity shoot through my body. Our eyes locked and I had to fight the urge to kiss him. Fuck. What was I thinking agreeing to this?

  I gathered myself and jumped out of the car. As I slowly walked towards the restaurant, I heard his footsteps behind me.

  The waitress inside greeted us with a wide smile that was directed at Seth. I instantly felt the anger building inside of me. Who did this bitch think she was basically eye fucking my man? Wait... My man? Fuck... Get a grip, Faith.

  We were led to a table in the middle of the restaurant and I was grateful for the lack of privacy. I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of him if we had a more private table.

  We ordered our food and drinks and talked the evening away. I found out that he grew up in Ohio and joined the army right after his eighteenth birthday. He said he needed to get away from his childhood house. I knew that feeling all too well. I wondered what past he was trying to hide. I didn’t ask though, I knew firsthand that pushing someone for answers was the wrong way to approach something. I did, however, want to know why he was still married when he obviously wasn’t happy.

  “So tell me, why are you still married if you aren’t happy?” I ask him.

  His expression changed and that sad look was back. He sighed and put down his fork.

  “Krystal and I met right after my first tour. I went through some really rough times and she was there for me. She endured my moods, held me through my nightmares and listened when I needed to talk. I loved her, but I always knew I wasn’t in love with her. I figured if she put up with me then she was a keeper. So after a year I asked her to marry me. She said yes. Fast forward six months.

  “We are married and I am getting ready to deploy again when she tells me she’s pregnant. She had been begging me for months to get out of the army so we could start having babies. I loved what I did, so I extended my contract. Halfway through my deployment I get a call from her family that I needed to come home. Krystal had gone into labor three months early and the baby, our baby, didn’t make it. I found out later that it was a boy and that Krystal had been taking medication for depression without consulting her doctors. To this day I don’t know where she got it from. It killed my child. I wasn’t ready to be a dad but losing my boy was like a punch in the gut. Krystal blames me. She says if I would have gotten out then she wouldn’t have been depressed and the baby would still be alive. She refuses to sleep in the same room with me, but every time I mention divorce she has a meltdown and threatens to kill herself if I leave her. So now you know why I can’t leave her. It’s my fault the baby died. I couldn’t live with myself if she did something to herself too.”

  I sat there stunned. His wife was a bitch and she was obviously playing him. Hell she wouldn’t even stay in the same room with him, so why was she holding on to this marriage? I had get to the bottom of this.

  “You shouldn’t feel guilty about what happened. She knew what she was getting into when you guys met. Military relationships aren’t easy. You aren’t to blame for her actions. She should have known better than to pop anti-depressants while she was pregnant with your child. You shouldn’t have to stay with her because she threatens to kill herself. You know you could probably have her admitted for being suicidal.”

  “If only it was that easy. Her dad is some big wig here in town and it would be a scandal if his precious daughter would be admitted to a mental hospital. Trust me, I have tried. Can we change the topic, please? I really didn’t want our dinner to go that way.”

  “Sure.” I wasn’t going to push the issue, but he needed to see that he wasn’t at fault on his own time. I knew what it meant to overcome something like this. I hated that he was hurting.

  “The fair is in town, would you like to go over there and indulge on some funnel cakes?” he asked with a smile.

  “Umm... duh! Funnel cakes are my favorite!!!”

  He laughed and waved the waitress over for the check. After he paid for our f
ood we drove to the fair. It was a Wednesday so it wasn’t crowded. We walked through the fair and rode the Ferris wheel. We finally found a funnel cake stand and I ordered a plain one with lots of powdered sugar. I would have to work out extra hard at the gym in the morning but it was so worth it. We sat on a bench and talked while we ate our sweet sins.

  Suddenly he reached out and wiped something off the side of my mouth with his thumb. Again with the electric surge through my body when he touched me. Our eyes locked and my breath hitched. I could see the longing in his eyes and I almost willed him to kiss me. His face came closer to mine and his lips brushed over mine slightly. I closed my eyes and was about to let it happen when he pulled back.

  “Sorry, you had powdered sugar on your face. Should we head back?”

  What the fuck just happened? I almost kissed a guy who was married. Yes, he wasn’t happy but that didn’t change the fact that he was indeed married. Shit. I needed to get myself together or this would end badly.

  We got in the truck and drove to my apartment in awkward silence.

  “Well, that was fun. Thank you,” I said and turned to open my door when he reached for my arm.

  “Faith, wait!”

  “What?” I snapped. I wasn’t going to lie – it hurt when he pulled back. I knew it was for the better but I had really wanted to kiss him. I sounded like a child that had gotten his lollipop taken away.

  “I am sorry, Faith. I shouldn’t have almost kissed you. I am married and I really don’t want to put you in that predicament. I wish I wasn’t married because trust me, I would fight with every ounce of my being to make you mine. I can see the walls you’re building around yourself and I want nothing more than to break them down and show you that you’re worth loving. But I can’t. I wish I could ask you to wait for me, except I know I have no right to.”

  “You don’t have to be sorry. I know you’re married and we shouldn’t have even let it get that far. And there’s no fighting for me, I don’t do relationships. I have fuck buddies. That’s it.”

  I saw the shock on his face turn into anger. What was he angry about?

  “Goodnight, Seth.”

  I was almost at my door when he grabbed my arm and turned me around. I looked down to the floor.

  “Look at me, Faith.”

  I looked at him.

  “You deserve more than just being somebody’s fuck buddy. I don’t know you well but I can already tell that you are beautiful inside and out. You deserve to be worshiped and loved. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

  Tears welled up in my eyes at his words. How was it possible for him to get to me like this? I shouldn’t let him see me like this. His hands came up to wipe my tears away.

  “Don’t cry, baby. A beautiful girl like you shouldn’t cry,” he said and lowered his lips to mine. This time he didn’t pull back and I didn’t have the strength to fight him. I wanted him to kiss me. I opened my mouth and allowed him entrance. Our tongues tangled in a slow kiss and quickly grew wild. I could feel the moisture between my legs and I knew I was going to regret what I was about to do, but I couldn’t help it. I needed to be close to him. I broke away from the kiss and fidgeted with the door lock until he reached for my keys and opened the door for me. I grabbed his hand and pulled him in behind me.

  Fortunately, everyone was either asleep or not home. I pulled him to my room and locked my door behind us. I saw the lust in his eyes and knew he wanted me just as much as I wanted him. I would think about the consequences later, for now I needed to feel him inside me.

  I walked up to him and kissed him. He picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around him while I ran my hands through his hair. He walked us to my bed and sat down with me straddling him.

  “Are you sure, Faith? I don’t want you to do something you will regret.”

  “Shut up and take my clothes off. I want this, Seth. I have wanted this from the minute I laid eyes on you. For tonight I will pretend you’re not married and that there’s a chance that we will find our way back to each other at one point in the future.”

  He nodded and started unbuttoning my blouse. When he reached the last button he slid it off my arms and reached around to unclasp my red lace bra. Thank heavens I decided to wear sexy underwear. I saw my bra flying across the room. He lowered his head to my breast and sucked one of my nipples into his hot mouth. I arched my back at the feeling of him licking and sucking me. I could come on the spot I was so turned on. I reached down and pulled his shirt over his head and finally got to admire the huge phoenix that covered his chest and ran halfway down his arm. It was impressive and beautiful. And oh my God his body. I had never seen a guy with an eight pack but there it was sitting right there in front of me. I couldn’t wait to lick every single muscle and abs of his. He was so damn sexy. I stood up and slowly slid my skirt down my body till I was standing in front of him with only my red thong on.

  He looked my body up and down and I saw the admiration in his eyes.

  “You’re stunning, Faith. How did I get so lucky to end up with you here tonight?”

  I put my finger on his mouth. “No more talking. I need to feel you inside of me.”

  He stood up and took his pants off and if the bulge in his boxers was any indication – he was packing. I swallowed when he pulled off his boxers too and I was greeted with his impressive length. He was already hard for me. I couldn’t wait to find out what he felt like. I crawled onto my bed and waved him over to join me. He followed suit hovering over me. He kept his weight off me tenderly kissing my neck and down my body. He kissed, licked and sucked every inch of my body and when I thought I couldn’t take much more I felt his breath at my entrance.

  “I hope you’re not too fond of these,” he said as he tugged on my thong and ripped them off me. Hot. As. Hell. I was quickly distracted when his mouth brushed over my clit. He dipped his tongue in and out of me and my orgasm built up quickly.

  “I can feel you are close.” Looking up at me, he pushed two fingers in my wet opening and that was when I lost it. I cried out his name as wave after wave rolls through me. It takes me a few seconds to catch my breath. That was the most intense orgasm I have ever had. Hot damn.

  I heard the tearing of a foil package and saw Seth rolling on a condom. Positioning himself at my entrance he continued to tease me. I was about ready to beg him to fuck me when he slowly entered me.

  I gasped at the feel of him. He was huge but it felt so good. My eyes were on him as he slowly pulled out and pushed back in. Watching me I felt like he could look straight into my soul. I didn’t ever want this moment to end. He picked up his pace and soon I forgot everything around me and got lost in everything that was Seth. Sex had always been just sex. But this, it was something more. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I felt the familiar build up and knew I was close.

  “God, you feel so good, Faith. I can feel you clenching around me. I won’t able to hold it back much longer. Come for me, sweetheart.”

  I fell apart at his words, and he cried out my name as he came too. I felt him shuddering above me and I couldn’t help but smile. Rolling of me he walked to the bathroom to dispense of the condom. After he returned to the bedroom, he crawled back in bed with me and I curled up on his chest. I fell asleep in his arms. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was home. I was safe.

  When I woke up the next morning I reached next to me to find the bed empty. I jumped out of bed throwing on my robe. I looked everywhere but he was gone. Of course he was. He only wanted a quick fuck.

  I couldn’t believe I fell for it. For the remainder of the day I locked myself in my room and vowed to myself that I would never allow these kinds of feelings to surface again. Men are assholes. And I would be damned if I ever fell in love.

  Chapter 10

  Skye

  Braden and I were back together and I couldn’t have been happier. I know I had been a bitch to him, and I really didn’t know how I deserved to have him back in my life. But I wouldn’t question it. H
e was so understandable in my grief about Oliver’s death and I was grateful for that. The last couple of weeks definitely hadn’t been easy on both of us yet he stuck by my side when other guys would’ve run. I guess in this relationship I was the one always running. I didn’t know why I kept pushing Braden away. I knew now, in my heart, that I was done running. Braden and I belonged together. As much as I tried to fight it in the beginning I knew he was my forever. I couldn’t wait to see what the future held for us

  I was at work when I got a text from Faith asking me to meet her for lunch. I hadn’t really seen her around much so of course I agreed. I really wanted to know what was going on with her. She was distancing herself from me, and I was scared she would fall back into old habits. Even Caige was noticing it and he was usually pretty dense when it came to these things. He was a guy, after all. I was starting to think it had something to do with Seth. Braden had told me the night before that Seth was constantly lost in thought and not paying attention to anything around him. I really hoped my gut feeling was wrong and it was something else that bothered her. I had seen the looks the two of them exchanged at the bar. It was the same way Braden and I looked at each other. Unfortunately though, Seth was married. I didn’t care that he wasn’t happy. I didn’t support cheating especially after being on the receiving end of it. His wife may be a bitch, but I wouldn’t wish that heartbreak on my worst enemy.

  Lunch time came and I walked to the deli around the corner where I was meeting Faith. It was a beautiful summer day so I chose to sit outside and wait for her. After about five minutes, I saw her car pull up. She got out and walked towards me. She was wearing a black pant suit and her hair was falling off her shoulders in beautiful curls. If I batted for the other team I would definitely fall for Faith. She would never admit it but I knew how insecure she was and after what she had gone through in her past I couldn’t say I blamed her. My heart broke for her every time I thought about the day she finally opened up to me. She had looked so broken, and I hoped to God I would never see her like that. She deserved happiness and I knew she would find it eventually. She just needed to learn to open her heart to the possibility.