Imagined Love

  Every relationship had its challenges and perhaps it was immature to throw away the last six months of her life because the weekend hadn’t gone the way she wanted.

  “Look, Levi, I honestly don’t know what to do about us. But for now I have to go. I already changed my flight and Landon will be waiting for me at the airport. So why don’t you spend the day with your daughter like you planned and you and I can talk tomorrow,” Jade said to the relief of Levi, William, and Ruby. “I do think one thing is clear, though. You and I need some time to really get to know each other. We shouldn’t be thinking about marriage right now. So instead of celebrating an engagement we should go out on a second date, okay?”

  “I’ll do whatever you want, baby. I just can’t lose you,” he said, hugging her tightly. “I love you and I’ll do everything in my power to keep you. I know we can be happy together, Jade.”

  I hope so, she thought. I really hope so.

  19

  Chapter Nineteen

  The two weeks Levi spent in Union City with Jade were great! They didn’t argue once and everything seemed fine. He got along well with Willa, Daniel, and Gabrielle. Landon, however, still believed she was wasting her time with Levi and knew it was only a matter of time before he showed his true colors. Tamara agreed.

  “Can I talk to you for minute, beauty queen?”

  “Sure. Is everything okay? You feeling alright?” Jade asked, as she touched her friend’s pregnant belly.

  “Yeah, the baby’s fine. It’s you I’m worried about.”

  “Me? Why?” Jade asked then closed the door to her bedroom. She had put together a dinner party for Levi’s last night in town and the group had gotten pretty loud. “What’s the matter?”

  “Are you happy?”

  “Yes, I am. Don’t I seem happy?”

  “Yeah, you do seem happy but I wonder if you really are. I don’t know, girl. Something just don’t feel right about this. You so different now, but not in the way true love changes a person. It’s like you not really being yourself, you know what I mean? You don’t laugh or joke the way you used to when Levi around because he don’t care for it. Take that night we all went out for your belated birthday dinner. He made a comment about the way you and Landon were jiving on each other. Landon put him in his place but you let it shut you down. For the rest of the night you was quiet and withdrawn. I been seeing that a lot since Levi been around, beauty queen, and I don’t like it. And I know we all gotta grow up and be mature but when you with your friends you should be as silly and as crazy as you wanna be without some man nudging you under the table to be quiet!

  “Jamel told me to keep my mouth shut and stay out of it. But you my best friend and I don’t wanna see you unhappy. You don’t have to settle for Levi because you scared nobody else will come along. You the best, girl, and you deserve the best. So if your heart is telling you he ain’t it then do what you gotta do. You know I got your back if he wanna act stupid!”

  “I’m not totally unhappy with Levi, it’s just . . . I don’t know. I always thought there would be this fiery, unbridled passion when I met the one for me, you know? But then it gets to the point where you have to decide which one is more important—that wild passion or stability. I had the heat with Richard and look what happened. That alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. So if I had to choose between being swept off my feet with romance and passion or having a guy who wasn’t everything I wanted but truly loved me, I’d have to go for option number two. But I don’t wanna make it sound like I don’t love Levi. I do and

  overall I think the relationship works. It was definitely rough starting out but I’ve seen him jump through hoops to accommodate me and . . .”

  “So is that why you feel obligated to stay, because he changed a lot to be with you?”

  “I mean, to a certain degree, yes. But I do love Levi, Tamara.”

  “Why? Because he different from Richard? Well, different don’t necessarily mean better, beauty queen, and you know it. You just don’t sound like a woman who found the man she supposed to spend forever with. You settling, Jade, and you don’t have to do that. It’s true that nobody’s relationship is perfect but it should be better than this. Why should you have to give up the things that matter to you? Why can’t you have a man that truly love you and passion and romance? You should be burning hot for your man but the way you describe your encounters with Levi I wouldn’t think there was any passion! When your best friend ask how your sex life is your answer shouldn’t be adequate. What the hell does that even mean? He can get it up and put it in?” Tamara frowned.

  “Y’all been together for a few weeks and you feel like you can go the rest of your life without ever having sex again. That ain’t right. Shoot, I still got the hots for Jamel because he be handling his business! That’s why we got so many damn kids! I’m getting my tubes tied after this one before we end up with seven or eight of them jokers!” she chuckled. “But seriously, beauty queen, I love you and I want you to be happy. And if you decide Levi is the one I will fully support you. You know that. But really think about it, okay? This is your life . . . the only one you gone get. So don’t blow it on somebody that can’t love you the way you deserve. Maybe you wasn’t wrong down there in L.A. Think about it.”

  The next day, on Sunday, July 31st, Jade drove Levi to his new base in Monterey. Fort Ord would be his home Monday through Friday and they would see each other on the weekends Jade didn’t have weddings. They agreed trying to take the two-hour drive during the week was too much but they would be sure to talk every night. Levi noticed Jade didn’t seem that upset about them being separated for days at a time and he wondered if her little talk with Tamara had something to do with it. He’d been listening through the bathroom door which was connected to Jade’s bedroom. When Levi asked why Tamara had pulled her away from the party, Jade told him it was nothing. He didn’t know whether she said that to protect his feelings or if she was seriously considering what her friend had said. Levi wanted to talk to her about it but couldn’t admit he’d been eavesdropping and heard the last part of her conversation. Things had been going really well between them and he didn’t want to make Jade mad, especially knowing they would be apart most of the time. Levi was terrified of losing Jade and lost his cool when he came back to the check-in center to find two soldiers smiling and talking to her.

  “Let’s go,” he snapped then stormed out to the parking lot.

  “It was really nice to meet you, ma’am,” one of the soldiers said as he slipped his phone number in to her hand.

  Jade gave it back to him, but for some reason his gesture made her smile a little more than it should have. She was still grinning when she walked outside to deal with Levi who was furious. He said he didn’t like the idea of his woman seeming to enjoy the attention of two pretty boys as if she didn’t have a man.

  “If that upset you then you’re gonna have some real problems because I talk to men all day long on my job. My brides are forever trying to set me up with their brothers, cousins, and long time friends. But I’ve never acted on it even when I wasn’t involved with someone and had no reason not to. So I guess it boils down to whether you trust me or not. I can’t control what men think or say. I can only be responsible for myself. And I’m not gonna be a bitch to people just to make you feel better. I’m also not gonna be put in the position where I’m constantly questioned or explaining stuff because you feel insecure. I’ve altered enough of my personality to appease you but the line has to be drawn somewhere.”

  “What the hell does that mean? I never asked you to change anything. And even if I did it’s not like you would actually listen to me and do it! You have me jumping through hoops but I can’t even suggest something that might actually benefit you without you going off on me!”

  “That’s the thing, though, Levi. Your suggestions aren’t exactly to benefit me, are they? It’s always about making you feel more comfortable. When I laugh and joke about silly things it makes you think
I’m stupid and immature, not everybody else. Or when I put on certain outfits and you ‘suggest’ I change, it’s not because I look bad in it, it’s because it looks too good and you don’t want another man paying attention to me. So you can scratch all that self-righteous crap and be honest with yourself because you not fooling me! I’ve told you before I don’t cater to jealousy and insecurity.”

  “Did it ever occur to you that maybe the reason I’m insecure is because you’re always threatening to leave me? Huh? I feel like I have to walk around on eggshells all the time because one wrong word and it’s over for me. I can’t make a mistake around you without risking our relationship.”

  Jade fell quiet. She was definitely guilty and didn’t realize her actions may have been contributing to Levi’s insecurity and jealousy. “I’m sorry,” she uttered.

  “I’m sorry too. I just don’t like feeling like our relationship is so fragile that one mistake could put an end to it. But being jealous is a big thing I need to work on. I know I’m not like the buffed pretty boys you’re used to dating and when I see you smiling at them it hurts. Then I start wondering how long before you start searching for somebody that’s better than adequate, oh, uh, I mean . . .”

  “So now you’ve stooped to eavesdropping?” she snapped.

  He was going to apologize then thought better of it. “It’s the only way I can find out the truth! You seem to love running your mouth with folks about stuff that’s not their business,” Levi huffed. You need to keep your mouth shut! Nobody needs to know what I do with you in bed!”

  “And what you gone do about it?” Jade challenged. “I’m not sure how many times you need to hear me say this, Levi, but there will never come a day that you decide what I can or can’t say or who I can say it to!” she said then started her car. “Where do you need to go?”

  “Oh, so the conversation is over now?

  “Yep.”

  “See, that’s what I’m talking about. I do or say something you don’t like and then you shut down on me. We can’t talk it through or nothing. It’s just done because you decide it is!”

  Jade shut off the car and turned towards Levi to give him the opportunity to talk. Just as she expected, he had nothing worthwhile to say. It was all a bunch of stupid excuses and his same old promises to change.

  “So are you done now because I need to go back home. I have a lot of work to catch up on since I haven’t spent as much time in the office these last few weeks. I thought I was spending quality time with my boyfriend but as it turns out, all I was doing was making him so insecure that he had to resort to eavesdropping on other people’s conversations. But you know the funny part about it is that when I try to talk to you about our relationship you get so sleepy that you can barely hold your eyes open. Or you get distracted by any and every thing that you can’t pay attention. But the moment I’m talking to someone else, you hear every word! And the truth is I haven’t said anything to anyone about our relationship that I didn’t first try to say to you. So if there’s stuff you don’t know it’s because you chose not to. It seems that if I’m not telling you how wonderful you are then you don’t wanna hear it,” Jade said then restarted her car. “Now where do you have to go?”

  Knowing there was nothing else he could say to make things better, Levi directed her to his barrack. Once they arrived Jade helped him carry his things inside and was preparing to leave when he apologized again and begged her to stay. He was hoping they would make love but Jade suggested they get something to eat instead. They went to Burger King on base but it wasn’t long before the two of them were arguing again. Jade took Levi back to his barrack and took off without bothering to hug or kiss him. She left Fort Ord seriously wondering if it had been a mistake to return that soldier’s number.

  The next few months were up and down. Sometimes Jade and Levi were happy and other times not so much. Their schedules seemed to cause the biggest fights between them. Weddings took place on the weekends but Levi didn’t seem

  to understand that. He felt as though Jade was doing it on purpose just to avoid seeing him. More than once she had asked him to come to the weddings with her but he didn’t see the point. It wasn’t like Jade would be able to spend time with him since she and Landon were working. And he’d been to enough weddings already. There was nothing fascinating about them as far as Levi was concerned. However, he acted surprised and hurt when Jade didn’t want to come to his job to see what he did all day. It was clear to everyone that they weren’t right for each other but they continued in the relationship anyway. For some reason Jade had convinced herself Levi was the best she could do.

  On Saturday, October 1st, as she finished getting dressed for one of her bride’s Jack and Jill shower, Jade seriously considered breaking things off with Levi. She just wasn’t seeing the point in continuing anymore. They’d had a huge fight the night before about her pictures, of all things. Jade had run out to get them something to eat and when she returned Levi had most of her photos taken out of the album and spread across the living room table. When she asked what he was doing he said he was helping her clean house. He didn’t understand why she needed pictures of old boyfriends and things from the past lying around when they were supposed to be together. When Levi actually cut one of her photos, Jade went wild! He had never been cussed out quite like that before, but she let him have it. She couldn’t believe the nerve of him and seriously wanted to hurt him . .. physically and emotionally! Jade took that opportunity to remind Levi why she would never give him a key to her apartment or car. He had made such a big deal over Landon having keys and didn’t understand why she wouldn’t give them to her own fiancé. Levi proved why the moment he decided to destroy her property and her trust.

  Jade threw him out after that and refused to let him back in. Levi ended up spending the night at a local motel because he was too tired to make the two-hour drive back to Fort Ord. The next morning he came over with flowers and breakfast from McDonald’s. As usual, he apologized profusely saying he was wrong and that it would never happen again.

  They agreed to squash the whole thing but Jade no longer trusted Levi to be alone in her apartment. So she made him leave when she headed out for the party. She thought he would go back to Monterey but he wanted to spend some time with her before he left and decided to stay in town. Levi was infuriated over being treated that way but didn’t want to anger Jade further. He was on thin ice and figured it was best to leave well enough alone. He recognized that aside from his own foolishness, Nina and Levia were causing an excessive amount of stress in his relationship with Jade. Levi had never been able to admit it before but he knew how unruly and unpleasant his child was and sometimes he didn’t like her much either! She was still a child, though, his child and he wished Jade would try harder

  to be patient and more loving towards Levia. Nina, on the other hand, deserved Jade’s anger and hatred. She did unnecessary and stupid things like calling Jade’s place in the middle of the night with bogus emergencies or lies that she hoped would cause problems between Jade and Levi. It was a mess he knew his fiancée was tired of dealing with.

  Since Landon wasn’t going to the shower he told Jade that Levi could come over for Sunday football if he wanted. Landon’s Green Bay Packers were playing against the New England Patriots and he was anxious for his team to remedy their pitiful season of two wins and three loses. Levi was a little reluctant at first because he knew Landon wasn’t exactly his biggest fan, but they ended up having a good time. Four of Landon’s friends dropped by and they enjoyed the game as well as the beer and barbecue. Had Levi known what was going on with Jade, his attitude would have changed dramatically.

  Throughout the Jack and Jill shower several men approached Jade hoping for the chance to date her. All she had to do was flash her engagement ring to get rid of them but there was one who captured her attention. It was hard not to notice him since he stood head and shoulders about everyone else. Jade guessed he was about 6’7” or so and easily thr
ee hundred pounds. He was huge but had the cutest baby face. In a way he reminded Jade of her dad which definitely made her feel weird, so she sat on the loveseat facing away from him.

  “Excuse me, miss. I figured I should come over here and introduce myself since you been staring at me all day like a stalker or something.” They both burst out laughing. “I’m Reese,” the giant said, extending his hand to her.

  “Jade,” she replied then shook his massive hand.

  They stared at each other for a few moments before Reese took a seat beside her. “I guess you were waiting for my knees to give out before you asked me to sit down, huh?” he smiled. “It’s alright, though. I could see in your beautiful eyes how much you wanted my big butt to come smash you up in this loveseat. “Man, this thing is little, huh?” Reese asked, as he fought to get comfortable. The more he squirmed, the more Jade laughed. “Now what if I was sensitive about my size and you just over here laughing,” he chuckled.

  “I’m sorry. You just look so big on this thing. How tall are you anyway if you don’t mind my asking? I’m sure you get tired of people asking you that.”

  “Yeah, I do, but you can ask me anything you want, pretty lady,” Reese smiled big. “I’m six eight and I’ve never played basketball or football. I don’t have an athletic bone in my whole uncoordinated body. I’m just big for no reason at all.”

  Again Jade burst out laughing and the two of them spent the next hour squeezed on the loveseat talking and getting to know each other better. She couldn’t explain it, but there was a natural comfort and ease with Reese that she

  really liked. Jade felt safe with him as if nothing could hurt her as long as he was around. Out of the blue, Reese asked if she’d ever dated outside of her race. When she said no he asked if she was the type of woman who only dated Black men. Again Jade said no then explained that it just never worked out for her to date men of other ethnicities.