Imagined Love

  what I ate because I didn’t want anything to happen to the baby. Then I was the monster that . . .” she began to cry.

  Pierce got up to embrace Jade. “You have to forgive yourself, babe,” he whispered in her ear. “We’ve all made mistakes and did things we regret but it doesn’t make us bad people. It just makes us human. You’re not a monster, Jade, you just made a mistake. So cut yourself a break, okay?” he asked, holding her closer to him. “You’re one of the sweetest, most wonderful human beings I’ve ever met and my life is so much better because you’re in it. I don’t know what Dane and I would do without you.” Pierce wanted to tell Jade he loved her but feared it might scare her off. She’d said numerous times how little faith she had in those words because of her experiences with the men who’d said them to her. “Now stop this crying because you know I can’t take it,” he smiled and wiped away her tears. “But I promise to do everything in my power to help your heart heal. Will you let me?” Jade nodded at him. “Uh uh, what are you supposed to say?”

  “Oh lord . . . yes, Pierce,” she smiled.

  “That’s right. Now let’s go have some fun, alright? Come on, sugar mama, let’s roll.”

  They had a wonderful time at the party and by the end of the night Pierce wanted nothing more than to make love to Jade. However, after the meltdown she’d had at her apartment he knew she still needed more time. And he was more than willing to give it to her. As far as Pierce was concerned, Jade was definitely worth the wait.

  Over the next few weeks Pierce, Jade, and Dane spent as much time together as possible. They made it a priority to have dinner together most nights. After homework and bath time Jade snuggled with Dane and read her stories to him. His favorite one was the Halloween caper she read to his class. He was the hero who solved the case of the missing candy with the help of his classmates. Ms. Mathis was thoroughly impressed and told Jade people would buy her stories in a heartbeat if she ever chose to make a career of writing for children. Jade was incredibly flattered but for the time being was content just writing for her little guy and seeing the pride and happiness in his face when she read to him.

  “I love you, Mommy,” Dane had said one night as he drifted off to sleep in her arms. Jade whispered she loved him too as she rocked him and ran her fingers through his hair. Pierce snapped a picture of the two of them which she kept on her living room table. It still amazed her how much Dane looked like he was really her son. And she sometimes wondered if having him in her life was a chance to make up for the horrible mistake she made. Perhaps loving him like her very own would finally free her of the guilt she still carried in her heart. Whatever the reason, Jade loved Dane very much and his daddy too and she hoped they could be a family.

  Both Jade’s and Pierce’s family and friends already viewed them as such. Landon, Gabrielle, and Willa spoiled Dane rotten and referred to him as their nephew and grandson. And whenever Jade was with Pierce’s family she was constantly called sister, daughter, or Dane’s mommy. Though, the one person she wanted to call her future wife had yet to say it. Out of all the many things Jade and Pierce had discussed, marriage wasn’t one of them. He always said they had a future together and he wanted her in his life but he never talked about marrying her. She tried not to read too much into it. After all, they’d only been together for three months. And Jade knew they weren’t ready to get married anyway. However, she couldn’t help feeling hurt that maybe Pierce didn’t see that as part of the plan.

  On Saturday morning Dane called to invite Jade over for breakfast. After they ate, Pierce asked her to join them for a movie that afternoon but she needed to do some work at the office and run a few errands. True, she could have done it later but thought it was better for father and son to have some time alone. They’d been including Jade for guy time ever since the three of them had their first dinner together. And even though she loved being with them, she thought it was important for Pierce and Dane to have their special time. Things didn’t quite work out that way, though.

  “Ugh, I’m tired of this dude,” Pierce vented when Blake called in sick again. “Hey, little man, I’m sorry but Daddy has to go work at the store. I’ll try to take you to the movies tomorrow, okay? Go get your things together and I’ll call Grandma. Hopefully she’s at home and you can hang out with her.”

  “Okay, Dad,” Dane said then ran to his room.

  Jade followed Pierce to his bedroom and closed the door behind her. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” he smiled, not quite sure what was about to happen.

  “I was thinking Dane could come with me if you don’t mind. I’m going to the office for about an hour and then to the store and back to my apartment. He can hang out with me, I mean, if you’re comfortable with that.”

  “Of course I feel comfortable. You know I trust you with Dane. I’m starting to think he likes you better anyway,” Pierce laughed. “But seriously, thank you for wanting to take him. I really do appreciate it, sweet lady,” he said then kissed her cheek. “I’m going to make some phone calls and set up interviews for Monday morning. I’ve tried to be patient with Blake because he’s Mama’s so called godson but this is just too much. I need somebody who actually wants a job.”

  Jade was listening but she couldn’t stop staring at Pierce’s body as he changed from a jogging suit into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. Captain America indeed, she thought as her mind went straight to the gutter! Thankfully Dane came knocking on the door before Jade did or said anything to get herself into trouble.

  “Okay, boy, be on your best behavior. I’m serious. Jade has my permission to beat your butt if you act crazy. Then I’m gonna beat your butt, you hear me?”

  “He’ll be fine, babe, don’t worry. You’re my good boy right, Dane? So say bye to Daddy so we can go have some fun.”

  They both kissed Pierce goodbye then headed out to her office. Landon and Gabrielle were thrilled to see Dane and they spent an hour running around the house playing with him while Jade finished her work. They tried to convince her to stay for dinner but she wanted time alone with her little guy. They went shopping at Wal-Mart, rented a movie, and picked up a cheese pizza from Little Caesar’s. Dane was a joy to have and he and Jade spent the majority of their time talking and laughing with one another.

  By nine o’clock he was sleeping soundly in her bed. Jade had read him a story and cuddled him until he dozed off. An hour later Pierce called saying he was on his way to get Dane but she suggested letting him stay the night.

  “He looks so comfortable that I don’t wanna wake him, babe. I can bring him back first thing in the morning if you don’t mind.”

  “So what am I supposed to do while this dude is sleeping in bed with my woman? You know you wrong for that, don’t you? Y’all all warm and cozy while I get kicked to the curb. I just get banished to a cold, lonely, empty place,” he said. “Do you have any form of remorse for what you’re doing to me?”

  Jade laughed then asked if he wanted to come over. Twenty minutes later Pierce arrived with the best fried shrimp she’d ever had. They sat on the couch eating and talking about their days. On his way to Quik Stop, Pierce decided to stop by Blake’s house. He thought the nineteen-year-old was out partying but he was stretched out on the couch with his mom hovering over him trying to help him get over a bronchial infection. Feeling like a complete jerk for assuming the worst, Pierce told Blake to get better soon and his job would be waiting for him.

  After a few hours Pierce’s and Jade’s fatigue began to show and they were ready to sleep. He asked for a blanket and pillow to sleep on the couch but she offered her bed to him. Jade figured they’d be safe with Dane between them and her “monthly visitor” wreaking havoc. Neither of those things were an issue since Pierce fell asleep within minutes of his head hitting the pillow.

  The next morning Jade made breakfast before her men headed home to get ready for their guy time. She went back to bed and snuggled up with the pillow that smelled like Pierce’s cologne. “I love you,�
�� she said before drifting off to sleep.

  It was a few weeks before Christmas and Jade was nervous about choosing a gift for Pierce. She had seen a watch she thought was perfect for him but feared it was too much.

  “Girl, you ‘bout the dumbest somebody I know,” Landon shouted, as he piled more sweet and sour chicken onto his plate. “Why do you have to make everything so complicated? You love Pierce and he loves you and when you saw

  the watch you thought of him. So why not just get the damn thing and give it to him? What’s hard about that?”

  “Yeah, beauty queen, what’s the problem?” Tamara asked, as she reached across Jade’s desk for more beef chow mein.

  “I might understand if you didn’t already know how this dude feels for you. It’s obvious to everybody that sees you two together. So what’s really bothering you because what you’ve said so far doesn’t make any sense,” Landon said. “Is it because you’ve only known him a short time? Or are you not sure of your feelings for him?”

  “Oh I’m sure. I’m in love with him,” Jade stated. “I guess I’m just scared. I don’t really trust my instincts anymore. Plus, Pierce has been . . .”

  “There’s nothing wrong with your instincts, baby girl. You always knew those other guys weren’t for you, from Alonzo on down. But Pierce is the one and we all see it. You see and feel it too, so don’t let those other suckers stop you from loving the man you’ve waited your whole life for. You hear me?”

  “Suckers?” Jade laughed. “Yeah, I hear you. But Pierce has been different lately. He seems distant. He hasn’t been as affectionate and sometimes I feel like I’m getting on his nerves. He makes plans for us to spend time together but then it feels like he doesn’t really want me there. I don’t know, y’all. It makes me wonder if maybe Pierce isn’t in love with me. I mean, there has to be some reason he hasn’t said it yet. Maybe all that marriage talk at Luisa’s on Thanksgiving freaked him out. He’s not mean to me but he’s not exactly nice either. And when I ask him what’s wrong he says, ‘nothing’.”

  “Pierce is in love with you, Jade,” Landon smiled at her. “He’s frustrated and probably ready to explode. There’s only so much fondling and dry humping a grown man can do before it starts messing with his head. Then you go around him dressed all sexy with that damn perfume on and expect him not to wanna do some stuff to you. You torturing the guy, Jade,” Landon stated, as he shook his head. “And as far as Pierce not saying he loves you, well, I think that’s your fault. Do you ever listen to yourself? ‘All men lie when they say I love you.’ ‘I don’t even believe it when men let those three little words slip out of their mouths’!”

  “That is true,” Tamara admitted.

  “Hell, sometimes I be scared to say it to you thinking you don’t believe me either! And why does Pierce have to be the first one to say it anyway? You love him, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then you tell him. He might be feeling insecure because you said all that mess about love in front of him plenty of times.”

  Jade suddenly felt really silly. She had said those things not realizing the effect they might’ve had on the man she loved. However, there was a part of her

  that believed Pierce should’ve been bold enough to say it anyway if it was what he really felt. Jade acknowledged that she hadn’t said it either so she couldn’t just blame him. They both were obviously afraid to utter those three little words.

  “Jade, Pierce is struggling. He’s trying really hard to respect your need to wait but he’s ready to hit those sheets and probably doesn’t understand why you won’t. And to be honest, I don’t understand either. Is this still about Richard? I mean, how much therapy do you need before you can put that mess to rest and move on with your life?”

  Jade admitted that when she first started seeing Dr. Rosin it was about Richard and the baby. She was still angry and hurt and not sure how to let it go. Then, not long after her first therapy session, she met Pierce and they fell hard for each other. However, it was clear Jade still had issues with trust that needed to be resolved before she could fully give herself to anyone.

  She and Dr. Rosin discussed everything from the effect her parents’ relationship had on her to Katrina’s death to understanding why she stayed with Levi or went back to Richard. In the beginning Jade blamed everyone else for her unhappiness. Over time, she began to realize her own choices had led to a lot of the heartache she’d endured.

  One thing was very clear and it was that Jade loved Pierce and she wanted to be with him in every way. Though, it was important when she did make love with him it was just the two of them in bed. She didn’t want to drag men from the past along with her.

  “I really want the next man I go to bed with to be my husband. I can’t handle giving that part of myself to another man for him to figure out afterwards he doesn’t want me.”

  “I understand what you’re saying, baby girl. I just wish you could trust that Pierce is the one. I believe it with all my heart. But you have to understand what he’s going through too. He’s trying hard to honor your wishes but he has needs, Jade . . . grown man needs. And you know as well as I do Pierce could go to any number of women for sex if it were only about that. But he wants you. He loves you and he ain’t going nowhere. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he popped the question for Christmas. But even if he doesn’t, you have to trust Pierce and help him out. I know what he’s going through and it ain’t fun.”

  “I know you not suggesting I sleep with Pierce to keep him from sleeping with someone else! I’m done playing that game! I want him, badly, but . . .”

  “So why keep torturing yourself?” Tamara asked.

  “I don’t want to do it for any other reason than I just want to be with him. I don’t want it to be about keeping him from sleeping with someone else. And I don’t want Pierce to start pulling away from me or treating me poorly in order to get me to do what he wants. But more than anything I don’t wanna be screwing

  around with some dude. I wanna make love to the man I’m gonna spend forever with. And I know that probably sounds stupid considering I’ve already been with four men, but I . . .”

  “Four!” Tamara shrieked. “You only been with four men? Shit, I had more than that my first year in high school!”

  “And on that note,” Landon said before leaving Jade’s office.

  “Girl, what’s wrong with you? I told you about my past before.”

  “Yeah, but I thought the men you mentioned was just the highlight reel, not your whole sexual history. I mean, I didn’t think you was no hoe or nothing but I definitely thought a girl as beautiful as you had done more than four. Damn, I must seem like a straight up hoe to you, huh? I’m well into double digits!” Tamara said feeling embarrassed.

  The two women talked about the double standard when it came to sex. A man was a stud if he had a lot of women and a woman was a whore if she had a lot of men. Tamara learned that Jade’s ultra sensitivity to being called or thought of as a whore came from Miles Caldwell. He didn’t know anything about her sexual past but assumed she was promiscuous. And it obviously still affected Jade.

  “I just want Pierce to be my next and last, you know?”

  “He will be, beauty queen, don’t worry. I have faith in Captain America and I know he gone come through for you.”

  Jade had to meet one of her brides to select centerpieces and chair covers so she gave her friend a big hug and promised to hang out with her soon. She also said she’d talk to Pierce about going to the New Year’s Eve stepper’s show Tamara had invited them all to attend. As she drove, Jade couldn’t stop wondering if Pierce was really planning to propose.

  Jade’s first Christmas with Pierce and Dane was the best one she’d ever had! They spent Christmas Eve at Landon’s house with all of Gabrielle’s family as well as Daniel and Willa. They all had so much fun laughing, eating, and enjoying each other’s company. Jade couldn’t recall a time she’d been happier and having Pierce and Dane, her own
little family, there with her made everything perfect.

  Willa adored Pierce and Dane, so much so that it caused a little jealousy with Landon. He liked being her son and didn’t like sharing that title with Pierce. And when Landon learned Willa had lunches and special time with her “son-in-law” he had a fit. She had to reassure him there was room in her heart for all of them—Landon, Pierce, Dane, and Daniel.

  Being with Pierce and his family was just as wonderful although a tad embarrassing. Everybody knew Jade was frugal and always tried to get the most for her money. So her gifts seemed cheap compared to the extravagantly expensive ones The Jamison clan exchanged with each other. Jade thought she had done

  something big when she bought Pierce’s two hundred dollar watch but the four hundred dollar one he bought for her brought about some insecurity—and curiosity. Yet, she knew Pierce’s and his family’s financial affairs was none of her business.

  Dane’s gift, the simplest of them all, touched Jade’s heart and made her cry. It was a card made out of construction paper with his little hand prints and I love you scribbled inside. He drew hearts all around the stick figures of a lady and a little boy. They both had big smiles on their faces as they held hands.

  “That’s us, Mommy. You like it?” Dane asked, his sweet little face smiling up at her.

  “I love it, sweetheart! It’s the best present anybody ever gave me. Thank you so much,” she said then hugged and kissed him until he begged her to stop. “Thank you,” Jade whispered, as she leaned over to give Pierce kisses too. He didn’t ask her to stop.

  “Uh oh, looks like Juan might get him a little Christmas nooky! It’s about damn time! She made him wait long enough,” Diana laughed. “Why you holding the pussy hostage, Jade?”