by Bowie, Emily
My eyes lock on the cold, smooth metal barrel, causing goose bumps to form across my skin.
I can feel her eyes on me and the gun, but she doesn’t move, giving me nothing for what is going on in her mind.
“Why do you have Kellen’s gun?”
My fingers feel the edge of the metal barrel.
“Oh that?” Cynthia voice is now one of boredom. “I didn’t like the way Kellen was talking to me earlier. So I borrowed it.” She looks disinterested and starts to inspect her gloved covered fingernails. That’s when I notice she is wearing gloves and my mind starts racing.
“I may or may not have shot out Officer Rhodes’ patrol car. It’s not like the two of them like each other anyway. I bet he will make his way over to your place in the next few hours to ask Kellen some questions.”
She looks so proud of herself. This is when I realize that she will stop at nothing to ruin both Brax and Kellen, possibly even Luke if she can manage it. She thinks she is invincible. Someone needs to show her that her actions have consequences.
Standing up, I can see the gun shake in my hand as we stare into each other’s eyes.
“We both know you don’t have the guts to shoot me, LS.”
“You see, that is what everyone sees me as, Little Shay, little goody two-shoes, the little bookworm who follows the rules. No one has ever let me walk out of that box and be me.”
“I think Brax wants a baby,” she sweetly tells me, smiling like it’s fantastic news. “He would be a better father than Kellen.” She keeps smiling and acting like she is thinking on the decision between my brothers. “After all, with the stunt Kellen pulled with his gun tonight, he’ll be locked up. No kid wants a father in prison. Right?”
I can feel my eyes widening. She is crazy. I stand rooted to my spot. As if in slow motion, I watch as my finger squeezes the trigger. I aim for the tree beside her, but my arms are too lax, allowing for the gun to fire back nearly hitting me in the face from its momentum. I scream at the shock of the recoil.
Cynthia decides to take this moment and jump at me, her fingers snaking around the barrel of the gun as my fingers are tightly curled around its handle. She’s stronger than she looks, her strength is moving the gun as she tries to turn it back onto me.
My heart is jack hammering into my chest so hard I think it may actually break out. My eyes stay on the gun, its metal tube begging to turn toward my direction.
My mind races knowing this gun only has Kellen’s and now my fingerprints on it. Like Cynthia is reading my thoughts she smirks at me, the barrel turning ever so slightly more at me. Fighting back, I refuse to let Cynthia win this round, and quite possibly have Kellen blamed for my death because of her.
My arms start to burn and shake from the strength I have to put into fighting for control of the gun. I don’t think I can keep this up. Squeezing the trigger, I hope that my gun is just past her enough to scare her to let go. The gunshot echoes in my ears, making them ring, my whole body shakes like a rattlesnake’s tail. Immediately, I feel the stress of the gun evaporate as my arms sag to the side of my body, welcoming the reprieve.
Not realizing I closed my eyes, I open them up to the sun starting to come over the horizon. Cynthia is no longer standing in front of me but her body is sprawled out on the cold ground. In the few short moments, a pool of blood has already begun to pool under her, leaking into the bush. She cries out in pain, breathing heavy, as the world seems to ring loudly in my ears as I take in the sight before me.
I drop to my knees in horror as I see my mistake, and the life I envisioned flashes before me, gone in an instant.
CHAPTER 31
Knocking on what sounds like glass startles me and I sit up. I’m groggy, almost as if I’ve only slept an hour. Rubbing my eyes, I try to get them to open up fully.
Another knock has me confused, where the hell am I? Another knock. Rubbing my hand down my face I realize I fell asleep in my truck on the side of the road. Slowly, I begin to roll down my window as my mind begins to catch me up. I fell asleep on Shay.
“Rogers, I should have known this was you.” Officer Rhodes shakes his head at me. “Have you been drinking?” His head comes right into the cab, trying to get a whiff of any alcohol.
“No, sir,” I tell him honestly.
“Know anything about my car being shot up last night?” he asks, eyeing me like he’s a human lie detector.
“No, sir. I was with my girl all night.”
Rhodes grunts, not wanting to believe me, but takes my word.
The sound of a gun echoes off the land, sounding much too close to us. That has Rhodes’ head being pulled out of my face and looking around me.
“You’re lucky I don’t take you in, Luke. Consider this your last get-out-of-jail-free card.”
In that split second I become fully awake and aware of my surroundings, hating the fact that I fell asleep on Shay.
It’s not even a question if I should follow Officer Rhodes, I just do it.
*
I don’t know what to do. I’m on my knees and the words I shot Cynthia keep repeating in my head. I didn’t mean to, it was an accident. Was it an accident? I’m a better shot than that. No, it was an accident. I could never, yet I did. Everyone will believe that I meant to do this when I hadn’t. I only wanted to scare her, to show her what she has done to my family. I never wanted this.
Slowly, I look around and I’m lost in my own world surrounded by trees. It’s not like the sound of a gun is something foreign, but it’s uncommon enough at this time of day for someone not to ask questions.
On shaky legs I pull myself up as I try to get myself together. Standing over her body, I look at her struggling, both of us lost in our own worlds. I think I’m going to be sick. I did this. I deserve the worst punishment ever.
“Shay, you okay?” Kellen’s voice booms through the trees.
My voice shakes when I see him come through the tree line. “I didn’t mean to,” I tell him, still in complete shock.
He looks at me in confusion, having no idea what I am talking about.
“Oh fuck, Shay.” His tone tells me that he has now seen what I have done. I can’t look at him. The guilt is eating me up alive.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” I tell him, then his hard body is at my side. I feel him take the gun from my hands. I hadn’t even realized that I was still holding it.
“You need to listen to me.” His words are stern.
“Run home as fast as you can. Take off your clothes and place them in the burn barrel. Then head into bed. Fake a hangover, a really bad one. Tell no one.”
“But what about…” I can’t say her name, because if I do this is real. It’s not the nightmare I am hoping to wake up from. Chancing another look at her, her body has stilled.
“Go.”
My feet stay planted; I can’t leave Kellen here to clean up after my disaster.
“Go now!” I jump at his tone and am off running.
As I pass the colt pen, I hear another gunshot ring out before I follow the instructions Kellen gave me. It’s the only thing I can do because it requires no thinking.
All I can think about is that I am going to go to jail. I really don’t want to go to jail. I promise the stars that if I wake up and this has all just been a nightmare, I will commit to going to college. I will do what my parents want. Deep down I know those promises are impossible, because I know what I did. Soon, Three Rivers will know, too.
*
I chase after Rhodes who is now running into the forest after hearing the third shot. Man, this guy can run. I can still hear him cursing under his breath that I’m still following him. I am pretty sure he plans to lock me up with whoever else is out here, too. I don’t care. All I care about is if Shay is safe.
Rhodes stops dead in his tracks, I am going so fast to keep up that I nearly run him over.
Kellen is standing with a gun in his hands over what looks like the dead body of Cynthia. His eyes look up to us,
and I watch as the gun drops out of his hands at the same time Rhodes has his gun out telling Kellen to place his hands on top of his head.
I watch as my best friend gets handcuffed while Rhodes makes a call to dispatch requesting an ambulance.
“Steele, I knew you had shit for brains, but I thought you were better than this,” Rhodes sneers at him, his voice sounding like he is disgusted just by looking at Kellen.
I feel out of place and don’t know what I should be doing. I feel a small sense of relief knowing Shay is okay.
Kellen refuses to look in my direction, but I know he knows that I am here. His eyes stay on Cynthia, and I watch as the officer crouches down and tries to find a pulse.
“You better hope she lives, Kellen, or you will be doing some hard time in that fancy federal jail we have up here.”
Kellen doesn’t even flinch at those words. It’s like he’s in a trance, much like when Coach would yell at us on the football field.
He nods like he would have done for Coach and takes the words directed at him.
Rhodes is bitching at me to leave and I try to head toward the Steele home only to be yelled at to go home. Yet again. By the glare he is giving me I have no other choice. Looks like I will have to wait it out until Shay calls me. Each second that passes already seems too long; I want to be there when she is told Kellen has been taken in. I want to be that strong shoulder that she leans on to be taken care of. When she cries and tells her fears, I need to be that person.
I will be that person who stands tall next to her. This town’s gossip will not have me backing down. I will fight along with the Steeles. Nothing can keep me away, I’m in too deep to let go now, and I have no plans on wanting to.
CHAPTER 32
Our house is woken up by the sound of my father yelling and my mother sobbing. It hurts to open my eyes, so I squeeze them tighter, pulling my blankets around me like a cocoon, hoping it will protect me. I listen to the voices downstairs. I can hear the pain in my dad’s voice as he curses out loud. For the first time I have ever known, my ma is not the one trying to calm everyone down. She sounds overtaken with grief, her cries being ripped straight from her heart.
I force my eyes open to see the clock move ahead an hour, to me it seems like I have laid here for half the night. I wait for footsteps to march right to my bedroom but there are no signs anyone plans to come up.
“You up?” My body jumps, not expecting anyone at my door. Brax looks like death, he must be having one hell of a hangover. The rims of his eyes are bloodshot and his eyes are glossed over with purple bags underneath.
“What are Ma and Dad arguing over?” I ask.
Brax takes this as an invitation to come sit on my bed. He taps my legs over top of the bed sheet.
“Kellen has done it this time,” he murmurs, placing his hand on his forehead.
“He was hauled in by Officer Rhodes with a gun in his hand.” His voice is low, like he is fighting to get the words out. Looking around my room, he takes in a breath. “Cynthia was found shot beside him.”
Brax has always been the one to wear his feelings on his sleeve. One of the reasons Cynthia was able to manipulate him so easily.
“This is my fault,” he tells me, fighting to keep his words being the only sound to come out.
“Brax, you did nothing wrong,” I say, taking his hand in mine.
“Instead of dealing with our issues I got blackout drunk and left her. If I had been a man and faced our problems, she wouldn’t have had any reason to be in that field.” My brother breaks in front of me, crying for the first time I have ever known. My stomach recoils as images of me shooting Cynthia resurface. I was hoping I dreamed all of this.
“You could not have protected her.” I try to give him peace, because it pains me to know he is hurting. I can only hope as the weeks go by without Cynthia that he will begin to feel free from her manipulation and begin living his life how he should be.
“Does that boy have shit for brains?” I hear my dad roar and my ma cries harder. Voices are smothered as they seep through the floor muffling most of the conversation except for my dad’s roars. “He what?”
My name then follows, crashing through the house like a hundred horses breaking ground in a run. I’m scared. My dad is the calm and stern one, he doesn’t shout, he doesn’t lose his temper. He is tough and expects obedience, but I have never been scared of him until this moment.
“We will go together,” Brax tells me, our hands still linked together.
Walking down the stairs I take my time, Brax pulling me as we walk. My dad looks tired with wrinkles etched into his forehead. “Yes.” My voice is shaky, not knowing what they want.
Brax squeezes my hand. “Yes.”
Both my parents’ eyes look up to me as I stand on one stair from the bottom.
Warmth fills my dad’s eyes as he looks at my brother and me. I know what he is thinking. I’m the good one, the constant one he can predict. Kellen and I know this is not true, but everyone else refuses to believe the truth.
“Come here.” He points for me to take a seat on the couch. Looking around, there are no cops here. So I know Kellen has stood true to his words that he will protect me. Sitting down, I know the true sacrifice he has made for me.
“Kellen was taken into custody today. He refuses to talk to anyone but you.”
“Shay, honey, we need you to tell him he must talk to his lawyer.” My mom breaks through, pleading for me to help make the situation better.
I can only nod, allowing those words to sink into me.
My dad looks like he wants to yell some more but he reins it in. “Shay.” He draws my attention back to him.
“When we leave to talk to Kellen, there are reporters at the foot of our driveway and at the station waiting for anyone with something to say on this.” I watch my father’s lips move as he talks to me like I am glass that might break.
“When we go outside, refuse to comment on anything, your brother’s life may depend on it.” I look around at my family. Brax is in a trance, and I hate it. I want to scream at him that he is now free. I want to scream at my dad for thinking I am weak. Then I want to hug my mom. All she wants is for our family to be happy. I want to tell her this is a good thing. Cynthia was destroying our family. I protected our family. Kellen is protecting this family. He is doing something so brave and noble. I will be in his debt forever. But I guess we can’t say these words out loud, it wouldn’t be proper, even if my family came around to the truth. But they will never know.
“Take me to Kellen,” I finally say, needing to know where his head’s at. I’m not afraid to tell the truth. There is no reason for Kellen to take the blame, I am no coward. It was an accident, but I’m also not sorry. She deserved it. Our family would no longer be intact if she stayed. I love my brothers too much to let anyone rip them apart, even if that person is me. I can’t allow for Kellen to go down because of me.
CHAPTER 33
The tension on the drive over to the police station is suffocating. I can’t seem to get comfortable in the car, the leather is sticking to me. My hands can’t stop picking at all the imperfections on my hands, then I grip onto my thighs, trying to stop. My ma typically chatters away about everything but the ride is in silence. All I hear is breathing. I try to roll down my window to alleviate the stress digging into all of us but it does no good.
We walk up the concrete steps united, my family firmly beside me, supporting Kellen. The front desk welcomes us, and even they don’t have a smile for us. No introductions are necessary, and I get right to the point.
“I am here to talk to Kellen.”
Liz, the receptionist, looks at us like she already believes the stories she must have heard. Her look is patronizing. She clicks her pen, making us wait in suspense before she nods. “Typically, this is not the protocol.”
“I really appreciate this, Liz,” my mother speaks up behind me as she starts pushing me in the direction of the door that leads behind the f
ront desk. My legs feel like pins and needles, each step I take is more painful than the last. I don’t know if I feel like crying or if I’m nervous or just scared.
Walking inside, I see Kellen at a small rectangular table. He looks relaxed, too relaxed, with one foot stretched out, he’s leaning on the chair so that one metal leg is starting to come off the ground.
When he looks up at me, a small smile touches his face. He looks better than I do now.
“Hey,” I say, unsure of what to say to the brother taking the fall for you. My throat is dry, and the pins and needles creep up into my arms and hands.
He nods at me, not exchanging any words. My hands shake as I pull the chair out, it scrapes against the floor, the noise bouncing off the small walls that surround us.
“You don’t have to do this.” My voice is hushed but I mean each word. I would never ask this much from him.
He releases a soft chuckle before replying. “This is sadly what the town thinks of me. I’m going nowhere in life right now, Shay.” His chin points out toward me. “You, on the other hand, are making a life for yourself. But you need to promise me that I am doing this for a reason. I expect you to leave town after graduation and never look back.”
“What about Luke?” My heart stops, hearing what he wants from me. Surely he hasn’t thought this through.
“Fuck, Shay!” he hisses, glaring at me. “You do realize that I am going to prison to save your life.” His words hiss out through his teeth as he tries to keep his voice calm. A thick vein in his throat pulses as his look cuts me.
“You will go to college and make a life for yourself, a life I was never going to have.” His tone leaves no room for discussion, but I selfishly can only think of Luke. It’s like him asking me to live without air. Luke is that important to me.
“I don’t think I can leave Luke, I love him too much.” My eyes immediately tear up just thinking about what he is asking of me.