Sorrows and Lace

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  “As soon as I finish here.” She tugged more, the sound of metal dropping into a pan punctuating her words.

  What if Kelsey wasn’t there anymore when he got out?

  A knock at the door interrupted the silence in the room. Slate stuck his head past the door edge. “Hey, I’m sorry to barge in. I just wanted to let you both know I’m taking Kelsey home. Robbie’s staying to give you guys a ride out when you’re done here. Tim said he’s got the clinic for the rest of the day.” He closed the door after him as he left. He winked at Becky. “See you in a little bit.”

  Wait, Slate couldn’t take Kelsey. She’d never answered him. What if she decided no? And she just left? What if she felt like the Caracus gang was the only reason worth staying before and now that they were out of the picture, she didn’t want to be there?

  Kelsey was going home. Could he handle losing her at this point?

  The only thing he had ever thought he’d needed or would need was Lacey Caverns.

  But was it enough?

  The procedure took long enough the time seemed to pass slow enough to age Ronan.

  He didn’t want to wait any longer.

  As Becky rinsed his back with more saline water, he managed to maintain his smartass remarks, because she was trying to help him. But as she patted his skin with gauze pads, he closed his eyes and asked as calmly as possible. “Do you think you’re done yet?”

  “Yep. You did great. Only a few stitches. Keep the activity light. I’ll see you back in a week or so and we’ll check to make sure we got everything. Check for any infection.” She squeezed his shoulder and leaned down to talk conspiratorially. “You can go home now, if you want. I’ll let Robbie know we’re about ready.” She took his arm and helped him scoot to a sitting position and adjusted a loaner flannel shirt over his shoulders. “I’ll get you a pain pill to ease some of the stiffness you’re bound to have.”

  Everything hurt to move. Even breathing caused discomfort.

  He couldn’t get home soon enough.

  Would Kelsey be there?

  ~~~

  Slamming the front door, Ronan rushed inside his home. He’d worked himself into a certainty that Kelsey was gone. That she’d talked Slate into taking her home to the reservation. Mid-evening and lights were necessary to see, even with the abundance of windows allowing the setting sunlight into each room, bathing the house in oranges and yellows.

  “Kelsey?” He called out, searching the kitchen and living room. His heart dropped. Almost sprinting to the hallway toward her room, he stopped at his open door. He never left his door open.

  Walking inside, Ronan finally took a normal breath at seeing Kelsey. Relief overrode every other emotion he could have. And for just a second, he enjoyed it. He didn’t advance any further past the edge of his bed. He just wanted to take in the sight of her for as long as he could.

  Cascading down her shoulders, her dark hair fell free. She faced away from him, arms wrapped around her slim waist. In the robe he’d left her, she looked out on the deepening shadows outside the large bay window.

  Ronan finally approached her, worry returning to replace his relief. He cleared his throat. “I thought you’d gone.” He stopped just inches from her, and almost touched her. Reached out even to pull her into his arms but dropped his hands.

  She turned to study him, her eyes bright with tears. “Why? Did you want me to go?”

  Did he tell her the truth? That just thinking of her leaving again hurt more than anything the doctor had just done to him?

  Kelsey dropped her hands and stepped forward, grabbing a chunk of his shirt and pulling herself close. The robe hem slapped his legs and her lilac scent ensnarled him. “Tell me, Ronan. Do you want me to go? Speak to me. Just say what you’re thinking. I don’t want any more regrets.”

  He stared into her eyes, mesmerized by the depth she hid in the chocolaty color. He didn’t remember the small scar at the edge of her hairline and regretted that he hadn’t been there for that story. “Do you think you’ve changed a lot, since we last knew each other?”

  The desperation in her gaze faltered and she glanced away from him. “Actually, I’m someone completely different. I’m not innocent or naïve. I don’t have…” She shrugged, and backed away, leaving a cool emptiness in her place.

  “No, go on. You don’t have what?” Ronan reached out and pulled her back into his space. He held her there with a hand on each bicep. “Tell me. No regrets, remember?”

  She lifted her gaze and licked her lips, stirring heat in the bottom of his stomach. “I don’t have that easy happiness I used to have. I barely have my laugh anymore. You know? I’m lost most of the time. Even if you were interested in falling in love with me again, like before, I’m not that girl. We would both fail, miserably.” She reached up as high as his grip would let her and wiped at her cheeks.

  “I don’t fail. And I’m not that same kid I used to be. You want to talk about regrets? I regret ever letting you walk out of my life. I regret letting my parents tell me who to marry and who I should love.” He released an arm and tipped her chin up with his forefinger. “That boy and I are vastly different. And I’m not interested in falling in love with that girl again. I want to fall in love with you. Truth is I never stopped loving you. Obviously I still want you.” He kissed her forehead, soaking in the silky smoothness of her skin. “We can’t expect things to be like what we had. I don’t want that again anyway.” He raised both hands to cradle her face. “Things between us could be better than that. And we deserve better.”

  She sniffed, watching him with disbelief in her gaze. “How? How could they be better than in love?”

  He sighed. “I don’t know that I do want to love you like I used to – it was weak and jealous and easily manipulated.” Ronan brushed a chunk of hair from her cheek and tucked it behind the delicate shell of her ear. “The love I want with you will be strong and sure, confident, comfortable. Safe.”

  She didn’t move. Didn’t accept or reject anything he’d said. His heart thumped hard enough to maybe crack ribs. He couldn’t wait. He had to know something.

  “Come on, Kelsey. Give me my answer. Tell me yes.” Adding one more pitch to keep her at his side, he threw out the last lasso – the last thing he had. His true vulnerability. “Don’t you still love me? Even a little? I know I do.”

  Kelsey’s words burst forth and her eyes heated as she spoke. “Yes. I never stopped loving you. I don’t need your money or anything material like that. I always just wanted you.” She lifted her chin. “But I know how much you love this land. I get it. But I have to come first. Me. Last time you picked the land, Ronan, and this time it’s me or the land and you won’t get any do-overs.”

  Ronan lowered his hands to his sides and waited for her terms. The land or Kelsey… everything he’d ever known or everything he’d ever wanted?

  She continued with her voice firm. “I will marry you, but the date will be in two months. Far enough out of range of the deadline. I’ll sign any prenuptial you need or whatever, but you have to know I most likely can’t have children. You never really listened to me before about that.” She took a deep breath. “What do you say?”

  He couldn’t answer for a moment. She’d just taken the full purpose of the marriage out from under him. He’d lose Lacey Caverns. Not his money, though, the land was small change compared to what he had. But Lacey Caverns… his home. He’d sacrificed so much for the land. He’d sacrificed her. He’d sacrificed his happiness and saddled himself to Bethany.

  How could he walk away from something that he’d bled heart and soul for?

  Looking out the window past her shoulder, he searched the swaying grass and further to the background of dark mountains and deep-blue sky.

  Kelsey or the land… it was like his parents standing in front of him all over again.

  Chapter 20

  Kelsey bit the inside of her cheek. Oh, please, Ronan for once pick me! She longed to throw the biggest tantrum ever and cling t
o him. Hopefully he didn’t see her like she saw herself – as a drunk and trouble-maker. She needed the chance to change, become the Kelsey she was hiding from, to live again.

  If Ronan could let her go again, he’d never love her. Not the way she wanted. Not the way she was starting to see that she deserved. He had to choose her.

  Oh, please.

  Ronan finally returned his gaze to her face and she held in her sob.

  Unreadable, his expression could have been one of many at the poker tables she’d dealt in her dad’s casino. He reached for her hand, and she watched as he cradled it in both of his.

  He ducked his head, to draw her gaze back to his face. She braced herself for the final letdown, the moment when he tore out her heart and kicked with his cowboy boots.

  He started out soft, the way she would if she were breaking something easy to someone. “Kelsey, I already made that mistake. I won’t make it again. I could love you more, better, bigger, than before. You’re mine. You’ve always been mine.” He wiped her cheeks, the soft callus on his thumb tender under her eyes.

  Where was the letdown? Was he building up to it? Giving her hope just so he could demolish her soul?

  Tears filled his own gaze and his lips drew taut before he continued. “If I’d had the backbone with my parents to keep you, you never would’ve had to face what you went through. That’s on me.”

  Bringing her history with Sonny snapped her from her delusion that he didn’t care. Kelsey tried to shake her head to deny his words. The truth was, he hadn’t been to blame for Sonny. Her insecurities had ruled her most of her life.

  Either way, she’d married Sonny. Not Ronan. No one had held a gun to her head until after the wedding. She opened her mouth to counter his act to take on the blame.

  But Ronan pressed his thumbs to her lips and whispered. “Let me finish.”

  She stopped fighting to speak and waited for the rest of his words. She needed his strength and confidence.

  And love.

  “I’ll make it up to you. I’ll give you children. I’m not worried about your miscarriages. I feel bad that they happened, but I know you can get pregnant. If I have to roll you around in a bed-on-wheels to keep you and our babies safe, I will. I will never raise a hand to you. And I’ll never make you feel like you’re less than anything else in my life.” He smiled, smooth and easy. “Let’s push the marriage out. I’m good with that. But you’re staying here with me while we plan. We can stay on the land until Robbie asks me to leave, but in that time frame we can find a house and land that will make you happy. Anything you want.”

  He’d said yes? Ronan had chosen her over Lacey Caverns? His home? Everything he’d ever known was on that large stretch of land and he’d just given it all up in a short, quick breath. No regret in his tone. No sorrow at the prospect.

  Really, truly, Ronan had picked her. She covered her mouth with a palm, eyes wide. He’d chosen her. Her!

  A laugh broke through her tears, and she gasped. “No. I’m sorry. I can’t marry you in two months.” She drew in a ragged breath. Oh, the things he did to her.

  Worry spread over his face, erasing his joy. “What do you mean? You just said you would.”

  She wrapped her fingers around his forearm. “No. I wanted you to pick me over the land. I didn’t think you would. But you did.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. Warmth filled her chest and spread to her limbs. “As soon as your divorce is final, I want to marry you.” She pulled back and stared at his face. He loved her… even promised her more. Like there could be more!

  Elation sent tremors coursing through her.

  But then shock settled in. She clasped at her throat. “Oh my word, Ronan. We’re going to be married!” How had so much happened in such a short amount of time?

  He’d rescued her and then gave her everything she’d ever wanted.

  “It’s about time.” He pushed her hair back from her face and lowered his lips to hers. They’d had enough sorrows in their lives.

  As if they’d never left each other, their bodies melded together, separated by thin material and the realization that they’d have the rest of their lives to make each other burn.

  Epilogue

  The dark-haired toddler threw a fistful of mud into the blond boy’s hair. They weren’t far apart in age, about eighteen months or so.

  He squealed, lifting his hand to his head and working at flinging the mess from him.

  Kelsey rushed to the pair and firmly said to the dark-haired boy. “No, Bodey. That’s not how we treat our family.” She wiped at the little boy’s hair. Over her shoulder, Kelsey called to an extremely pregnant Becky. “I swear these two will kill each other before their next birthdays, if they get their way.”

  Amelia, carrying a tray of snacks and drinks, stepped from the kitchen onto the large expanse of patio at Lonely Rivers. The summer season filled with tourists was winding down and Robbie and Slate would be returning from their last tour of the mines sometime that afternoon. Amelia rolled her eyes. “Do you know, Robbie thinks Mac and James are trying to tell me something by always trying to play with Sabin?” She walked over to the sleeping baby girl, nestled securely in a pack-n-play crib.

  Laughing, Becky leaned forward, reaching for a cupcake on the tray. “You mean, they’re telling you to have a girl? You can’t. You’re out of last names to use on them.”

  Kelsey still couldn’t believe Amelia and Robbie had kept MacAllister James for Mac’s name and then with their new boy gone with James MacAllister.

  Reaching down to enjoy the silky touch of her daughter’s hair, Kelsey allowed her happiness to fill her heart. Sabin would be four months that weekend. And Bodey was almost two.

  Ronan had promised he’d give her babies.

  He apparently liked to keep his promises.

  The End of the Lonely Lace series

  Please look for more romance in the heart of Coldwater County where the town of Colby flourishes.

  Note from the Author:

  Oh wow! Hi, my reading friend.

  Thank you so much for continuing with me on this journey into the lives of the MacAllisters and James clans. I can’t tell you how fun these two families were to write. With a truly good hero, Slate, a truly good/bad boy, Robbie, and the most fun anti-hero ever, Ronan, I don’t know that the west ever looked better.

  There’s something to be said about mixing cultures. Fortunately, I’m from a beautiful area in the northwest that is heavily influenced by the Native American communities. While I chose the Salish tribe for Kelsey’s family and background, I think it’s important to note that I have never been onto the Salish reservation. I don’t know if they have casinos or not. Utilizing my experience with the Kootenai and Shoshone tribes where I live, I accessed some of their practices and intermixed them with the Salish tribe in Coldwater County.

  The research I was able to do on the Salish revealed a kind, educated people that loves the land and seeks to continue living in harmony with the other Kootenai tribes. I’m honored to have been able to feature them in Sorrows and Lace.

  I think you should know that this series has touched me so deeply, I have decided to write another series set in the same county with different characters and problems. But don’t be surprised if some of the Lonely Lace characters that we love so much decide to show up in the Lassoing Love series.

  What did you think? I’d love to hear. Please feel free to contact me anywhere on the web… I’m all over the place and would love to chat.

  Again, I know how valuable your time is and I’m so grateful you chose to spend it with me and the Lonely Lace family. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You make this journey worth traveling.

  Stay alive!

  Bonnie Paulson

  Please join my mailing list so you’ll be aware of my latest releases.

  Other titles by Bonnie R. Paulson

  Into the End Series:

  Into the End (#1) FREE

  Through the Fl
ames (#2)

  Out of the Ashes (#3)

  Into the End Boxed Set

  Barely Alive Series:

  Barely Alive (#1) FREE

  Falling Apart (#2)

  Mostly Dead (#3)

  Viral Intent (Short prequel)

  Boxed Set

  Lonely Lace Series:

  Spurs and Lace (#1) FREE

  Secrets and Lace (#2)

  Sorrows and Lace (#3)

  A Date to Die for: Serial

  #1 Speed Dating

  #2 Oh No, He Didn’t!

  #3 Dinner for Two

  #4 Don’t Look Back!

  Standalones:

  Odd Man Out

  Breathe Again

  Psycho Inside Me

  Dictating Death (2015)

  About the Author

  Bonnie R. Paulson is all about survival. Do you have what it takes to turn the page?

  Find Bonnie at

  Twitter: @bonnierpaulson

  Facebook: http://facebook.com/bonpaulson

  www.bonniepaulson.com

  bonnierpaulson@yahoo.com