by Anne Herries
Amanda sat for a while over her letter, frowning, but she could see no way of improving it. If Cynthia felt that she had stolen Phipps from her while she was unwell there was little she could do to soothe her friend’s ruffled feathers. She did not think that Cynthia had truly cared for Phipps, because while she held court he was only one of many she had smiled on. Besides, Phipps had asked Amanda and he would not have done so if he preferred Cynthia Langton—would he?
Amanda tried to forget that she had prompted him to speak, because to allow a shadow to intrude on her happiness would be foolish. She had never misled herself into thinking that Phipps loved her, for she knew that she was a little dab of a thing and not remarkable in any way, though she did think that perhaps she might have lost a little weight recently. Yet she thought that he was content in her company and she meant to make him a good wife. Amanda would not dissolve into tears the first time he went off in a pet and she would not hang on his sleeve at every turn, even though she suspected it would be painful to her. He’d promised that he would be a good husband to her and care for her interests, and she must be content to know that he was her husband—and to centre her love upon her children when they came.
She must not and would not expect romantic love for that was too much to ask of him. Even if that hurt a little, Amanda was able to subdue it, because her love for him must be enough for them both. She must never allow herself to mourn something that she had always known could not be hers.
* * *
The morning also brought Jane Field, who declared herself delighted at the news of Amanda’s wedding, and asked her what she intended to do about her wedding gown.
‘I’m not sure what to do,’ Amanda told her. ‘Madame Arlene made most of my clothes this Season, but I shall have to be strict with her for I do not want something with miles of silk that makes me look like a balloon.’
‘If I accompanied you, I could help you choose the style that will suit you very well, and if there are any last-minute alterations I shall be happy to undertake them. I would make the gown myself, but I’m not sure I could finish everything in time.’
‘No, no, Jane,’ Amanda said. ‘It will be enough if you come with me and make her understand what I need—and if she should make it too big as she has all my other clothes, you may take it in for me, as you did before.’
The arrangement was made and the conversation turned to other topics, though mostly concerning the wedding. Jane was looking forward to staying in the country with Amanda’s family and they spent the morning talking contentedly. After nuncheon Jane took her leave and Amanda changed into a pale green carriage gown, a straw bonnet with darker green ribbons and York tan gloves. Her kid-leather boots were fastened with black buttons at the sides and the latest fashion. She barely had time to take a glance at herself in the mirror before the knocker sounded.
Phipps was waiting in the hall for her and looked up with a smile of welcome that made her heart catch.
‘You are exactly on time,’ he said approvingly. ‘It makes you an example to your kind, for my mother is never ready when she promises.’
Amanda laughed, went to kiss Mama’s cheek and told her that she would see her at the countess’s house.
‘I feel that I should have been with you,’ she said. ‘There is so much to see to and I was with Jane all morning...’
‘I have little to do but change my gown,’ Mama said. ‘The trunks we need for a few days have already been delivered to Susanna’s house and your papa is having everything else sent off home. He, of course, will stay here tonight and leave in the morning for the country, as we planned.’
Amanda knew that her papa had organised everything, as he always did, and her mother had only to issue her orders to the servants. Indeed, she was better out of the house, for Mama would fret as the time to leave approached and only Papa’s resolution would see her on her way across London to her friend’s house.
Amanda had overseen most of her packing herself early that morning and now had nothing to do but to enjoy a drive with her fiancé. Phipps escorted her to his curricle and helped her up, then drove her to the park, talking all the while of mutual acquaintances. It was only when they were in the park and he could draw the horses to a halt in a quiet spot that he turned to her. Taking a small box from his coat pocket, he offered it to her.
‘This is the ring my maternal grandmother left to me for my wife,’ he told her. ‘I believe it is rather fine, but if you should dislike it I can buy you another.’
Amanda opened the box and gasped as she saw the magnificent ruby-and-diamond ring. The centre stone was large, oval and a deep glowing red; surrounded by a circle of fine diamonds, it was very beautiful.
‘This is wonderful,’ she murmured. ‘How did you know that I love rubies?’
‘I fear I did not,’ he answered truthfully. ‘Had I been a rich man, I should no doubt have bought you something new—but although I have another present for you, which is new, I could not have managed something to equal this.’
‘But I could not want for anything other than this delightful ring,’ Amanda said at once. ‘I love it. Will you slip it on for me?’
He transferred the reins to his left hand and leaned across to slip the ring on to her third finger, finding to his relief that it went on easily.
‘I feared I might have to have it altered, but it fits well, I think.’
‘Perfectly,’ she said and her eyes sparkled up at him. ‘Thank you so very much, Phipps. I should like to thank you properly, but there are people staring and I dare not.’
‘I am in the way, I dare say,’ Phipps told her and took up the reins once more, coaxing the horses into a gentle walking motion as they circled the road leading through the park. ‘I am glad you like your ring, Amanda. When I have made my estate prosperous I hope to buy you as many jewels as you wish for.’
‘Then you need not work too hard,’ she said with a teasing laugh. ‘You may perhaps have noticed that for the most part I wear only my pearls, a diamond necklet Papa gave me and some matching bracelets now and then. It is not because my jewel box is empty, but that I am not concerned with such things and wear only the pieces that I love or that mean something to me.’
Phipps shot a curious, slightly rueful glance at her. ‘If I may not give you jewels, what may I do for you?’
‘I need only affection and kindness to make me happy,’ she answered and laughed up at him. ‘Papa has spoiled me with trinkets of all kinds from the moment I was born. As a child I had only to ask and I was given whatever had taken my fancy. When I was old enough to realise, I refrained from asking too often.’
‘It is a wonder that your nature has not been spoiled,’ he said, amusement in his eyes. ‘How did you remain so level-headed?’
‘I fear it is a sad lack of romance in me,’ she answered on a gurgle of laughter. ‘I have a fondness for my dogs and my horses, Phipps. If you truly wish to spoil me, then you must find me a pair of bang-up-to-the-mark carriage horses that I may purchase, together with a light phaeton—and then you must teach me to drive them with style. I like that trick you have of catching your thong with your whip hand.’
She saw an answering spark in his eyes and knew that she had struck the right note. This was something he could do for her and was, besides, an ambition she had cherished for a while.
‘I’ve not had the privilege of seeing you on a horse yet,’ he said. ‘But I shall be delighted to look for horses that will suit a lady and to commission a light phaeton for your use. I might begin your lessons when I escort you home, Amanda.’
‘Only if you have horses I may drive,’ she said. ‘For Papa has no more room to stable my horses. It is the reason I have said nothing to him, because he would have to build on to the stables to accommodate them—our hunters and carriage horses are already too many, you see. I could keep them at my own estate, but then I should not be able to drive them when I wished so I have waited until the right time.’
‘I see no re
ason why you should not drive one of my teams,’ Phipps said. ‘I fear I am extravagant when it comes to my stables—and we may well have to enlarge ours once we are wed.’
‘Do you breed your mares?’ Amanda asked, leading him into a conversation that she knew would last throughout their drive.
* * *
By the time that he had taken her twice round the park and then conveyed her to the countess’s house, Amanda felt that they had made progress. In discovering a shared interest—for she was closely involved with the breeding regime at her father’s stables—they had moved insensibly to a firmer footing. She felt that the slight awkwardness that had hung between them since her father revealed the extent of her fortune to Phipps had somehow melted in the warmth of a shared enthusiasm.
It was exactly what she had hoped when she told Phipps that she preferred horses to jewels, though she did not fail to thank him again for the lovely ring he had given her before they parted. However, she had every hope that now, instead of worrying what he could give her with his limited resources, he understood that she was relying on him to manage her stables. He would naturally oversee the finances of their shared estates and in this way Amanda hoped to found a sensible working relationship. She had given him to understand that she thought of him as a partner in her life, someone to share the small things that made life of interest and pleasure to her. If Phipps were content with that, they might go on excellently together.
Being a very well brought-up young lady, Amanda had enjoyed their brief kiss and known a curious longing for something more, but she had not yet given the bedroom a second thought. Although perfectly aware of what happened between mare and stallion, and being able to work out the differences in humans from once having seen her brother swim naked as a young boy with two of his friends, Amanda gave little thought to that part of marriage. She knew that ladies were not supposed to be curious, and some of the young matrons she knew had told her that it was nothing to make a fuss over.
‘Really, one has so much else to enjoy that an hour or so of one’s time is less than nothing...and afterwards one can be comfortable in one’s own bed, of course.’
The young woman in question was a flighty young madam, who had not given up flirting with any gentleman who appealed to her, even though more than a year married to a man twice her age. She was his spoiled darling and spent his fortune recklessly, for he doted upon her, and clearly whatever passed between them in the bedroom meant nothing to her.
Amanda was innocent enough to imagine that bedroom matters could not be so very important, for ladies never spoke of these things—and Mama said that a wife must do her duty as best she could, but that making a man comfortable in his home by ensuring everything was to his liking was of far more consequence.
Amanda thought that she liked Phipps very well and, since she had enjoyed his kisses, it followed that she would not dislike whatever else he chose to do. She hoped to win his trust and his friendship, and, not being given to flights of fancy, expected that they would go on well enough providing that each was willing to give and take a little.
Therefore, it was with no particular misgivings that she made her farewells to Phipps when he handed her down in front of the countess’s town house.
‘I shall be no more than a few days in the country,’ he told her and kissed her hand. ‘You may depend on me to return before you are ready to leave town—and I shall do my best to set in hand your commissions.’
Amanda thanked him, told him there was plenty of time, and they took a cordial leave of one another. Since Phipps waited to see her safely inside the house before he drove off, she was not privileged to see him glance back at her.
Once the door was closed, she felt a slight pang because she had been used to seeing him most days and several must pass before he came to visit her again. However, she banished the thought, gave her bonnet and gloves to the hovering footman and was conducted upstairs to the countess’s favourite parlour.
‘Ah, there you are, dearest,’ Mama greeted her. ‘I fear you are too late for tea, for we have had ours—but I dare say Mrs Goombridge will bring you a tray upstairs when you change if you are in need of something.’
‘Thank you, I am not in the least hungry. A glass of water will suffice until dinner, I think.’
‘Oh, but that will not do,’ the countess said and rang the bell. ‘I shall ask Goombridge to take a tray up to your room, just tea if that is all you require.’
‘Yes, my lady, thank you,’ Amanda said, for she did not wish to make a fuss. ‘I trust you are well, Lady Sandown? We shall be happy to stay quietly with you and do not expect you to entertain for our sakes, do we, Mama? Phipps has gone into the country and will return in six days’ time.’
‘Oh, but I should not want you to be dull,’ Susanna said with a bright smile. ‘I have arranged two small card parties and three dinners, so we shall be blessed for guests, though not this evening. I thought we could all settle down to become better acquainted, my love.’
Amanda thanked her and then Mama said she would show her up to her room, for they were sharing a suite of very comfortable chambers and perhaps Amanda would like to rest and change her gown for dinner.
Amanda said that she would and they went upstairs together. It was a beautiful house in the older style and had been in the Earl of Sandown’s possession for many years. As honoured visitors they had been given the best guest apartments.
‘Susanna is so pleased to have us,’ Mama told her. ‘She is disappointed that you chose other than her son, but she will make nothing of it, dearest. You need not fear embarrassment on that account.’
Amanda murmured something appropriate and they parted, each to their own bedchamber, to refresh their toilettes before dinner.
Chapter Seven
Susanna was indeed the perfect hostess, making her friends feel quite at home in her lovely house. Lord Armstrong was perfectly polite, but had withdrawn some of the flattering attentions he had paid Amanda at the start, which was quite proper and very understandable. She continued to meet Jane, who walked with her most mornings in the park, sometimes stayed for nuncheon and tea, and made herself so indispensable to the company that the countess said she thought her a dear girl and would be glad to have her stay. On hearing that Jane was to accompany Amanda to her home at the end of the visit, she insisted that the girl be her guest and Jane was transferred with all her baggage to one of the best guest chambers, so after that they were not obliged to part, except to change or sleep.
Jane’s company helped Amanda to keep a cheerful countenance, for she had discovered that her enforced parting from Phipps was far more painful than she could ever have imagined. Despite scolding herself, for it was very foolish to pine for him when he had been gone no more than two days, she had to fight to stop herself sinking into the dumps. She had thought she could accept such absences with complacence, but discovered that he was more necessary to her comfort than she would have thought possible.
She was perhaps more romantic than she had ever believed, for she found that her mind strayed to each and every meeting when Phipps had noticed her, and particularly to their last drive in the park—and the kisses he had given her on various occasions. She began to think about her wedding night for the first time and was nervous of what was to come in a way she had not been earlier. Amanda knew her own failings, and even if she had lost quite a bit of weight, as her visit to the seamstress confirmed, when her measurements all had to be taken again, she would never be slender. Even a man who loved her would never call her a waif or a sprite. Phipps was not in love with her, of course, though he was everything kind and generous. He was so very considerate of her since their engagement and she found herself counting the hours until his return.
However, being a polite girl, she was determined not to show that she was missing her fiancé and paid her hostess every kind attention. The evening parties the countess had set up for her entertainment seemed dull, for she could not help searching the company
for the tall handsome man she loved and not finding him, was always disappointed. Yet she carried herself well and smiled at the countess’s guests, taking her part in the evening with a lightness she did not feel. It was strange how she’d felt so confident when Phipps was with her each day, but now she found herself wondering and doubting. Did he care for her at all or had she been deceiving herself?
She found her appetite had dwindled to a shadow of its former self and was aware that her face looked much thinner than it once had, but as she was not given to admiring herself had no idea whether she looked better or worse. Besides, Phipps was not marrying her for her face or figure; he needed a rich wife and she had a fortune. Yet to allow herself to think that her fortune was all to him was to court unhappiness.
One day while out walking with Jane they happened to meet Major Brockley. He had recovered from his injury and thanked them for their anxious enquiries with a brief smile. He had declined the countess’s invitation to dinner with regret for he was about to leave town for his father’s estate.
‘I shall look forward to seeing you both at the beginning of August,’ he told them, kissed their hands and took his leave.
‘He is such a comforting man,’ Jane said and sighed as they watched him stride away. ‘One always feels he is to be relied on in a crisis.’
‘Yes, he is a strong and very worthy man,’ Amanda agreed, watching her friend’s face a little anxiously. She was afraid Jane might have given her heart to the brave soldier and hoped she would not be disappointed. However, she knew from Phipps that Brock was not interested in marriage.
‘Though of course he must one day, for the sake of an heir,’ Phipps had told her. ‘I doubt it will be before he is forced to think of settling down, which is unlikely to be just yet.’