‘That’s rubbish.’
‘Not so,’ he assured her gravely.
‘Then what about all the men in prison camps?’
‘They’ll need a great deal of care and attention when they are released. Better start preserving your strength for when cashmere coat comes home now, Beth. You’re going to need it.’
Bethan stared at her brother, wishing he’d drop the bravado for a moment, so she could reach out and talk to him the way she wanted to.
‘Take care of yourself, sis.’ He stepped forward and kissed her again. ‘And enjoy your fling with your colonel. Remember, what the eye doesn’t see the heart doesn’t grieve.’
‘Haydn …’
‘There’s no need to get on your moral high horse. You’re a woman of the world. And this war isn’t won yet, no matter what’s happening in Italy. Live for today, for tomorrow we may die. There’s nothing wrong with that philosophy provided you’re discreet. Jane and I made the mistake of conducting our affairs in public.’
‘There’s nothing going on between me and David Ford.’
‘The same nothing that’s been going on between Jane and D’Este, and Aunt Megan and that cook?’
‘None of us are jumping into bed with the Yanks, if that’s what you think.’
‘I know you aren’t. That’s what’s so sad. If you did, you’d get it out of your system. Instead, you allow obsolete Victorian moral principles to rule your lives, and spend all your time brooding and regretting what can never be, because none of you have the courage to follow your instincts. Sleep with the colonel, Bethan. Who’s to know or care? Cashmere coat certainly won’t, stuck behind bars in Germany.’
‘But I would, Haydn. And when he comes back I want to be able to look him in the eye.’
‘Then brush up on your acting skills. Don’t you think he’d prefer a happy, fulfilled wife to one who’s going to spend the rest of her life sleeping beside him every night and wondering what it would have been like to take a tumble between the sheets with a handsome American?’
‘I take it you’ve never spent a sleepless night wondering?’
‘Never.’ He flashed her a wide and shallow, theatrical smile.
‘And you’re happy?’
‘I’m never lonely.’
‘And love?’
‘Is something that comes with lights out, and leaves before breakfast. You should try it. That way your days will never be complicated by excess emotion.’
‘You think you have all the answers, don’t you?’
‘Just some of them.’
‘Would you give Jane the same advice?’
‘I already have.’
‘And the thought of her with another man doesn’t bother you?’ she asked, deliberately trying to provoke him into revealing his real feelings.
‘Jane’s made her choice. I’ve left my address with Dad. I’ll be there for the next six weeks. After that I’ll be touring. I’ll let you know where, once I start.’
‘And if Jane wants to get in touch?’
‘She can write.’
‘Then you’ll give your marriage another chance?’
‘I’ll sign the divorce papers, Bethan. That’s all she wants from me. As I said, take care of yourself. And don’t forget to “gather ye rosebuds while ye may”.’
‘Poetry from you?’
‘School was good for something.’
He hugged her and she clung to him. ‘Whether you like it or not, I’ll take care of your wife and daughter.’
‘Get D’Este to relieve you of that load, sis. You can’t look after the whole of Pontypridd.’ Swinging his kitbag on to his shoulder he turned his back and walked towards the entrance.
‘It’s Haydn Powell! … Haydn … our Haydn!’
Bethan heard the cries and saw half-a-dozen girls rush up to him. As they intercepted him at the entrance to the booking office he smiled, greeting them as though he hadn’t a care in the world. When the prettiest held up her face, he kissed her cheek.
Bethan turned away bewildered and hurt by his cavalier attitude to his broken marriage. As she opened the car door she racked her brains trying to think of something she could do, something she could say to Haydn or Jane to make it come right again.
‘Mrs John, this is a pleasant surprise.’ David Ford opened the door to his office and ushered her in. ‘I’m sorry I can’t offer you tea, but we do have excellent coffee. And food.’ He offered her a plate heaped high with meat and real butter sandwiches.
‘Coffee would be fine, thank you.’ She sat in the chair he pulled out for her. ‘But I didn’t come here to eat.’
‘It’s lunchtime, and they brought me more than I need or want.’ He sat in his chair and looked at her. ‘This isn’t a social call, is it?’
‘I was hoping you could do something about the situation between Captain D’Este and my sister-in-law.’
‘I’ve found him a temporary billet closer to the hospital.’
‘That’s not what I meant.’
‘It wasn’t my suggestion. Under the circumstances he thought it would be best to move out of your house, and I didn’t disagree with him. What happened last night …’ he paused to pour and hand her coffee ‘… was extremely regrettable.’
‘It wasn’t your fault.’
‘You warned me that my men were going to play havoc with the women of the town.’ He pointed to a pile of papers on his desk. ‘Applications for permission to get married. And that’s without the ones who have asked me informally for advice. Including Maurice Duval.’
‘Don’t tell me he wants to marry Liza. She’s only seventeen. ‘
‘Soon to be eighteen, according to the information he’s given me.’
‘And she’s agreed to marry him?’
‘He hasn’t asked her – yet. But he will.’
‘That’s ridiculous, they’re children. There’s her sisters to consider.’
‘All of which I pointed out to him. But he remains undeterred. Sergeant Morelli and your Aunt Megan aren’t helping.’
‘No one can accuse them of letting their hearts rule their heads at their age.’
‘No?’ He continued to look at her and she turned away uneasily. ‘The problem is, Mrs John, I understand the reasoning behind each and every one of these applications. Italy is just the beginning. It’s inevitable that we’re going to move out of here soon, and when we do, some of us will get killed. In the meantime we’re living amongst pretty and lonely women. What could be more natural than falling in love, particularly when it may be your last chance to do so?’
‘Nothing, provided both parties are free.’ She had the oddest feeling that they were no longer talking about Tomas and Jane.
‘If it’s any consolation, as well as battered and bruised, Tomas is also feeling extremely guilty at the thought of breaking up a marriage.’
‘It’s no consolation.’ She rose to her feet. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know why I came here. If I’d thought about it I would have realised that there was nothing you could do.’
‘I only wish there were something.’ He left his chair and opened the door. ‘You will tell Mrs Powell that Captain D’Este has moved?’
‘I’ll tell her.’
‘I have his address …’
‘He knows hers, Colonel. If he wants to get in touch with her no doubt he will. Shall we leave it at that?’
‘She’s here.’
Tomas D’Este fingered his blackened and swollen face as he looked at his colleague.
‘You’re sure?’
‘Absolutely. I don’t know why you thought she wouldn’t come. You should have known that she wouldn’t let the boys down.’
‘No. I suppose she wouldn’t,’ he said slowly, thinking of Peter Greaves and all the others she’d helped over the past months. He’d been a fool to think that she’d come to the hospital just in the hope of seeing him again.
‘You’ve got yourself into a right mess over her, haven’t you?’
‘Ye
s.’
‘If it’s any help …’
‘Take my word for it, whatever you were about to say, won’t be any help at all. I keep telling myself she’s married with a daughter. That I had no right to kiss her much less break up her marriage, but I can’t help myself.’
‘You have got it bad.’
‘I never knew love could hurt so much.’
‘In that case, how about trying to take your mind off Jane Powell by rebuilding a shattered jaw?’
‘Greaves?’
‘Evan’s. There was a time when you would have known who was on the list without any prompting.’
Crumpling the wrapper of the Baker’s chocolate bar he’d just eaten, Tomas tossed it into the wastebin and followed Higgins out through the door.
Jane had never had such difficulty in concentrating on a conversation. Every time the door to the ward opened, she looked up expecting to see Tomas. She strained her ears, listening to voices drift in from the garden outside, but none had his Spanish lilt. The hands on the ward clock crawled sluggishly round, marking off seconds that dragged past more slowly than days, as she struggled in vain to understand what Peter was telling her.
‘You got problems, Jane?’ he asked after she’d ignored his third direct question.
‘No.’
‘Liar,’ he contradicted her fondly. ‘I’ve just asked you what you thought about the Russians invading Australia and all you did was murmur “Mmm”.’
‘I’m sorry. I’ll try to pay more attention.’
‘This isn’t school.’
‘I’m interested in what you’re saying.’
‘No, you’re not. And I don’t mind, really. I don’t expect even the most perfect visitor to be perfect all the time. It’s not your husband, is it?’
‘What do you mean?’ she asked quickly, wondering if gossip about the fight between Haydn and Tomas had reached the hospital.
‘He’s in a war zone?’
‘No, Bristol.’
‘And your little girl is all right?’
‘Wonderful.’
‘Then everything is OK?’
‘As OK as it can be in wartime.’
‘And it’s still all right for me to come and stay with you and your sister-in-law at the end of the month?’
‘Of course,’ she lied, crossing her fingers behind her back. She and Bethan had hardly spoken since Haydn had left, and she had no idea how Bethan felt about her and Anne staying on in her home now that Haydn was divorcing her, let alone a strange man she had befriended. The one time she had dared broach the subject over a hurried breakfast, Bethan had been most insistent that as far as she was concerned nothing had changed, and Haydn would come to his senses, sooner or later. But then Bethan hadn’t seen Haydn’s face when he had told her he would admit adultery to speed their divorce. She dreaded the time when she would have to face the situation, because it would mean losing not only Haydn, but also the family she had come to regard as her own.
‘Sorry, I was a bit preoccupied.’ She squeezed Peter’s hand. ‘I promise I’ll be back to my normal self next week.’
‘This visiting lark can cut both ways, you know. You helped me with my problems. I could help you with yours, if you let me.’
‘I wish you could.’
‘Try me?’
‘Perhaps I will, but not now. There isn’t time.’ She smiled in relief as the sister rang the bell for the end of visiting.
‘It’s nothing to do with Captain D’Este, is it?’
She stared at him, wondering if his question was a roundabout way of confirming rumours, or if she and Tomas had made their attraction to one another that obvious.
‘We’ve all seen the way he looks at you,’ he explained.
‘Mrs Powell, it’s time,’ the sister called.
‘See you next week.’ Glad of an excuse to get away, she almost ran down the ward and into the foyer where Tomas was waiting for her.
‘Want a ride?’
She shook her head.
‘You can’t avoid me for ever, Jane.’ He dropped his voice to a whisper as he drew closer. ‘We need to talk.’
‘I don’t want to go to the New Inn.’
‘I wasn’t suggesting we should. Come on.’
He drove to the field where he had kissed her for the first time. Then it had been high summer, now there was a chill in the air that portended autumn. Driving across the verge, he parked the bike and waited to help her over the gate. She hesitated for a moment before taking his hand.
‘I’m sorry about your face,’ she apologised, moving away from him as soon as her feet touched the ground.
‘I would have done the same if I was your husband and caught a stranger kissing you.’
‘But you’re not my husband.’
‘No.’ He touched her hair gently, and she turned to look at him. ‘But I could be.’
‘No, Tomas. You couldn’t.’
‘Jane, I didn’t want to fall in love with you. But it’s happened. We can’t ignore it.’
‘Nothing can change the fact that I’m married.’
‘Didn’t Haydn tell you that he came to see me that night?’
‘After the fight?’
‘He asked me if I intended to marry you when you were free.’
‘And what did you say?’
‘That I loved you and if I was given the chance I’d marry you and bring up Anne as if she was my own child.’
‘But she’s not your child, and I’m not your wife.’
‘But you could be.’ He moved away, sensing that it would be better not to touch her again lest she think he was trying to pressurise her into making a decision she wasn’t ready to make.
‘Tomas, whatever I feel for you, and whatever Haydn said, I can’t just walk away from him and pretend that we were never married.’
‘I don’t expect you to. After all, there’s Anne. Whatever happens between us, Haydn will always be her father. The only question is, are you going to stay with him?’
‘How can I when he’s divorcing me? I know Haydn, he won’t change his mind, not now. And after what we did, who can blame him?’
‘It isn’t as if we’ve done anything serious,’ he said angrily. ‘Just two damned kisses.’
‘It’s not the kisses, Tomas. I think if I’d asked him, he would have forgiven me if we’d made love. It would even up the score.’
‘He’s been unfaithful to you and you’re worried about what we haven’t even done!’
‘I can’t be sure, but I think from the way Haydn behaved before we married he’s never set great store by fidelity, certainly not his own. Before he asked me out, I watched him work his way through an entire line of chorus girls. He spends his working life surrounded by beautiful, half-naked women, and most of them mean nothing to him, not even when he sleeps with them. He knew I’d be upset at the thought of him having an affair, no matter how fleeting, but guilt still drove him to confess. But that’s Haydn. Honest to the point of recklessness. He’d rather risk our marriage than live a lie. And the problem is he’s seen through me. It’s not the thought of us having an affair that drove him to ask for a divorce. He would forgive me anything, except my falling in love with you.’
‘Then you do love me?’
‘Did you ever doubt it?’
‘I was beginning to wonder.’
‘I think I fell in love with you the moment we met.’
‘This is getting too complicated for me. I love you, you love me, Haydn knows and is prepared to divorce you, yet you won’t marry me?’
‘No.’
‘Holy Mother of God, I’ll never understand women.’
‘But I will make love with you, if that’s what you want.’
He stared at her in disbelief. ‘Are you serious? You’ll make love to me, just like that? What are we supposed to do? Go to my room, or some seedy hotel? You’ll play the part of the whore and I’ll be your client. We’ll undress and spend twenty minutes grappling around in a strange b
ed, then afterwards, we’ll put our clothes back on and go our separate ways?’
‘Hopefully it won’t be like that.’
He knelt beside her and laid his hands gently on her head, pulling it close to his, gazing into her clear, brown eyes. ‘Don’t you understand? I love you. I worship and adore you, I want you to be my wife.’
‘I’m not a Madonna, Tomas, but a flesh and blood woman.’
‘Then marry me!’
‘And your fiancée?’
‘I’ve already written to her.’
‘Tomas …’
‘No, you listen to me for once. I want you. Do you understand – you and no one else. I could never settle for Conchita, not now I’ve known you and what love can be like between a man and a woman. Life with her would be second best and she deserves a husband who will love her as much as I love you. So, will you marry me?’
She shook her head.
‘And that’s your final answer?’
‘I’m married to Haydn.’
‘Who doesn’t want or deserve you,’ he retorted impatiently.
‘If he doesn’t want me then perhaps it’s time I lived alone for a while.’
‘What have you been doing?’
‘Not living alone. Haydn might have been away, but he’s always been there in the background. Try to understand, Tomas, for most of my life people have made my decisions for me. The workhouse, the homes – I couldn’t even choose what time to get up in the morning or when to go to bed. I had the use of only one dress a week so I didn’t know what it was to stand in front of a wardrobe and pick out clothes for the day. And even when I left, there wasn’t time for anything except earning the money I needed to survive. Not until Haydn came along. He gave me everything …’ She turned away as her voice trembled.
Taking her in his arms, Tomas held her close. Her body was soft, unresisting.
‘Take me to your rooms?’
‘Now?’
‘Right now, Tomas. Please?’
‘And afterwards?’
‘I don’t know about afterwards. I only know that I want you. And perhaps Haydn is right. It would be more honest of us to make love than dream about it. It’s what we both want, isn’t it?’
He drove towards Llantwit Fardre, slowing down in front of an old pub that fronted the road. Driving around the back, he parked his bike, unstrapped his bag and walked to a kitchen entrance.
Broken Rainbows Page 33