Scars and Songs (Mad World)

by Christine Zolendz

  I pushed open the door, pulled back the backseat and literally threw his dumbass into the back. He didnʼt even stop talking on his phone. I slammed the front seat in his face. “Dude!” he yelled at me.

  I held my hand out for Grace and she took it. I gently helped her into the Jeep and closed the door for her. I drove back across town and down the East side toward Centre Street. Graceʼs eyes were on me as I drove. I only flicked a glance at her once and I found no anger in them. I would have given my right arm to know what she was thinking when she looked at me that way, though.

  “What happened?” she whispered, while Tucker made drunken lawyer-ish phone calls from behind me.

  “Alex was out with that chick whose boyfriend jumped him. The boyfriend had roughed her up after the incident with Alex, and well, I think Alex went to the guyʼs house and I guess stood up to him. He kicked through some windows or something.”

  She leaned her head against the window and sighed.

  I pulled up to Manhattan Central Booking and Tuckerʼs father was already standing out front waiting for him, hands across his chest, looking every bit like the pissed off high and mighty ambulance chaser he was.

  I opened my side of the car door to let Tucker get out. When I got back in and closed the door, Tucker gestured for me to open the window to talk. He leaned his dumbass head in and talked across me to Grace, “Grace, Iʼm sorry. I know that this was one of the best nights of your life. Iʼll take you back to Masa whenever youʼd like.”

  Fury flickered across her eyes. “Oh, weʼll have to talk about that, Tucker,” she bristled. I couldn’t help but smile.

  Tucker didnʼt hear her; he just gave her a wide drunk grin, “I know, it was amazing. Grace, youʼre amazing.” He looked at me, saw how close his face was to mine and flinched back. When he got to a better distance, he nodded, “Thanks for taking her home for me, youʼre a good friend.” He pounded his palm on the door, and screamed, “Get her home safe, this big boy has gotta play superman!”

  I wanted to drive away with his head still inside the car.

  I peeled the Jeep into the street with squealing tires. I was pissed off. I was jealous. I didnʼt understand why in the world she chose to go out with someone like Tucker. But I didnʼt say anything. I had to remember that she wasnʼt Selah, she wasnʼt anything to me; and she definitely wasnʼt mine.

  We drove back in silence. Complete soundlessness. Yet, I could loudly hear the blood pounding through the veins in my body, hard and angry.

  I had to drive the freakin’ Jeep around the block about a half dozen times before I found a spot. Why would anyone in this city own a car? Seriously not worth it.

  I walked her to her apartment, but she didnʼt go inside. She just walked right past it and said, “Thanks, Shane, goodnight.”

  “Where are you going?” I called after her.

  “I need to have a drink or few.”

  “What? Now? Why?” I stammered.

  She pulled out her cell phone and looked at the screen, and then leveled a serious stare at me. “That was just two and a half hours of my life that I will never get back. And in those two and a half hours, I have spent more time with a jerk, than all of my years on this earth. I am kind of hoping the rest of my night will be full of regretful behavior and irreversible decisions.” She tried to walk away, but I grabbed her arm and spun her around to face me.

  Her face was so close to mine, I had to swallow back a shallow gasp. I managed a small smile. “What? So that wasnʼt the best night of your life?” My heart slammed itself against my rib cage.

  “Shut up, Shane, and go home!” She tugged away from me and walked away.

  I caught up to her in two steps. I swung my arm around her shoulder and fell in step with her. “I think I need a night of watching you entertain me with your regretful behavior and your irreversible decisions.”

  She leaned into me but looked up at me and said, “We need to call Lea and tell her and Conner to meet us at Boozerʼs then.”

  Iʼm positive that she didnʼt realize it, but she knocked my legs right out from underneath me. “Grace, are you afraid of being alone with me?” I didnʼt even try to hide my hurt. I lifted my arm off her shoulders. “Grace, I get it. You arenʼt interested in anything with me. Iʼm not going to try anything, I promise.” Hell, she was breaking my damn heart. I took my phone out of my pocket. “Iʼll tell them to meet us there.”

  Someone like Tucker was okay to be alone with, but not me? This girl was horrible at reading people.

  We walked into Boozerʼs and headed straight for the bar. As always, there was a great crowd and Ryan the bartender nodded to me and shook my hand.

  “Hey, Ry, whatʼs up? This is the beautiful, albeit untouchable, Grace.” I looked down at her beautiful eyes, “Grace, this is Ryan.” She said hello to him. Of course, Ryan, being a man, openly gawked at how beautiful she was. I wanted to slam my fist into his face, and then rip that lip ring of his right off his lips.

  “Ryan, everything she gets is on me, whatever she wants; no limits,” I said. I gave him a threatening glare, but he was too busy eye fucking Grace even to see me. When I turned back to ask her what she’d like to drink, she had taken her coat off and placed it on the bar. My heart rate tripled; adrenaline spiked in my veins. My eyes slowly took in her body, from head to toe and back again. It took all my restraint not to fall to my knees in front of her and beg her to love me.

  She wore a tight silver shirt that shimmered around her body and matched her eyes exactly. The neckline plunged low and the curves and perfect roundness of her breasts sent waves of desire spiking through my entire body. She wore skintight black leggings and those fuck-me knee high leather boots that I had dreamt about wrapped around me.

  “What would you like, Grace?” I could hardly breathe standing so close to her.

  “Tequila, please,” she whispered.

  “Ryan, the woman wants Tequila. Line up the shot glasses, salt and limes, sir,” I said to Ryan. Then I turned back to look at Grace, “And let the regretful behavior begin!”

  Ryan lined up a row of shot glasses, a glass saltshaker, and placed a handful of limes on a napkin in front of us. His eyes never left her. I think I might have growled out loud.

  Without a moment of hesitation, Grace licked the back of her hand with her tongue slowly, her eyes meeting mine. She sprinkled salt on it and licked it again, slower. With her gaze still steady on mine, a rush of crimson colored her cheeks. She tilted the shot back and slowly placed the lime in her mouth and sucked. Instant massive hard-on. It took every last little bit of my self-control not to slam my lips against that sexy mouth of hers.

  “My God,” I whispered.

  She narrowed her eyes playfully at me. “Why am I drinking alone?”

  “Oh, donʼt worry, Grace, youʼre not alone,” I said as I took my shot, not anywhere near at sexy or sensual as she did it. Her cheeks reddened more though, and I found myself, yet again, wondering what she could possibly be thinking of to blush like that around me.

  “Holy shots!” Leaʼs voice tore me from her eyes.

  “Lea!” Grace yelled, and hugged her tight. She pulled away and scolded her friend, “That, my friend will be the last time that you will ever talk me into going on a date!”

  Lea held up her finger to Grace, I guess to disagree and Grace bit it. Holy shit, did that turn me on even more. I held out a shot to her and smiled, believing for the first time, Lea really was the reason she went out with Tucker.

  “Last time, Lea. Itʼs my messed up life and if I want to waste it, I will!” She grabbed the shot glass out of my hands and brushed her fingers against mine. Our eyes collided with each other’s. Her breath caught and for the second time, I thought I felt there was something there.

  After two more shots, I took her hand and entwined my fingers with hers. I nodded to the dance floor and she smiled and came with me, not hesitating for a minute. Lea and Conner followed. I spun her around and held her back to me. I knew if I faced her,
sheʼd run, and I wanted desperately to feel her move against my body for just a little while. And my God, did she. She melted right into me like we were one. Like she found where she belonged. Her hips swayed with mine to the music and she lifted her hands up over my head. My hands wrapped around her, pressing on the flatness of her stomach. I pulled her closer, crushing my body against hers, still moving our bodies to the beat of the song. Sweating into each other, grinding and sliding against each other. I roamed my hands up the sides of her body, grasping her skin, and skating my fingertips along the damp flesh. When she ran her hands through my hair, I couldnʼt bear not to face her any longer. I spun her around and for a moment, desire pulsed in her eyes, but she pushed me away and stopped dancing.

  “Shane,” she breathed, through parted lips. Guilt and fear shone through her features, yet she fisted my shirt in both her hands, not letting me move away too far.

  I tightened my grip around her waist, pulling her in closer until she was full fledge up against my body, and had to realize how much I wanted her by what she felt against her. I buried my face in her hair and inhaled those sweet wildflowers. “Youʼre killing me, Grace,” I whispered against her ear. Her breathing quickened as I slid my hand slowly up her ribs until my fingertips grazed the underside of her breast. Damn, she felt good.

  She leaned her face away from me and looked terrified. I didnʼt want to scare her, I didnʼt mean to do anything wrong, but she was giving me signals, wasnʼt she? Shit, probably not.

  “I know. I know, Grace!” My hands flew up into the air. “I have absolutely no chance at a night with you. Iʼm not trying to sleep with you. Iʼm just having fun, you smell awesome, you are inhumanly beautiful, and youʼre making my heart beat overtime…Shots?”

  After a split second of sheer terror, an enormous smile pulled at her lips and she laughed and nodded. “Shots!” I wiped my sweaty palms down my pants as I followed her off the dance floor.

  Back at the bar, we did a few more shots. I lost count. The only thing I knew was that I wanted her to want me. I had to know how she felt.

  The girls went to the bathroom, as they always do, in packs. The night was speeding by. There had been too many shots drunk and I didnʼt want things to get any fuzzier, so I ordered a few bottles of water. For the first time since I got thrown into Shane’s body, the first time in the nine months that I’d been on earth, I didn’t drink myself into oblivion.

  “Conner, do you think Grace is talking about me in the bathroom?” I slurred. Fucking hell, I was drunk already.

  He laughed. “Maybe, if thereʼs some good shit written about you on the walls. If not, sheʼs probably just taking a piss,” he slurred back. Fucking hell, he was drunk too.

  I jabbed him in the shoulder. “Iʼm fucking screwed, Con.”

  He leaned against the bar next to me. He laughed, “Why whatʼs going on? You break both your arms? Get arrested?”

  “Worse. Iʼm crazy about her.”

  He quirked an eyebrow and snorted, “Yeah. Right. Sure.” Then he punched me in the arm. “Whatever you say.”

  My body went rigid with annoyance. “Hell, Conner! Iʼm not fucking kidding around. Sheʼs driving me bat shit crazy, I donʼt know if sheʼs interested in me or not. Sheʼs Leaʼs best friend, dude. I donʼt want to mess anything up.” I raked my hands through my hair and held my head, “Bro, I can’t even see past her to look at other girls. All I see is her.”

  Conner folded his hands and offered me a thoughtful expression, as if he was my shrink about to give me really expensive advice. “Yeah, I guess I can see where that might be an issue. If you want my advice, I say leave her alone. The way Lea talks about her, sheʼs got bigger demons than you,” he slurred.

  I highly doubt that.

  Conner took another shot and smiled at me through glazed over eyes. “But if you really want to know how she feels, and donʼt you ever say this to Lea, because then I will have to hurt you big time. Just pick some hot chick at the bar, mess around, and dance with her in front of Grace. See how she reacts.”

  “So, your drunken ass advice is to dance with someone else and see if Grace says something to me?”

  “Yep.” He giggled. “Maybe you shouldnʼt listen to me, cuz I think Iʼm getting drunk. But, thatʼs how I figured out Lea wanted to be more than friends with me.” He looked at the floor with a distant cloudy look to his eyes. “Lea walked right onto the dance floor and smacked me upside the head and told me to man up, lose the skank, and dance with a real woman. I haven’t been the same since.”

  On cue, a decent looking blonde waved at me from the other end of the bar. I had seen her a handful of times at shows, so I took a deep breath and sauntered over. Just talking to the chick wonʼt hurt anything, right?

  Before I even got over there, the blonde started talking to me. From about ten feet away, she greeted me and told me her name, which I didnʼt hear. I also didnʼt ask her to repeat it either, because I didn’t give a shit.

  “Youʼre Shane, right? The singer?” Well, that’s one I’ve never heard before. Shit, I’m thinking sarcastic drunk thoughts.

  “Thatʼs what Iʼve heard,” I laughed.

  She arched her back, making sure to place her cleavage in my view, and curled her blonde hair around her fingers. This is stupid, I donʼt want to be talking with this girl, I wanted to be near Grace.

  “Are you going to sing tonight?”

  “No,” I kept looking towards the bathroom.

  “Iʼve seen your band here a few times. I really like your music. Itʼs hot.”

  “Thanks.” Um yeah, hot. Yeah thatʼs one way to describe something I have been creating, composing and breathing life into for thousands of fucking years.

  She giggled, “Do you think Iʼm hot?”

  Grace and Lea walked back into the room. Lea was oblivious, but Grace saw me immediately. She showed no emotion, she just walked right back to where we were before.

  Okay, here goes nothing, or everything. I leaned closer to the girl, brushed her hair off her shoulder and whispered in her ear, “One of the hottest girls Iʼve seen.”

  She giggled and raked through my hair with her long clawed hands. I shivered; I hated grossly long fingernails on women, they reminded me of demons. Real ones.

  Grace drank a shot and slammed the empty glass back on the bar. She and Lea sat on two barstools, both of them watching me. I couldnʼt see where Conner was, traitor. I hoped he was puking in the bathroom; this was a horrible idea.

  The blonde grabbed my hand and pulled me to the dance floor. Grace watched every step I took. Still she showed no emotion that I could see.

  The girl’s hands were all over me. I tried to dance with her, but really all she was trying to do was rub her ass all over me and dry hump my leg. It reminded me of my grandmother’s dog when it was in heat.

  Grace continued to take in our show and her face slowly started changing. I knew because I never looked once at the girl I was dancing with, I only looked at Grace. She downed four more shots sitting there. I wanted to tell her to stop, but I wanted to see her reaction to this too. So far, I liked what I was seeing.

  Conner came back and he and Lea started a conversation. Grace glanced at them once, jumped off the stool and headed for the bathroom again. As she passed me, she shook her head and smiled. It was torn, it didnʼt reach her eyes, and I knew that I must have meant something to her. I watched her walk away into the back hall and I saw her stop short. A dark shadow seemed to wrap its arms around her and yank her away. What the?

  I threw the blonde off me, “Thanks for the dance. I have to go!”

  The girl whined and stood there with a look as if I had just ripped her heart out. It was one freaking dance!

  I yelled for Conner and Lea to get Marty, the bouncer. I didnʼt know exactly what I saw, but I knew something wasnʼt right. Lea collided with me and we both drunkenly stumbled onto the floor.

  “What happened? You looked scared, whereʼs Grace?” She was freaking out.

  I got
up and dragged her up with me. “I saw her go down the hall and I think I saw something, I donʼt know. Letʼs just find her!” I couldnʼt explain that I just knew, for sure, that something was wrong. Maybe I still had remnants of left over angel abilities, I didn’t know, all I knew was that I knew, deep in my soul, she needed me.

  Lea screamed her name and ran into the bathroom. “Shane sheʼs not in here!” I tried all the doors, closet, storage room, men’s room. The last storage room was locked. Boozer never locks that door, the wait staff needs to be able to get to all the supplies in there.

  My skin crawled. “Grace!” Lea pounded her fists on the door. I shoved her out of the way. Backing all the way up, I rammed a front lunge kick right next to the locked doorknob. The door burst inward, the frame shot splinters of wood around me. A guy almost the size of Ethan was hunched over in front of Grace. There were splatters of bright red blood all over the floor and all over Graceʼs hands. “Get the hell off her!” I yelled, yanking the guy away from her. I didnʼt even think, I pounded the guys face over and over. I had fought in angelic wars; we knew no mercy. I wouldn’t stop until I heard his last breath of life.

  Then I heard Grace exhale. Thatʼs all it took to make me stop. I needed to know if she was hurt. But the minute I turned my head and looked at her, I felt a sharp pain in my chest, above my heart. The guy stabbed the blade of a knife into my shoulder and yanked it right back out to do it again. He advanced towards me once more, and I easily brushed the weapon away and slammed him in the chest full force. I was done fighting like I was just human. The guy flew across the small room, slammed up against the wall and collapsed to the floor, out cold. I grabbed for her. I took her beautiful face in my hands, but she kept looking at my shoulder. Her eyes were wide, but she showed no other emotion. “Grace, are you okay? Did he hurt you? He had blood all over him when I came in. Where are you hurt?”

  She clawed at my shoulder, found the puncture wound and held it down hard, putting pressure to it. Then she met my eyes with hers and smiled. I wanted to die right there in her arms. “It was his blood, Shane. He didnʼt hurt me.”