“Aw, Gabriel, you keep calling me a pretty boy and I might start thinking you find me attractive,” I murmured as I fought with my body to stay in control.
“Even in your last breaths, you joke. Just think about how your little Grace will feel when she sees you’re nothing more than a junkie. Maybe, I’ll even add to her heartbreak by wrapping your dead body around one of your repulsive whores. Then she’ll see Shane Maxton for who he really was. Don’t worry, I’ll be the ANGEL who comforts her.”
His laughter echoed between the walls of the brick buildings that towered over my body. My limbs started shaking violently and my mouth filled with foaming salvia. My thoughts were warm and fuzzy, all I could do is scream out for Michael, and beg for some sort of help.
Then the heroin hit. Warmth enveloped my body, it was one of those warmths that separated your mind from your body, and I could feel nothing of how my body was shutting down, convulsing and snarling on the cold street. Everything felt perfect and I would have sworn that we lived in a world where everyone rode on pink unicorns and nothing could ever go wrong. There was no danger, Grace was a lost thought and my veins almost burst with the high.
I know in my haze that I heard my voice calling for Michael, and somewhere deep inside my brain, I sensed that this feeling wasn’t supposed to be this good.
My heart rate escalated to a wild drumming rhythm and my heart almost burst from the pressure. My body was overdosing, but my high let me feel nothing but pure pleasure. Somewhere inside the sublime euphoria, panic took hold, and my heart sped up even faster. I felt my breaths coming out in struggling gasps and my brain pounded against my skull. I wanted to die. Please Michael, take this poison out of me.
Crawling out of the alley, I stumbled into the dark street and collapsed in front of a yellow taxi barreling towards me. Brakes screeched, but then strong, feathered arms pulled me up, lifting me over the vehicle and into the night.
Michael carried me; the heat and burn of the heroin tore out of my body, leaving me twisted and tortured, but utterly sober. I blacked out, spiraled into nothingness, the earth falling from beneath my feet; I fell. And I landed hard.
When I opened the door to my apartment with trembling hands, it was 7:30 in the morning. Cringing, I stepped into what looked like a frat party exploded all over my once clean walls. What the hell could make such a disaster?
My answer walked in on red stiletto heels, with wild and messy shoulder length dark hair, and wearing nothing but a pair of little red lacy panties. Ignoring Bliss, heroin poster child, one of original Shane’s lifelong friends, I bolted to my bedroom (which one of the guys had the decency to lock for me). My heart was hammering erratically in my chest and my hands shook violently from the quick withdrawal of the drugs in my system. How the hell was I going to get through a band practice like this? I knew from experience, this was just the beginning.
I needed a run. I needed to go for a run and work off this… this… uncontrollable… feeling. My legs shook. I bounced on the balls of my feet. My skin crawled. Fuck. It was 7:40! An hour and twenty minutes. I have an hour and twenty minutes before Grace will see me. She couldn’t see me like this.
I tore off my shirt and pants and ran into the bathroom. Bliss was right behind me, yapping her high-pitched scratchy voice off at me, “Where the hell have you been all night? Alex was telling me about your new little guitarist. Says you got some serious feelings for her. Shane Maxton don’t do serious. What’s your story?”
I slammed the bathroom door in her face and turned the shower on. I needed the shakes to stop. I needed my muscles to calm down. Scalding hot water slid over my body, sending searing pain through my skin, into my pores and veins. Falling to my knees, my body convulsed against the absence of the drugs. I fumbled halfway out of the bathtub and grasped hold of the damp porcelain of the toilet bowl. Nausea knotted and cramped at my stomach muscles until I purged what toxins were left inside me; my naked body twisting and fighting against itself across the cold tiled floor. My temperature soared and my muscles ached savagely.
Crawling back into the tub, with whatever little energy I had left, I scrubbed my skin raw with soap. My flesh itched and craved its high. I can’t do this. I can’t let Grace see me like this. I needed to cancel practice. This body couldn’t fight this need, not in front of everyone.
The blazing stream of the shower rinsed the soap away. I watched the tiny bubbles whirl in circles as they were flushed down the metal drain and I wished I could liquefy and follow; flow into the running water and eventually evaporate into the world.
My hands pawed blindly at the spout of the faucet, but my hands were too heavy and weak to turn the water off. My whimpers echoed against the tiled walls and mocked me.
I didn’t know how many minutes passed before someone reached over me and turned the water off. I was falling in and out of consciousness when cool hands wrapped a soft towel around my shoulders.
“Forgive me, Shane, I forget how easily breakable human bodies are,” Michael’s voice whispered against my cumbersome body as he wrapped his wings around me and lifted me up.
Instantly, I felt the pull; the slow pull of all the filth disappearing from all the cells of my body. Draining me. Draining me until my eyes focused, until my breathing became steady and my heart beat strong.
“Is she truly worth this, Shane?”
“You’ve never felt how soft her lips are,” I whispered to him as I struggled to stand. Quickly, my body felt lighter, healthier, and stronger. Relief.
“Is lust all that this is about?”
Lifting my gaze to meet his, I held his icy blue stare. “Michael, I’ve spent thousands of years in a prison in Hell and every single moment my thoughts were of her and not the suffering. I’ve spent months here in this twisted drug addicted body trying to forget her through lust with other women and I can’t. I’ve been broken and she’s my missing pieces, all of them. My heart wants what it wants. She is the other half of my soul. I will never feel whole until she’s mine.”
A slight smile played against his lips as he nodded his head and disappeared. The air around where he stood shifted and shimmered until I was standing naked, completely alone.
Even though I was completely dry, I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked back into my room to get dressed. Bliss jumped out of the kitchen and followed me through the hallway, unaware that my human body almost died on the other side of the bathroom wall moments ago, or that an archangel had been an arm’s length away from her.
She trailed me to my room and whined while I searched my drawers for clothes. Turning my back to her, I dropped the towel and quickly slid up a pair of boxers and jeans.
She leaned against the frame of my door and crossed her arms over her still bare chest. “You know, Shane, both of us half dressed in your room could be lots of fun. I haven’t seen you in over ten months, how about a little playtime?” She pulled a vial of some sort of drug out of her damn panties, closed my door and slithered up next to me like a slutty snake. She was even hissing some bullshit about something.
I ignored her little bottle of addiction. “Damn, Bliss, doesn’t your left leg miss your right leg?” I quipped, grabbing my tee shirt and headed for the door.
She moved in front of me, thrusting her chest in my direction. “Whoa. Shane, are you saying I can’t keep my legs closed like it’s a bad thing?”
I walked around her, not even looking at her chest. “All I’m saying, Bliss, is that you have climbed to the top of the skank tree, then fell,” I turned around and looked her deadpan in her bloodshot eyes. “And you banged every guy on the way down. I don’t want to touch that. And yeah, I have some serious feelings for Grace. So serious that my interest in sticking my dick in any willing girl ceased to exist.”
“I don’t believe it. You’re fucking lying. You’re too much of a whore, Shane, one girl will never keep you entertained for long.”
“Think whatever you want, Bliss,” I murmured.
A n
asty smirk creased her lips, “Tell me, Shane, is she okay with all your other girls? Is she accepting of how much of a whore you really are? How about the drugs, Shane? Does she even know? Remember the last time we got high together?”
“I’ve changed. I grew up. I’ve been clean for nine months and the last time we got high, I went on such a bender I ended up almost dying in the bathroom of Boozer’s with that little red head friend of yours you introduced me to. I’m not going back to that darkness.”
Opening my bedroom door, I stormed down the hallway yanking my shirt over my head. Bliss followed behind me, still whining. Still wearing nothing but those little red panties.
I walked out of the hallway to Grace standing at my front door talking to Ethan. Her eyes snapped straight to Bliss and the sheer look of horror that crossed her face was like a bat to my knees. Her face flushed bright red, and I knew she immediately thought the worst of me. The worst part was that I couldn’t even blame her for it; I had never proven myself different from what she saw then.
From where I stood, I could see the tears well in her beautiful eyes and my heart ached to reach out and grab a hold of her. She raised her chin and met my gaze. Time froze. I could see hatred and disgust in those eyes; and then nothing. Her stare turned stoic and she blankly turned her head, devoid of all emotion, as if she just switched herself off. No, she switched me off.
“I got coffee for everyone downstairs if practice is still on,” she said innocently.
When the word coffee slipped from her lips, Alex climbed out from behind the couch wearing a pair of black boxers with a giant yellow smiley face on the front. “Ah, Grace, my love, you always have the most perfect things coming from your lips. Lead me to the coffee.”
Alex stumbled over the couch and walked past Grace through the front door and down the hall humming idiotically about coffee. Ethan followed him.
Grace looked at me once more with lips trembling, and turned to leave. I lunged for her shoulders, pulling her gently back inside, desperate to set her straight. But as soon as my hands reached her she flinched and my heart sank.
Jumping at the opportunity she saw, Bliss strutted past us slowly and bit her lower lip looking from Grace back to me. “Let me know if you find my bra, sweetie. I’ll round up the girls and we’ll meet you in the studio in a bit,” she purred.
What the hell would possess Bliss to do that? Fuck, Grace was never going to believe anything I said now.
Bliss sashayed her nasty ass back down the hallway, giggling. Grace’s eyes were glued to Bliss as she walked away. “Damn, Shane, did you choose the wrong girl last night,” she whispered.
“Grace, don’t. Don’t even think any of your stupid shit about me. The only person I wanted to be with last night was you. It’s always you.” I deadpanned.
Slowly, Grace’s eyes traveled back to mine. “Sure, Shane. Whatever you say. It’s not like I don’t know how you are, Shane, so please don’t mistake me for stupid.” She yanked her body from my grasp and smiled sweetly. “I’m going into the studio to practice. I’ll see you whenever you get there. Remember I brought you boys coffee,” she said without a care.
I stormed down the hallway in search of Bliss, who of course I found sprawled out, still wearing only her undies, across my bed. “Get your filthy ass off my bed. I’m not fucking playing games with you,” I seethed.
Bliss’s eyes widened for a second, and then a slow smile lit up her face, “She must have one hell of a golden pussy, huh, Shane?” She lifted herself onto her knees and crawled across my bed seductively. “You know, even gold tarnishes and loses its shine, sweetie. And when hers does, I’ll be here to play with you.”
Screw this. I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed her by the shoulders, shoved her out of my room, and locked the door behind us. “Gold doesn’t tarnish, you’re thinking of silver, which is nothing compared to the worth of gold, kind of like you. And believe me, that girl will never lose her shine. Now, fuck off.”
I ran into the living room where Brayden and the rest of Vixen4 were getting ready to head to the studio.
Brayden nodded his head at me, “Hey, bro.”
Not making any eye contact with him, I just nodded in his approximate direction, and we all walked to the studio. Well, not me, I ran. My heart thumped wildly in my chest as I wondered what I could say to make Grace understand that I wasn’t messing around with Bliss. I thrust open the studio door, slamming it against the wall as Brayden and I walked in.
“Oh man, make them go away,” Ethan whispered under his breath when Vixen4 came in behind us. He gave a tight glance to Alex who nodded in agreement. “It’s going to be a long sleepless week.”
Immediately stalking in from behind me, Bliss and the rest of the members of Vixen4 moved forward and circled Grace, closing in on her fast. From behind his drum kit, Ethan bolted upright, rigid and ready for a fight. The skin on my arms prickled with a burning intensity to protect Grace, so I leaned forward to march in between them, but Alex’s arm reached for both Ethan and me. “Dude, it’s Grace. She’ll be fine. Let her piss on her turf,” Alex laughed. And he was right. This awe-inspiring creature had handled a hell of a lot worse in all her years on earth than Vixen4.
“Hey there. Grace. We’re the Vixen4,” Bliss sneered, flipping her dark hair behind her shoulder. “They call me Bliss,” she hissed. They surrounded Grace like predators to prey.
Grace casually slung her guitar strap over her head and smiled wide. “Oh, is that what they call you? I wonder what they call you when you’re not around,” she said sweetly as if it were sugar from her lips.
Bliss stepped even closer to Grace and grimaced, hissing like a pissed off cat. “This here is Scratch,” she said pointing to her pink haired bassist. “You might want to ask Shane why we call her that, unless you’ve already seen the scars on his back?” she lied.
Grace’s eyes snapped to mine and they danced with laughter as giggles shook her shoulders. “Wow, Bliss. The color jealous bitch doesn’t suit you, so why do you bother wearing it?”
Oh, thank God she doesn’t believe any of this shit. My shoulders relaxed with relief.
Bliss snapped her mouth closed, and then she laughed sarcastically. “Wow, the little shit has a mouth on her pretty little face. How fucking sweet is that,” she laughed again and gave Grace a snide look. “This is Cream,” she said pointing her finger to the blonde hair guitarist. “And this here is Essex,” she jabbed her thumb at her drummer who stood there with arms crossed and dressed from head to toe in military fatigues.
Bliss charged at Grace, stopping an inch in front of her face. My fists tightened and my body fought itself to surge forward, but I didn’t move. Neither did Grace, she didn’t even flinch, not even a tiny bit of eye widening or a gasp.
“She don’t look like very much to me, gentlemen,” Bliss turned to face me sneering. Brayden must have seen my fists and my stance, because he was immediately on me, holding me back from ripping Bliss’s head clean off her body. Then, Grace laughed. She freaking laughed out loud right in her face, and as always, I was amazed by her resolve and her strength.
“Wow, Bliss, how long did it take you to come up with that one? Did it keep you up all night?” Grace giggled turning her eyes to meet mine. My breath faltered.
“No, Shane kept me up all night,” Bliss snared.
I shook my head no and tried to struggle out of Brayden’s hold. Ethan jumped up and helped hold me back. The spark went out in her silver depths as she watched me. Then Grace turned her stare at Bliss and looked dead in her eyes, smiling another sweet smile. “So, Bliss, tell me how much semen do you swallow to become that stupid? Why would I care who kept your creepy looking ass up all night? And Shane, well, we all know you could slap a wig and stilettos on a fucking three legged chair and Shane would try to fuck it. I wouldn’t be bragging about getting a piece of Shane, anybody could do it.” Grace stepped closer to her, bumping into her, as if she was a badass gang member about to pop a cap in her a
ss. It kind of scared me a little, and it turned me on a lot.
“Ah man,” Alex murmured from behind me. “I love that girl. You guys are so lucky I broke my arms to get her.”
I struggled against Ethan and Brayden, groaning. Alex caught my line of vision, leaned in really close to me and whispered, “Hey, LOSER, I’m thinking, now I could be wrong, but maybe…just maybe, fighting with Bliss right now is NOT going to get Grace to L-word you back. I’m just saying, though. Calm yourself down, man.”
Grace gave me a tight smile, walked right past us and bumped shoulders with Bliss causing her to spin around like a rag doll. “You guys ready to play?” Grace asked, plugging her guitar into one of the amps. “Or you guys going to bring in the mud and watch Bliss and me go at it for your viewing pleasure.”
Alex looked at me and bit down on his lip, moaning, “Grace covered in mud, yummy edible dirt.” He ran over to Grace, picked her up and twirled her around. He nestled his face near her ear, “You’re my most favorite girl ever.”
I clenched my teeth painfully as rage roared through my body. I croaked a small, EM-Fucking-BARRASSING, protest when his hands touched Grace. And before I could think about what I was doing, my hands wrenched Alex off of her, shoving him away.
Alex held up his hands laughing. “Relax, bro. She’s all of ours, not just yours.” Then he stuck his tongue at me and winked. Ass.
“Just keep your hands off her, Alex,” I said as I yanked Grace out of the studio and into the hallway. With my hands around her shoulders, I leaned her against the wall and took a step back, leveling my eyes to hers. Raking my hands through my hair, I whispered to her, “Say something to me, Grace. Tell me that you know me better than that.”
She leaned her back against the wall, and strummed a few chords on her guitar that was haphazardly hanging off her shoulder. “Lie to me, Shane. Tell me that you didn’t leave me and spend the night with her.”
Scars and Songs (Mad World) Page 33