by Sasha Cain
I gave him my most serious look and he sobered. I took his hands in mine and shared the story of Celio. Naturally, I left out the details a brother wouldn’t want to hear, but I needed him to believe me and understand. I could tell he was trying. When I finished, he blew out a breath and shook his head.
“Mags, I know you believe all that happened, but you have to admit it sounds kind of Wizard of Oz-ish, don’t you think?”
“I know it does, but, Brendan I swear, it’s real and Darrios is real...and I love him.”
“Maggie...”
“I can prove it. Check out my neck.”
I bent down and flipped my hair over my head. The wound had started to heal, but it still looked nasty.
“Jesus, Maggie, what is that?”
“I told you. It’s where the viocomen got me, just outside of Midland.”
“I have to admit, it does look like something clawed you, but...”
“I promised Darrios I’d find a way back to him and I want to do that, but I hate the idea of leaving you. Come with me.”
“Maggie, I...”
“Oh Brendan, you’ll love Celio.”
“Maggie, please, listen to me. Even if there was such a place, I couldn’t go.”
“There is such a place.”
I knew he was having trouble believing me, but he’d come around. At least he didn’t laugh in my face like Gregg did.
“Maggie, you know I’m committed to Social Saviors. I joined right after I graduated. You remember, don’t you? It’s always been my plan. I was supposed to leave for Africa the first of the month. I asked them to postpone my deployment due to your coma and they agreed, but I’m still committed. I’m going to be there at least two years. Please tell me you haven’t forgotten. We’ve talked about this. You were fine with it before.”
I smiled and squeezed my brother’s arm. “Of course I remember. That’s been your goal since you were little. Don’t postpone. Follow your dream, Brendan. I’m happy for you,” I said, totally meaning it. I’d gotten so caught up in my own situation, I’d let his slip my mind. He needed me to be excited for him and I wasn’t going to let him down. “It’s just such a long time.”
“It is, but think of the good I’ll be doing. Think of all the children who will get to drink clean water and have medicine and go to school,” he said excitedly.
“I know, sweetie. You’re going to save the world. You always were. I hope those kids in Africa know they have their own personal superhero.”
“Are you okay with this?”
I put on my best happy face. “Of course I am. You have to live your life and make your own dreams come true. If you’re lucky enough to get the opportunity, you have to take it.” Darrios’ face flashed before my eyes. “You may not get a second chance.”
Brendan hugged me then began going on about all his plans and ideas. After a little while he checked his watch and jumped up.
“I need to get going. I love you, sis. I need to get my shots and I have a ton of paperwork. But I’ll be back tomorrow. Are you sure you don’t want me to postpone?”
“Brendan, go to Africa. Aunt Gin will be back soon, I’m sure, and those kids in Africa are waiting on you.”
He gave me the boyish grin that always melted my heart and saluted me. He kissed me on the forehead and then practically skipped out the door.
Suddenly, I felt very tired.
Chapter Seven
His gentle touch still lingered on my skin, I still savored the sweet taste of his kiss on my lips, still heard the soft, seductive sound of his voice, and his warm, inviting laugh.
I imagined his arms around me making me feel safe and loved, and I still held his heated, fiery passion, not to mention my own, vividly in my mind. In fact, they were far more alive than any memory I had of Gregg. Darrios was not a dream.
He was real. He had to be. I couldn’t bear it if he wasn’t. I reached up and rubbed my temples. An ugly sliver of doubt was attempting to creep into my mind, despite my efforts to push it away.
How could I have been in Celio with Darrios when Gregg said I was never missing? Would Gregg lie? Of course he would. He already had. Still...
I reached behind me to rub the stiffness out of my neck and searing pain shot through me. The gash the viocomen gave me. I giggled to myself, relief flooding over me...reminding me that Darrios hadn’t been a figment of my imagination; that the burning in my loins for him was, in fact, for a real man.
Then just as suddenly, my feelings changed. Into something dark and barren, devoid of anything but a hollow desolation that used to hold my heart. I wept with despair. He was gone...I was gone.
I felt myself being pulled into an undercurrent of tremendous grief, threatening to sweep me under and drown me. I couldn’t fight it. It was more than I could handle.
I had willingly left the man who brought me happiness for what? Clearly, I didn’t deserve to be happy. I’d spared the feelings of a man who had already left me, who had moved me to a place I loathed, while the whole time being unfaithful. And I had forsaken the man who stood by me, who had risked his life to save me, who had loved me.
Eventually, I ran out of tears, but the devastation to my psyche lingered on. I couldn’t function. I became nothing more than an empty shell.
****
Gregg and Amanda had long since gone and my hysterical reaction to the realization that I loved a man whom I could never have landed me at least four, maybe five more days in the hospital, the Peanut Falls Hospital for psychiatric evaluation and observation. How ridiculously ironic.
Loss and devastation consumed me, ate away at my bones, at my tissues, filled my lungs, engulfed my heart, and ripped at my soul. I had never in my life experienced such pain.
With every day that passed, I realized my love for Darrios at a deeper level, and my self-hatred for not seeing it sooner growing along with it.
My depression had reached its peak by noon of the fourth day. That’s when the pain changed. Into numbness...into a cold, hollow lack of feeling, like my chest had caved in and just nothing remained. That was worse.
The image of his hands on my body flashed through me, causing me to gasp. That heavy feeling in my heart returned and I sighed. The numbness hurt less, but at least the pain had been a reminder to me that Darrios did, in fact, exist.
I missed him every minute of every day. Sleep was the only time when I could escape my bonds of agony. I hoped he had forgiven me by now, although I wouldn’t blame him if he hadn’t.
****
We were sitting on a blanket, on the beach by the lake, face to face. The sun shined brightly, and the slight breeze, wafting the sweet, fragrant scents of the flowers in the nearby meadow, welcomed us. The warmth of the sun caressed my face like a lover.
The soothing sounds of the waterfall slowly bubbling over the gentle slopes of the rocks only added to our spiritual and sensual heights.
Darrios smiled at me and traced my jaw line with his fingertips. I shuddered, immediately aroused by his touch. He kissed my forehead lightly, and whispered my name, brushing his lips over my eyelids and then my nose. I felt his sweet breath on my face and longed for the taste of his kiss.
He took my face in his hands and gently kissed my lips, lingering for a moment, opening his eyes, and gazing into mine. He smiled wickedly and pulled me to him, kissing me deeply and hungrily. I reached for him, returning his kiss, the flames of desire licking at my soul.
I woke up, begrudgingly, not ready to face the day or anyone in it. I sighed, sadly, realizing my dreams would be over just as soon as I opened my eyes. I wanted to go back to sleep, to recapture the beauty that was Darrios.
****
The days dragged on. I think I’d been in the hospital for eight days, but it could’ve been more. At my insistence, my brother went home, with the doctor’s promise to call him if I showed any change.
I cared about nothing. I went through the daily motions without feeling. I ate without tasting. I heard without l
istening. Nothing mattered anymore. The only thing I looked forward to was sleep...when I could be with Darrios again, if only in my dreams.
The afternoon seemed particularly long. The rain had started late in the morning, only fueling my depression. I watched the shards of water pummeling the ground just as the jagged edges of pain had pierced my heart. I wished I could revisit Celio.
****
The rain had stopped by the time I woke up. The sun shined brightly through my window, not that it mattered to me because torrential rain continued to pour over my soul. An orderly backed into my room pulling a wheelchair. Before I could protest, he said, “Enough of all this gloom and doom, missy. What you need is some fresh air and sunshine.”
“What I need is for you to leave me alone,” I barked.
“Not gonna happen,” the orderly sang out.
I sighed, becoming increasingly agitated. “You’re wasting your time. I’m really not in the mood.”
He turned around and smiled. The recognition came in sort of a wave a slow motion, but it almost made me forget my situation for a moment.
“Bonnie? Oh my God, Bonnie! Wow, I must really be crazy.”
He winked at me. “Not as crazy as you might think, love.”
I reached out and touched his hand. “It is you, isn’t it? What are you doing here? How did you get here? And why are you dressed as a man? How did you know...? God, it’s good to see you, Bonnie. You are not gonna believe what happened.”
“I know exactly what happened, right up until the part where you came back. That, I did not see coming. You’re really making me work this time, Maggie. And the name’s actually Bernie.”
I sucked in a breath. “The Bernie...Fairy Godmother Bernie?”
He laughed. “I’ve never heard that analogy before, and I’m not sure if I like it, but for the sake of argument, yeah, that Bernie.”
“But how did you...?”
“I was born there, in Celio. Some of us, the natives, we can come and go between the two worlds. Most don’t, though. I mean why would you leave Celio if you didn’t have to?”
I winced.
“I like to think of myself as sort of a messenger between realms. Hence Bonnie, my wonderfully fun and snappy-dressing alter ego.”
I sighed with relief. “I knew it. I knew Celio and Darrios were real.”
“Of course they’re real. What would ever make you think they weren’t?”
I glanced down into my lap, thinking of the doubt on my brother’s face, and of course Gregg’s comments still lingered.
Bernie patted my hand. “But you knew in your heart, didn’t you, Maggie?”
I nodded. A tear streamed down my cheek. “Not that it matters, now. I blew it. I’m here and Darrios is there.”
He clapped his hands together. “That is where I come in. When my associates told me you came back, I couldn’t believe it. I’ve never seen two people better suited for one another or who needed each other more than you and Darrios. That was a match I could’ve done in my sleep. And apparently, I did, because you’re back here now. Why are you so resistant to allow yourself some happiness, Maggie?”
“I don’t get it. You put Darrios and me together? My falling into Celio, that wasn’t an accident?” I asked, feeling very confused.
He sat down on the bed next to me, nodded, and took both of my hands in his. His features were so much softer and kinder as a man.
“I’ve known Darrios for a very long time. And I’ve been watching you for awhile now, ever since you became mixed up with that dolt, Gregg, and his realm of darkness.” He shivered. “You could never have been happy with him.”
“I only wish I’d have figured out that bit of information a little bit sooner,” I said in agreement.
“As soon as I read your aura, I knew immediately that you and Darrios were meant for each other. Your colors blended beautifully. The only problem being that you lived in two different worlds. It is my firm belief that problems are meant to be solved.
“I tried to get you to see, but you didn’t seem to want to. I knew I had to do something drastic after you moved across the state with that miserable sod.”
“Does Darrios know about this...about you?”
“No, he doesn’t know I got you to Celio. But I’ll tell him once we get you back there. But...nobody knows about Bonnie.”
“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. You didn’t cause that whole thing with Amanda in the hotel, did you?”
“Ah, no, unfortunately, Gregg managed that one all by himself. He truly is one of the most self-absorbed, thoughtless, insensitive bastards I’ve had the misfortune to meet.”
“When did you meet him?”
“At the hospital, in L.A.”
“But I thought I was in Celio.”
“Maggie, your body can exist in two planes at once, but not your spirit. I had to make sure they kept your body alive here, so it could stay alive there, and vise-versa. Thanks to Darrios, that happened.”
“Seems like an awfully big gamble just to play matchmaker.”
“Not at all. I had tremendous faith in the love between you and Darrios. In fact, I still do. I guess I got swept away in the romance and forgot to add your aunt and your brother to the equation.”
“He’s leaving. He’ll be gone for at least two years.”
Bernie’s eyes lit up. He jumped up. “This is perfect. And when he returns, I’ll be the go between.”
“What are you saying?”
“We have to get you sprung from this horrible place and find another door.”
My eyes lit up. I grabbed Bernie’s sleeve. “You can do that? You can get me back to Celio, back to Darrios?”
He knocked on my forehead, gently. “Hellooo, anyone in there? Weren’t you listening? Yes, darling, I can do that. It won’t be easy, but I am determined, especially when it comes to love. Oh, speaking of which, I almost forgot. God, I can be such a ditz.”
“What?”
“Your aunt is in Celio, safe and sound.”
“But Brendan said...”
He gave me an exaggerated smile and cocked his head. “Said what...that she’d met a man? Scandalous.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Maybe you did sustain a head injury after all. I don’t remember you being this dense,” Bernie said teasingly. “Bonnie and your aunt had a little chat. FYI? She is much more accepting of the weird, unusual, and unexplainable than you are. You might take a lesson...”
“Bernie!”
“Sorry, pumpkin, I told her about Celio and about you and Darrios. She was thrilled, natch, and asked if I could get her there too? She mentioned your brother’s quest to save the world and said she was up for an adventure. I wasn’t about to leave the poor woman alone with no family around and I did admire her spunk. So I took her to Celio.”
“My aunt. Is in Celio. Right now,” I said slowly.
Bernie nodded emphatically, intertwined his hands, and rested them against his lips, which were twitching into a smile.
“And that’s not all,” he said, barely able to contain his excitement, “she really did meet someone and they’re crazy about each other.”
“No way, who is it?”
Bernie examined his nails, glanced around the room, and brushed a hair out of his face, heightening the suspense.
I glared at him. “Seriously, Bernie?”
“Jezbah,” he said with a giggle.
“Shut up. Darrios’ Jezbah?”
“How many Jezbah’s could there possibly be, sweet tart?”
I rolled my eyes and rubbed my temples, trying to sort this out. The only thing better than getting back to Darrios would be having my aunt there too, and maybe Brendan someday.
“In fact,” he rambled on, “the last time I saw them they had their hands all over each other, couldn’t...”
“Aahhh, stop. Too much information,” I wailed. “I love my aunt and I’m glad she’s found happiness with someone, but I do not need the d
etails, ever.”
Bernie chuckled. “I guess I didn’t exactly sound like a Hallmark there, but if you could’ve seen...”
“Evvver!”
He made the motion of zipping his lips, locking them, and then tossing away the key. I nodded and blew out a breath.
“You gotta get me back there, Bernie.”
He patted me on the head. “That’s the plan, kitten, but I need you to schmooze these quacks and get the hell out of here.”
“I’ll do my best.”
He stood up and stretched.
“I need to make some calls,” he said. “But I’ll be back.”
“Wait, Bernie, when we go back...will my body still be here?”
“No Maggie-love. I said your body can stay alive in two planes, but it doesn’t have to. This time when we go, you’ll be taking it with you.”
I sighed, relieved. The whole bodies on two planes thing kind of creeped me out.
****
Bernie had inspired me. Suddenly, I started thinking about getting back to Celio instead of mourning the fact that I’d left.
The first thing I had to do was get myself out of this joke of a hospital. Then I‘d head straight back to L.A. and return to the movie studio. The thought of ending up in the Outer Rim again didn’t exactly appeal to me, but at least I knew what to expect and what to be on the lookout for.
I was sure I could find my way to Midland and then on to Inland once I got there, with Bernie’s help. Maybe we’d run into Darrios before I got that far. But it didn’t matter. I wouldn’t stop until I found him again.
****
The real orderly came and informed me it was time to go see Dr. Little. Instead of the blank stare and ambivalent shrug I usually gave him, I smiled brightly and told him I’d walk myself. “We don’t need the wheelchair today,” I said. “I’m feeling quite a bit better.”
Anton stared at me, surprised.
I laughed. “What’s the matter, Anton? Didn’t you expect me to get better?”
“Uh, yes...of course...I just didn’t expect it to be all at once.”
I winked at him and whispered, “I finally remembered what I have to live for.”
He escorted me to Dr. Little’s office and wished me luck. I kissed him on the cheek and thanked him. I knew Dr. Little would be skeptical of my sudden change in attitude. He wouldn’t release me immediately. I had to seriously buckle down and convince him I was better.