by James Vietch
From: Juan Carlos
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: ATTENTION! Date: 22 May 08:12
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???
From: James Veitch
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To: Juan Carlos
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Subject: Re: ATTENTION! Date: 22 May 08:29
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Ok, I reread it and yes, in principle, I’m in. Very excited. Who am I allowed to tell about this?
From: Juan Carlos
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: ATTENTION! Date: 22 May 08:35
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This transaction is a deal which you do no allowed to tell anybody. However, provide your personal information
From: James Veitch
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To: Juan Carlos
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Subject: Re: ATTENTION! Date: 22 May 09:01
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Ok. I’ll be sending you my information in the next email.
Am I ok to tell my mother? She would be very excited to know that I was in such a lucrative business deal.
From: Juan Carlos
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: ATTENTION! Date: 22 May 09:58
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Hello Mr Veitch.
Yes, you can proceed and discuss this transaction with your mom so that she can partner with you and receive this $64 million.
i will be waiting for your information for we to start the transaction.
Mr Jaun Carlos
From: James Veitch
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To: Juan Carlos
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Subject: Re: ATTENTION! Date: 22 May 12:04
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Wonderful. I’ve told my mother and she’s very, very excited. She’s asked me whether she can tell my uncle John about it. Is that ok? He might be coming in with us on the deal. I think we’ll need help anyway because I don’t work Mondays for obvious reasons.
From: Juan Carlos
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: ATTENTION! Date: 22 May 12:50
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If you want to work with me and receive this money. let me know so that i can tell you more detail and procedures by which you have to follow.You can tell your uncle but no more.
From: James Veitch
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To: Juan Carlos
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Subject: Small prob Date: 22 May 19:27
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So my Aunty Norma was in the room when I told Uncle John about the $128 million. I remembered what you said and I told her not to tell anyone but she must have forgotten because she told Patrick who texted Aunt Molly and Uncle Nigel who conference-called Sue and Uncle Mark, Uncle Paul and Cousin Siobhan. Siobhan told Alan and Alan told Hannah and Hannah blabbed to Dan. Jeremy and Lorna know, too; I think Paul’s to blame. And now they all want in. About the only person who doesn’t know is Jonathan and that’s only because he’s in a different time zone.
The only good news is that Grandma’s been told at least three times but still has no idea what we’re on about.
Anyway, sorry for the hassle. I hope this doesn’t affect the deal.
From: Juan Carlos
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Small prob Date: 23 May 04:22
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You are warned to disregard other contact or any communication you have with other people from now henceforth.
From: James Veitch
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To: Juan Carlos
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Subject: Jonathan Date: 23 May 11:14
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Jonathan knows. I don’t know how, but he knows.
Genuinely really sorry about this.
From: Juan Carlos
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Jonathan Date: 23 May 13:40
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I contacted you based on Trust and confidentiality that you will keep this transaction as top secret and private.
From: James Veitch
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To: Juan Carlos
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Subject: Re: Jonathan Date: 23 May 13:56
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I don’t see what the problem is. Thus far the only people who know are Mark, Paul, Siobhan, Grandma (sometimes), Patrick, Molly, Nigel, John, Norma, Jonathan, Hannah, Daniel, Jeremy, Lorna, Paul, Ma, Alan and me.
If poss, I’d like to keep this on the DL, so please don’t tell anyone.
The Honey Trap
From: Elena
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: How did I find you? Date: 14 February 08:35
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Don’t wait far too long
tell someone how much you love,
and how much you care.
From: James Veitch
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To: Elena
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Subject: Re: How did I find you? Date: 14 February 18:21
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HAIKU!!! Send more.
From: Elena
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: How did I find you? Date: 15 February 14:44
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My name is Elena.
i am searching for an understanding person who see love as the only way of trust and care.
i have something important to tell you
From: James Veitch
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To: Elena
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Subject: Re: How did I find you? Date: 16 February 11:54
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Elena,
That’s SO weird. I was searching for an understanding person who see love as the only way of trust and care right when you emailed. What’s this important thing you have to tell me?
I hate it when people do that because you could have just used the space you used to say ‘I have something important to tell you’ to say the important thing itself.
James Veitch
From: Elena
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: About me Date: 17 February 13:21
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Dear James,
I am 24 years old, 5.6ft tall, never married before.
i am a girl who loves to give people happiness always despite what the circumstance might look like. Most of my hobbies are, reading novels, jogging, listening to music, cooking, listen to music, tv and movies.
I like honest, real, sincere and trustworthy people. But i hate dishonest, cheaters, and irresponsible peoples.
I have a cat. His name is Homka.
Elena
From: James Veitch
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To: Elena
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Subject: Re: About me Date: 17 February 19:16
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Let me introduce myself, too. I am Mr James Veitch (rhymes with ‘peach’), 5’10” tall. I, too, have never married though my mother keeps asking probing questions about whether I’ve ‘met someone’.
It’s really nice to make your acquaintance. I, too, love movies and hate dishonest people! It’s exciting to meet someone who shares the same esoteric range of likes and dislikes as I do.
I can’t help noticing that you listed listening to music twice in your hobbies. Was this an oversight or are you just very passionate about listening to music?
My hobbies are playing piano and guitar, pining for girls, worrying about climate change, pining for girls and the poetry of John Keats.
From: Elena
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: My life Date: 18 February 13:49
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Dearest James
> I wish to let you know that sincerely is the best way in life. though we might be thousands of miles away from each other but it does not matter,what really matters in life is love not distance or color. I want to love and be loved.
Elena
From: James Veitch
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To: Elena
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Subject: Re: My life Date: 18 February 14:41
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Elena,
That’s actually fairly beautiful. I think I read Fiona Apple said something like this recently. I’ll try and fish out the quotation for you. Do you like the Beatles?
P.S. That’s all I’ve ever wanted: to love and be loved.
From: Elena
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Feelings Date: 19 February 06:23
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I believe you are good and nice man. You are very Attractive Man.
I am excited and my head is like any big station with a lot of voice!
From: James Veitch
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To: Elena
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Subject: Re: Feelings Date: 19 February 13:49
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How long have you been hearing voices?
P.S. ‘Love is love, and there will never be too much.’
Fiona Apple, Letter to a Fan
From: Elena
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Feelings Date: 20 February 14:36
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I like blue and red colors? What colors do you like?
If you don’t mind to meet me please tell me the name of your city and nearest international airport! I will book my flight from Moscow.
I think you are interested that I don’t have a boyfriend, because all men here look on my visual aspect and I want somebody who will look inside me.
From: James Veitch
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To: Elena
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Subject: Re: Feelings Date: 20 February 15:31
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I’m so sorry you haven’t found anyone to look inside you yet. Come to London – I’ll sort you out with an Oyster card.
In answer to your question, the nearest international airport is Heathrow. There’s Gatwick, too but, to be honest, it’s a pain in the ass. Don’t ever get me started on Stansted. I’m quite excited to see you. But so soon? Do you normally fly out to meet someone you’ve just met??
James (call me Jimbo, please)
From: Elena
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Feelings Date: 21 February 13:57
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My honey Jimbo!!!!!!
I am glad that we have got acquainted in this big world of Internet and we can communicate here easyly now.
You are very attractive man.
From: James Veitch
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To: Elena
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Subject: Attractive man Date: 22 February 09:26
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Thanks so much for calling me Jimbo. It really makes me feel like we’re becoming intimate. Albeit over the internet.
I’m just here in London. I live in a huge house but have it all to myself*. I have no family and am genuinely concerned about what will happen to all of my property when I shuffle off this mortal coil.
You’ll have to be careful with me because I’m very forgetful and a bit eccentric. In essence, I’ve made a lot of money but have no one to spend it on. It just sits in a Swiss account earning interest. How boring! Don’t go thinking I’m some sort of business mogul. I’m not; I’ve just made a few shrewd investments along the way (I bought hummus back in ‘93 when everyone was like ‘what’s hummus?’) and, as I say, I’ve had no one to share my wealth with.
So there; you’ve heard the good things about me. Here are some embarrassing things! I’m quite naïve and tremendously gullible. Really! My trusting nature has landed me in a pickle or two, I can tell you! I’m whimsical and spontaneous. I make rash decisions and I don’t think about the consequences until afterwards.
I hope none of this puts you off :( Tell me more about you. Who is your favourite Beatle? Mine’s John. I am a very attractive man.
From: Elena
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Attractive man Date: 22 February 22:42
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Hello my honey Jimbo! I already started my trip to you!
I still cannot believe I’ve done it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every my cell shouts about how it wants to see you. I do not want even to breath without you! I need you as an air.
I think that when a man and woman take the bath together it is very romantic. Would you like to take bath with me?
From: James Veitch
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To: Elena
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Subject: Bath Date: 22 February 23:55
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So glad to see your sweet name in my inbox once again. Every my cell shouts too! I wish you were here. I wish I had someone to share my life and wealth with; something to keep me from those bi-weekly money bonfires I have for tax purposes. I feel so alive!
But, Elena, the two-person bath isn’t what they promise it’s going to be. The only reason Julia Roberts and the guy could do it is because they were in a jacuzzi. Right from the start, they’re a pain to coordinate and, once you’re in, there’s no space, hardly any water and your bum makes un-sexy squeaking noises as it rubs on the acrylic. And then you lie there waiting for one of you to admit that it isn’t fun until the water gets cold. That said, if you want to have a bath with me, who am I to argue.
Your Jimbo, X
From: Elena
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Picture Date: 23 February 19:20
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I am attaching a picture of me:
From: James Veitch
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To: Elena
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Subject: Re: Picture Date: 23 February 19:44
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Amazing! Which one are you?
From: Elena
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Tickets Date: 24 February 00:15
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I didn’t guess that tickets costs so much. May be you could borrow some money?! You may send it by Western Union. It is pretty easy to use.
Here is a picture with your email address to show that I am real.
From: James Veitch
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To: Elena
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Subject: Re: Tickets Date: 24 February 12:23
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Love the picture. See attached! Will you bring Homka with you?
From: Elena
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: So sorry Date: 24 February 20:38
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Without your help I will not be able to fly to you. But I do not want to be lonely again. I want you to warm your hands up in the back pockets of my jeans. I want you to love me.