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by James Vietch


  All best, James

  Sweet Rose

  From: Godwin C

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 4 April 23:41

  * * *

  hello good day, how are you today? i saw the iPhone you put up for sale and i am interested in it, is it in good condition?

  So tell me how much would it go for? You should come down a little bit on the prize,

  I realy need this phone for my wife, and i can make payment as soon as possible.

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Godwin C

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 5 April 09:23

  * * *

  The prize is £375.

  From: Godwin C

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 5 April 14:10

  * * *

  What matters now is that i told my wife and she like the phone

  Ok, now i would like you to send it to my wife abroad she is a nurse and works with unicef, how is the cost of shipping?

  God bless.

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Godwin C

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 5 April 20:31

  * * *

  That depends. What country would you like it shipped to?

  From: Godwin C

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 6 April 06:56

  * * *

  Sorry for the delay i was at a meeting,, She is currently stationed in akure, ondo state, nigeria… How soon can you do that for me?

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Godwin C

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 6 April 09:48

  * * *

  Immediately, my friend. Hope the meeting was ok.

  From: Godwin C

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 6 April 11:55

  * * *

  Yes my friend the meeting was fine, thanks alot for asking, so i’ll be expecting to hear from you soon, thank you…

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Godwin C

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 6 April 15:56

  * * *

  No problem. Just wing the PayPal over to this email and I’ll send it out to your wife who is currently stationed in Nigeria.

  Bless you.

  From: Godwin C

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 6 April 20:13

  * * *

  My friend i’m still with you ok, i am of to get your money ready ok,

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Godwin C

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 6 April 21:19

  * * *

  Good to know, Godwin. I’m still with you, too. Let’s do lunch. We’ll have shrimp.

  From: Paypal

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: (no subject) Date: 7 April 14:28

  * * *

  From: Godwin C

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 7 April 20:46

  * * *

  My friend good evening, i have processed your paypal* so let me give you the actual address you will be sending it to. The manager of the hotel where my wife stays will receive it for her…

  Name: Mr Godfrey C

  address: akarale road, akure, ondo state, nigeria

  thank you and have a wonderful evening….

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Godwin C

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 7 April 21:20

  * * *

  Godwin, 100% I’m with you on this one. I’m going to get this baby packaged up. Once I’ve done that, I’ll ship it off to Nigeria.

  What’s your wife’s name? How did you meet her?

  From: Godwin C

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 7 April 23:49

  * * *

  My wife’s name is Rose, but i fondly call her sweet rose because she is very pretty, i met her in 2008 when i went for my sister wedding ceremony in aberdeen.

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Godwin C

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 8 April 12:30

  * * *

  Aberdeen, Scotland? No WAY!

  Godwin, lemme ask you a question. How do you show a girl you like her and are interested without scaring her away? What’s your secret? I bet with Sweet Rose you behaved all nonchalant at first and that made her want you more. What’s the secret, Godwin?

  (iPhone is packaged.)

  From: Godwin C

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 8 April 20:11

  * * *

  James every lady likes a man that is bold, and goes directly for what he wants,

  Do not worry so much over ladies. You will find a sweet rose of your own.

  But you must scan and email me the shipping documents immediately.

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Godwin C

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 9 April 09:02

  * * *

  Absolutely. I’m all over this, Godwin. You wouldn’t believe how much I’m looking forward to sending my phone to you. I was thinking about what you said about girls and boldness all night. I think maybe the thing to do is to focus on other things and be independent; not *need* a lover. Then perhaps one will come along when I least expect it.

  What’s your favourite Beatles song and why?

  From: Godwin C

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 9 April 11:42

  * * *

  Mr James, realy i am not the type for music as it’s not among my hobbies, i only come across the songs once in a while and i dont pay them attention… When do you intend to make the shipment?

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Godwin C

  * * *

  Subject: Re: iPhone 4S 16GB Factory Unlocked Date: 9 April 11:59

  * * *

  Hey Godwin,

  I packaged it all up yesterday, ready to go. You’re not going to believe this but when I checked on it this morning, I discovered, to my dismay, that I didn’t have an iPhone at all. What I actually had was just an old remote control for the television. God knows how I got it into my head that it was an iPhone 4. Does Sweet Rose need a remote control? If so, I can send it to you anyway.

  James

  The Sheriff and the Vacuum Cleaner

  From: Darrell K

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Date: 2 April 14:30

  * * *

  When you see vacuum cleaner around sheriff, it means that hand related to gets stinking drunk.

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Darrell K

  * * *

  Subject: Re: Date: 2 April 14:31

  * * *

  Darrell,

  It’s poetry, th
ere’s no doubt in my mind. But it needs formatting thus:

  When you see vacuum cleaner around sheriff,

  it means

  that hand related to gets

  stinking

  drunk.

  See? Far more accessible.

  Send me some more of your stuff.

  James.

  Princess Mina

  From: Princess Mina

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: how are you Date: 13 November 19:59

  * * *

  hello how are you doing. I saw your email contact when i was searching for a friend in the internet.i will like to be your frined, I am in good health conditions and my body is healthy and no diseases in my body

  my name is Princess Mina please i know you might not know me but i have a very important issue to discuss with you and i believe you can handle it

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Princess Mina

  * * *

  Subject: Re: how are you Date: 9 January 19:37

  * * *

  I’d love to be frineds with you. Where are you a Princess of?

  You’re right, I can handle it.

  What is it though?

  From: Princess Mina

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: how are you Date: 10 January 07:27

  * * *

  Hello James,

  Thanks for responding to my message and how is weather over there in your country?

  I am the only single daughter of my late Father who was Zimbabwe’s main political power broker. My late father was imprisoned by Defense Minister Emmerson Mnangagwa, who is known as “the Crocodile.” My late father is now dead.

  Miss Princess Mina

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Princess Mina

  * * *

  Subject: Re: how are you Date: 10 January 13:00

  * * *

  Princess Mina,

  I’m so sorry to hear about your late father but I’m sure your late father would be proud of you for raising the flag for your father who is late.

  I have to tell you, I don’t like the sound of this crocodile one bit. We must fight corruption wherever we find it! For example, I was at the optician’s yesterday and the glasses weren’t too pricey but then they tried to up-sell me on the thin lenses, reflective coating, Pentax anamorphic stuff. I know it’s not quite the same, but I’m just trying to say that I get it, Princess Mina.

  Question. Do you ever get tired of living in the palace? What’s your day-to-day like? Do you have servants and a tiger?

  Weather is fine.

  James

  From: Princess Mina

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: how are you Date: 11 January 08:44

  * * *

  Oh James,

  It is my pleasure to hear from you back! Life is hard for me here. My uncle was the one who have made every evil arrangement to kill my father. After my late father died, my uncle called a meeting on how to divert all my fathers investment. My uncle have asked my mother to hand him over all my late father’s property document which include his industry called PAPER MILL INDUSTRY.

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Princess Mina

  * * *

  Subject: Re: how are you Date: 11 January 10:33

  * * *

  Princess Mina,

  This sounds awful. Oddly, I know a guy who was in a similar position and what he did was put a play on in front of his uncle. I know, I know – hear me out. You make the play about your uncle murdering your father. Your uncle will freak out when he sees it!

  I’m sorry life is hard. What do you do to unwind? Do you have any pictures of you in royal attire?

  P.S. One more thing: you might want to look into your mother’s relationship with your uncle. No reason.

  From: Princess Mina

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: how are you Date: 13 January 13:06

  * * *

  James, thank you for your words. The only thing i inherit from my father is the money. No one knows the existence of this deposit only the Reverend father and i will plead the man of God to release his personal phone number for me to pass it across to you…

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Princess Mina

  * * *

  Subject: Re: how are you Date: 16 January 14:55

  * * *

  You have God’s personal phone number? Question. Is it 0870? I don’t care who he is; that’s a very expensive call. Lots to chew on here. What does PAPER MILL INDUSTRY produce?

  From: Princess Mina

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: how are you Date: 16 January 17:15

  * * *

  hello dear, the PAPER MILL industry belongs to my late father they produce stationary and toilet tissue papers but my wicked uncle took over everything after master minding the death of my parents and my brother. I know that he is behind all those calamities that befall on my family.

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Princess Mina

  * * *

  Subject: Re: how are you Date: 16 January 18:59

  * * *

  Princess Mina, your story fills me with sadness. Have you tried talking to your uncle? Sometimes that helps. Maybe if you told him how upset you are that he masterminded the deaths of your parents and brother it might clear the air. How is the loo roll business going? Is he doing a good job of running that company?

  From: Princess Mina

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: how are you Date: 16 January 21:07

  * * *

  my uncle is a very wicked and mean man, everybody fears him whosoever that tries to stop him will pay with his or her life

  From: James Veitch

  * * *

  To: Princess Mina

  * * *

  Subject: Re: how are you Date: 17 January 13:00

  * * *

  Princess Mina, I would never betray you like your uncle has. But think about it from his perspective; he probably feels he has to live up to this image of him that you all have. He probably doesn’t actually want to make people pay with their lives; he’s just afraid of what would happen if, instead of executing them, he let them into his heart.

  It’s hard with family. I know this because I played Monopoly with mine at Christmas.

  From: Princess Mina

  * * *

  To: James Veitch

  * * *

  Subject: Re: how are you Date: 17 January 15:02

 

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