by James Vietch
From: Cho Mak
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Mrs. Cho Mak Date: 10 January 16:20
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PLEASE DO NOT COME TO HONG KONG
From: James Veitch
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To: Cho Mak
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Subject: Big news! Date: 16 January 17:05
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I’m here! In Hong Kong! Arrived today and having the time of my life. Wow, it’s big here! Where’s the best place to meet?
Got to go; I thought this was an internet café but it’s just someone’s house.
Excited!
From: James Veitch
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To: Cho Mak
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Subject: Small problem Date: 17 January 09:31
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Having some difficulty finding you. It transpires that Cho isn’t as uncommon a name as I believed it to be. I’m going to pop into the Dahsong Bank HQ and see if they can page you.
Sayonara!!!!
From: Cho Mak
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Small problem Date: 17 January 11:42
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I am not in HongKong. I have travelled for the western part of the world as part of my bank work I will not be there for two weeks. I told you not to come to Hong Kong. And you have not contacted the bank.. James Veitch why are you herre?
From: James Veitch
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To: Cho Mak
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Subject: Re: Small problem Date: 19 January 13:30
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Must have just missed you!
Should I wait? I’ve made a load of friends so I could probably hold out for a while until you’re back from the western part of the world.
From: Cho Mak
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Small problem Date: 20 January 12:15
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Do not wait for me. i have spent thousands of hong kong dollars on this transaction. Please try as much as you can to set up this account as soon as possible, so we could finalise this this week:
Mr. Charles Frankfort / [email protected]
General Director of Operations, i-Santander Bank
From: James Veitch
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To: Cho Mak i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Phew! Date: 22 January 11:38
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Back now. Exhausted. But thanks for the info; so glad to be opening an account with good old i-Santander. I’ll get in touch with them right now.
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Bank account Date: 25 January 11:40
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Dear i-Santander,
I’d love to open an account, please. I’m going to be investing a considerable sum very soon.
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Internal Office Memo Date: 26 January 06:37
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WELCOME TO I-SANTANDER BANK 24/7 ONLINE SERVICE
Internal Office Memo
Dear Customer,
Sequel to your correspondence please endeavor to state clearly the exact type of account you desire
1. Savings Plus Reserve Account:
Account features; *Requires Account Opening/Setup Deposit of 650.00
Great British ponds (GBP) *24/7 Online Banking Direct Access
*Maximum transfer: 1,000,000.00 GBP monthly.
2. Current Plus Reserve Account:
Account features; *Requires Account Opening/Setup Deposit of 1,600.00
Great British ponds (GBP) *24/7 Online Banking Direct Access
*Maximum transfer: 2,000,000.00 GBP monthly.
3. Advantage Gold Reserve Account:
Account features; *Requires Account Opening/Setup Deposit of 3,800.00
Great British ponds (GBP) *24/7 Online Banking Direct Access
*Maximum transfer: 3,000,000.00 monthly.
4. Diamond Reserve Account:
Account features; *Requires Account Opening/Setup Deposit of 5,200.00
Great British ponds (GBP) *24/7 Online Banking Direct Access *No maximum
transfer limits. (This means you can Transfer Any Possible Amount at Once)
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 29 January 11:43
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Great to hear from you. I don’t ask much in a bank, but I do view the sharing of internal office memos with customers as an absolute prerequisite.
Anyway, sequel to that, I’d like to go for the Savings Plus Reserve Account. Pond for Pond, it seems like the best bang for my buck.
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Internal Office Memo Date: 30 January 08:47
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Internal Office Memo
Congratulations on choosing the Savings Plus Reserve Account! Please make the payment of £650 required for the activation of your Savings Plus Reserve Account
Mr. Charles Frankfort
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 2 February 13:48
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I’ve changed my mind. I’d like to go with the Current Plus Reserve Account. The 1 million GBP limit of the Savings Plus Reserve Account is a real bottleneck for me.
Can we commence this as soon as possible, please? I don’t have much days here on Earth.
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Internal Office Memo Date: 3 February 07:14
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Internal Office Memo
Congratulations on choosing the Current Plus Reserve Account! Please make the payment of £1600 required for the activation of your Current Plus Reserve Account
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 3 February 13:48
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Charles, I’ve been doing some serious thinking and the Current Plus isn’t going to cut the mustard. May I please have the Advantage Gold Reserve Account?
How many great british ponds do I need to send you as the opening balance? My last bank gave me a free toaster when I applied. Will you be doing the same?
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Internal Office Memo Date: 4 February 08:13
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Internal Office Memo
Congratulations on choosing the Advantage Gold Reserve Account! Please make the payment of £3800 required for the activation of your Advantage Gold Reserve Account
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 4 February 15:38
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Final decision. Diamond Reserve Account. (Sorry)
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Internal Office Memo Date: 4 February 16:31
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Internal Office Memo
Congratulations Please immediately pay £5200 required for the activation of your Diamond Reserve Account
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 4 February 22:22
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Chaz, you think I should have stuck with the Current Plus Reserve Account, don’t you? Be honest. I think I need another internal office memo.
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Internal Office Memo Date: 5 February 10:15
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Internal Office Memo
Dear Customer,
Sequel to our last correspondence, to complete your application, please kindly fill and return to us the online application form send to you previously.
Please send the account activation deposit fee of 5,200.00 GBP.
We Remain, Mr. Charles Frankfort
( General Director of operations)
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 5 February 15:00
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Charles,
How high do the tiers really go? Don’t mess with me here. If there’s something higher than the Diamond Reserve Account, then I want to know about it. Ideally it’d be a Current Advantage Plus Diamond Reserve. But I’d settle for a Current Plus Diamond. I really think you’re restricting yourself with just these four tiers. Is there someone I can speak to about this?
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 5 February 18:24
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These are the account features. Please remit the opening charges.
Diamond Reserve Account:
Account features; *Requires Account Opening/Setup Deposit of 6,500.00 Great British ponds(GBP) *24/7 Online Banking Direct Access*7% *No maximum transfer limits. (This means you can Transfer Any Possible Amount at Once).
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 09:46
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What is no maximum transfer limits? Could I transfer £400?
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 09:47
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Yes and more. You can Transfer Any Possible Amount at Once
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 09:50
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Wow. Could I transfer £100 immediately after the initial £400?
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 09:55
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Yes any amount with the diamond reserve. Please transfer the fee.
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:00
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Shut up! Let me get this straight. I can transfer any amount?
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:01
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This is true.
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:01
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Could I transfer nine and a half pennies?
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:02
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Yes, is possible with the diamond reserve account.
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:04
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How about 5 million fifty pence pieces? Could I transfer that?
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:05
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YOU CAN TRANSFER ANY AMOUNT
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:05
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Ok. And 24/7 online banking. This sounds useful. What is it?
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:06
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You can access online banking all day and night
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:06
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All day and all night??
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:06
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Yes.
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:07
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I can check my bank account at 3am?
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:07
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yes.
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:08
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Impossible! How about at 3:04am almost directly after checking at 3am?
From: i-Santander Bank
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To: James Veitch
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:08
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Go away
From: James Veitch
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To: i-Santander Bank
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Subject: Re: Internal Office Memo Date: 6 February 10:09