A Mother’s Choice
By Kristin Noel Fischer
Copyright © 2014 by Kristin Noel Fischer
All Rights Reserved
Kobo Edition
Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. No part of this work may be reproduced in any fashion without the written consent of the copyright holder.
All characters in this book are fictitious and figments of the author’s imagination.
www.KristinNoelFischer.com
[email protected]
Cover by Kim Killion
Formatting by BB eBooks
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Other books by Kristin Noel Fischer
Anna’s Courage
Jillian’s Promise
Forgiving Natalie
For Joe and our six beautiful children
Frankie, Joey, TJ, Ben, Beth, and Sarah.
And
For my parents – Phil and Jeanne Smith
Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Author’s Note
Excerpt from Forgiving Natalie
Acknowledgments
Author Bio
Chapter 1
Seattle – 1961
It was raining the day I fell in love with Jude Kingsley, and whenever it rains I can’t help but think about that February day in 1961, my junior year of high school.
My best friend Ruby dashed across the parking lot as a light drizzle escalated to a downpour. I scrambled to keep up but found running impossible in the high heels I’d bought for the Valentine’s dance. I despised my freakishly large feet, so I was willing to sacrifice comfort for shoes that made me feel pretty and sophisticated.
Ruby and I joined the other girls in the bathroom and crowded around a single foggy mirror, where we attempted to fix our hair and makeup before venturing out to the stuffy gymnasium. On the stage, a local band played an old Frank Sinatra song, but nobody danced. Rock ‘n’ roll had been outlawed at our little private school after the archbishop of Chicago had publicly condemned it. My parents, especially my ultraconservative father, agreed with the decision, insisting school dances should be kept innocent and pure.
Ruby scanned the gym. She’d been distracted all week, and while I suspected it had to do with my seventeenth birthday, I didn’t know for sure.
I tugged on her sleeve. “Why are you acting so strange?”
She twirled around and gave me an innocent look. “I’m not.”
One of our teachers passed by and wished me happy birthday. I thanked him, then placed a hand on my hip and grinned at Ruby. “And how did he know it was my birthday?”
A sly smile played on her lips. “I don’t know. School records?”
“Oh, school records,” I repeated, with a smile of my own that called her bluff. Ruby and I were close like that. We always knew what the other person was thinking, and we never kept secrets.
All that changed after the accident, of course, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
Ruby had befriended me in the second grade when I’d moved to Seattle from Texas. All the kids had made fun of my southern accent, especially pesky Tim O’Connor who always tried to imitate me. Ruby, however, had brought me into her fold, insisting she’d have her father arrest anyone who bothered me.
“Okay,” Ruby said, threading her elbow through mine. “If you wouldn’t mind closing your eyes for a moment—”
“Closing my eyes? What’s going on?”
Ignoring my question, she covered my eyes with her hand. “Come on. You’ll find out soon enough.”
She guided me across the gym where voices erupted with shouts of “Happy Birthday, Nadine!” I opened my eyes to see all our friends gathered around a table that held a small pink and white cake with seventeen candles.
“For me?” I said, feigning surprise.
Ruby hugged me. “You knew, didn’t you?”
“No, of course not. This was completely unexpected.”
We laughed at the absurdity that either one of us could keep a secret from the other. “Attached at the hip” was what people used to say about us.
Annoying Tim O’Connor sidled up beside me. “How about a birthday kiss, sweetheart?” He waggled his thick brow and puckered his lips.
I smacked him on the arm. “In your dreams.”
Everyone laughed except Tim, who rubbed his arm, offended. Over the years, I’d grown fond of him. He was funny, although many people didn’t like him because he often went too far with his teasing. Nevertheless, he had a good heart and had become somewhat of a friend. Part of me even thought he was kind of cute with his curly red hair, bushy eyebrows, and ruddy Irish complexion.
Ruby lit the birthday cake and led everyone in singing Happy Birthday. Before blowing out the candles, I looked around the room, taking it all in. Nobody had ever given me a surprise party before, and I was overwhelmed. Smiling, I blew out the candles, making a wish that every birthday would be just as memorable.
When I looked up to thank Ruby, I found her talking to Jude Kingsley, an absolutely divine boy with intense green eyes and thick black hair that swept across his forehead. Jude sat next to Ruby in art class and behind me in world history. He’d just moved here from Boston, and both Ruby and I thought he was gorgeous, although until now neither one of us had worked up the courage to talk to him.
Tim grabbed my arm. “Come on, Nadine. Dance with me.”
I pulled away, my eyes glued to Ruby and Jude. Something odd settled in my throat. Jealousy? A premonition that everything was about to change? Or maybe just a desire to reach up and brush Jude’s hair off his brow.
My stomach clenched as Ruby took Jude’s hand and led him toward me.
“Nadine,” Tim said.
“Not now. I’ll save you a dance when they play Elvis.”
“Elvis! That’s never going to happen. Elvis is a horrible dancer, and according to Sister Hildegard, the devil incarnate.”
I scowled at Tim. “Elvis is the greatest musician in the world, and he served in the Army, which is more than you can say, Tim O’Connor.”
He batted the air and shook his head. “That’s it, Nadine Greene. I’m crossing you off my list.” Although he was joking, he turned abruptly and headed toward another girl.
Ruby nudged my shoulder. “He’s such a dweeb.”
I shrugged. “He’s okay.”
Jude stared at me with his beautiful green eyes, and I felt a thrill skitter up my spine.
“You like Elvis, Nadine?” he asked.
My stomach did a little flip flop. Jude Kingsley knew my name?
Ruby answered for both of us. “We love Elvis.” Altho
ugh she was no longer holding Jude’s hand, she continued standing close to him.
Jude nodded approvingly. “I’m going to sing Jailhouse Rock at the talent show next month.”
I laughed, convinced he was joking. “Sister Hildegard has outlawed rock ‘n’ roll. I’m certain she won’t allow you to perform a song by Elvis.”
Jude’s gaze didn’t waver from mine. His lips tugged upward in a conspiratorial smile. “True, but I have a plan, and if you’ll help me—”
“Me?” Heat burned my face. For the first time, I allowed myself to really study his eyes. In addition to being the most incredible shade of forest green, they contained shards of amber that caught the light as he spoke. I’d never noticed that detail before, not that sparkling shards of amber were something easily noticed during fifth period when our history teacher was droning on about the Bolshevik Revolution.
“So, will you help me?” Jude asked.
I wet my bottom lip. “Sure. What do I have to do?”
“Just play the piano. You can sing if you want, but Tim said you’re a talented pianist.”
Nervous laughter squeaked out of my mouth. Ruby gave me a disapproving glare, but Jude didn’t seem to mind. He reached his hand toward me. “Come dance with me, and I’ll tell you about my plan.”
I hesitated a moment, too shocked to move. I liked Jude. Really liked him, but so did Ruby, and I wasn’t going to let a boy—even a boy as cute as Jude Kingsley—get in the way of our friendship.
Ruby shrugged. “Go ahead. You’re the birthday girl, after all.”
Her tone held a layer of irritability, but before I could address it, Jude clasped my hand and led me to the dance floor. I glanced back at Ruby, relieved to see her talking with another boy. Maybe she didn’t like Jude as much as I thought.
Jude smiled and gestured toward my heels. “Can you dance in those things?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never tried.”
He chuckled, the sound rumbling in his chest. Then he pulled me close, and I ignored everything except my body against his. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his solid chest. My insides tingled from my toes to the top of my head.
Lowering his hand, he pressed it to the small of my back. “Is this okay?”
I nodded and held onto the moment. The band played Earth Angel, and my heart burst with elation because from that moment on, I knew I would love Jude Kingsley forever.
I just wasn’t prepared for what that love would cost me.
Chapter 2
Texas – 2014
Nadine’s hands shook as she held the envelope postmarked Seattle. She sank into her desk chair and cringed, wishing she could run Tim’s letter through the shredder without reading it.
The last time they’d spoken on the phone she’d hung up on him. Not the most mature action for a grandmother her age, but he’d made her so mad with his self-righteous insistence that she revisit the most painful time in her life. Why was he bringing this up? Why now?
Using the gold letter opener, a gift from her deceased husband Jude, she sliced open the envelope with one swift, decided movement and removed its contents.
My Darling Nadine,
I’m sorry I upset you when we last spoke on the phone, but it’s time, sweetheart. Time to tell them the truth. Time to tell them about the choice you made, and the choice I made to help you.
I know you’re afraid, but you don’t have to do this alone. I love you, and I’m here for you.
I wasn’t able to tell you this on the phone, but Ruby’s daughter is trying to find you. She’s planning a party for her mother’s seventieth birthday, and she wants both of us to be there.
I have no doubt this beautiful and capable woman will succeed, even without my help. That’s what I was trying to tell you before we were … disconnected.
I know you’re angry and scared, but please don’t shut me out. Please don’t ignore me. I’m not the enemy.
All my love,
Tim
Fear gripped Nadine. She crumpled Tim’s letter and threw it in the trash, wanting it out of her sight. She tried to slow her breathing and get ahold of her emotions, but her heart hammered.
Ruby’s daughter was looking for her!
No wonder Tim had been so relentless. Standing, she paced the wood floor and prayed for guidance. Outside, a gusty winter wind caused the trees to sway so hard she wondered if this time they’d actually snap in half.
They didn’t, of course, and she breathed a momentary sigh of relief. She’d bought this house nearly thirty years ago because the enormous live oaks reminded her of being in a tree house, and who wouldn’t want to live in a tree house?
Thirty years ago, it had been easy to run away. There’d been no internet, no Facebook, and no 24-hour news coverage. Thirty years ago, she’d simply piled the kids in the car, left Seattle, and escaped to Texas. These days, however, technology made escaping impossible.
Her children and grandchildren constantly badgered her to join various social media sites. She always feigned disinterest, but truthfully, she didn’t want to connect. Didn’t want her high school and college classmates to find her.
Didn’t want Ruby to find her, even though they’d once been best friends.
She missed her best friend so much. If only they could see each other again. Talk about their lives, husbands, and children. But that was impossible. Nadine had made her choice long ago, and she was determined to do everything in her power to keep that choice a secret.
Bending over, she scooped the letter out of the trash and carried it to her bed where she sat and smoothed out the crumpled paper.
Loud pounding up the wooden stairs outside her bedroom interrupted her thoughts. Four-year-old Zane, clad in shorts, a red jacket, and black fireman boots, barged into the room. “Grandma, Grandma!” He held up a plastic dinosaur in each hand and launched himself onto the bed beside her. “We’re coming to your house tonight for dinner.”
Nadine quickly shoved the letter into a book on her nightstand. “Oh, I’m so happy.” She tickled Zane’s wiggly body and reveled in the simple joy of his laughter. “Where’s your mother? I didn’t hear you come in the house.”
“She’s in the kitchen,” Zane said, prancing the dinosaurs across the striped comforter. His older brother Logan had gone through a dinosaur phase as well, but now Logan was obsessed with machines and how things worked.
“Hi, Mom,” Autumn said, entering the bedroom.
Nadine jumped in surprise. “Goodness, I didn’t hear you sneak up.”
Autumn laughed and pulled back her long red hair. Her cat-like green eyes danced with amusement. “I didn’t sneak up, so … maybe it’s time to consider purchasing a hearing aid?”
She said it in jest, but Nadine accepted there was some truth to her youngest daughter’s words. Standing, Nadine tried to usher Autumn out of her room and away from the letter. “Shall we go downstairs and see if we can find some cookies?”
“Yes,” Zane shouted, bashing his dinosaurs against each other.
“Hold on.” Autumn moved toward the bookshelf. “Zane and I have to pick up Logan from school in a few minutes, but I came over to return your tablecloths. I figured you might need them for the family dinner tonight.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
Autumn studied the bookshelf. “Do you have anything new I can borrow?”
Nadine loved to read and had hired a carpenter to build an enormous bookshelf that ran the entire length of her bedroom’s north wall. She’d often lie in bed at night, looking at all the books she’d read over the years.
Reaching past her daughter, Nadine retrieved a well-worn paperback. “Here, I think you’ll enjoy this.”
Autumn read the back cover. “It looks fabulous. Thanks.” She kissed her mother on the cheek and tucked the book under her arm. “Sorry to leave so quickly, but I don’t want to be late picking up Logan. Thanks for the book.”
“What about my cookie?” Zane asked.
“You
already had three at Aunt Darlene’s, you don’t need another one from Grandma.”
Zane pouted and Nadine leaned over to hug him good-bye. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”
He nodded, waved good-bye, and ran down the stairs after his mother. Nadine stepped into the hallway and watched her daughter and grandson leave before returning to her bedroom and locking the door. With four adult children and seven grandchildren living nearby, she never knew who would stop by unannounced. Not that she ever minded. They all had a key and were welcome to come and go as they pleased.
But what Nadine had to do right now required absolute privacy.
Hidden at the back of her dresser drawer, she found the journal she’d bought years ago when she’d gone in for foot surgery. At the time, she’d thought it might be wise to write down her story in case she died. She hadn’t died, of course. Nor had she written down the story, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. Hours spent searching for the right words to explain her long-kept secret had yielded nothing but a brief entry on the day she fell in-love with Jude.
Returning to her desk, she opened the journal and wondered how to continue. Explaining her choice wasn’t going to be easy, but she needed to do it before Ruby’s daughter found her.
She picked up her favorite pen and began by addressing her grown children.
Dear Angela, Eleanor, Dan, Michael, and Autumn,
I need to tell you something that will change how you feel about me…
She reread her words and froze. Unintentionally, she’d included Angela’s name.
Angela.
Fighting back deep sorrow, Nadine ran a finger over the name of her firstborn. Angela had been gone nearly thirty years now, yet Nadine thought about her constantly. Her stubborn daughter had the most beautiful green eyes, the same green eyes both Jude and Autumn had.
The pen in Nadine’s hand shook, but she gripped it tighter. Instead of erasing or crossing out Angela’s name, she pressed on, struggling with the story of her life and how to explain what had led to her fateful choice in September all those years ago.
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