Having finished undressing her, he lowered her to the bed. He leaned across her, bracing his arms on either side of her. Starting with her lips, he worked his way down her body, kissing and caressing every inch of her as she moaned with desire. He kissed her but could never get enough, until every taste was as potent as the last. He seduced her, taking her in his own way, his own time, a way he knew would prolong her pleasure and take her to the brink again and again and again. If they had only today, he wanted to hang on to every single moment and make it last. A lifetime if necessary.
Patience surged against Josh, as lost in the wonder of finding each other again as he was. She knew he was giving her everything and she wanted to give him everything in return. She pressed her lips against his, seeking even as she demanded, exploring even as she savored, until his body pulsed at the sound of her soft, incoherent pleas and she, too, was beyond holding back. Needing, wanting more than just a taste of paradise, she grasped his bare shoulders and guided him on top of her.
Drawn into the dazzling pleasure, he took her with him, both of them scaling the heights, coming back down again. For long, precious moments they held each other, trembling. Then, their hearts full of the precious beauty of the moment, they reached for each other and started all over again.
PATIENCE LAY ON HER SIDE, Josh’s arms wrapped around her, tears of release sliding down her cheeks. She had never felt so loved as she had just now when they made love again and again in the morning light, or so scared and uncertain about the future. Their future. Was she the only one who had noticed a desperation to their kisses or had the sense they were on the very edge of losing everything, especially each other? Was this how Josh had felt all those years they had been apart? Like he could live only in that very moment? Like absolutely everything and everyone he loved might be cruelly ripped from him at any time?
Josh’s arms tightened around her. “You’re crying.”
“A little. I can’t help it.” Patience turned so she was facing him. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in the fragrant, hair-whorled warmth of his chest. “I wanted so much for us. I still do.”
His hand stroked down her hair, then came around to lift her face to his. “But you’re afraid we’re never going to have it? Is that it?”
Patience sat up, dragging the edge of the rumpled sheet with her. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, lie to him. She sat cross-legged next to him. Maybe it was time they got it all out in the open. Maybe then the fear she felt would not be so heartrendingly intense. She blotted the moisture from her face with the tips of her fingers. “Aren’t you?”
He folded his hands behind his head, his gray eyes hesitant. “If you’re asking me what tomorrow holds—” he began.
Patience shook her head. The promises she wanted from him were much closer to home and heart. The promises she wanted from him, she decided swiftly, would be enough. But she would have to get them first. “I want you to promise me that you’ll never leave me behind again, Josh.”
Regret etched harsh lines in his ruggedly handsome face. “I can’t, Patience. Not if leaving you were the only way to protect you,” he replied so quickly she knew he hadn’t even had to think about it.
He was silent a long moment, studying her. “That’s not what you wanted to hear, is it?” he asked reluctantly at last.
Patience drew a bolstering breath, her fear of losing all they had rediscovered increasing. But, like him, she wasn’t willing to throw in the towel and give up just yet. She met his glance equably and insisted, “If we are going to have a future together, Josh, and I admit now that I want one, I need to know you won’t make that decision for or without me, if and when the time comes that you do have to disappear again or take on a new identity.”
She could tell by the grim, brooding look on his face that Josh was flashing back to the night his father had died and the oceans of regret that had tortured him since. “You don’t know what you’re asking of me,” he said roughly. He sat up against the headboard and reached behind him to adjust the pillows.
Patience thought she did. “Or what you, Josh, are asking of me, to think that I could live otherwise,” she asserted quietly as she felt her lips begin to quiver.
“Listen to me, Patience.” Josh laid his hands on her shoulders firmly. “My lack of immediate action cost my father his life. Had I only asked a lot of questions a lot sooner, I would have known what he was up against, I would have been able to talk him into turning state’s witness. But I didn’t. And they came for him, and he died anyway.” His hands tightened protectively on her shoulders and he hauled her against him, shifting her so that she was sitting across his lap, the sheet still wrapped around her, the pillows at his back.
He stroked her bare skin gently as he continued in a low, anguished voice, “I couldn’t bear the same thing happening to you because of me and what I did to put the men who hurt my father away.”
Briefly, Patience rested her cheek against his. “I understand how you feel. And though the odds are against it, I understand the day may come when we’d both be in danger,” she said pragmatically, knowing she could live with that.
“But—?” Josh picked up on all she wasn’t saying as she drew slowly away.
“If you run again, I still want to know that you’ll take me with you,” she said earnestly, swallowing hard when she saw the uncooperative look come into his gray eyes. “Promise me, Josh,” she persisted hoarsely. “Please. It’s the only way I’ll ever have any peace of mind.”
But to her dismay, he was already shaking his head no. “I can’t,” he repeated autocratically.
Patience thought about waking up one morning to find him gone. Never knowing whether he was dead or alive. Never knowing if she would ever see him again. And she knew she couldn’t bear it. Not again. She had lost him once because he had shut her out, unfairly. She could not, would not, go through it again.
“I have to protect you, Patience.” His jaw tensed stubbornly, letting her know that on this issue he was about as easily moved as a five-ton boulder. “And I’ll do it with my life, if need be,” he emphasized strongly.
Patience sighed. “Even if it costs us the chance to be together?” she asked brokenly as she felt all her dreams come crashing down around her.
Josh nodded grimly, his position unchanged. It did not matter to him that he was breaking her heart, Patience thought resentfully. He only cared about protecting her!
“Even then,” he said.
1:35
“SO THIS IS WHAT YOU meant by things being in a state of emergency when I caught you on the cell phone a while ago,” Cisco drawled several hours later.
Patience turned to see him striding toward her. “One of the barns was struck by lightning last night.”
“Lose any of the horses?”
“No.” Patience paused in the act of inspecting the damage and wiped the soot from her cheeks. “We managed to get them all out, including Mandy and her new foal, Impatience, who is doing well, by the way.”
“Glad to hear it. As for the rest, you know you’ve got insurance on all the buildings and the equipment and livestock therein.”
Tears streaming down her face, Patience nodded.
Acting out of a friendship that went back years, Cisco took Patience into his arms. “But it was still upsetting?” he guessed.
Patience clung to Cisco as she sobbed into his chest, knowing she had never needed her old friend more. “Oh, Cisco. You don’t know the half of it.”
1:15
“IT DIDNT TAKE HER LONG to replace me, did it?” Josh growled a short distance away as he carefully checked over Mandy and her foal.
“Careful, boss, you’re sounding jealous,” Soaring Eagle said.
Relieved to find Impatience’s temperature normal and her lungs clear, Josh turned to Soaring Eagle and handed over care of the newborn foal and her mama. “Should I be jealous?” Josh asked casually, wondering if Soaring Eagle knew something he didn’t about Patience and Cisco, who
, even now, were looking unusually close. Emotionally as well as physically.
Soaring Eagle added feed and fresh water to Mandy’s stall. “Not if she agreed to marry you, as per terms of Max McKendrick’s will.”
“That’s just it.” Josh frowned. “She hasn’t.” Though he was still sticking to her like glue and honoring the terms stipulated in Max’s will, just in case.
“Any chance she’ll say yes? You’ve still got—” Soaring Eagle stepped outside the barn and glanced at the position of the sun for reference “—a good hour before you have to be at the wedding site.”
Josh looked at his wristwatch and determined Soaring Eagle was right. “How do you know the timetable for the wedding?” he asked brusquely, feeling all the more irritable as he realized his time with Patience really was running out.
“Invitations were sent out to the hands on all the various ranch operations. So I reckon I’m going and so is everyone else.”
Josh swore. That, he hadn’t known. “Too bad in our case the bride and the groom aren’t going,” he said bitterly.
Soaring Eagle looked at Patience, who was still in Cisco’s arms, and then turned back to study Josh. “Sure it isn’t too late to change that?” he asked.
1:00
“FEELING BETTER?” Cisco asked Patience as he patted her gently on the back.
Patience nodded. She drew away slightly, accepting the handkerchief Cisco offered. “I’m sorry.” She blotted her eyes and blew her nose. “I don’t know what’s come over me today. I’ve been acting like a complete idiot all morning.” First, making love with Josh like there was no tomorrow, then finding out there really was no tomorrow with him …not one she could count on, anyway.
But more depressing, dejecting and debilitating than that was the knowledge that Josh still wouldn’t take her with him…that he would still leave her behind after everything they’d been through. She had expected more from him.
“Maybe I could help,” Cisco said gently, still patting her on the back.
“I don’t know how,” Patience sniffed, “since Josh won’t even acknowledge he made a mistake.” In leaving me behind. “Or promise he’ll do things differently in the future.”
Cisco tipped the brim of his hat back so it was no longer shading his eyes. “You’re not making much sense,” he said finally.
Nor, because of her need to protect Josh, could Patience explain so Cisco would understand everything.
Holly Diehl came up to join them unexpectedly. After briskly introducing herself to Cisco, she said, “I think I know what’s bothering Patience. If you wouldn’t mind, Mr. Kidd, I’d like to talk to Patience alone.”
Cisco looked from one woman to another. Finally realizing it was okay with Patience, he nodded. “Sure. I have to tell Josh that, in accordance with the wishes expressed in Max’s last will and testament, I left the wedding clothes for both of you up at the studio. Should you change your mind and decide to go through with the ceremony, Patience, you’ll find everything you need up at the house.”
Figuring if anyone could shed light on how she should handle the situation with Josh it was Holly Diehl, Patience walked with Holly over to the corral. Josh was a short distance away, talking with Slim and Soaring Eagle. Just looking at Josh, watching him, Patience was filled with yearning. “You know who I am,” Holly asserted.
Patience nodded. “The FBI agent charged with Josh’s protection before and after the trial.”
“I wish Josh hadn’t told you who he is.”
Patience turned her back on Josh and leaned against the corral fence. She focused her gaze on the hired hands who were busy cleaning out the muck and smoldering ruins of the foaling barn. “I would’ve figured it out sooner or later.”
Holly Diehl looked skeptical about that as she shoved her hands in the pockets of her jeans. “Would you? I think he’s changed a great deal since you knew him.”
“Not enough, apparently,” Patience muttered darkly, because she was still head over heels in love with him.
“Does this mean you are not going to marry him after all?”
Patience shrugged as she studied the blazing blue sky overhead. It really was turning out to be a beautiful day. “What’s the point in knowing you made a mistake if you wouldn’t do it all over differently again?” And Josh, darn his stubborn soul, wasn’t about to do anything differently, Patience thought bitterly.
“So he told you he would run again, if it came to that,” Holly guessed.
Patience’s lips curled sardonically as she recalled Josh’s hopelessly protective attitude. “He is determined to protect me, even if it means leaving me again without so much as a word or kiss goodbye.”
“Josh may or may not have told you, but I was around last night during the storm. I wasn’t sure how this thing with you was going to play out, and I wanted to be around in case Josh needed me. We at the agency owe him a lot. My colleagues and I would like him to be happy. We’d like him to be able to stay here, where he is safe.”
The truth be told, so would she, Patience thought. “What is your point?” she asked irritably.
“I didn’t see you thinking of yourself first last night during the fire. You went straight to the barn that housed all those foals and helped Josh and the men get them out of there, regardless of the danger to yourself.”
“That was different.” Patience squared her shoulders defiantly. “The mares and their foals needed my protecting. None of them had experience dealing with fire, and that was a completely terrifying, utterly unexpected occurrence.”
“Still, you could have darted in, opened all the stall doors and simply left the animals to fend for themselves.”
“And what if the mares and their foals hadn’t figured out what to do?” Patience shot back. “If we had lost any of our foals or our mares in the fire, I never would have forgiven myself.”
“Perhaps that’s what Josh feels now toward you, intensified a hundred million times,” Holly Diehl retorted meaningfully.
Patience fell silent, thinking about that.
“For the record,” Soaring Eagle said as he walked past them, leading one of the ranch stallions, “the rest of the hired hands and I think you should give Josh a second chance, too. To make up for whatever he’s done to tick you off, Patience.”
Patience sighed. She gave Soaring Eagle a look that let him know she did not appreciate his advice.
“Funny, Soaring Eagle doesn’t seem the type to horn in on someone else’s conversation,” Holly mused, inclining her head at the trainer after he had passed.
Frowning, Patience dug the toe of her boot in the mud. “He’s not. Normally, that is.”
“Then he must want you and Josh together a lot.”
Patience shrugged. “He’s always had a protective attitude toward me, too. All the hired hands have, since most of them watched me grow up.”
“Nevertheless, Soaring Eagle must think Josh is good for you.”
“So do a lot of people, including my dear departed Uncle Max. It doesn’t mean any of them are right.” Patience sighed.
“It doesn’t mean they’re wrong, either.” Holly touched her arm encouragingly. “Take a chance, Patience. Enjoy the moment. After all, what have you got to lose that you haven’t already lost? And survived.”
00:50
CISCO INTERCEPTED JOSH, just as he came out of the foaling barn. “I left your tux up at the house, Josh.”
Josh paused, taking in the fact that Patience was still deep in conversation with Holly Diehl over by the corral fence. He had explained to Holly that Patience was no threat to his new identity and asked Holly to put in a good word for him in the hopes they might still be able to work things out. Judging from the looks on their faces, it did not appear his strategy to win Patience’s hand in marriage was working. Which meant not only were they letting Max down, they were letting themselves down, too. “Did you also bring Patience a wedding gown?” he asked Cisco, trying not to sound dejected.
Cisco no
dded. “It’s with the tux.”
“And Patience knows this?” Josh asked with a disgruntled sigh.
“I told her just a moment ago,” Cisco confirmed.
Yet Patience was still talking with Holly over by the fence. “Then you must also know there isn’t going to be any wedding,” Josh said.
Cisco shrugged. “I know she’s having last-minute jitters.”
“What she feels is a hell of a lot more than simple prewedding jitters,” Josh interrupted.
Cisco stared at Josh pointedly. “I know she’s upset.”
“Enough to find solace in your arms.” Instead of mine.
Cisco paused, but to Josh’s disappointment, he didn’t rise to the bait that would have, Josh was sure, led to a fistfight between the two of them. “Is there some reason she shouldn’t marry you?” Cisco asked Josh matter-of-factly.
Actually, Josh thought, there were plenty, the least being that he could not, no matter how desperately he wanted to do so, promise Patience that their life would run smoothly from this point forward. “Isn’t there always?” Josh retorted casually at last.
Cisco frowned. “I admit I’ve known Patience a long time. I’ve never seen her the way she is around you.”
“And what is that?” Josh mocked, furious to find Cisco being so damn civil to him at long last. “Highly agitated and upset?”
“In love.”
Josh swallowed. He was almost afraid to hope for a happy outcome here. Up until now, his life hadn’t exactly been brimming over with bliss. “She tell you that?”
“Not in so many words.”
Josh grimaced. “Just as I thought.”
“Look, I know Patience. Regardless of what she’s said to you this morning, or last night, or whenever, she wants things to work out for you two,” Cisco insisted.
The Ranch Stud Page 20