I struggled, but he was so much stronger than I was, and faster – I couldn’t hit him anywhere, his neck or knees or eyes. His arm trapped my waist on his shoulder, and his other arm held my legs down as I tried to kick him in mid-air.
He’s going to take me out into the woods and hold my limbs down with traps and pull off my head like a rabbit’s while he dances naked under the moon.
My head bobbed against his back and I stopped fighting – he was too strong, there was no point. All I needed to do now was concentrate on finding my door. I hadn’t summoned it in so long, but I knew it hadn’t gone far – it was always waiting inside me, yawning like an open mouth. All I’d have to do is let go and fall in. Vincent taught me how far I could bend and still come back – without him, all I’d have to do is let go.
It would feel just like drowning and then it’d all be over.
Max picked me up off of his shoulder and threw me. I sailed – not for the ground, but for my open door, ready to fall through at last and lock it behind me – when I landed with a splash in cold water.
The shock of the cold made my body a traitor, gasping and fighting for air. I wrestled my way up to the surface, coughing and panting, prying the gag out of my mouth.
I stroked away from the creek’s edge – he stood on the bank in moonlight, and I know that he can still see me.
“Take a bath. And then come back,” he said then walked away in the dark.
Chapter Eight
Silver. He’d given her silver on purpose, to protect her from me – or others like me. I went outside before I could do anything else dumb.
My hands burned where I’d touched her necklace, and I could feel the silver poisoning coursing inside me as my body tried to fight it off. My wolf was confused, angry – at her for burning us, bereft by Vincent’s death, and at Karl for being Karl. It was searching for release, and I tried to shove it down so I could think.
Karl’d said it was her fault – but if it was, why’d Vincent give her my number? Had he been that blinded by love? I couldn’t imagine that happening. Vincent was many things, but never a fool.
It was more likely that Karl’d been lying. Not about his death – his glee was too genuine for that – but about the circumstances that caused it.
She knew he was dead. And as mad as I was at her for not telling me, I couldn’t blame her, now that I was sane.
If I was. Was I? I didn’t know. My wolf felt awfully close – wanting to hunt, kill, fuck – I could almost feel it pacing inside me, looking for weak spots.
Part of me was tempted to give in. How many times in the past seven years had I just wanted to let all of my humanity go, turn wolf and stay that way? Let the wild side finally have me?
Only the hope of seeing him again had held me back. And now? There wasn’t anything stopping me. I took all my clothes off out of habit and crouched down in the middle of my porch. All I had to do was finally let myself go, become a wolf, and disappear. Let it carry me away on its four feet from this forest to the next to the one after that – if you stayed wolf long enough, you wouldn’t come back.
But what about her?
My cabin still stank of her – and him. I pushed back onto my knees and pressed my head into my hands, rocking back and forth, hovering on the verge of the change.
Inside me, my wolf gloried and cajoled, whispering simple things. Chase, kill, fuck, chase, kill, fuck. Life was easier as a wolf, and both of us knew it. No one tried to use a wolf, wolves never got confused. On all fours, I knew where my place was in the pack, even if it was a low one. It was only when I was a human that I felt all this agony, wanting more than I could ever get, and my wolf didn’t understand why we tortured ourselves so.
I concentrated on the things I knew I could explain to him.
The pack wanted her -- and he’d sent her to me to protect.
My wolf remembered him. Our old alpha, more than Syd had ever been. My lips pursed to form a howl and my blood rushed low.
Protecting her was a final order from him, from beyond the grave. And my wolf and I would be damned if I wouldn’t see it through.
I got up and pulled my pants on. No matter how much I missed him, nothing could smell like him or her inside my house.
I dumped her in the creek against her protests, and the second I got back I stoked the fire in the stove. I fed her clothing to it and tried not to breathe the acrid smoke that wafted up, then dragged her bag out from underneath the bed.
Another set of underwear – tossed into the fire. The wig she’d worn – I’d dump it in the creek tomorrow, burning it would make the stove stink too bad. Her robe – I tore into shreds and shoved in.
There was cash and ID – I could bury them. I knew how to do it right, so no one would be able to find it but me.
The bag itself? Had to go. I held it open and leaned my head in, breathing deep. It would be the last time I would smell him. With a strangled sound, I pulled it apart at the zipper-seams -- and a book fell out of the bottom.
I picked it up. It was a small notebook, and every page was full of Vincent’s handwriting. I immediately flipped to the front.
“Samantha – I don’t know where you’ll be when you find this, but I hope you’re safe.
If you’re gone, stay gone. If you’re not gone yet – go. As fast as you can. Get out of town and never come back. Pretend that you’re being chased by wolves, okay? Run and keep running. Don’t look back.
I want you to be happy, Sam. Start over somewhere new and when you’re safe drop this in the mail three states over from wherever it is you are, so they can’t trace you. Send it to US Marshall Bren -- I’ve been working with him. I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you. I promise we were supposed to get out together. I never wanted to leave you in this world alone.
Be safe, Sammy. For both of us.
I love you.
V.”
I knelt there, holding the testament to how much he trusted her – Samantha, I realized now, not Sarah like she’d said -- in my hands. I was glad I hadn’t killed her, and so jealous of what she’d had with him it felt like silver in my heart.
#
Vincent and I were driving away from a botched deal and I was bleeding into the upholstery of his car.
“Take me home,” I said, leaning against the door. My home had been his home now for a year.
“I’m taking you to the doctor.” His voice was clipped, he’d seen me get shot.
I ground my teeth together. “You don’t need to.”
“He’s one of us, he’ll treat you off the books –“ Vincent went on, taking turns that drove us further away from our house.
“No. Take me home.”
“I’m not going to watch you die, okay? I don’t care if I go to jail – we’ve got lawyers, we pay them enough –“ he took the next turn angry, and I grunted when I hit the door. Hands slippery with blood found the handle.
This was it. I was going to have to leave him now, for his own good. I should have never gotten involved with a human, not as deep as this. I’d have to run, let him assume I’d died, that was the only way to get out of this without telling him what I was and exposing him to danger.
One of his hands reached over from the steering wheel and grabbed my knee. “I care about you, Max.” He glanced over at me, and I could see the terror in his eyes – he thought that he was losing me.
Was he?
I didn’t want to endanger him. But I wasn’t ready to give him up yet either.
“Pull over.”
He looked at me. “Fuck no – we’ve got to –“
I took his hand in mine. “Pull over.”
He yanked his hand back and twisted the steering wheel until we were idling beside the road. “If you think I’m going to let you die –“ he started, whirling on me.
“Did you ever have a secret so big you could never tell anyone?”
He stared at me like bloodloss had made me insane. Of course he had secrets, he was in the family.
/> I inhaled. “I’m gonna be fine.”
“I saw you get shot. I’m not an idiot.”
“The bullet went through me.” I could feel the exit wound it’d left, if I reached around with one hand.
“So?”
“I’ll heal up. Like I always do.”
“It went through you Max. Who knows what it hit. Peritonitis is no way to go.”
“I’ll be fine.” I sat straighter up in the seat. The moon was half-full overhead. Under its silver gaze, I was already healing.
His eyes were dark by the light of the dashboard. He knew I healed fast, he’d talked about it before, but what I was saying pressed his definitions of reality.
This was the moment I’d been dreading ever since I’d taken up with him. I’d conned myself into believing it’d never happen, and had turned myself into a fool.
We were at a juncture. Leave now for his own good -- or stay for mine.
Inside me, my wolf whined. He was the only person I’d ever loved. I couldn’t go, no matter how much I knew I ought to. Maybe if I were more like him, I’d be that strong, but I was just me – and I knew he’d have to ask.
“How do you know you’ll be all right?”
I swallowed. “You won’t want to believe me when I tell you.”
An eyebrow quirked. “You’re an alien?” he said, dryly, his hands wringing the steering wheel.
“Worse. A werewolf.”
He barked a laugh. “What kind of shitty joke is that?”
I looked at him completely calmly. “I mean what I said.”
He twisted his whole body to face me. “Prove it.”
“I just survived a gutshot that hit my liver. What else do you need?” I held up my shirt. The entry wound was already shrinking, soon it’d be like it hadn’t been there at all. He reached a tentative finger out to touch the hole it’d left, like I had stigmata.
His eyes met mine again. “Show me.”
I shook my head. “No.” If I showed him my wolf – there were rules, and then there were rules. But I was cornered – and he wasn’t used to being told no. It was my own fault, I encouraged him to boss me. “It’s why I’m gone three nights a month. I have to hunt with my pack.”
“There are others like you?”
I closed my eyes and sighed. Maybe I had had some blood loss after all. “I shouldn’t have said anything. The punishment for telling a human is death – for you, and me.”
He stared at me in wonder as I put my shirt back down. “All those times – those fights – no wonder I felt invincible around you.”
I smiled softly. “Not invincible. Just harder to kill.” I tried to read his face, to see if I saw his opinion changing. “You can never tell anyone. You have to take the secret to your grave.”
“I will. I swear it.”
“Good.” I knew he’d be true to his word. No one would even torture it out of him.
“I just -- I can’t believe it. Are you sure that you can’t show me?”
“Yeah. But –“ I licked my lips and his eyes met mine again. There was something different there now. He wasn’t scared -- and he still wanted me. When he looked at me like that, all my blood sank, getting ready. “Maybe there’s something I can show you.”
He nodded eagerly.
“Take me home, first.”
Vincent drove more cautiously up to our house. He kept looking at me like I might go away, and I kept worrying. It’d seemed like a good idea at the time – but what if he changed his mind?
What had I done? Telling him about us – even if there was no reason for him to tell another living soul, and no one would believe him if he did – it was such a huge risk, such a completely bad idea – he put the car into park, and without saying a word, both of us walked inside. He followed me into the bathroom.
“I want to see the rest,” he said, looking meaningfully at the bloodstain on my shirt.
I turned my back to him and lifted it off. He made a surprised sound, and then I felt him touching me. I wanted to lean back into his arms and let him hold me, push me against the wall and –
“You really are –“ he whispered.
I swallowed my thoughts. “I really am.” I angled myself in the mirror so I could see what he saw. I was bloody around the exit wound, but it was healing, and the entry wound was almost gone. “I’m going to take a shower, and let Mother Nature finish up.” I reached into the shower and turned the hot water on.
“Sure,” Vincent said, and kicked his shoes off.
I tilted my head. “What’re you --“
“I saw you thinking about leaving in the car.” His hands went for the top button of his shirt. He was spattered with my blood.
I leaned against the cold glass of the shower door. “I didn’t go.”
“But you thought about it.” His eyes were serious as he went for the next button, and the one below that.
I nodded.
His shirt was open and he slipped it off, letting it fall. “I don’t want you to leave me, Max. I don’t want you to even think about leaving me.”
I closed my eyes and let the words wash over me. It was everything I’d ever wanted to hear. The risk of him knowing was worth the reward of being known for who I was -- and feeling like this.
When I opened my eyes up again he was smiling softly at me, and he stepped near. “Show me what you want to show me, I’m not going anywhere.”
All of me, wolf and human, thrilled. I’d been holding back for months, every time I came, wanting – aching – to knot. I started breathing heavy, and the steam from the shower fogged us both as he started kissing me.
I pushed his pants off of him as he pushed mine off of me, and we danced into the shower together, hands eagerly searching one another’s bodies, him pressing my back into the cold tile wall as his tongue moved inside my mouth, making me moan. I could feel his erection rubbing against my thigh and reached for it, pulling one wet hand down his length as he reached his hands down to hold my ass and pull my hips close. My erection rubbed against his stomach and I thrust without thinking, wanting more for it there. I took one of his hands and put it on my cock. He started stroking me between us as his other hand’s fingers teased the edge of my asshole, getting me ready to take him. The pink-tinged water’d started to run clear, I knew I was whole, I could show him, it was safe –
I pushed him back so that he stood directly under the water streaming down from above, and I stroked myself for him, in front of him. I wanted him to see it – I was scared to show it – I’d been hiding it for so long -- my eyes were closed and I was biting my lips – trying so hard to relax and let go --
His hand met mine, taking over, and I moaned, opening my eyes again.
“Don’t stop. No matter what,” I whispered, and he nodded, sensing how important this was for me. He knelt down, still stroking, and lowered his head to lick my balls.
“Oh God --” I whispered, as his tongue lapped between my balls and my leg, and then licked up the seam of my sack, as his hand kept stroking. My hips arched forward to give him more of me, any part he would touch or taste, and he moved his head to let me thrust into his mouth. I stayed there, frozen for a second, as his tongue lapped up my precum and swirled around my head. “Yes –“ I panted, my hips rocking, his hands and mouth moving in time. I needed release – but I needed one more thing worse --
It was safe. He was mine. I was his. We were together. I’d spent so long holding back to protect the both of us that it’d become second nature to me.
Please, I begged my body, and my wolf whined.
I looked down, and saw him staring up, watching me struggle. He pulled back. “Come for me, Max,” he ordered. At the sound of his command, my knot flared at the base of my cock, swelling out. He gasped – and then took me into his mouth again and sucked me harder.
I came and I came and I came, shooting all of my cum into his mouth, shouting unintelligible things. He kept stroking and sucking until I was completely done – my balls had
never felt so empty, even if my cock was still hard.
I sank down the wall as I crashed back to earth, and he folded in next to me, hot water still pouring down. He leaned against me, and kept his free hand on my knot, where my cock was swollen, meant to lock me to the one I loved. “What is this?” he asked, marveling.
I looked down at my mating knot being held by the man I adored. I wanted to keep him there forever.
“It’s –“ I flushed, not sure how to explain it to someone not of my kind. “It’s what happens when – when you’re with the right person.”
He made a wise noise, stroking me. I didn’t know my knot would make me stay so hard, or feel so good whenever he touched it. I felt exposed, but not ashamed. This was who I’d always wanted to be with him.
“Have you gotten it with others?” he asked.
My breath hitched. I didn’t want to lie, not when he’d accepted all my other truths. “No,” I said, just a whisper.
He made an even wiser noise, and moved his mouth back on my cock.
Chapter Nine
I stayed in the creek until I thought I’d get hypothermia. Goddamn him, what gave him the right to act like this? I slapped an open palm against the water – and found the night was even colder when I got out.
I had money, and I had ID, and at least one clean pair of underwear left – I’d go up there, get my bag, and then go, just go.
I stumbled in the dark, my feet being poked and prodded by turned stones and the roots of trees. I got back, and saw the fire inside the cabin burning brighter than ever and paused. I’d floated. I hoped he wouldn’t think that made me a witch.
I got to the door and hauled it open. He looked over his shoulder at me, his face guilty. He still didn’t have a shirt on – what the hell was his problem with clothing?
“I need my things and then I’m going.” I’d walk out of here naked if I had to, I didn’t need a goddamned thing from him anymore.
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