by Taryn Quinn
But I opened the door anyway, because my dad was concerned due to my careless actions and I loved him. Besides, all fairytales had to come to an end sometime, right?
“Maggie, baby, are you okay? When you didn’t come home and didn’t call, and we drove the route to Mrs. Pringles’ and found your car here, of all places, we didn’t know what had happened.” He cupped my face in ice cold hands. “Tell me you’re all right,” he demanded, shooting an accusing glance over his shoulder.
“Daddy,” I whispered, pleading for him to understand.
Glancing back at me, he shook his head. My sweet, patient, rule-abiding father took one glance at his baby girl’s wild hair and blurry eyes and shut his own.
“Let’s go home,” he said finally.
I might’ve argued if I hadn’t looked past him and glimpsed Kellan’s closed-down face. He was standing with a slight brunette with braided hair and a weary expression. No one was smiling.
I tried to get Kellan to meet my eyes, but he wasn’t looking at me. His gaze bounced everywhere else, never landing on any one spot for long.
So much for not calling the next day. He was dismissing me before I’d even made it out the front door.
One-night stand, remember? Now be woman enough not to beg. Time to take your ass back home where you belong.
Swallowing hard, I nodded and gave my father a weak smile. “Just let me get my things.”
9
Kellan
“What the hell were you thinking?”
My sister Bethy’s sharp question hit me between the shoulder blades where I stood at the kitchen window, slamming back black coffee and wishing it were beer.
The amount I had left wasn’t nearly enough to get trashed the way I needed to.
Maybe if I had more beer, I wouldn’t have to hear Maggie’s breathy cries in my head anymore. Maybe I wouldn’t remember the feeling of her tightening around me until we both broke.
Eventually I’d get to the point where the memory faded. I hoped.
“Coffee?” I asked.
“No, I don’t want coffee.”
So she’d said after she returned from towing Maggie’s car back to her shop for her techs to get to work on it. She was a mechanic too, though she tended to run the shop more than keep her hand in. I’d hoped she would choose to stay there to work on Maggie’s car, not come back and harass me about what I’d been thinking.
I hadn’t. End of story.
“You know better than to sleep with a girl like her. She’s a townie and you are not. She’s not like you, Kell.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“That’s not a judgment against you,” she said after a moment. “It’s just reality.”
Like the reality that neither Maggie or I had been paying attention to anything last night. She hadn’t called her parents to let them know not to expect her, and I hadn’t followed up with my sister to tell her to wait until later in the day to show up with the tow truck.
You know, because wanting more time with Maggie made sense, when I shouldn’t have had any with her to begin with.
In the end, it hadn’t mattered. Before first light, Maggie’s concerned father had driven the route he suspected Maggie would have taken. Upon finding her abandoned car, he’d called the shop for a tow anyway. Bethy had already been on the way.
When she’d arrived, she had tried to convince Maggie’s dad I wasn’t an axe murderer or a pervert who’d kidnapped his young, impressionable daughter. Of course, the fact that the one and only time the elder Kelly had met me a million years ago, I’d had my mouth on his middle daughter’s breast probably hadn’t helped things.
Ahh, memories. Ones I hadn’t seen fit to mention to Maggie.
No wonder I wanted to get shit-faced.
“The truth is,” Bethy continued, “that you break girls. You don’t mean to. It’s not like you lead them on, or lie to them, but you’re good-looking and the asshole personality type is currently in.” She held up a hand. “Just more reality.”
“What about the reality that Tom wasn’t good for you, but you wouldn’t listen to any of us?” As soon as the words were out, I regretted them. It wasn’t right to slap back at my sister when I was only pissed at myself. “Look, I didn’t mean—”
“I paid, didn’t I?” she asked quietly. “I’m still paying. So is Rainy. But without him, I wouldn’t have her. So sometimes you have to go through some shit to get your goddamn rainbow.”
A smile twisted my lips as I glanced at her. She looked exhausted, and she wasn’t explaining much about why she hadn’t answered her phone last night. I wanted to pry, but at the same time, I was just so fucking grateful she was okay. Strong and whole and untouched.
Tom hadn’t hurt her again.
“And sometimes you gotta ride your fucking rainbow for as long as it lasts, knowing the dark is waiting. I won’t apologize for it.” I tipped back my head. “Fine, maybe I would apologize to someone, but it damn sure isn’t you or her father.”
“Stuff happens. You were snowed in and bored. Add in some beer and questionable choices…”
What had occurred was so far from that. If only I could categorize it that easily.
“I’m not discussing this with you. All right? We’re both adults and that’s the end of it.”
“You think you can’t get bruised up when you’re over twenty-one, Kell? And she’s barely that. She’s a goddamn kid, and you know you’re not going to call her. How do you think she’ll feel when that single blows up and you’re on the cover of every magazine?”
“She’ll probably never know. She listens to sweet pop shit, not our stuff. I was just a guy from LA who deals with musicians. Nothing more, nothing less. And I liked that.”
“It’s a lie. You are more than that. You always have been.”
I didn’t reply.
“What if she gets ideas about you? Romantic ones? Then what? People know you in this town. If she wanted to, she could find a way to contact you, and you’ll what, just let her down easy? Crush that poor girl’s heart?” I heard Bethy’s disappointment loud and clear. “You’re the wiser, worldly one. You gotta stop thinking with your dick. Think of someone else for a change, Kell.”
I swallowed the last of my coffee and banged the mug on the counter. I’d already had three cups this morning while I waited for my little sister to spit out what was on her mind. Now that she had, I wanted her to leave me the hell alone so I could gear up to deal with my life again.
I’d grown accustomed to weeks spent either seeking or in the spotlight, surrounded by people. Followed by a few days on my own, where I could be myself and actually breathe in my own skin. This weekend wasn’t supposed to be about more drama. It was supposed to be where I got to escape it, for fuck’s sake.
My phone buzzed in the pocket of my jeans and I tugged it out. “It’s my manager, Lila. I gotta take this.”
Betty shrugged and grabbed her keys and her newsboy cap. “I have work. Stop by the shop before you roll out of here, all right?”
I grunted an affirmation and waited until she shut the front door behind her before I answered Lila’s call.
“You have a radio call coming up Tuesday morning. Additional press for the single,” she said after the briefest of niceties.
That was Lila Crandall’s way. When I’d met her two days after landing in California, I’d thought she was a stupidly hot blond with a shark’s smile and a no-nonsense manner. A couple of years later, I knew her to be whip-smart and intolerant of bullshit. If you couldn’t get with the program right away, she wasn’t going to wait.
I appreciated Lila’s directness, especially today. She reminded me of someone else I’d met who was incapable of telling anything but the truth.
Being with Maggie last night had been refreshing. I’d grown numb to all the plastic and glitz that made up my world until I was confronted by Maggie’s honesty. Everything about her was intoxicating.
Christ, I hadn’t broken her
. I had to believe that. She had no reason to fall for a guy like me.
Just like you have no reason to fall for her?
That was just it. She’d given me a million reasons to fall for her, and I’d given her none. Including not even asking if she was okay after I’d pounded her into the mattress. If I’d hurt her.
That was riding me harder than the rest. If I’d caused her pain or scared her or…Jesus. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I barely could now.
But it wasn’t like I could contact her. I mean, I could. I knew her name and her address, if her family still lived in the same house as they had back a decade ago when I’d been caught indulging in my oral fixation with Maeve. But we hadn’t talked about anything beyond sex. We’d practically had a tacit agreement not to speak after last night. I certainly hadn’t given her any reason to think otherwise.
Neither had she, so maybe she really had been looking for a one-time thing. She’d just gotten out of a long relationship and a rough breakup. The last thing she needed was me.
Fuck.
“Kellan. Are you still there? I asked you if you still intended to fly back on Tuesday? I’m booking more interviews Wednesday so we need you here and presentable first thing that morning. A limo will pick you up and take you to WKLP.”
Presentable meant I had to shave my beard. I could either go for a more “manageable” trimmed look or I could shave it entirely, but either way, my current look didn’t match the record company’s idea of what Wilder Mind’s frontman should look like.
Tomorrow I might even give two shits about that. Maybe.
“I’ll see if I can switch my flight to tomorrow. The signal here is crap so it’d be hard to do an interview.”
Besides, the sooner I got my ass back to LA, the faster I’d stop wondering if contacting Maggie was a good idea.
It wasn’t. On any level. People in my business weren’t meant for serious relationships. I’d never been one to try the fidelity thing, but even if I wanted to, there was so much BS in the tabloids that it was almost impossible to keep something going. Sure, some people managed it, and major props to them. But add in the distance and the crazy way we’d met and it didn’t make sense. We didn’t know each other, and chemistry in bed meant little.
Okay, it meant a damn lot, especially when just the thought of her had me harder than the window frame.
“We can send the jet for you. This media blitz is important.” Lila’s voice turned into white noise in my ear.
This was actually my life now. Jetting off for press junkets, and formalizing tour schedules, and preparing my look for the public. I wasn’t merely the barely middle class son of a sometime roofer and full-time wanderer and a school secretary anymore.
I also wasn’t a guy who ignored his gut. That instinct had gotten me out to California and into a business I knew nothing about. At least on the surface. I’d done so well that Lila and her boss Donovan had believed that me and the guys I’d grown up with—with a new addition or two—might just be more than a former high school garage band.
My gut hadn’t steered me wrong yet.
“Lila, you’re married, right?”
Lila cleared her throat. “Out of left field much?”
“Sorry.”
“Yes, I am.”
“To a guy in the business. A guitarist, isn’t he? In Oblivion?”
“Yes. Why?”
“And you’re happy.”
“I am, yes. What is this about?”
Hell if I knew. I scraped my hand down my face, buzzing over the beard I needed to shave. My so-called hibernation weekend was ending sooner than I’d planned.
Perhaps that was a good thing. I still hadn’t made a move that would create even more chaos, when I had an almost pathological aversion to it.
Since Lila was waiting for a reply, I blew out a breath. “I guess I’m just thinking about a lot of this stuff. How my life is changing. All the things I didn’t think were possible suddenly are, and it’s just fucking crazy.”
“Your single hasn’t blown up yet, Kellan.” Lila’s dry tone made me smile. “Hang on to your mic stand, Axl.”
My smile turned into a genuine laugh. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I might die in obscurity or be on one of those One Hit Wonder shows in ten years. But what if, you know?”
“Oh, I know. I also know I wouldn’t have pegged you as the settling down type of guy. If that’s changed, look around you. Examples of making it work are there to be found.”
“Yeah, maybe if you’re both in the business. If you get how it works. Hell, if you’re even on the same coast.” I rubbed my temple. “Don’t mind me. Just a lot of crap in my head and I’m dumping it on you.”
“I often play the role of junior therapist with my artists. I get bonuses when I keep lead singers from running off and quitting the band, usually right before their biggest show. You’d be surprised how often I’ve had to.”
“No, I wouldn’t. Remember I sat around that table with you and Donovan and Dex more than a few times, trying to figure out how to keep Luc Moreau from getting arrested during a show.”
“He’s back in rehab for his sex addiction.”
I winced. “Second time?”
“Try third. But he’s insanely talented, so we deal with him. Just not sure how much longer that will be true.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not about to split the band.”
“Better not. I vouched for you, you know. Turnbull strong and all that.”
I stared out the window at the bright blue sky and the snow shimmering like diamonds in the blinding sunshine. It was as if there had never even been a storm last night.
But there had.
“Turnbull strong,” I echoed. “Thanks, Lila. I’ll talk to you once I’m back in town.” I ended the call and started to slip my phone back in my pocket.
Then I saw an unknown number with a text that I’d somehow missed before. It had been sent this morning. Six-eleven am.
Holy shit.
My heart sped up as I clicked on the message.
In case we need a do-over and there isn’t a ditch available. Xo, Red.
10
Maggie
Two weeks later
“I’m glad you’re not trying to avoid me or anything. Because that would really brass my balls.”
The stern voice in line behind me at Starbucks made me turn with a sheepish smile. I glanced up at my best friend Kendra, who was towering over me as she always did. Nothing new there. She also was dressed on point as usual in a red pantsuit that made her appear like the young executive she would soon be rather than a low-rent, harried college student like the rest of us.
What was new was the cocked eyebrow she aimed at me. Typically she saved that expression for one of our professors when they offered up something as fact that was debatable at best. And Ken did debate with them. She suffered no fools gladly.
Including me. Especially me.
“Why would I avoid you?”
“That’s a very good question.” Ken tucked her phone in her tiny white, ridiculously chic purse and crossed her arms. “Anytime now, Kelly.”
I had to grin as the line moved forward. “I’m not. I’ve just been busy. Trying to work extra hours before school starts up again in a few days.”
“Right. I hear that. Me too. Except I still manage to text my damn best friend every day just the same as I have since, oh, junior high. I still manage to ask her if she wants to meet up for a latte or a movie or a drink if it comes to that. You know what I get in return? Whole lot of nothing. Line’s moving, by the way.”
I hunched my shoulders and moved forward. She was right and I felt like a complete jerk. Just because I was messed up and I didn’t really know what to say to anyone right now wasn’t an excuse to shut her out. Anyone but her.
We’d been tight since the day in kindergarten when Sam Broughton pulled my ponytail and made me trip on the playground. Kendra, the new girl who had transferred to the school mid-year, pok
ed him in the chest and demanded he apologize to me. Which he had, stuttering. Then I’d asked Kendra to nap beside me and we’d been together through thick and thin since.
Everything except Kellan McGuire. He’d been the first person who made me need some distance from everyone in my life. Including Kendra.
Not because of them. I was blessed to have amazing people in my life. But because of me.
I’d known Kellan wasn’t the type to call the next day. He hadn’t made a secret of it. I appreciated that honesty and yet I couldn’t help hoping. Couldn’t help wondering why I was the kind of girl who might be good for a night or even a few years if worst came to worst. I just wasn’t the kind of woman who made a man run away from his life.
And yes, I knew that was nonsense thinking. I couldn’t help it. Mainly because I was pretty sure I’d run away from my life for Kellan, and that scared the hell out of me.
I loved my family so much. Loved my classes and my friends and even my little town that had more snow than residents. I loved being known by name at most of the places I went to on a regular basis. I liked the sense of community that came from growing roots in the same place generations of your family had grown theirs.
Before I crashed in that ditch, if anyone had asked me if I was dissatisfied, I would’ve said no. A little sad, yes. Definitely lonely. It was hard to go from being in a serious relationship for years to being single again, even if the relationship had soured a long while before your guy split.
But otherwise, I’d been happy. Settled. Now I just wasn’t. It was as if a door to a whole other world had popped open for me for an instant and then slammed shut while I still had my toes inside.
I was hurting. Way more than I’d hurt over Derek. I didn’t know why. Didn’t understand any of this.