by Emily Snow
My eyes stretched as I shook my head. “No—no, Ben, they cannot be on here with us.”
“It’s only temporary,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I knew you’d react this way.”
“Of course I’m going to react like this. That’s a whole two days, Ben. I’m the only girl on this bus and those boys are—” I shook my head. There was no need to explain myself. The band was a load of animals. “I can’t be around them.”
“Why are you so upset? The boys told me they loved you last night.”
“I… just can’t be around them that long. I need my space.”
Ben frowned, looking me over. I clutched my sketchbook, hoping he wouldn’t realize why I was getting so upset. I wanted to keep my distance from Grendel. I didn’t want him anywhere near me after what happened the night before. It was too close and God only knew what would happen while he was on the same bus with me.
“Eliza, don’t worry. I’ll be here, sweetie. I won’t let them get too crazy.” Someone called Ben’s name from the front door of the bus and he turned around. “We’ll talk later, Liza,” he yelled over his shoulder.
I stood hastily, dropping my sketchbook on the bed and rushing out to see what was going on. Through the window, I saw the hood of the FireNine tour bus open and a few men looking beneath it. Some were scratching their heads and some were bent over working on it.
The door of the FireNine bus was wide open and the first one to step out with two suitcases in hand was Montana, stretching while yawning. After him it was Deed and then came Roy. Gage came out last with two black suitcases in hand and Ben met up with them, flagging his arms and pointing at our bus.
My heart sank as Ben stepped aside, allowing them to make their way toward our bus. I could feel my cheeks draining of color and my fingers getting cold. Gage had on a pair of sunglasses and tight black jeans. He had bedhead, which looked unbelievably hot on him. How the hell was I supposed to wake up without getting turned on at first sight of him?
The boys got closer and I rushed for my room. I slammed the door behind me and sank onto my bed, listening hard as the boys’ heavy footsteps echoed and their weight caused the bus to shake.
“This shit is sweet!” Montana yelled after releasing a low whistle.
Footsteps went past my door and my heart thudded. “I know Ellie’s in one of these rooms,” Gage mumbled. I froze, listening as the boys went back and forth past my door to most likely find a bunk or a room they could claim as their own for the next two days.
My doorknob jiggled and I leaped up. Damn it! Why the hell didn’t I remember to lock it? A few thoughts came to mind. One was to rush for the door and knock it closed with my shoulder while locking it. The other was to just let them walk in and then tell them to get the hell out. The last option would have most likely worked best.
The door creaked open and in came Gage. He still wore his aviator sunglasses and up close he looked even better. A smile hinted at his pink lips as he spotted me standing in front of the window. Slowly, he removed his sunglasses from his eyes, the hazel pools drinking me in even more. “Don’t you look lovely,” he said, smirking.
I frowned, reaching for my sketchbook to flip it over. I didn’t want him to see it was his face that had been running through my mind all night and day. I sat on the bed, crossed my legs, and then scribbled on a loose sheet of paper. “This room’s off limits, Gage.”
“I don’t know.” I looked up and he was still smiling. “I kind of like it in here. We might have to become roommates… Maybe share the bed?” His eyebrows wiggled.
“Not likely.”
“Let me guess.” He placed his suitcase down outside my room and folded his arms over his broad chest. The ink on his arms stretched as he took a step forward. I almost made out a female’s name near his elbow, but he turned slightly and I couldn’t see it as clearly. “You’re upset I left you alone last night.”
“I don’t really care,” I lied, sitting up against the headboard. “I was kind of ready to go home anyway.”
“If I stayed in the VIP room with you, would you have stayed a little longer?”
I frowned. “Gage, please get out. I’m kind of busy.”
I didn’t dare look up from my sketchbook after looking down. I didn’t want to look into his eyes because looking into them was setting myself up.
“Ellie,” Gage murmured, taking another step forward. He sat on the edge of my bed and placed his hand on top of mine, stroking the flesh around my knuckles. “Are you mad?”
“No.”
“Why aren’t you looking at me?”
“You’re not really much to look at.” That was a huge lie. Gage was all that and a bag of chips… however that saying went. His beauty stunned me sometimes. I could never figure out how someone could be so flawless and gorgeous yet so cocky and rude.
Gage laughed, and I looked up. He was closer than I expected. It would only take a few inches for our lips to touch so I leaned back. He slid in closer, gripped my hand, and a nervous spell took over me. I stared into his eyes framed with thick eyelashes. His lips were so full, the barely-there stubble surrounding them giving even more definition. Gage!” someone yelled.
Deed came rushing around the corner and stepped into my room. “Montana and Roy stole the extra bedrooms. Looks like we’re bunking it in the hall.” Deed looked at me and his head tilted. “Good morning, Eliza.”
“Morning, Deed,” I murmured. I still couldn’t believe myself for dancing with him at the club. With Deed P. and Gage Grendel. It could have been any girl’s dream. Unfortunately, it wasn’t mine.
“Bunk it is,” Gage sighed. “Unless Ellie here gets lonely and needs someone to cuddle with.”
I pulled my hand away from his, shaking my head. “I’ll be fine.”
Gage and Deed laughed and then Gage stood from the bed. Deed walked out of the room, but Gage stayed in front of me, his sunglasses dangling between his fingers. “I like you, Ellie. You send me a vibe that’s both good and bad.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“The good I saw last night when you were dancing all over me and right after, allowing me to touch you.” He bent down, getting on eyelevel with me, his palms on his knees. Blood rushed to my pale cheeks, but I remained bold, keeping my gaze connected with his. His cologne smelled stale, like an overnight mist, but it was still strong. We were so close that his nose was almost touching mine. “The bad… Well, I just feel like you don’t like me very much. I’ve been trying to be as friendly as possible… with some minor flirting. Flirting doesn’t hurt.”
“We can be friends,” I said.
“That’s all?”
“That’s all.”
His lips pressed together to smile and then he stood up straight. “All right, Ellie. Friends it is, then.” Gage turned for the door and the heaviness between us evaporated, allowing me to breathe again. “Just know, Eliza, that if you’d like to add something a little extra to this little friendship, I’d be more than willing. It won’t be a problem.” He winked, then disappeared around the corner. I hopped from the bed in a snap to shut the door. I had to control my nerves, but he was getting under my skin. Damn him and his beauty.
I knew the next two days were most likely going to be hell for me.
It wasn’t so bad after a while since none of the guys bothered me again—although they were kind of loud. I’d sketched all day until my stomach started growling, begging me to feed it. I couldn’t believe my circumstances. I was starving myself just so I wouldn’t have to face the band. I knew there was going to come a time when I had to go out, so I figured it was best to get it over with. I had to woman up. Being the only girl on the bus meant I had to start acting like I had some sort of confidence and self-control. My self-esteem wasn’t too high, but I knew how to handle myself to make it seem like it.
With a sigh, I gripped the doorknob as the boys yelled over whatever videogame they were playing. “All right, Eliza. Get a grip,” I mu
ttered to myself.
I felt kind of stupid for changing into yoga pants and a tank top. Ben bought the comfortable outfit for me a while back, and I actually loved it. Plus, it made me look somewhat decent without seeming like I was trying too hard to look nice in front of them. My hair was up in a sloppy bun and I had bedroom shoes on my feet. I wasn’t trying too hard… at least I hoped not.
After I pulled open the door, I carried myself down the hallway. Beer and alcohol floated in the atmosphere, along with the stench of must and something else foul. I couldn’t figure out what the extra odor was—that is until I rounded the corner and saw Montana with joint papers in his hand and grassy-looking stuff on the table in front of him. It got stronger as I got closer.
“What the hell is that?” I asked, frowning.
“Something to make me feel good,” Montana said without looking at me. “Wanna join?” I shook my head as he licked one of his joint papers and then sprinkled the grassy stuff onto it. And I knew exactly what it was as he rolled it. It had so many names, and my mom smoked it constantly, so how could I not know?
Mary Jane
Weed.
Green.
Bud.
Marijuana.
Ben stepped from behind me and I scowled at him as he walked into the kitchen.
“Is this really what they do?” I hissed at him.
“Mainly Montana.” Ben sighed. “Can’t stop them. They’re grown men, Liza. I already feel terrible about their bus since I was supposed to be the one to make sure everything was in order.”
I ignored him and went for one of the cabinets to pull out a box of cereal. I leaned into the fridge and grabbed the milk, but then a throat cleared behind me, causing me to spin around quickly. I was expecting Ben, but he was walking down the hallway toward his bedroom again. Instead, as I turned, I met Gage’s hazel eyes, taking in the smirk on his lips. A beer bottle was in his right hand and he’d changed into cleaner clothes—a white T-shirt and black sweat pants, to be exact.
“You know Lucky Charms is my favorite cereal?” he asked.
“No.” I shook my head. “Didn’t know that.”
“Mind if I join you? Kinda hungry.” He rubbed his stomach, smirking.
I pressed my lips together and looked toward the table. A few CDs and headphones were lying on top, but besides that, it seemed pretty clean. I grabbed two bowls from the cabinet, two spoons, and followed Gage to the table seats made like restaurant benches.
Pouring the cereal and milk would have been awkward had Deed and Roy not been yelling over their videogame. I handed Gage the box of cereal but noticed his eyes were on me. Watching me. Studying me. I refused to question his stare, although I was curious. I dug into my cereal and Gage cleared his throat, pouring his milk.
“So how has your day been so far, Ellie?” he asked.
“Great, Gage. And yours?”
“Oh, it would have been great if I didn’t wake up with a hangover.”
I shrugged as he placed down the milk. “Happens when you stay out late with a bunch of groupies.”
He chuckled and I looked at him through my eyelashes. “You and Benny have the same sarcasm. You’re almost like twins.”
I laughed because it was true. I took another bite of cereal, looking at Montana, who was blowing puffs of thick, heavy smoke through his nostrils and lips, his arm resting on the back of the sofa. The smell was drifting our way and I tried my hardest not to gag. It was a strong, dank smell. I was sure the stench was going to linger, even when the boys were gone.
“You were drawing earlier?” Gage questioned, bringing my eyes back to him. “Is it something you enjoy doing a lot?”
I nodded. “It’s a passion of mine. Just like singing is for you.”
He raised an eyebrow, head nodding. “I can understand that.”
“What makes you love singing so much, anyway?” I asked. I was beyond curious. I knew every singer had a reason behind his or her passion. Gage sang so powerfully that it seemed like he blacked out, got lost. His voice was beautiful and carefree. The deepness of it always made my legs quake and my belly roll.
He finished his cereal quickly, drinking his milk before dropping his spoon into his bowl. “I grew up singing with my sister,” he said. “She was eleven years older than me, but whenever I heard her singing in front of a mirror or even in the shower, I sort of fell in love with singing in general. She had a voice—a beautiful one. I remember when I was five years old and she’d sing me to sleep.” He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. His face then grew pained, as if he were reliving memories, and I grew even more curious about his past. As he brought his hand down, I caught the name tattooed near his elbow, in between the hues of green, red, and blue. Kristina.
“There’s just something about music and singing that takes me away. It takes me to depths so deep I don’t even realize how far I’ve gone until I’m done. Unlike them, where they can release it with their hands,” he said, pointing at the boys with his thumb, “I can feel it coming out of me. All I’ve had stored within me from years before is released and… it’s, like… I don’t have to worry anymore, you know? It’s, like… when I sing, there are no doubts. No problems. It has to be when I’m at my most peaceful—when I really just don’t give a shit and can actually let it all go.”
I stared, wide-eyed, as Gage looked me straight in the eyes. His response had caught me completely off guard, leaving me unsure of how to respond to him. It was deep—something I thought Grendel could never be.
“Sorry,” he said, his chuckle nearly dry. “I made myself sound like a damn idiot—”
“No.” I shook my head as he ran another nervous hand through his hair and lowered his gaze. “No. That was beautiful, Gage. Who would’ve known you had such a way with words?”
“Who do you think writes the songs?” He smirked. “Roy helps out, but most of the lyrics come from me.”
“I just… wow.” I laughed as I shook my head. I was speechless.
“Did you think I was that much of a dick?”
I giggled. “Well… yeah.”
“Nah.” He inhaled deeply, leaning back. “I don’t think I’m that bad. Just have to get to know me. I’m sure you’re the same way.”
My head tilted, eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
“I know there’s more to you. You seem like the kind of girl who’s careful of not getting too close—the kind of girl who’s always cautious. You’ll take risks, but only when you’re left with no other choice. Behind those eyes I see a girl who would love to let it all go and be herself for a change.”
“I am myself,” I argued. A part of me became afraid because he was sort of right. I was trying so hard to be casual, but to Gage I was probably transparent—especially since I retorted so quickly.
“You’re yourself when you wanna be,” he said matter-of-factly. “Last night showed me a little bit about you. I look at people in a different perspective. I saw you differently. Shy with a smart-ass mouth. Reserved, but you know exactly how to cut loose. Girls like you I have to watch out for. Girls like you are the deadliest ones.” He winked.
That caused me to laugh. “Are you considering me a threat?”
“No. I’m considering you a challenge.”
Gage’s features solidified as he leaned forward. His eyes were hard on mine and he didn’t dare look away. I couldn’t force myself to look away either. How was I a challenge? To Gage, I could have been the easiest girl on the planet, but I guess I was doing something right if he considered me a challenge.
“Dude, Gage, keep your balls in your pants, man.” Montana coughed from the couch, thick puffs of smoke spurting out as he held his chest. Gage’s stare fell a little before he turned to look at Montana. He then forced a smile at me, grabbing his bowl.
“Cereal was great, Ellie. Maybe when we get to Texas I can take you out for some real southern dinner.”
“Yeah,” I breathed, pushing from the table and grabbing my bowl. “We coul
d try that.”
He winked after placing his bowl in the sink and then carried himself toward the couch to sit beside Montana. Roy and Deed were still focused on their videogame and I sighed, folding my arms and trudging toward my room.
I shut the door behind me, flopped onto the bed, and stared at the sketching of Gage for a little too long. No wonder he raided my dreams. Because he had a way with words. He had a way of making me melt and getting my heart to pump. I wasn’t sure about what he meant by me being a challenge for him and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to find out because he was too close to discovering who I used to be. What I used to do. How I used to survive.
I told myself I didn’t want to know what he meant, but it was a lie. A part of me did want to figure it out sooner or later.
TEXAS
The next morning, I woke up in Texas. The sun was high in the sky; I could even hear roosters crowing from a mile away. It was a great feeling—a refreshing feeling, especially since I didn’t have to deal with waking up in the middle of the night because of harsh memories.
It was best to get my day started early, so I pulled my blankets away, climbed out of bed, and grabbed a towel along with my toiletries. I heard snoring and figured the boys were still sleeping. As I drifted off to sleep last night, it sounded like they were all wide-awake.
I hurried down the hall, hoping no one was awake to see my morning hideousness. It was relief to see the bunks were empty. I neared the bathroom door and grabbed the knob, but it twisted before I could even move my wrist. I gasped, taking a leap back, and considered running for my room, but I didn’t—only because I didn’t have enough time to do so.
Montana appeared behind the door. His glassy, light-blue eyes widened at the sight of me. His toothbrush was hanging out of his mouth and his dirty-blond hair was mussed. Bedhead didn’t only look good on Gage; it looked just as marvelous on Montana, too. “Morning, cutie,” he said, stepping around me and gripping the handle of his toothbrush.