Korina’s eyes flew open in alarm. She tried to speak but he swallowed every sound, not willing to break away from her just yet.
Never ending the tender contact, JT shifted and before she could register what he was doing, he’d risen enough to settle himself over her, pressing her deeply into the couch and deeply into him. “It’s okay, love,” he murmured against her lips, “there’s no one around, and I’ve locked the door. Please, Kori, don’t push me away.”
Before she could answer he swept her away with another searing kiss and his overpowering desire.
–I’ve ached to feel you against me again…telling you I love you isn’t enough…I need you with every part of my being…it’s like you’ve crept into my soul…and taken it away with you…
In some passion-fogged part of his mind, he realized he’d eased his hands under her shirt and was teasing her nipples with broad sweeps of his thumbs.
She moaned softly into his lips, inflaming his frantic need to feel more; he ground his stony arousal into her soft thigh with a groan. “I want you, Kori. God help me, I know we can’t do this here. But I need you. So fucking desperately.” His lips burned a trail down her neck to nip at the soft curve of her shoulder.
Her longing spiked though his brain, followed immediately by her flash of fear, then she severed the connection.
“JT, we have to stop. Please. We won’t get away with it, and we both know it.” Her breathing was forced and rapid, but her clipped tone crushed him like a wayward load of cinderblocks. She was far too stubborn and he knew he couldn’t change her mind this time.
JT inhaled a ragged breath, fighting to regain his composure. “Okay, love,” he sighed. “I’m sorry. I should have just left you alone altogether. But you looked so sweet and innocent laying here, like a fairytale princess waiting for her Prince Charming.” He wrapped her in his arms and, with great conscious effort, refrained from moving any body part below his belt loops.
…Christ! I know I had to stop, but I wish I hadn’t. Ever since then, she’s avoided being anywhere near me. At least making love to her one more time would’ve made the punishment far more worth it, and easier to take.
He slumped into a chair and lit a cigarette, resigning himself to waiting out his anger and the raging erection that had sprouted with the memories of her soft, welcoming body underneath his hands.
Rafe grabbed one of the molded plastic chairs that were neatly tucked under the counter in the dressing room and spun it to face her before plopping his lanky frame down on the gouged seat. He crossed his arms and hunched forward, propping his elbows on his knees, then released a long, exasperated sigh. His round blue eyes fixed an angry glare at the opposite wall as he wondered what she wanted to tell him. Were they sleeping together? Or had they been and weren’t anymore? None of them really minded what the others did in their personal lives, as long as it didn’t affect the band or the performances. And with JT, it was starting to.
Whatever was going on needed resolving. He’d never seen JT have higher highs or lower lows, even when he was enduring the bitch he’d married and the ugly divorce it took to get rid of her. Rafe honestly liked Korina and wanted her to stay with the tour. But not if it was going to cause problems with the band or the performances. Rafe wasn’t naive enough to think his opinion would matter to JT; he wanted what he wanted and usually got it. Except this time; he obviously wasn’t getting her since her husband arrived. Truth be told, he was angrier at JT than at Kori. JT knew what the situation was from the beginning. Still, Kori could have said no. Like that would ever happen. He’d never seen a woman turn JT away.
Korina eyed the bassist with mounting trepidation, her heart thundering in her chest at his closed, irritated posture. Should I be telling him this?
Deciding it would be easier to talk if she didn’t have to look at his face, Korina pulled out the chair next to his and perched on the edge; she wanted more than anything to just flee and forget she ever brought up talking at all.
Open your mouth and get it over with, she prodded herself. There’s no easy way, so just blurt it out. No time like the present, and all that other happy bullshit. She ran a dry tongue over drier lips, stalling.
“So, Kori, are you going to shed some light on JT’s mood swings? Or was this about something else?” His eyes stayed trained on the wall.
She jumped at his softly spoken words, her neck popping audibly as she swung her head and took in his profile. She was thankful that he didn’t turn to face her and make this even more difficult.
“Uh, yeah. I think. Hell, Rafe, I’m not sure how much this has to do with JT as it does with me, but JT said he’d be there when I needed someone, and I have had to lean on him quite a bit. I’m sure it’s emotionally taxing for him, and that’s why he’s not sleeping, why he flubbed the sound check and why he’s biting everyone’s heads off.” There.That wasn’t so hard after all…
Rafe waited quietly for her to get to the point. And waited. He glanced at her and saw she appeared both hopeful and relieved. He wondered why she was looking so beatific when she hadn’t told him a damn thing.
As the silence stretched on, her anxiety returned with fangs. Isn’t he going to say anything? Christ, I’ve just bared everything we’ve been hiding. Well, I did leave out the part about us being lovers, but he doesn’t need to know that. We’re friends first. Who happen to be in love with one another. But I’m certain it’s the pressure of keeping Mark’s waning health private. That’s one hell of a secret to keep. He’s worried about slipping up and saying something he shouldn’t.
She cleared her throat and waited. Then caved. “Rafe? Aren’t you going to say something?”
This time he did turn to her, and his face held the same irritated expression as when he sat down. “Say anything about what? You didn’t tell me any earthshattering news, Kori.”
Korina was gobsmacked. She jumped from the tacky yellow chair and sent it spinning off sideways. She braced her hands on her hips and one toe began an angry tap on the tile as she glared at him. “I cannot believe that you are so heartless, Rafael Westmore! I tell you my husband is dying and your response is that it’s nothing earthshattering? It certainly shattered my world.”
Rafe was silent for a long moment. “But you never said that. You only told me JT’s been your shoulder to cry on. You never said why, luv.”
He reached out to take her hand but she flinched away; her anger hadn’t faded and his was not the comfort she longed for.
I most certainly did. Didn’t I? She thought back and realized that she had, indeed, not mentioned exactly what it was JT offered to help her with.
“I’m not without a heart, Kori,” Rafe said, quiet and low. “And I’m shocked to hear of your husband’s ill health, but I won’t pry with questions. You can share with me whatever you’re comfortable with. Just know that I am truly sorry. This has to be so hard for you.”
Tears pooled in her eyes and she blinked them back. There were only two other people who knew of Mark’s declining health, and she couldn’t speak to either of them about her fears.
Mark had resigned himself to his short future, and steadfastly refused to talk about it except in practical terms. What sort of funeral he wanted. That he wanted to be cremated. Where he’d typed the instructions for taking care of the house and the cars. And, since they were traveling with the band on the tourbuses, the time for even those was limited.
JT knew, but there was no way she could talk to him now. Before Mark’s arrival, when it was speculation based on a recurring nightmare, there was plenty of time. But it had all been ‘maybes’ then. Once Mark arrived and brought the truth, she no longer had the pillar she so desperately needed.
She didn’t think Mark would begrudge her the time to speak with JT, nor that he suspected there was anything going on between them. The simple fact was that if she were alone with him, if he so much as offered a comforting hug, their connection exploded and consumed. And JT really was a walking testosterone factory. T
houghts of loving her body were never far from his mind. And she picked up on his feelings like he was a Klieg spotlight in the midnight sky. He simply took her over and blew her away.
For now, she could only take comfort in a look, a smile, the casual brush of his hand, and that would have to be enough.
She had never talked to Rafe all that much about anything personal. She knew of his longtime lover and their three children. He missed them terribly, but they were too young to travel on the tour for long, and one was a toddler who did not fare well on the bus.
Could she trust him?
Rafe watched her intently, the emotions flickering over her features faster than he could name them. He wondered what was wrong with her husband. And (yet again) if she was sleeping with JT.
That second question burned brightest, as it carried the most long-term effects for everyone involved. And if she was sharing JT’s bed, was it out of convenience? Lust? Did it stem from the simple need to have a body to hold? It couldn’t be anything deeper than that. Could it?
He remembered what she’d said about how JT’s thoughts were too loud, and her odd question about dreams and premonitions. What sort of person was this woman with whom they’d all felt so immediately comfortable? Ah, bloody hell, so many questions and not one of them had an answer.
“I’m scared, Rafe,” she whispered. “And I don’t know what to do, what to say, how to act around him. I don’t know what my future really holds.” She hugged herself, hands gripping her shoulders white-knuckle tight. She dropped her head and stared with unseeing eyes at the floor, her chin fitted neatly into the hollow of her arms.
Her soft words tore at his heart. He’d lost his mother, and that was almost too much to handle. He couldn’t imagine how it would feel to lose the person you’d planned to spend the rest of your life with when there was still so much of your life left to live.
“Aw, Christ, Kori,” he muttered as he rose and folded comforting arms around her wooden torso. She was unyielding but he refused to let her go when she was looking so terrified and ready to cry. He smoothed a hand over her hair, pulling her deeper into his chest. “It’ll be okay, Kori. We’ll help you through this.”
She hadn’t relaxed at all, and he was considering opening his arms to release her when he heard her sniffle against his t-shirt.
“No it won’t,” she said in a barely audible whisper. “It’ll never be all right again. I love him. And that changed everything.”
“I know you love Mark, Kori, and I’m sure he knows it, too. We’ll get you through this, both JT and I. Whenever you need to talk, I’m a very good listener. You will come out of this okay.”
She hid her face in his shirt. Of course he misunderstood. He doesn’t know I’m in love with JT, and I don’t know if it’ll last, if we’ll still feel the same after… and can I trust him? Really trust him to be faithful no matter what the circumstances? I’ve heard the stories, I’ve seen some of what these guys do with the women on the road. I’m terrified of pinning my future, and my son’s, on his promises. He’s never broken a promise to me, but have I known him long enough to be certain?
Her conscience tossed in a critique with a derisive snort. Look who’s talking about trust and being faithful, you slut.
Korina shifted her feet and leaned back. His comfort felt cold and undeserved after her stab of conscience. Rafe opened his embrace enough to slide his hands down her arms, searching her face as she took a half step backward.
Her trembling hand swiped at the one tear that had managed to break free, then returned to shielding and hugging herself tightly. “Thanks, Rafe,” she murmured in a voice thick with restrained tears. “Only you and JT know. Mark doesn’t want Zach to find out until it’s obvious, so would you keep this to yourself?”
He gave her a solemn look. “Of course I will, Kori. You can trust me.”
****
Rafe stared nonseeing at the pages of the book in his lap.
A week and one day. It’s been eight days since Kori told me about Mark and I haven’t told a living soul. Even JT doesn’t know that I know. That’s a new record.
I know they all think I’m a blabbermouth. Hell, I’ve bloody well proved it enough times. But it’s not like I do it on purpose. I open my mouth and blurt something out and then voila, I’ve managed to step on my wanker again.
I guess nobody told Kori I’m the resident unintentional gossip. If they had, she would surely never have shared something she wanted kept secret. She’s honored me with her trust and I have to prove that it’s well-founded.
At least now I know why she and JT were spending so much time together. I still don’t understand those references to JT thinking so loudly, and she dodged the subject quite neatly when I asked her about it before we left the dressing room. Matter of fact, I hardly got half the question out before she looked at her watch and said we’d better head back out because she didn’t want to leave Zach alone in the auditorium for too long. It’s almost as if she knew what I was about to ask.
And since then, she hasn’t wanted to talk about it at all. When she does, I’ll listen to her vent. I think that’s really what she wanted to do that day in Kansas City. That, and explain JT’s behavior and her own, to set the record straight about them not sleeping together. How could we have been so stupid?
Nope, I take that back. We shouldn’t have assumed that about her; with JT it’s a given. He’s not one to fuck a married woman if he knows she’s married, but I have known him to make the occasional exception. Especially if she has a nice ass. He talks a good game about loving big breasts, but deep down inside he’s a sucker for a fantastic female butt. And hers has that perfect heart shape…
Rafe curbed the thought. He didn’t want to think of her that way; she was part of their staff and trusted him as her friend. It just wouldn’t do to be caught staring at her retreating view.
Rafe blinked several times, refocusing on the page in front of him, and dove back into the book.
JT was bored. The hum of the diesel engine was beginning to grate his nerves, and having to spend extra time and miles to follow a non-linear tour itinerary made it that much worse. They had played to a sell-out crowd in St. Louis after leaving Kansas City, then had to travel across Illinois to Indianapolis to perform to another packed house, only to backtrack into Illinois for the four dates scheduled across the state. Stuart tried to keep the tour an easy trek, but apparently the dates they had requested in Chicago weren’t available. He sighed heavily as he stared out the window. The rolling view was unspectacular, and he was beginning to feel the itch of cabin fever.
Could be worse. Stuart might not have been able to secure a date closer than, say, Philadelphia before they had to head west again. And there were two shows in Chicago; that meant two nights in a non-traveling bed. The simple pleasures of life on the road. The other venues were only a few hours apart, so more nights in hotel beds. With a door and a hall separating him from Kori instead of just a curtain that let him hear their conversations late at night and her soft breathing as she slept alone on a bunk. He supposed he could close the bedroom door but then he’d be cut off from her entirely; his arms didn’t feel so lonely cuddling a pillow when he still heard her breathing and could pretend the soft stuffing was her body.
They were caravanning with the equipment trailers and the second tourbus filled with Paul, Clay and Ian. He idly wondered if the they were feeling the tediousness of this trek as strongly as he was. Probably not. The tension in this traveling home he shared with Kori’s family and Rafe was as thick as London fog in February.
Nobody wanted to play poker (he’d asked twice in the last hour), dirty-word Scrabble was out with Zach around, and he’d watched every movie on the bus to the point of memorization. He had no inspiration to write lyrics or music, and Rafe was currently engrossed in the only novel on the bus that JT hadn’t read to death. Worse, even the internet was sketchy on this stretch of highway.
Mark was asleep on one of the bunks which
lined the midsection of the bus. JT had offered him the use of the full-sized bed in his tiny bedroom at the tail, but Mark turned him down flat. “It’s getting easier and easier to sleep anywhere. I’m tired all the time lately,” Mark told him. “And that’s your bed. What if you want to catch a nap yourself?”
“Sleeping on a short bunk for a few hours isn’t a big deal, Mark. It’s only when I have to spend an entire night there that it gets to me. Please, take the bed. I’m not sleepy, anyway, so I doubt I’ll be needing it.”
Mark took a few steps down the tiny hall outside the bunks and motioned for JT to follow. In a low voice, he said, “I’m beginning to feel worse for wear, JT. And the sweats while I’m sleeping are driving Korina into the second bed in our hotel room. She’s been sharing the bed with Zach since Kansas City. I, uh, just don’t want to get your bed all sweaty. Please don’t insist.” He looked down at the matted carpet, obviously uneasy.
JT felt embarrassed for them both. “Damn, I’m sorry, Mark. I just thought you’d be more comfortable. How about I keep my mouth shut from here and you do what you think is best. But promise me something.” He put a hand on Mark’s shoulder. “If you need anything, want anything, ask me and you’ll have it. And I mean that.”
Mark smiled. “I’m not shy. Ask Kori. But thanks for making it okay that I can be a demanding ass sometimes.”
JT laughed, thinking how much he truly liked the man, and how sorely he’d miss his honesty. Most people weren’t willing to be so frank with him. Wish I could say the same about myself and being honest with you, mate. But some things really are better left unsaid.
Korina was working with Zach on his schoolwork. She’d been very conscientious with his assignments, staying by his side to keep him on track, and the two of them worked in every subject at least five days out of the week. JT watched her animated face and gesturing hands as she explained to her son how photosynthesis worked in green plants. He listened to her voice without hearing the words at first, just drifting on the throaty tone. His ears snapped back to attention when Zach interrupted her with a question.
Dream Me Off My Feet (Sex, Love, And Rock & Roll) Page 30