Dream Me Off My Feet (Sex, Love, And Rock & Roll)

by Kisner, Stevie

  “Did it ever matter what my name was?”

  She shook her head.

  “Did it matter what I looked like?”

  “No.”

  “Did you care what I did to earn a living?”

  “I’d have picked up if you were dishonest and it was something illegal, so no, I guess I didn’t.”

  “So why’s it matter now?”

  She shrugged and the embarrassed smile returned to her face unheeded. “It shouldn’t, I know, but it does. I’m sure my little house doesn’t even compare to how you’re used to living. Then there’s all the travel, the strange hours. The notoriety.” She paused.

  “And there’s all the women,” she finished in a tiny voice.

  “Yup, they do make up half the population, love.”

  “You know what I meant, JT.”

  “Let me ask you something, and I want an honest answer.”

  She didn’t say a word, so he plunged forward.

  “Do you trust me?”

  “Well, yeah, JT. I just don’t trust them.”

  “Don’t believe the rumors, Kori. And half of what you read is pure crap. You should know that by now. Sure, some of them will go to extreme lengths to try to get one of us alone and ball our brains out, but just because there’s a naked woman who somehow managed to sneak into our room doesn’t mean that I’m going to fall into bed with her.” He’d intentionally said our room and not my room, hoping she’d catch the point.

  “Has that ever happened, JT? Finding some undressed unknown woman in your bed when you got there?”

  JT chuckled. “Matter of fact, it has. I simply handed the woman her clothing and told her thanks but I wasn’t interested. One still didn’t want to leave and I had to give her a gentle shove out into the hall with an armload of her clothes. She didn’t want to take no for an answer.”

  “Those are the ones who worry me.”

  “Kori, my answer didn’t change, it stayed no. And it wasn’t because of anyone I was involved with, either. I stopped being interested in nameless faceless sex quite some time ago. Now that I’ve gotten you in my life in the flesh, if I’d ever have been tempted just because I was feeling a little needful, now I have even more reason to tell them to simply be on their way.” He paused and changed tactic, seeing she still wasn’t convinced.

  “You’ve been with us for months now, Kori. Have you ever, even way back when you first joined the tour, seen me take a woman to my bedroom?”

  “Me.”

  “Now that’s different, and you know it. Even before the first time I kissed you, you were far from nameless and faceless. I didn’t know who you were to me then, but still I felt our connection on some level. There was something familiar and intriguing about you even then. Then there was what you wrote…”

  “Oh, yeah, throw that in there. So if some woman hands you something that gets you all hot and bothered —”

  “Stop right there. Sure, what you wrote had my zipper feeling a trifle too tight, but it wasn’t that. I can deal with that. It was like you’d snuck into my head and stole my thoughts, borrowed my experiences and fictionalized them. You wrote me. A bit idealized, to be sure, but still, I couldn’t deny that it was most assuredly me that you’d somehow captured. It was like you knew me before you knew me. And I admit it made me want you. Want to know you. Want to make love to you and show you how right you were. Somewhere deep inside, I still remembered what I’d had with that little girl Cherri, and I’ve been looking for her, for you, ever since.”

  JT watched her carefully. He knew his words were true, but would she believe them?

  Her eyes didn’t lose their sharp focus as he’d seen them do when she was looking for the auras others couldn’t see and he felt her worry ease.

  Thank God.

  Kori was surprised that she didn’t want nor need to verify his honesty.

  She sensed him brush over her awareness, a subtle nudge asking to be let in. She relaxed her barriers, needing the wholeness only JT could bring and felt his mind kiss hers gently.

  How long have you been able to do this at will, JT? she wondered.

  You should know the answer to that already, sweetheart. You only let me in when you want me here.

  “Not exactly,” she said aloud. “It’s more like I can only shut you out when I don’t want it.”

  “But you do always know, don’t you? I know I can sense when you’re here, even before, when I didn’t know it was you or what was going on inside my head. I just felt… different.”

  She smiled softly. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She paused a beat, considering. “But you won’t do this all day long, will you? Like a little kid with a new toy?”

  His face broke into a wicked grin. “Well, after all, Kori, it is Christmas, when good boys get new toys. And so do some of the naughty ones.”

  Her eyes widened.

  “Of course not, love,” he went on in a more serious tone. “I’d never play with your head like that.” But how can I be blamed if I don’t know what I’m doing just yet and can’t quite control it? I won’t set out to do anything, but with you so damn close… God, I hope she didn’t pick that up.

  He tickled at her thoughts and found no lingering suspicions. Fabulous. The rest of my questions can wait a bit, I think. Establishing who we really are, and have been, to each other is enough for right now.

  ****

  JT tilted back in the leather chair and slipped his hands behind his head, watching the monitor as his e-mail downloaded. This was his first time completely alone in her sunny writing nook, and the impulse to poke around in her files and e-mails was almost too hard to resist. Almost, but not impossible. She was, after all, still in the house, just not in the room with him as she had been the two other times he’d used her computer to read his messages.

  He’d tried to use his laptop and cellphone but it kept going into roaming and disconnecting as the signal bounced around the foothills near her home. She offered her home phone line instead, but the unplugging and replugging of the tangled cords was as time consuming as the constant redialing of his cellphone. She had only two phone outlets in the house; one was connected, along with myriad other cables and wires, to the back of her computer. The other was in the kitchen, daisy-chained to an answering machine before plugging into the telephone. JT had quite a talent for unplugging the wrong end from the wrong item, resulting in a dead, useless cord plugged into his laptop.

  Once, in frustration, he simply unplugged everything and took the kitchen phone off the wall to expose the outlet, then ran one of the longer cords from the wall to his computer. That might have been a thoroughly useful idea, had he not reconnected everything in the wrong order when he was done. Nothing worked but the telephone, and only for incoming calls. For some strange reason, it couldn’t dial out.

  It was simply easier all around if he used her computer to pull up his e-mail and print whatever bore saving. No cords, no plugging, and no loud string of expletives when he got it wrong.

  He skimmed the new messages; a few from their webmaster asking for JT’s contribution to the band’s holiday message (could he possibly have it now please, so he could add them to the site all at once?); one from the band’s management about nothing of importance; a few forwarded silly things from Paul; and one from Rafe. He paused to read Rafe’s note in its entirety.

  He wanted to know how JT was handling being in her house. Well, I must give him two points for candor while still being cagey in case anyone might be reading this over my shoulder. JT sniffled loudly and looked around for a box of tissues, cursing the dry desert air that had turned his nose into a leaky faucet. Not finding anything, he sniffed again then placed his hands on the keyboard and typed a short reply.

  Happy Christmas, Rafe!

  I’m managing just fine, thank you (wanker!). Give me a little more credit than that, will you? I do have SOME self-control.

  I’ve a few things I want to talk to you about (remember how I said Kori and I have
some sort of connection? Well, I’ve learned a bit more about it). I’ll try to call in a few days, maybe on Christmas day, if the blasted cellphone can stay connected long enough to afford some privacy. It keeps cutting out. Kori said it has something to do with the signal bouncing around the foothills here and that it’s a common problem.

  If only the sofa were a few inches longer, things would be perfectly delightful.

  JT

  He sent it on its way, returned a short holiday message for their website, then logged offline, now desperately in need of a tissue or two. He got up to find one.

  He’d run through the box in the living room already, and the one in the kitchen on top of the refrigerator as well. He considered the paper towels, but all the running and blowing had his nose a little sore and red and he didn’t want to make it worse.

  JT peeked into the bathroom, willing to settle for toilet paper but hoping for a tissue. I hope I get used to the climate soon or that we buy a humidifier when we go Christmas shopping tomorrow. This is getting damn annoying. He found a nearly full box on the vanity and gratefully pulled out several to swipe his leaky nose.

  He pivoted on his heel and stepped into the hall, then reconsidered the box of tissues, deciding to grab a few more for later. He looked down at his pocket as he tucked away the tissues and didn’t bother to glance up as he exited the bathroom.

  Kori took the dim, quiet hall for granted as she left Zach’s room. She’d grabbed the washcloths that belonged in the front bathroom, then left the basketful of Zach’s clean clothes on the foot of his bed. She was looking down at the carpet, wondering whether to vacuum today, her mind already heading into her next task as she turned to go into the bathroom.

  Neither one noticed the other.

  Kori was in ‘get-it-done’ mode, moving at her usual brisk pace. Luckily, JT wasn’t, instead ambling slowly while he tucked the tissues into the snug pocket of his even snugger denims.

  She nearly knocked him down. If not for his solid, larger stature, she would have. Instead, he sent her staggering backward. Instinctively, he reached out a steadying hand; a split-second later, he raised his eyes to see who he’d nearly sent reeling.

  She looked up at that same moment. His eyes fastened onto hers and took in her look of surprise; it was laced with that same trace of sadness that seemed to run an undercurrent in her expression every day since they’d arrived at her home.

  He watched as the surprise melted into a subtle longing, still with that lingering melancholy coloring her eyes a greener shade of blue. He reached out for her thoughts but found she’d closed him off again, leaving him with only subtle wisps of emotion that she couldn’t block.

  God help me, what she can do with just a look. She complains about my eyes and what they do, but has she really no idea how hers affect me

  She shifted, meaning to step away, but JT’s hand remained curved over her shoulder, the muscles in his arm still bunched tightly. He refused to let her walk away with her heartache radiating so clearly. Instead, he drew her in and folded her close in his arms, an embrace intended only to reassure, to impart a little strength to make it through another day.

  Stubborn as ever, she resisted his forward tug and stood stiffly in the circle of his arms.

  He simply held her close. There was no desire in the soft stroking of his hands over her spine, no passion in his voice as he murmured words of reassurance. She relaxed, taking in the strength his embrace volunteered.

  The corners of JT’s mouth curved up slightly in a tiny satisfied smile as he felt her sag and melt into his body. Good. Whatever modicum of respite, no matter how minuscule, I can give you, Kori, I’ll give it to you gladly. One short moment free of the pain. He dropped his head to brush chaste lips over her hair, still coaxing sotto voice that everything would be all right, that he’d see her through the depths of hell and back if necessary.

  She chose that exact moment to look up, meaning to thank him for his comfort.

  Instead of meeting the top of her head, his mouth grazed hers, her lips parted and already starting to speak. “JT, I—”

  He caught her words in his throat. His shocked green eyes met her equally stunned turquoise gaze, but neither one pulled away. The longing he saw flared brighter and images of their last night before coming home for the holidays flashed into his mind. He wasn’t sure if they were his own memories or hers.

  Back off, JT. Not here. Not now.

  But dammit she feels so good against me, so warm and so soft. So… right. He held her a little tighter to his chest, stifling a groan as he slid his lips tenderly over hers. She didn’t quite respond to the caress, but didn’t pull away, either.

  He heard her thoughts as clearly as if she’d spoken aloud. I shouldn’t want this. How can the wrong man feel so damn right? No, be honest, Kori… the right man, but everything else is wrong. Wrong time, wrong place. Our future is yet to be. The now should belong just to Mark. But still, how I’ve missed you, my childhood twin…

  She let the neatly folded stack of washcloths drop from her hands.

  His eyes bore into hers, seeking… permission? Acknowledgment? Anything but denial and pain swirling in a mix of the most exquisite bluegreen. Until this precise moment, I never realized just how many different shades of turquoise there are in the world, and you keep them all in your eyes.

  He nipped at her lips with his, tugging gently, unwilling to let go after too long without her. One’s out in the snow, the other’s asleep. We have these few minutes, sweetheart. Please. “Kiss me, love,” he whispered against her lips, pulling her more deeply into his body. “Please.”

  A tiny sound escaped her throat as his mouth slipped over hers again, insistent and gentle as her sigh. Pleading without demanding. He could feel her wavering. “But I—”

  “I’m greedy when it comes to you, sweetheart,” he murmured as he captured her lip, feathering its outline with the tip of his tongue. “Don’t make me be selfish alone.”

  Her hands crept up his sides and clung to his tee shirt; she was afraid to want more and reluctant to give up what she already had. “I’ve missed you, Kori. God, how I’ve missed you,” he whispered into her lips.

  “And how I’ve missed this,” he groaned, crushing her mouth.

  Her mind spun away as he dragged her further into his hunger, hands fisting in the fabric as her legs went mushy and her will collapsed. The flashfire threatened as his tongue traced intimate patterns with hers and a low sound of need rumbled deep in his chest. Her thoughts whispered through him: I shouldn’t be doing this… but dammit, how he kisses ought to be illegal. Nobody should be able to whisk away my bones with just a slide of his lips…

  The sound of the back door opening shattered their stolen moment. They broke apart, red-faced, flushed and guilty; JT kept a steadying hand on her shoulder as she swayed.

  “Mom?” a slightly hoarse voice called through the house. “I’m frozen. Would you make me some hot chocolate?”

  ****

  Just make it through the holidays. Just make it through the holidays. I refuse to have this in-your-face time of year be the annual reminder that I’m gone. I might as well be gone for all the time I can manage to be awake and I’m fit to be around. But dammit, if I can just hold on until the new year starts…

  Mark rolled to his side with a low grunt, the pain in his bloated body unrelieved no matter what position he tried.

  They think I’m sleeping in here, and that’s how I want it. Fact is, I hardly sleep at all anymore. I’m starting to look forward to the day I go to sleep and get to stay that way. I won’t hurt anymore. And Kori will be free to live the rest of her life.

  With him.

  She’s too young to spend her life alone. I want her to be happy. And I think they can be.

  I didn’t like the idea at first. I thought it was a disaster waiting to devastate her further. Then I realized that neither one of them was going into this blindly. If anything, he’s more open-eyed than she is.

&n
bsp; And it’s not as if they’re strangers. He knows her far better than I ever did. Or could ever hope to, even if I spent the rest of her life with her.

  I tried to ignore it. God knows, I have. I knew something was up with them from the time I landed in Dallas. How they looked at one another. How they behaved when they knew I was around. And when they thought I wasn’t.

  I’m sure they’re not aware that I know. Maybe they should be. Or at least JT ought to. If Kori were to hear something from me, no matter how gently told, it would only reinforce whatever guilt she’s feeling and she’d push him even further away. For our son’s sake, for the love of this woman I have to leave behind, I have to do this right and more than subtly nudge her to him. If it comes to that.

  And it just might. She’s stubborn as hell and exquisitely accomplished at putting herself last.

  God, where is it written in the marriage vows that we pick our replacement? I guess I should be happy that I’m around long enough to make sure she follows what’s been in her heart since she was… what? A teenager? Maybe even before that…

  She said she’s been ‘doing the dreamtime visits,’ as she calls them, for as long as she can remember.

  But it’ll wait until after Christmas. Maybe even until after we leave for the final month of their tour. I don’t want to give him permission to follow her with his eyes any more than he already does. Not in my own house. I’m resigned to my fate, what’s left of it anyway. I’ll give my blessing to my successor; she trusts him and for good reason, I guess, since she’s known the real man for so damn long.

  I’m just not ready to start saying goodbye.

  ****

  Mark objected, albeit weakly, his need for a passport, and Zach wanted to stay behind to play in the lingering snow, but Kori was adamant that they all go to the post office to finish the application process. While it was possible to get approved without in-person verifications, it would take longer and required a quagmire of paperwork.