by Karen Botha
“I never want to be without you, Kyle.”
“You have no need to be.” I kiss his neck as he collapses on top of me and that uneasy feeling that he’s not telling me everything returns.
Elliott
There’s a braying on the trailer door which has me hurtling back toward the nightmare of only a few hours earlier. However, this time Kyle is laying by my side. An incredibly naked Kyle, with his warm skin sealed to the side of mine after an afternoon of self-indulgence. We've discovered another layer to our connection. And so, after the initial surge of alarm that the knock may signal more desperate panic, my heart rate immediately slows and I shout, “Two seconds.”
Pulling my jeans over my naked thighs, I straighten my junk before zipping up the front and padding to the door. Kyle watches me from his place on the bed, one bent arm propping up his head. I give him one final admiring glance before I open up to the outside world.
“You weren’t answering your phone...” Ryan says slapping me in the face with more déjà vu.
“Sorry, I was busy.” I raise my eyebrows wondering what’s going on. My heart is starting to pump again.
“What’s happening?” Kyle asks as he comes to stand behind me. He’s dressed in sweat pants but the heat from his broad, bare chest still radiates into my back.
“Oh, it’s nothing.” Ryan holds both palms up, “It’s just that Stetson Joyce is performing an acoustic set for us round the fire tonight in a special concert. He’s going to come right over once he’s finished in the fan zone. I thought you might want to come along.” He lifts his eyes to Kyle. “I know how you love him.”
I also cast my eyes toward Kyle.
“Sounds great. We’re in.” He nods, a goofy grin spreading across his face.
Happy to have delivered his message, Ryan waves. “I’ll leave you two to it then,” he says before jogging off into the night.
“This is cool. Do they do this a lot then, the performers, come down here after they’ve performed and give a more personal gig?” Kyle asks, his gorgeous dark eyes sparkling.
“They’ve never done anything like this...”
“Well, let’s get ready then. We only have twenty minutes.” He grins again before covering his face with his tee and dragging it over his perfect body.
I want to hug him, kiss him. Pick up again and start round three. But there’s time for that later, so instead of acting on my urge to be so far inside this man we won’t know where the other ends, I root around in a drawer for some suitable clothing. No doubt Jessie will be using this for some public relations push, so I need to dress to impress.
“You look hot.” Kyle saunters up behind me while I’m trying to tame my curls in the mirror. Running his hand up inside my hoody, my insides quiver and I turn.
“You are always incredibly hot,” I murmur as I pull his strong body into mine, shoving my hips against him, the curves of our forms perfectly matching. I raise my chin, connecting our lips. The feel of the bristles on his face is something I’ve grown used to over the months we’ve been together, but tonight, I appreciate everything about him and sigh as they scrape against my own.
I almost lost this man. This evening could have been so different, and all because of me and my past mistakes. I’ve vowed to myself that I’ll never take him for granted, to never take this for granted.
Our mouths part. “Come on, we have to get there. I know you’re the rock star racing driver, but I’m not. This is a big deal for me.” His white teeth glint like some crass toothpaste commercial and I swallow down the offer to get him whatever he wants.
Part of his charm is that he doesn’t want anything from me. Plus, tonight is his. He earned it. I’ll be willing to bet that the only reason we’re getting this exclusive concert tonight is because Chase and the other management know they’ve pissed me off by treating Kyle badly.
“Come on, let’s get you out.” I slap his tight ass as he walks ahead of me toward the door. Ugh, the effort it takes not to delve down the back side of his jeans right now is making the inside of mine uncomfortable.
Tonight is going to be a long night.
Kyle
Stetson Joyce!
I’ve been a fan for as long as I can remember, and would have watched him on the main stage except that there’s so much to do after a race that by the time we’d wrapped up, he’d already finished his performance. Before the violent incident with Noah, I’d mentioned to the guys (more than once) that I hoped we’d get everything packed away in time for me to rush over to the fan zone and enjoy the last of his gig. The guys set me right.
“Not a chance,” was the consensus, and then with that whole altercation with Noah it was more important to spend some quality time with Elliott, anyway. The last thing on my mind was attending a concert.
But we’ve done that now. We’ve well and truly enjoyed our time together, and rather than an impersonal last few songs of a mass market concert, he’s here. He’s actually sitting around our fire with us, performing his hits acoustically. There are times when I wish I could sing and this is one of them.
Elliott is blasting the words out in my ear and even though I say so myself, he sounds just as good as Stetson. Now, my singing on the other hand, well, it’s poor. My chords are an octave lower than anyone else’s which doesn’t help my confidence as you can hear my melody separate to the crowd’s, but there’s also the issue that I’m flat. Or tone deaf as my mother used to say in church. She’d shush me at every possible opportunity, fearful as she was of me being picked on for my lack of tonality.
“Sing ‘Love of my Life,’” Elliott screams, when he’s finished his latest number 1 hit. His volume is unnecessary as we’re not a huge group and Elliott, being the star, is near the front anyway.
“My pleasure,” Stetson drawls. “Is it for anyone in particular?”
Elliott smiles, tilts his chin up before replying, “For the love of my life.”
My heart melts. It literally warms through and melts in the second it takes him to say those words.
Our group of friends cheer, whooping loudly and chanting my name, “Kyle! Kyle!”
“I think Kyle should come and join me up here,” Stetson says, tapping the side of his guitar to add a drum roll to the whole drama.
Jeez, I could die.
Talk about embarrassing.
But, I’m not about to miss my opportunity to sit with this legend while he sings a song for me on behalf of the love of my life so it doesn’t take long before I’m grinning albeit with a pink tinge to my cheeks, at his side.
Stetson starts to sing and as he does he snatches the air from my lungs. It’s not just the song, which I love, it’s not just that he’s singing it for me, it’s that he’s singing a song I love because the man I love loves me back with an equal amount of ferocity. The world stops as the music continues, and I focus on Elliott and the words he's singing from over at the other side of the fire. I listen to the words Elliott is singing, to the tone of his voice, and everything else stops. Nothing interrupts that moment until Stetson reaches the instrumental.
“Elliott, come and join us.”
Elliott stops swaying, plants his hand on his chest in mock shock before coming to share some limelight. When he rests next to me, he places his arm around my waist and hooks his thumb down the back of my jeans. The gentle intimacy of the moment could not be any more fulfilled.
The chorus starts again and Stetson gestures to Elliott to join in. His voice rings out, clear,
“The surprise was meeting you my love, my angel from above, you shower me with tenderness and uncontested love.”
Stetson joins in and together they sing the final lines. “You give to me the strength I need to be a better man, and to know what love is really like, you help me to understand.“
As they finish their duet, Elliott pulls me close and kisses my cheek. Stetson is finishing thanking everyone and giving credit for the words, “Thanks to Joe Mizon for this; he wrote those beautiful lyr
ics.” Everyone cheers again, but I don’t hear them. They’re the furthest point from my conscious thoughts so focused am I on Elliott.
I turn my face toward him and our lips lock briefly before I almost shout at him above the uproar, “You’re the love of my life.”
Elliott
I didn’t think it was possible, but those words demonstrated how my love for Kyle has taken another leap forward. The moment was made all the better for the support of our colleagues cheering. I have to fight to push out of my memory of how they turned on him just a few hours earlier. Without being furnished with the full facts they chose to doubt him.
But, now is not the time for dwelling on negatives so I breathe into the space where I feel the tension about this matter and watch it float away with my exhalation. I can deal with that another day along with everything else.
For now, we’re riding the wave of a connection I never thought possible. A fabulous, unplanned evening is over. The team is dispersing back to their respective trailers and Kyle and I are seated alone, watching the flames flicker in the fire. We’re leaning forward, our chins resting on our hands while the cold of the encroaching night creeps up our backs. The flame reflects glorious orange prisms against the black of the sky and we’re content, if not smiling. Happy in the moment. Together. The wood crackles and as the fire dies away with the people; the odd plume of smoke fills the air and our nostrils.
“It smells amazing doesn’t it?” Kyle sighs.
“There’s something so relaxing about a fire, and yet it’s so dangerous when not cared for,” I muse.
“A bit like you.” He nudges my leg with his thigh.
“How would you know? You look after me.”
“I’m glad you think so.” I feel like he’s about to say something else. I wait, but he doesn’t.
And so I start. “I meant what I said earlier you know.”
“Ah. Me too. You are also the love of my life.” His hand entangles in mine, our fingers intertwining.
“I did mean that, but I also meant when I said I didn’t want to be without you.”
Something in my tone must catch his attention because his head snaps around. “Oh?”
“Yeah...”
“What are you saying?” His hand tightens around mine and sweat develops between our skin.
“I’m saying that I’d like us to be a proper couple. I know we’re on the road a lot, and so it’s not that easy. But I’d like my home to be yours. For us to gravitate back to the same place in our free time and for our lives to be woven together.”
My heart is hammering, my breath shallow, too rapid to gain full relief. Kyle sits up tall, his eyes wide. He pulls his hand out of mine and the cold air washes over it, cooling my clammy skin.
“Whoa, that’s a huge decision.”
“Is it?” I’d have agreed with him six months ago, but Kyle is different than anyone else I’ve ever met. For me this is the most natural decision I've ever made. There’s nothing to consider. I want him as the one constant in my ever changing world.
“Well, yes. I’m still married for a start. I need to get that sorted out.”
“Yes, but let’s just get Clifford and his legal cronies on the case. They’ll have this sorted in no time. Then, by the time the season finishes we can go home together.”
“But, to your place...”
I’m not sure how to answer him. He’s not asking a question, more making a statement, but his flat tone indicates he’s not happy with the idea.
“I thought you liked my place?”
“Oh, I do. But... well... it’s yours isn’t it?”
I’m floundering. My lungs aren’t pushing enough blood to my head and I’m struggling to make sense of his reaction. Is he worried about taking me for granted or is there more at play?
Kyle
‘Shit, live with Elliott?’ I hadn’t thought it would be an imminent option so I’ve not considered how I feel about it. Sure, I love being with him, but giving up my independence when I’ve only just gotten back on my feet after Madeline? I’m not sure. This damned divorce is going to drive me nuts.
We amble back to his trailer and the beautiful mood from earlier is broken. The atmosphere is tense between us and I know that it’s me who’s ruined it. We had the most fabulous night, but did Elliott make his request based on the romance of the evening?
I reach out my hand and pull his into mine, enclosing it in my other before pulling it up to my lips. He smells of the almond hand soap in his bathroom mixed with smoke from the dying embers.
He stares straight ahead and continues to walk forward without any kind of acknowledgment to my tenderness. I sneak a look at him out of the corner of my eye. He’s biting his bottom lip.
“Elliott, are you OK?” I’m not sure if he’s moody or just thoughtful and I’m ashamed that I need to ask.
He nods, not really helping my understanding.
“You sure, because we can talk about this?”
Again, he doesn’t speak. It’s as if he’s not heard me.
“Hey, stop would you?” I drag his arm and he obliges, but he looks over my shoulder rather than meeting my eyes.
“Just because I’ve not considered moving in with you at exactly the same time as you it doesn’t mean that I feel any less for you than you do me. I just have a lot going on. I’m not as far forward as you.”
“Kyle, I don’t mind. I’m just disappointed that’s all.”
Bullshit. He’s hurt. And I hurt him. But I can’t move in with him because he’d be upset if I didn’t. That’s no way to start a relationship. I need to move in with him because it’s the right thing for both of us. Sure I want to be with him and I’d love to wake up next to him every morning. But, my life is more complicated than his. I need to break free from my past before I can move forward properly.
“It’s the money isn’t it,” Elliott says.
“Huh?”
“You’re bothered about the money. You’re so proud. You think that living in my house means that you’re sponging off me. Forget the fact that you fill that dead house with love and life. That the first time it has felt like home has been when you’ve been in it.”
I’m quiet, homing in on the frustration behind his words. I hadn’t thought about any of this. But he’s right. I don’t want to take anything from him. We’re partners and I need to be able to provide for him as much as he does me. I say as much.
“But, Kyle, providing for someone isn’t about cash. That’s one facet of a relationship and we are lucky because it’s not a problem that we need to think about. All that leaves us with is the other bits that other people screw up because they’re thinking about money. The love and the laughter and sharing the best years of our lives.”
He actually has a really valid point. “But, what if it doesn’t work out? I know we don’t want that, and that we’re on the same page, but what happens to me then? I’ll be back on the Merry-Go-Round of starting again while you continue to fill your life without any money issues. Money isn’t important to you because you have it. We as a couple will only have it because you do.”
“Well, think about it. That’s all I’m asking. That you think about this properly, without your pride getting in the way.”
He turns and walks on, but his footsteps are lighter. At least his mood has lifted.
Kyle
The email is waiting for me in the morning. It’s like she has a sensor that tells her when it’s the most inconvenient time to get in touch, and only at that point will Madeline put pen to paper and chase after more money.
I pass my phone to Elliott. We’re propped up against pillows in his bed. “Look at this.”
He scrunches his eyes and rubs away the sleep before grabbing my phone with one hand and his tea with the other.
“Hmm...” he starts punching my screen.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m dealing with this. This obsession you have with not taking anything from me just became irrelev
ant because now this affects me and my welfare. I’m having Clifford sort this out once and for all. I will not be threatened by another one of our crazy exes. One is quite enough for one week.”
His smile is wry and I love him all the more for it. “Thank you.”
“Listen, you said it yourself. Money isn’t important because I have it, so let’s both of us learn from last night. I’ll start this thing slowly, and you? Well, you start understanding that the financial cost of anything is far less meaningful than the emotional.”
“What do you mean?” It’s still a bit early and I’m not following.
“Let me show you how easy life can be when we don’t worry about money. Then we can see what’s left to discuss about our future direction at the end of the season when you’ve gotten used to a new lifestyle more slowly.”
I hadn’t realized that I was feeling stressed about our strained discussion last night, but as soon as the words are out of his mouth, my shoulders slide down from my neck and the tension I’d been holding there evaporates.
“That sounds perfect.” I take the cup out of his hand and place it on the table at my side of the bed and then I ravish him. I push him onto his back and pin his hands above his head, before trailing my mouth over his abs, down his stomach and swallowing his already solid cock down my throat.
He laughs. “Oh, it’s going to be like that is it?”
I don’t speak, but I nod, causing the tip of his magnificent cock to coat the roof of my mouth. The saltiness hits my tongue and I stiffen in response.
Elliott groans, lifts his legs, and hooks them over my shoulders. “Take me.”
I release my mouth from around his length and stare him dead in the eye as I say, “You’re sure?”
He laughs. “No, but I’ll be late if we don’t get on with this, and I need to feel you. This cannot wait.”