Before Rhen could answer, before he could command Firestorm to do anything, Jinji jumped from the dragon's back. The air cocooned her, carried her. She fell gracefully and slowly, coming to an easy landing against the bottom of the ravine, right beside Janu's utterly motionless body.
And then she looked up.
Rhen watched, lips drawn thin.
"Time," she said, carrying the word toward him with her magic, making sure he heard. And then she did the only thing she could think of to ensure Janu's safety—she sealed the hole above her head, creating a ceiling of dirt and rock to shut out the world and shroud the two of them in darkness. But there was another purpose to using her magic and keeping the two of them apart from the rest of the world, one she hated to admit. If the shadow currently had control of Janu's body, Jinji wanted to speak with him privately, somewhere the riders couldn't hear.
Around her, a hundred candles appeared, filling the cave with soft yellow light. Jinji took a deep breath then looked down, unsure whom she would find.
"Janu?" she asked.
Leaning down, she pressed her head to his broken chest. A heart still beat there, slowly, softly, but alive. Jinji put her palm to that spot and gasped when the spirits connected her to his body.
Pain.
So much pain.
Every bone in his body was broken. Every muscle was stretched beyond its limits. Rocks cut deep into his back, bleeding out. Gashes cut across his arms and legs, slashed open during his fall. There were so many pieces that needed to be fixed, so much to be healed that she didn't even know where to start.
"Oh, Janu," she murmured, squeezing her eyes shut to hold back the water threatening to flood out. Her heart broke for him in too many ways to count.
He coughed. It turned to a groan of pain then a gurgle as blood filled the space behind his lips, clogging his throat.
Her eyes shot open. Her palm cupped his face, sending him her strength.
"Jinji," he wheezed. "Please."
An invisible fist grabbed hold of her chest, crushing it, because she knew—Jinji heard the truth in his voice. That was not the plea of a man who wished to be saved, who wished for life. No. It was a man begging for mercy from someone he loved, begging for relief.
Jinji paused with her hand on his chest.
Could she grant her brother his dying wish? Could she make the pain go away?
She bit her lip, mind whirling back to her childhood. There had been a time when Janu had meant the world to her. He was more than her brother. He was her best friend. Her everything. And as fast as the snap of her fingers, he had been taken away. For a long time, Jinji didn’t think she would survive. She didn't think she could without him. But she did. And then her whole life was stripped away, her family and everything she had ever known. And again, Jinji wasn't sure how she would survive. But she did. It was in her nature to persevere. She'd done it twice before. Could she do it again? For Janu?
Tears dripped down her face. A solemn rain.
Jinji fell over her twin, landing softly on his chest.
Janu didn't even shift below her weight. He was no longer aware of the pain.
She hugged him close, wrapping her brother in her arms, holding him for just one more moment of silent goodbye. And then she let awareness drop to the side. She searched for his soul. She searched for his freedom. But before Jinji found the knot tethering Janu to the spirit world, a voice interrupted.
"He doesn't have to die."
She shot up. "What?"
The shadow coughed, wincing as his broken bones shook. "Heal us. Your brother doesn't have to die, even if that is what my spirit-self has told you."
"You're lying."
"Will you take that chance?" the shadow asked, nonchalant despite the pain.
Jinji didn't have to answer out loud.
They both knew what she would do.
A few minutes later, the shadow sat up, stretching his newly healed arms above his head, working the discomfort from his body. Jinji wove away the blood staining the rocks around them. It was Janu's, and she couldn't bear to see it. Especially not now, knowing she had defied his wishes again. But what other option did she have? None.
The shadow eased back against the opposite wall, watching her through the candlelight. And then he grinned. "I wasn't sure what you would do for a moment there."
"Neither was I," she whispered.
"Your brother thought he was defying me, that he had managed to beat me. But I'll let you in on a little secret—I let him make the jump."
Jinji gulped. The shadow had just confirmed her suspicions. Janu had done this to himself on purpose. He had been hoping she wouldn't find him.
"But don't feel too guilty for saving us," the shadow continued conversationally, as though they were friends. "We were never in any danger of dying. If you hadn't come, I would have brought someone else here to save us. I would have held on for however long it took. The people of Roninhythe would have called it a miracle sent from the gods when your brother survived his injuries. But it was worth the risk. I was curious how much the fire-user had swayed your mind. I wanted to see how close they were to turning you against me."
"I've always been against you," Jinji muttered.
"And therein lies your problem. We should be on the same side, you and I. And I thought a little more time with my spirit-self might prove that to you."
"Prove that I should align myself with a murderer?" Jinji growled.
The shadow shrugged, waving his hand in the air absently as though swatting her question away. "Murderer. You use this term so darkly, as though death is some horrific evil. How would you know? Have you seen it? Have you experienced it?"
Jinji licked her lips before softly admitting, "No."
"My entire existence has been surrounded by death. It's not so bad as you might think. I can see why you don't understand that. Humans are so afraid of dying, are so afraid of me. But it's not death that terrifies them. It's love that makes dying so frightful, the thought of losing it, of having it taken from you. But for me, the cycle has a certain amount of beauty. I grant life. I take life. The circle never ends. Souls live and die a hundred times without realizing it. So when I take someone's life, when I murder them as you say, I don't see what they leave behind, I see what I will give to them in the future."
"Well, I only have this life," Jinji said, not swayed by his words. "And in this life, when you kill someone, I don't see the life they might later lead a hundred years from now. I see their mother crying, their father weeping. I see a future stripped away unfairly. I see so much loss it hurts my soul to witness it."
The shadow nodded, crossing his arms, relaxed. "That is why my spirit-self loves this world so much. The emotions are so intoxicating, even I feel the rush being surrounded by humans brings. It makes it easier for her to forget who she is. When she runs here, she is running from herself, from her true nature, not from me."
"What nature is that?" Jinji asked, leaning forward. For some reason, her stomach was in knots. For some reason, she felt the need to defend the voice inside her head, to distance them both from the shadow.
He narrowed his eyes, smirking. "You know, whether you will admit it or not."
"I don't," Jinji challenged.
He raised his brows, releasing the tension in his face. "She's done a better job tricking you than I gave her credit for."
Jinji swallowed her retort back down.
She didn’t want to play the shadow's games any longer.
"You said Janu doesn't have to die? What can I do? How can I save him?"
The shadow shifted positions, placing his arms behind his head and lying back, staring at the shadows dancing between the halos of candlelight. He flicked his eyes toward her, and for a moment, Jinji thought she saw pity deep in his expression. "Can you not see the irony in the situation?"
Her whole body stiffened, straightening, growing alert. "No," she said cautiously.
He smiled sadly, and for a moment, Jinji s
aw her brother in that sympathetic face—not the shadow. But she blinked the affection away, hardening her heart.
"We are the same, you and I, as much as you don't want to see it. Both of us are trying desperately to hold on to someone who is trying desperately to leave us." Jinji remained silent. She had nothing to say. And the shadow just took that as a sign to keep speaking. "You love your brother so much that you are willing to risk the fate of the entire world to keep him by your side just a little while longer. And at the same time, he jumped to his death trying to escape you. I love my spirit-self as much as either of us is truly capable of feeling love. And I am doing everything in my power to keep her by my side while she resists at every turn. Surely you can understand my motivations, at least a little bit."
Jinji's fingers began to tremble.
Because she did understand, and it terrified her.
Was she becoming the shadow? Was she just as guilty as he was? Just as evil as he was? Were they really one and the same?
She shook her head.
No. She didn’t want to believe it. She was only becoming who he was forcing her to be. This wasn't the life she chose for herself. Jinji was reacting to her circumstances. The shadow was proactive in his destruction.
She bit her lip.
Something about the explanation tasted sour on her tongue. But Jinji pushed the nausea aside. She had no other choice.
"How can I keep Janu alive?" she asked again, voice firm, demanding an answer.
"Eventually, my spirit-self and I will come to a compromise," he began. "She—"
Jinji interjected, "That's not what I asked."
"Listen," he hissed fiercely, turning to her with a flash of fury. Her pulse raced with a bolt of fear. Jinji blinked, breathing, trying to calm back down. The shadow shook his head, dispelling the anger. "Listen," he repeated more calmly. But Jinji wouldn't forget that flash of his true nature. "Eventually, my spirit-self and I will come to a compromise. She will not risk the complete destruction of her realm. Already she is caving to my demands. But I'm not as naïve as I once was. I know her. I know the parts of her that even she refuses to see. And I know she will eventually try to betray me. It's in her nature. And if she betrays me, she betrays the world and everyone you love."
"How will that keep Janu alive?" Jinji asked into the silence.
The shadow narrowed his eyes, as though trying to see through her. "When the time comes, I will make you an offer. You will help me, and in return, I will grant your brother life. A deal. Simple."
"What offer?" she asked, already knowing she would do it, whatever it was.
He tilted his head to the side, eyeing her. "My spirit-self is here. She's listening. I know she is. When the time comes, I promise it will be a deal you will be ready and willing to make. It will be the compromise you've been waiting for."
Jinji toughened her gaze, clenching her palms together in her lap. "What makes you think I will trust you to keep your promises?"
The shadow shrugged. "What possible reason do I have to lie? I deal in truths. It is my spirit-self that dabbles in tricks and secrets. After all, death is the absolute truth. It's life that's filled with lies."
Jinji's mind drifted back to earlier that day—to the spirit trying to take control of her body, tricking her to gain the upper hand. But could Jinji truly blame the spirit for that? She was trying to do what Jinji couldn't. To end the shadow, to end the battle, to make peace. Her mind drifted to the other things the spirit had shown her—the visions of the past, the secrets of her powers. Had she been holding back?
"The spirit has been honest with me," Jinji murmured, voice weak, not really sure she believed it.
The shadow smiled. "Has she?" He laughed softly. "How long did it take her to tell you about the dragons? How long before she revealed the extent of your power?"
Jinji paused. Weeks. It had taken the spirit weeks—from the long days in Rayfort to the time on the White Stone Sea. It wasn't until the attack in the Straits, until the shadow made his presence known at the Gates that the spirit revealed the whole truth.
"I take it from your silence that it was not immediate."
"I pushed her away," Jinji retorted. "I wouldn't listen, not at first."
"She could have made you listen," he answered. "I have made Janu listen many times. She waited because she didn’t want you to have all of her power, she didn't want you to know how strong you could be. She was hoping to break you, to gain control, to keep you weak long enough to make herself strong. But nothing worked. You are full of too much conviction. So eventually, she gave in, she showed you the truth, but only when she realized she had to. Only when she realized my threats were no longer empty."
He's lying, the voice suddenly accused.
And Jinji realized the shadow had guessed correctly—the spirit had been listening, quietly, without making her presence known.
Don't believe him, the voice spoke louder.
"She's here, isn't she?" the shadow said, tone filled with delight. "Is she calling me a liar?"
Jinji didn't know what to say.
Her mind was stilled by utter confusion.
"Ask her if we've spoken yet. If we've made a deal," the shadow drawled, grinning.
Jinji chewed her cheek for a moment, unsure. But she wanted answers. From the both of them. Speaking to the voice inside her head, Jinji questioned, "Have you and the shadow made a deal?"
No.
But the word sounded strained. The spirit didn’t expand her explanation.
"She said no," Jinji told the shadow, glancing at him for confirmation.
But he didn't say anything. His smile only deepened, making Jinji's stomach drop. Her nerves tied themselves in knots. Had the shadow and the spirit spoken? When? The spirit had never gained control of her body—aside from those few minutes earlier in the day, the spirit had always been trapped in the back of her mind. Jinji would know if her body had been possessed, wouldn't she?
Or would she?
Don't let him win. Don't let him fool you, the spirit whispered, tone kind and caring. That voice had become as familiar to Jinji as her own.
The spirit was on Jinji's side, wasn't she?
Was she?
"If she is so manipulative, why do you want to spend eternity with her?" Jinji asked instead, shifting the focus from the doubts starting to fill her mind. The spirit was right—no matter what, she couldn't let the shadow see he was influencing her. Not until she made up her mind, one way or the other.
The shadow shrugged. "She is all I have. And whether she wants to admit it or not, I'm all she has. We belong together."
The spirit, Jinji noticed, was silent.
"What if she belongs here, with us, in the spirit world?" Jinji asked.
The shadow snorted, rolling his eyes. "My spirit-self would like to believe that's true. She has tried to make that true for centuries. But then why does she come here and spend a lifetime pretending to be something that she's not? You have not seen all of her past lives, but I have. And not in a single one has she told her riders, the people who are supposed to love her most in the world, who she truly is. In this life, with you in control, the riders know more of her nature than they ever have before." The shadow stood, pacing, frustration mounting. "In the spirit world, all she has are lies. She can't even appear here in her true form! But in the ether, we have everything we'll ever need. Endless power. Endless beauty. Endless strength. And together, endless companionship. There are no lies. What else does she want?"
Jinji waited for the voice to say something.
To give the shadow any sort of response.
But nothing came.
"I don't know," Jinji whispered.
The shadow stopped pacing and turned to her. "Think about what I said. You can have your brother. I can have my spirit-self. We can both get everything we want. When the time comes, you'll know. And I will need a final decision."
And then a tremor coursed through him.
The shadow stu
mbled on uneasy feet.
When he opened his eyes, he was Janu. Her brother took a moment, blinking, glancing at his surroundings. He stretched his fingers out then clenched them into a fist. Momentary strength giving out, Janu dropped to the ground, falling on his knees and bowing his head against his chest.
"I tried," he whimpered. "I failed."
"You didn't fail," Jinji murmured, walking over to him and wrapping her arms around him. Janu softened beneath her touch, letting his sister cradle him, protect him. "Janu?"
He leaned back, looking up at her, brows pushed tightly together.
As she looked down at her brother, Jinji couldn't stop her lips from spreading apart in a wide smile. Joy found its way to her heart, a heart that had been cold for too long. "I think I found a way to save you. To save us all."
He shook his head, unable to understand. "How?"
"I've made a deal with him."
"Jinji!" Janu gasped, taking her hands, squeezing them tight. "Don't trust him. Don't believe him."
She removed Janu's hands and eased back. "I don't," she said, completely honest. "I don't trust him, but I do trust this. We have a mutual understanding, people we are both unwilling to lose."
"Jinji…" He trailed off, voice growing soft as he wilted, gazing at her with concern evident in his deep brown eyes.
"Shh," she hushed. "I don't want to talk about it any longer. Tell me something else. Tell me about your life. Something good that I missed."
But Janu continued watching her with a tense expression, not ready to leave the conversation behind. When he opened his mouth to speak, Jinji already knew what he was going to say and already knew that she wasn't going to like it. She'd had enough talk of deep, dark things with her brother. It was time for something light, something fun. So she reached out, pressing her finger to his lips to silence him.
"Please, Janu. The world is safe for the moment. I have so many stories I want to tell you. I know you must have so many things to tell me. Can't we have one night to just be us, to just be two siblings who love each other, who missed each other desperately?"
He paused, chewing on his lip for a moment, a habit they shared. And then a happy grin spread over his broad, tanned cheeks. "One night."
The Phoenix Born (A Dance of Dragons #3) Page 18