by Cassie Rocca
Cade rubbed his tired face. “She doesn’t trust me, Mom. She thinks that my success complicates things between us and makes us too different. And perhaps she isn’t so wrong…”
His mother came over to him. “Cade, if you had told the whole world what you truly felt for her, do you think Clover would still be concerned about your fame?”
“Honestly, Mom, I’m not sure about what she feels. It wouldn’t be the first time that a woman is just interested in what I represent,” he looked up at the only woman he had ever trusted completely, finally dropping his defensive shield. “Last time we talked, she said some things… things that made me think that our encounter was for her only a game, a challenge, a dream… yet, I didn’t believe her completely. I never had the impression that she was a woman hunting for fame. My instinct tells me she was trying not to show she was hurt by my public denial. I saw her acting the same way with her family, when she felt hurt…”
“So, what is holding you back?”
“I don’t know… I’m still doubtful. I know her so little. I think she has an extreme need for certainty and attention… maybe she really wanted the exposure on that tabloid cover to feel special.”
Grace rolled her eyes at the obtuseness of her very beautiful son. “You inherited a big flaw from your father, sweetie: the inability to understand women, if someone doesn’t explain to you exactly how to deal with them!”
Looking at her proud frown and listening to her lecture, Cade smiled, “In fact now I am beginning to understand Dad and feel real sympathy for him!”
“Listen, darling, if Clover needed that kind of media exposure to feel special, you have been lacking in many respects.” Grace almost laughed, seeing her son’s puzzled expression. “However, if, on the contrary, she’s a proud girl who attacks so she can hide her need for love from the world, well, you certainly demonstrated a real lack of sensitivity when you denied everything to the press office.”
“So, it’s my fault either way?”
“I’m afraid I have to say yes.”
Cade gave a heavy, resigned sigh. “So, what should I do?”
“Can’t you figure it out?” She huffed with a sense of exasperation. “You should go and get her back!”
“And if I am wrong? If she is not the person I think she is… if she didn’t truly feel what I feel…”
“You will suffer, son, but at least you will know that you’ve tried…” his mother looked at him with tenderness. “Cade, you have been sad ever since you got back from New York. I know you, and I can see the difference. For years I saw you surrounded by beautiful women, but somehow you showed them off like new cars. This is the first time that I have seen you breathless when describing a girl. Your eyes suddenly shine when you talk about Clover. Do you seriously want to give up this feeling? Do you know how rare it is to really fall in love?”
“Did you take any risk with Dad?”
“When we love, we are always taking some risk… but believe me, sweetie, it’s worth it.”
Cade embraced his mother. “How can you be so wise?”
“Years and years of mistakes have become the experience that we pass on to future generations,” she smiled. “Go ahead and jump in, love! I know you’re brave enough to take some risk, and I’m sure you won’t regret it.”
“Clover will be immensely happy to know that you believe in her…” for a moment Cade saw her, with her red hair and big, shiny eyes, so fragile and tender, so hungry for affection.
“I don’t know Clover, but I do know you: I trust your heart. So, remember, if you don’t go back to confess your love to her, I will have to introduce some of your fascinating friends to her!” She laughed. “I wonder whom she may like… if I’m not mistaken, one of them lives in New York and he’s really attractive… what’s his name?”
“Zack,” Cade mumbled. “You can’t go wrong with him. Clover has met him and she was impressed.” He knew that his mother was teasing him, yet just the idea of Clover with another man drove him crazy.
“Great! I should send him to her home, with a ribbon around his neck and a note… I could write, ‘you are a sweet girl, you deserve someone better than my son!’
“Ok, Mom, you’ve convinced me.” Cade chuckled. Then he added in a serious tone, “I just hope to convince her too! She doesn’t trust my words, she thinks I’m acting all the time.”
“So, don’t talk. Actions are far and away more important than words.” She caressed his hair, just as she did when he was a child. “I’m sure you will find the way to communicate your feelings to her.”
Cade kissed her. “Thank you, Mom.”
“So, this means you will be in New York with us at Christmas… right?”
“Ah! Now I get it… you would drive me into anyone’s arms, just to have me in New York for Christmas!” he broke into laughter. “Dad will kill me. He hoped to avoid the trip to New York…”
“I will deal with him… that grumpy hermit!”
“Do you know something? I feel like you and Clover will really get along…”
“Well then, for this very reason, don’t forget to bring her to our Christmas dinner, otherwise Jake will remain the favorite son for the rest of my life!”
*
“Miss O’Brian, do you have a minute?”
Clover cursed to herself, hearing the voice of another journalist lurking outside of one of her favorite stores. It felt like persecution!
“I’m sorry. I don’t have time…” she said, passing him quickly.
But the reporter didn’t give up and followed her, “Just a few questions… after Cade Harrison’s sudden departure, do you have any news for our readers? Have you heard from him?”
“No.”
“Why? Was your relationship just a quick holiday fling? Did you have an argument?”
“I don’t have anything to add,” deeply annoyed, Clover, searching for a way to escape, had an idea. Staring at a point behind the journalist, she added, “Why don’t you ask him! If I’m not mistaken, I just saw him crossing Times Square…”
The reporter turned around sharply to look at the square, excited about the scoop… his eyes searched through the crowd, but didn’t find the actor anywhere. “Are you sure you really saw Harrison? I don’t see him…” When he turned again, he realized that she had disappeared. “Damn it! She set me up!”
Clover escaped through the back door of a clothing store and headed at a quick pace towards Giftland, pulling down her hat to hide her red hair. Your hair is too flashy to go unnoticed. Suddenly, she remembered Cade’s observation and felt a deep sense of emptiness. These sudden memories happened every day.
At first, she had felt she was going mad with pain. She had wept for days and days, crying all the tears she had held back for years, while she was trying to appear strong. She found herself sobbing in front of the Rockefeller Christmas tree or when crossing Central Park… even when she ate chocolate. A few times clients had caught her weeping. She hated to show her weakness, but in those days she had found it impossible to control herself.
After the desperation and heartbreak, she had begun to feel a cold sense of apathy. It was better than despair. If she couldn’t go back to the lightheartedness she felt before meeting Cade, she could at least live like nothing could touch her.
Not even the paparazzi’s assaults really touched her any more. Actually, she had learned how to fool them. Easy!
What’s Obama’s limousine doing parked in front of Macy’s?
Who on earth is that guy with Beyonce?
Shit! That guy is John Travolta dressed like Santa!
They always fell for it. This was New York. Seriously, there were celebrities around… the paparazzi couldn’t risk missing them just to follow a girl who had been famous for ten minutes!
Immediately following the Enquirer’s article, many other tabloids were interested in the Prince of Hollywood’s new victim. The reporters were prowling around outside her house or in front of Giftland. One time sh
e even had to call the police! She had resolutely refused to answer any questions, but it didn’t work.
Two days after Cade’s departure, the Enquirer published some images of her. She was walking with her head down, dressed in black, with a very pale face… she looked in mourning. They titled the piece, the abandoned personal shopper cries for her prince… She got so angry that she stopped wearing black or anything dark for that matter! Of course she was suffering, but she didn’t want to show her intimate feelings to the whole world. Most of all, she hoped that those pathetic images hadn’t reached LA and Cade!
The following week a young journalist had fooled her. He had made an appointment with her with the excuse of shopping for Christmas gifts. The thought of how easily that freckled kid had outsmarted her still stung. He asked her a few questions in a very clever way. Thank god, she was already in her resignation phase, so her answers hadn’t been too interesting for the reporter, and no tears had rolled down her face. However, even from her vague answers, the tabloid had put together an article in which she seemed completely indifferent to Cade.
A star like him, super rich and desired, could never have anything to do with a girl like me. I was just lucky to have him as a neighbor for a few weeks. Somehow, we had been helpful to each other. Cade Harrison has quickly solved his problem for family’s Christmas gifts, and his fame was great publicity for our store.
But these words didn’t fool too many people, perhaps because the truth was written on her face. For example, the little Stevensons had told her that she wasn’t fun any more and her eyes looked empty. Well, that was how she felt: empty and lifeless.
She focused on her work more than usual, but she didn’t feel enthusiastic about it and the Christmas magic she used to love so much… gone.
When she had met Cade, she had felt unconsciously that it was the realization of a beautiful fairy tale. But when he had disappeared, all her other dreams and beliefs had come down like a house of cards.
She couldn’t find anything meaningful in her life… except her good friends Zoe, Liberty and Eric. They were doing everything in their power to help her to climb out of her deep hole of despair. They were very affectionate and caring, with cuddles and lots of attention.
Eric was like a brother, warm and protective, giving her a shoulder to cry on. After all, there was no one else who could understand the feeling of unrequited love better. He represented the father she had lost and the brother she wasn’t close to any more.
Zoe made her laugh. She was so funny. But Clover sensed that she was forcing herself to keep everything light, avoiding serious matters. But then again, she did appreciate the way Zoe’s idle chatter helped distract her. Zoe was convinced that laughing was the best cure for a broken heart – and that she could help Clover to move on by introducing her to lots of new guys. Clover couldn’t even imagine dating any man who wasn’t Cade – especially now – but she went along with Zoe’s schemes… It was a way to keep her mind busy.
Liberty, for her part, urged her to fight back depression and sadness. She had an almost maternal attitude, and encouraged her to focus on more important things than love. She considered romantic love too abstract, almost dangerous. It was funny, since the thirty-year-old blonde had been engaged for several years. But she had explained to Clover that the kind of love, unreal, passionate and crazy – like her love for Cade – would lead nowhere. If she wanted someone by her side, a real partner, she should look for a man who made her feel serene and protected, like Justin made her feel.
Thank god she had her friends in this very difficult time. They were the closest thing to a family she had ever had.
It was Christmas Eve, and Liberty had invited her over to spend the evening together. Her fiancée was in Toronto for business, and she didn’t want to go to Chicago by herself to spend Christmas with her parents. So the plan was to go to the theatre to see The Nutcracker, and then spend the rest of the evening at Liberty’s loft in Brooklyn. Even though she wasn’t really in the spirit of celebrating, Clover was happy not to have to spend that evening alone.
So, so when she had finished her afternoon of last minute shopping with clients, she went back to the store trying to be positive, and ready to have a pleasant evening with Liberty. But when she saw her friends with serious and sorry faces, she understood that something had gone wrong.
“Why the long faces? Has someone died?” she said, trying to defuse the situation, while taking off her woolly hat.
“Not yet, but it will happen in less than two hours. I will die of boredom at the Christmas Eve dinner organized by my big family!” Zoe sighed heavily.
“Come on! Family reunions are not so bad…” she would pay for a warm family with which to celebrate with! “Anyway, you can always join Lib and me after you’re done with your duty of being a good daughter and favorite grandchild…”
Liberty’s guilty expression stopped her.
“About our evening together…” Liberty began, looking very embarrassed, “I have a serious problem to solve with my parents and I need to leave tonight for Chicago. My flight leaves in three hours, so I really can’t come to the theatre with you… I’m so sorry. You can’t imagine how mortified I am.”
Clover felt some tenderness, seeing her friend in such an uncomfortable state. Liberty Allen was always very organized and under control. She never had to change her plans.
“Really? Are you, my surrogate mom, going to abandon me on Christmas Eve?” she joked, collapsing into a chair. “I won’t ever forgive you!”
“Please, don’t make me feel even worse than I feel already. I know I had promised, but…” Liberty bit her lip.
“I’m teasing you, Lib! Relax and don’t worry, I won’t die of solitude. I have survived many Christmas Eves by myself…” Clover gave her a half a smile. “I will go home, order Chinese takeout and will wait for midnight to open your gifts.”
Zoe came over to Liberty, looking at her with a disapproving expression. “Can’t your parents wait for just one more day? Leaving Clover alone this very evening is cruel!”
“Stop it!” Liberty whispered, shooting her a dirty look.
“Clover, honey, do you want to join me and my family? I get always so bored at these reunions, you know. They are all old people and they always torment me because I’m not married yet. I don’t want to hear over and over again that at my age they already had two children each!” Zoe rolled her eyes at the very thought, then she looked at Clover with attentive and sweet eyes. “Come with me, Clo. We can get drunk, while my grandma is cooking her delicious dishes. Then we can run away, when she falls asleep in her chair…”
Clover shook her head with determination. “No, no… thank you! I’m not so desperate as to crash some intimate family dinner… but thanks again,” she stood up. “Well, I think I will head home now.”
Liberty gave a quick glance at her watch, before exchanging a knowing look with Eric and Zoe. “Why don’t we have a toast before closing? Since we are all spending Christmas separately we should take a moment just for the four of us…”
While Zoe was looking for the glasses, Eric opened a bottle of champagne, a gift from one of their customers. They toasted and kissed several times, but the atmosphere was somehow tense and heavy. Eventually, an awkward silence fell over the room.
Clover gulped down her glass in one swallow, then she put it on the table with a little too much energy. Feeling her friends’ anxious gazes, she asked, “What’s going on?”
“Are you sure you’re feeling well?” Zoe asked in a worried tone.
“Listen guys, please stop with your funeral faces!” she huffed. “I have had better moments in my life, it’s true. But I’m not going to commit suicide or become an alcoholic,” she looked at the three solemn faces in front of her, and added, “We all knew from the beginning that it wouldn’t last. It wasn’t a surprise for anybody. Cade went back to his life and I to mine. End of story. I had a very good time, although I’m paying now for every single mome
nt of joy I had. But it will pass soon. You know me. My dramas never last too long.”
“Listen Clover, if later you feel extremely… sad, please call us. We’ll figure something out.” Liberty said apprehensively.
“No need. I will be ok!” Clover put on her woolly hat and headed to the door. “Merry Christmas guys! See you in two days…”
“Call me tomorrow!” Zoe said, walking with her to the door.
“Actually, call us even in the middle of the night, if you need to let off steam!” Eric smiled at her.
Clover laughed softly. “And I thought I didn’t have anybody who cared about me! I was wrong, I have you… and you guys are more than enough!” She teased them, leaving.
Once she got out, she could finally stop pretending to smile. She pulled up her jacket collar and began to walk slowly towards the taxi stand. She was trying not to cry until she got safely home.
Liberty, Zoe and Eric watched as their friend walked away in the snow without a word. Only when they saw her disappear, did they go back into the store.
“This had better be worth it!” Liberty took her cell and dialled a number that she had quickly written on a post-it, “Otherwise, I swear, I will kill him…”
“Did you notice her eyes? They were so sad,” Zoe sighed. “For a second I almost hoped that she would accept my invitation. The idea of leaving her at a time like this is unbearable to me.”
“You just wanted an ally to face your family reunion…” Eric mumbled.
“It’s not true! I care about Clover so much! I don’t want to see her suffer…”
“Zoe, you’ve risked messing up the whole plan with your invitation. What would you have done if she had accepted?”
“I knew that she wouldn’t accept… she’s so proud. She prefers being by herself to feeling like a third wheel in the midst of a big close family like mine. It would have reminded her of her own family who are now probably celebrating without her. If I had people like that in my life, I don’t know what I would do…”