Reckless Karma (Sinners & Saints #2)

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Reckless Karma (Sinners & Saints #2) Page 14

by Chelsea Ballinger


  “No. But I fear it’s bad.”

  “Are you good with digging further?”

  “Yes. That fear in his eyes was evident that if what Scarlett has on them gets out… it will desiccate.”

  “I already told you to go to your grandmother. Maybe she knows. We need to find out about the club and about the fact that August heard someone say that they killed someone. Maybe it was Gabriel referring metaphorically to me or maybe… God, maybe someone else did die.”

  I roll my eyes in frustration because I know she’s right. “Fine. I’ll go visit the old bag.”

  “She’s family, Hugo.” Karlie’s tone is serious and somewhat personal. “Family is… everything.”

  “Yeah, well sometimes blood doesn’t need to exist to create a unit of family.”

  “Blood is a funny thing. Kids don’t ask for the bloodlines they are born into.”

  She says it more to herself than to me and I wonder why all of a sudden she said that.

  We hear the key turn at the front door and in walks Anika, Cody, and Juliet.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask her.

  She doesn’t answer. She steps aside and lets an older black woman walk in.

  “Ma?” Karlie stands up from her seat and so do I. “Ma, what are you doing here?”

  “I don’t know. Either to slap some sense in you or beat it into you.”

  “I had to do it, Karlie,” Anika says and before Karlie can react and before I can ask what’s going on, a pair of kids with dirty blonde hair, light brown skin, and blue eyes come running in with smiles. Bright smiles that show no fear, no confusion, not like me as I watch them run towards Karlie and wrap their arms around her waist.

  “Mommy!”

  Part 3

  “I sustain myself with the love of family.”

  -Maya Angelou

  12

  JULIET

  I knew it had to be a kid. It’s always some illegitimate child when it comes to secrets. But I never expected twins. A girl and a boy that are as beautiful and as sweet as they can be.

  They cling onto Karlie and she does so onto to them. She has missed them just as much as they’ve missed her. The coldness about her. Every brick she has molded and created to build the wall has completely broke down and revealed the real Karlie. Karlie, the mother.

  “We missed you, Mommy,” the boy says. His name is Oliver.

  “I missed you too baby,” Karlie says combing her fingers through his dirty blonde curls that are as long as his sisters.

  The girl looks at Hugo. Her name is Suzanna. Her eyes squint at him, wondering who he is. Possibly seeing a similarity between her and him.

  “Who’s that, Mommy?” she asks.

  “I can take a wild guess.” Ms. Dale looks Hugo up and down with her hands on her hips.

  “Ma,” Karlie warns. “Um, guys, why don’t you go with miss Anya to the kitchen to eat a huge bowl of rocky road and mint chocolate chip ice cream! Your favorite!”

  “Yay!” The kids are easily satisfied with the other option. They follow Anya, her maid, to the kitchen and we all look to Hugo, who watches them until they are out of view. His head slowly turns toward Karlie.

  “I had to do it,” Anika says.

  “I don’t know why you’re talking because clearly you are not my sister anymore,” Karlie quickly talks over Anika.

  “Hey!” Their mum shuts them both down. “Don’t say that and don’t be dramatic. Anika did right. You are out here acting out like a damn fool. You should have stayed in Monaco with me and the kids. They missed you. You don’t know how many lies I had to come up with every time they asked ‘Why isn’t Mommy with us?’”

  “And you don’t think I’ve missed them? I have missed them every second of every day. They shouldn’t be here. Not for this. There is nothing here for them.”

  “Except the truth about where they come from.”

  “And where, pray tell, are they from?” Silence fills the room again once Hugo speaks. “Can someone tell me… what is going on?”

  “This,” I say gesturing my hand towards the kitchen. “This is the real reason why your dad has been paying her.”

  “Basically child support,” Cody adds and Ms. Dale scoffs.

  “Child support that isn’t even used.”

  “Ma, I don’t need anything from that man.” Karlie snaps.

  “But you couldn’t bother to tell me that I have long lost relatives?” Hugo interrupts again.

  “Hugo, technically I’m not sure. I never got a paternity test.”

  “Are you serious?” Anika argues. “Anyone can see that Ollie and Suzie look just like you and Gabriel.”

  “Blonde hair and blue eyes are also a resemblance to Chad too, Anika,” Karlie says back and she has a point but come on.

  “Yeah, but Chad doesn’t have twin brothers like, who do you say, Gabriel?”

  “You really think Chad’s coked up genes are that strong?” Cody asks.

  “You should’ve told me,” Hugo says in a soft, scornful tone.

  “No, I shouldn’t have,” Karlie says and it brings the argument out of me.

  “Yes, you should’ve,” I say. “He had the right.”

  “No, he didn’t. They are my children.”

  “And they are my family!” Hugo yells and it causes everyone in the room except me to jump. I’ve heard him yell like this before. He’s hurt. “And don’t you dare bullshit me with the possibility of them being Chad’s or Noel’s for that matter. They don’t look like Gabriel. They don’t look like me or August.” He takes a deep breath. “They look like our mother.”

  Karlie opens her mouth to speak but Hugo isn’t finished.

  “What are their names? Their full names… this Ollie and Suzie, short for what?”

  Karlie is scared to answer. “Oliver… and Suzanna. Gabriel once said that if he had a daughter he would want to name her after your mother.”

  Hugo nods and forces his clenched jaw open. “The hell with you.”

  He storms out. “Hugo!” I call out to him following in the hallway. “Hugo!”

  My feet come to a stop once he whips around in anger.

  “I asked you to stay out of it. I didn’t want to know this.”

  “I was just–”

  “Just being stubborn! This fucks things up! Don’t you understand?” He grabs me by my arms. His grip is tight and the pain in his face hurts just as much. “You’ve given me too much care for. I don’t need that. Not now.”

  He lets me go. Lets go of everything and leaves.

  HUGO

  Kids. Fucking kids. I hate kids. Kids just had to be thrown into this situation. Kids. Twins. Twin boy and girl. Suzanna… Suzie. Oliver… Ollie.

  The door opens and Kelly is here in sweats and self-pity.

  “Still wallowing in broken marriage.” I brush past her.

  “You are not wanted, Hugo.”

  “Yet you still let me up when the doorman informs you of my arrival.” I look around before taking a seat on the couch. “Where is my father?”

  “Beats me. Work. Mistress. Take your pick.”

  “Are we friends again? Is this where you tell me all your problems with my father, hoping we drink while complaining about him? Fall into bed together?”

  “Yes.” I am surprised by her boldness and so amused that a hint of laughter escapes from my mouth.

  “Well as much as I enjoyed our time together, I’m afraid that I am a one woman man now, although that one woman is eventually going to cause my death.”

  “So it is serious with her… and here I thought that maybe you had feelings for me after that voicemail you left for me.”

  “I was upset. I did feel bad about what I did to you, but nothing was ever going to get me to apologize except her. I was upset that she was angry at me and she told me to apologize to you, so I did. I decided to tell you about how the thought of my mother crosses my mind every day because really I was telling her.”

  The hope i
n her eyes is faint now and with consideration she questions me.

  “Is something wrong?” she asks me. “You don’t look well. You look like you’ve been crying.”

  “Not yet. I’ve been on the verge lately. On the verge of many things, I suppose.”

  “Listen, Hugo, if you need to talk… I can listen.”

  Kelly is so sweet. Beautiful and sweet and I would love to ruin it just to make myself feel better. That is the first instinct I get when I look at her. That is how dark my soul is and that is how everything has begun to shake me. I think we’re like my mother, my brothers and I. We can’t handle too much emotion. It can kill us. It’s already killed two – who says it won’t kill me either?

  “Kelly!” My father comes in with surprisingly a bouquet of white and red roses. A romantic gesture I have never seen him do with any woman. He actually has a smile on his face. Until his eyes set on me.

  “What’s the occasion?” I ask.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Let me guess. You really are working on your marriage, but still your dick leads the way on your righteous path, so to clear the damage you bring flowers and gifts to keep her from guessing?”

  He frowns as Kelly grabs the flowers from him.

  “Kelly, did you know that my father was a grandfather?” Kelly’s shock and my father’s face discoloring are both satisfying.

  “Put those in water,” he tells her and she does without protest. He walks over to the minibar and pours two glasses of Highland whiskey. He sets a glass in front of me and drinks his without breaking a sweat or looking me in the eye.

  “They look like Mom.” His body pauses. “They are beautiful… full of life and innocent replicas of her. Her beauty mixed with Karlie’s is what makes them look like they are made of gold. Or maybe that’s just the instant feeling you get when it comes to family you knew nothing about. You look at them and automatically your heart beats for them like no tomorrow.” I admit it and it is painful, but a weight is lifted through that. “This whole time you knew.”

  “She never got them tested. They are probably not even Gabriel’s.”

  “Yet still you pay her. Money she never used except for charity, by the way.”

  “I didn’t need to take the chance. Gabriel’s mess was cleaned and that’s it.”

  “Is it Gabriel’s mess?” I ask him. “I don’t think you paid her because of your desperate attempt at public sainthood. I think it’s because deep down you knew. Deep down you knew she was carrying his kids and unbelievably I think you cared for them before they were even born. And you knew that the only way to protect them from our fucked up family was to send money and never acknowledge them. You didn’t want to fuck them up too. Not like you fucked up us.”

  “You don’t know anything, Hugo. That’s always been your damn problem. You don’t know anything about me… about your mother, Scarlett, Karlie Dale. You don’t know anything.”

  “Well, why don’t you enlighten me?”

  “Enlighten you? Enlighten you about what? That every woman you have come across has betrayed you? You’re still a little boy looking for a replacement for your mommy. You think I didn’t love her? I did. I loved her. I really did, but your mother was broken way before I got to her. There’s some enlightenment for you.”

  “Maybe you’re right.” I down the drink he made for me. Let the burn damage my lungs and heal the vulnerable state. “Maybe you are right, but it still doesn’t escape the fact that you are a lying, hypocritical son of a bitch… and to ever say you are a man… is a true insult to God himself.”

  I grab the scotch and walk out. I get a taxi a block away – going where? I have no idea.

  KARLIE

  The closest I have to peace is moments like these. Moments where my kids and I lay with one another in bed, watching TV or staring up at the ceiling or the stars we watched back in Monaco. It’s the only peace I have left in this life. Still my peace gets disruptive sometimes. My children are still a reminder of a dark time; no matter how much love is mirrored in them, there is an equal amount of pain in their faces that reflects on me.

  “Mommy?” Ollie, my adventurous, vibrant, and charming son says my name. The only name I love. “Why did you leave us?” He has this scowl on his face when he asks and Suzie lifts her head from my chest and sits up waiting for my answer.

  “Mommy had to go away to take care of some stuff and… I know I shouldn’t’ve left you, but I just didn’t want you guys to be around certain things.”

  “Like bad things?” Suzie asks.

  “Yep.” They’re six and smart as they can be. Clearly getting their brains from me.

  Ollie now sits up and looks at me. Those blue eyes will break girls’ hearts while Suzie’s beautiful smile will be tarnished with foul play from men. That is how I see the world now because I have lived it. I am only twenty-five, but being destroyed by the world has caused me to age fast and has filled my heart with cynical beliefs I did not have when I was seventeen. Before I fell in love with the bad and let the worse steal my good. I do hope to protect my kids from the evil that lurks out in the open, but who am I kidding? You can’t protect your kids any more than you can protect yourself from the emotions and free will that sets us bound by a fate of the unknown.

  “Are you gonna make us go back home now?” Ollie asks.

  “Is Monaco still our home? Nanny said it isn’t anymore,” Suzie says.

  “Monaco will always have a place in our hearts, but after Mommy is done here we will be going to Chicago. You guys like the sound of that?”

  They both nod, but Suzie also makes a face. “But it also gets very cold there.”

  “It does.” I wrap my arms around their heads and smother them into my chest. “So I guess I’ll just have to hug you until you’re warm forever!”

  They both laugh and I kiss them on their foreheads.

  “And no,” I tell them. “No, I’m not gonna send you anywhere. You guys are gonna stay with me.”

  JULIET

  August asked where Hugo was and I couldn’t tell him because Hugo wasn’t answering any of my phone calls or texts. After an hour I left it alone. He needed to be by himself and I hoped he was by himself and not wreaking havoc on someone’s life. Hugo is a ticking time bomb right now and at any minute he can explode, and me being an idiot and selfish bitch ignored that. I ignored everything he begged me to do since we met.

  Hugo walks in at almost midnight. I sit up in his bed as he stumbles a little. Clearly he’s intoxicated.

  “I’m sorry,” I say.

  He holds his hand up. “I don’t want to talk about it. Don’t… don’t say anything. Just take off your clothes.”

  I roll my eyes and laugh a little, but my heart and body respond entirely different.

  “Cut it out.”

  “This is what I want. I want you to take off your clothes.” His voice is commanding and vigorous.

  I want to protest and continue laughing but the need in his face right now is battling my right mind. I stand up from the bed and do what he says. I peel off layer and layer until I am completely bare in front of him. He moves toward me and instead of kissing me or pushing me back onto the bed, he hugs me. He wraps his arms around me and rests his head on my shoulder. I close my eyes. My fingers curl in his hair and my other hand rubs his back. I kiss his neck and let him sink into me. I hope he just lets it all go – everything within his soul, but instead he lifts his head and the hunger releases itself without him even kissing me yet. He grabs my face and presses his lips against mine. Practically destroys me in a very good way with his tongue. My pulse is racing once he reaches his hand between my thighs. I can’t help the way I feel when he touches me and he can’t help the way he deals with his problems. It’s sex and hurting people. That’s the way he does it and I’d rather him have me this way and not have anyone else or worse hurt someone. Then again, it’s too early to tell. He might hurt me.

  I help him discard his clothing and we f
all into bed together. His hands take hold of my wrists as he kisses my collarbone and breasts. He’s not gentle in the way he devours my body with his mouth and the way it feels is uncanny to the way I moan as he makes me come more than once, not sparing a minute between and before each one. He takes me from behind. I am speechless, not only in sound but in mind and heart. I moan. I scream. I say his name and take everything he gives me. The rough part of him, the darkness about him is shaped in the way he fucks me and it is a new drug I have come to love. After he is finished with me, I realize I am scared of this drug. I am scared of this darkness. I could get lost in this darkness and if I do I won’t be able to bring him out. I will only revel in it with him.

  13

  HUGO

  I look in the mirror and everything behind me is black. I am alone. All I have is the gun in my hand. I put it in my mouth and before I pull the trigger, Gabriel appears. My mother appears. Strings attached to them like they’re marionettes. Their eyes frozen on me. Eyes that look to be painted on their faces. I realize I don’t want to be like them, but it’s too late because now their strings stretch out to me and sew themselves into my skin and before I know it, they help me pull the trigger.

  I’ve never had a dream. I haven’t had a nightmare since I was a kid. The one I just woke up from has me sweating and my heart pounding. I look next to me and see Juliet sound asleep. Worn out from what I did to her. I don’t go back to sleep for the next four hours. I just watch her breathe and snore a little. I even smile. I just want to focus on something good. Something so beautiful. Something I am bringing down with me. She finally opens her eyes and is surprised to find me watching her. Probably considering how angry I was and how rough I was with her last night.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

  “Why? You made me discover how flexible I really am?” She makes a joke, but it’s not funny. Cute but still no reaction from me, so she stops with the light banter and places her hand on my cheek.

  “It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just angry.”

 

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