“Just telling him what he already knows.”
“Yes. Juliet likes to keep a lot of things from me.” Hugo forces a smile in my direction. He is pissed.
“I’m Gregor,” my little brother says looking up at Hugo.
“Hi Gregor. I’m Hugo. You got a good kick out there.”
“You want to play?”
“I was never really much for sports, but maybe you could teach me.”
“Okay!” Gregor excitedly runs to the net and Hugo sits his things down on the lounge chair.
“I’ll have Sophie fix us something lovely and bring you a cup of tea,” my mum says still excited.
Hugo goes out to the yard with my little brother and my hand covers my heart, smiling.
“See I told you,” my dad says placing his arm around me. “I’m glad the boy loves you too. Someone’s got to.”
KARLIE
I’m sitting at the kitchen table still staring at the DVD as I drink my coffee. Forget about the box, this is my Pandora. Watching the DVD means something. It means so much and I’m too scared.
“You know there’s a device you could put that in, right?” I laugh at my mom.
“I know, ma.”
She comes and sits next to me. “You have to stop,” she tells me, combing her fingers through my hair. “You have to stop this torture, baby girl.”
“I know.”
“That boy wasn’t good enough for you.”
“Ma.” I get annoyed when she does this.
“The only good thing he did for you was give you two beautiful children.”
“Ma, I know you will never be fond of him, but…”
“But he was your first love… but he doesn’t have to be your only.”
I ball my hand into a fist and bring it to my mouth.
“I know.”
“I love you… and I’m proud of you. When everything happened, I felt like such a failure as a mother.”
I look at my mother, appalled she would say something like that.
“What?”
“I didn’t protect you.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I chose to send you away. I should’ve fought for you.”
“Ma. They threatened everything. They threatened to have us kicked out of our apartment that was owned by a friend of theirs, of course. They threatened to get you fired and to just ruin our lives and I begged you to let it go, Ma. I begged you. I never want you to think this was your fault.”
“Baby, there is always more a mother can do.” She kisses me on the forehead. “Remember that. I love you and I’m proud of you. You are a good woman. Remember that.”
She leaves and it continues to be about me and this disc. It continues to be about me and Gabriel. It’s always about me and Gabriel. Hell, I’m even tired of hearing myself saying that. I groan and grab the disc and shove it into the kitchen drawer along with the forks. Why forks? It was just the drawer that was the closest.
JULIET
“You really didn’t need to get a room here,” I say to Hugo after he’s checked into the Shrangri La Hotel at the Shard. “It’s practically an hour away from my home which had plenty of rooms. My parents were more than happy for you to stay there. Hell, even Gregor wanted you to sleep in his top bunk.” I laugh but he doesn’t. He just sets his stuff down and takes off his blazer as I sit on his bed. He crosses his arms over his chest and just looks at me.
“Soooo. Yeah, you could’ve stayed there.” I just say something.
“I figured they wouldn’t want to hear us argue.”
“So we are going to argue?”
“Yes.”
“About?” I smile like an idiot.
“About the fact that you are an idiot. An asshole. An idiot.”
“I agree with all three, no matter how repetitive.”
“Don’t make a joke of this.”
“It’s my defense mechanism. So Jordana texted me and filled me in on the kids. I’m glad they’re okay. Scarlett is insane.”
“Rebecca tried to kill herself.”
“Yes, and you saved her.”
“Yes, and you ran.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Listen, I’m not going to argue about this, Hugo.” I get up from the bed and walk over to the window of the suite that faces London and all its beauty in the night.
“So it’s okay for you to push me but not for me to push you,” he fires back.
“Well, I’m a hypocrite.”
“That’s right you are.”
“I’m not gonna explain why I left. I’m just gonna say I’m sorry and that I was coming back.”
“You don’t need to explain. I know already.” He shakes his head in frustration. He paces the room. Walks to one corner then the other. It’s like he’s suddenly developed a case of OCD.
“You needed me, I know,” I say.
“Damn it, Juliet! No!” he shouts. “It’s about you needing me!” He claws at his chest. “This was your karma. The pain and guilt you feel for her death. This is your karma. You anticipated, hell you prepared for it! You pledged to yourself long ago that when the time came you would diminish every ounce of happiness you earned. I knew from the moment I found out about what happened. You just completely shut down and ran because you feel you owe it to her. You don’t. You don’t owe her misery. If anything you owe her the opposite because you are still here. I know you, Juliet. You pride yourself on being different and living your life to the fullest until you are asked to pay your debt. I’m angry at you for being weak like that because that is not you. I’m angry at you for not telling me. For not asking me to come with you because you shouldn’t even be shocked that I’m here. I love you. I love you with everything in me.”
“She’s…” I try to keep my lip from trembling. “She’s supposed to be alive. I’m the one that pushed her. I kept pushing and pushing all because of something stupid and she jumped.” My voice cracks beneath the truth. “I killed her slowly and I still don’t understand why she forgave me. I still don’t understand why she was my friend… my best friend. Why every time I needed someone she was there for me. Why?”
“Why not? We’re all fucked up, Juliet. Every person in this world is fucked up. We are the evidence of that.” His hands clasped around my face as I cry. One blue. One green. Gazing into mine forcing me to see beyond the dread. “And if you’re scared of karma, well I can promise you I will fight the bitch back with you.”
I can’t help but laugh and he sadly smiles. “You can’t use my words against me,” I say.
“Yes, I can. You can save me but I can’t save you? That’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair and we’re not supposed to save each other.”
“No… we’re supposed to save ourselves… but it doesn’t hurt to help each other out, right?”
“Right.” I nod and begin to cry again. “I just really want her back.”
“I know.”
“They won’t let me come to the funeral.”
“Fuck them… funerals aren’t even for the living. They’re a waste of time and they’re depressing.” I laugh again at how serious he is. “We’ll have our own. Right here.”
I give him a look, but the seriousness in his eyes right now is too much.
“Say a few words?” I ask.
“Okay… I didn’t know her… but I hear she was amazing and I’m sort of thankful to her kindness and forgiveness because it is what shaped your heart. A heart that is so big, so profound that when it beats it lifts me higher and higher into whatever the hell existence is up there.”
I laugh again and lick my lips before speaking. “I thank Jess for being my friend… my confidant, my guardian angel through text. Heaven’s gonna have one hell of a party with her up there. Your speech was maybe better.”
“I’m better at a lot of things.”
I laugh again, looking down before looking at him again. “Like what?”
“Like w
ords… Scrabble.”
“You play Scrabble?”
“Yes. I’m a genius at it.”
“We’ll have to play when we get back.”
“We will.”
“What else are you better at than anyone?”
“Making love to you.”
I was hoping he would say that. “You’re gonna have to prove it.”
He accepts the challenge and kisses me. He doesn’t move fast even though I want him to. He takes his time, peeling off layers, placing light kisses on my body. Every part. My cheek. My ear. My chin. My arm. My feet. My scars on my inner thigh from when I used to harm myself over the guilt over Jess’s fall. His kisses are a sweet devotion. He lays me on the bed and undresses himself, letting me rest until he climbs on top of me. His perfect ocean stares at me with a tenderness that is new once he’s inside me. He kisses my lips and his tongue washes over me. I didn’t want it so slow, but I needed it. I needed to look into his eyes as he moved inside me and made me feel something I have never felt before. It’s almost like an out of body experience. It feels like I’m lifted and put somewhere else. A better place. It is a better place. Here with him. We make love and my eyes are filled with tears because the pain from the death of Jess and love from Hugo is almost too much to take, but it is what is needed for me to let it all go.
HUGO
I came here because I love her. She comes first now. I’m okay with that. That is as simple as it is. There is no intricacy. No loophole. For the first time I’ve found something simple and more point blank than anything else I have praised myself on. I have praised myself on a lot of things and I have been blinded by my own ego to see the real truth. Everything is a lie. Even me. I’m scared to open that box because I think I do know what I’ll find when I do. I just want to lay here with Juliet… the only truth I know forever. But forever is only in death and I’m trying to not reach that yet.
“You okay?” she asks me, tracing the lines of my stomach as her head lays on my chest.
“No. You?”
“No… but I think I’ll get there.”
“I found the original box. It was with August this whole time.”
“I know.”
“I’m scared to open it.”
“I know.”
“I think I know who Gabriel killed.”
She lifts her head up and looks at me in disbelief, but I know. I figured it out when I confronted Scarlett and it all made sense.
“‘You made me kill someone,’ he said. My uncle’s been missing since Gabriel’s suicide.”
“No, they said it was months later, I thought.”
“That’s when my grandmother reported it, but I know. Gabriel killed our uncle.”
Her eyes are still and it’s as if she is reading my mind.
“Which means whatever is in that box about the club,” she says. “It has something to do with your mother. Your uncle did something to your mother.”
I’m shaking because I know. I know but I can’t say it. I can’t even think it and Juliet doesn’t force me. She only kisses me and lets me hold her.
CHAD
Everything is grey. A shiny grey. Grey that is my life. No color. No shine. No anything. Never thought I needed it. Knew I wanted it. Thought maybe it would finally happen, but no even beyond the grave Gabriel tortures me.
“You look like shit,” she says. I forgot she had a key.
“What’s new?”
“Well what’s new is you look like more than shit. Also I heard your father might be going to prison or worse going broke once all his assets are frozen.”
“Good… one good thing Karlie Dale has done, and you look like the shit no one can stand to look at or be near.” Her heels make their way around my spot on the floor and there she is in all black. I see her hands that are covered with black gloves.
“Funeral today?”
“No… not today.” Scarlett smiles as she kneels beside me. She eyes the piece of paper on the floor and looks at it. “You are not the father. Shocker there.”
“He always got what I wanted. The girls… you… your respect. I couldn’t even have him.”
“Finally coming out of the closet, Chad?”
“There is no label for me,” I tell the truth. “I am nothing.” I grab the vodka bottle and drink the last of it. Everything is burning, from the coke stuck in my nose and throat to my stomach that is full of vodka and pills. Vodka and pills. Vodka and pills. That’s a catchy song.
“What’s so funny?” she asks me and I look at her.
“Everything… us. You and I…. we are trash. We are trash that is left on the curb waiting to be picked up and thrown into the waste with the rest of the filth.”
She seems bothered by what I say, but something also registers to her.
“You wanted it to be you,” she laughs. “There must be a God because you, of all people, actually wanted to be the father of those kids.”
“We all need a little hope sometimes,” I shrug it off.
“You thought you were gonna get saved by the innocent spirit of a child, Chad? You are more ridiculous than I thought. This isn’t a soap opera. You can’t be redeemed because of some kids or a girl. Not when you have done so much.”
“Are you speaking from current experience?” I hiss at her. “If I can’t, you damn sure as hell can’t even walk into a church without erupting into flames. You are the one that can’t ever be redeemed.”
“Aw sweetie… I don’t want to be redeemed.”
“Something will probably make you want to… I bet on it.”
“I once thought that.” She smirks to herself. “But… no… I am forever the villain.” Her smile grows wide like she knows something I don’t. But of course she does. When has Scarlett not known about anything or anyone? She knows everything about me and I hate her for it. I hate her for what she has helped me create within me.
“I brought you a gift.” She pulls out a vile of white powder. The whitest I’ve ever seen.
“For what?” I lick my lips gazing at it.
“For your help in my war against Karlie and Hugo.”
“So you won?”
“Not yet.” She lines it up from me as she babbles about nothing. “It seems they are gaining the upper hand a bit. Causing a lot of secrets to come up. Myths that were supposed to stay hidden, but that’s the problem with good people. Always curious and wanting to help and be the hero and I sometimes have to take extreme actions to win and you know, Chad…” She trails off as I snort the long line. Longer than usual and…. Fuck me. It’s… It’s… “I don’t really like to take extreme actions. Never have, because I’ve killed someone before and it was not very fulfilling.”
I think that’s what I heard her say. My ears are tight and everything is shaking. I feel something dripping down my lip. My trembling fingers come to my lips and blood appears. My ears pop. They pop and the pain brings tears to my eyes. I feel the blood coming out of them. I fall back, my head slamming on the wooden floor. Scarlett climbs on top of me, gazing lovingly into my eyes. She presses her hands on my chest and presses down. I begin to shake and she presses harder. My teeth clench as fire and ice soar through my insides. It’s like an explosion goes off in my chest and my heart shatters and my lungs fill with the blood from it and I… I can’t breathe. My mouth is open trying to call out for help, trying to beg Scarlett to help, but she just stares. Her grey eyes just stare into mine.
“It’s only right that I give you one last gift. Something oddly you needed for years.” She leans over and the smell of perfume makes its way through the smell of blood. She whispers and my hand grabs for something. It was meant to be her, but instead it’s a jacket. The pain isn’t here anymore and the grey is swallowed into black and the faint echo of my heartbeat becomes nothing more than a memory along with Scarlett’s final gift. Something she’s kept from me. I am…
18
JULIET
“Do you really need to go so soon?” my mum asks as Hugo pa
sses my luggage to the driver to put in the car.
“Mum, I’m shocked. I thought you were glad to get rid of me.”
“I may be stiff, as you like to call me, but… you are my baby girl and I just want to make sure you are happy.” A moment of compassion from my mum is always the best.
“I’m gettin' there,” I tell her truthfully.
“Good… and I expect a wedding to occur in the next two years.”
I laugh. “Oh God, Mum.”
“Think of it. Mandrake and Spears. We’ll be unstoppable.”
“Couldn’t agree more,” Hugo says and I am embarrassed that he overheard that.
“Lovely to meet you, Hugo.”
“You as well.”
My dad comes to hug me. I hold on tight. Earlier this summer my dad almost died and when he survived his heart attack I knew there was more. Deep down I just knew more bad would come. I just never expected it to be Jess. I never wanted it to be her.
“Love you, Rabbit,” my dad whispers.
“Love you too, Dad. Stay well yeah.”
He lets go and I pull my reluctant brother in for a hug.
“I love you, you little runt.” I mess up his hair. I bend down and kiss him on the cheek.
“Ewww!” he whines.
“Take good care of her.” My dad smiles at Hugo. “Or else… That’s a warning and a threat.”
“Duly noted, sir.” Hugo shakes his hand as if he’s not worried about disappointing my father.
Just when I think it’s time to go, a blue car pulls up. A woman comes out. She’s young, blonde, and in sweats. She looks tired and sad in a way.
“Can we help you?” my mum asks.
“Yes.” She forces a smile and looks at me. “Are you Juliet?”
“Yes,” I answer and walk over to her as Hugo and my family are left wondering who this woman is.
“I’m…” She pauses and looks off before giving me back her full attention. “I’m Jess’s personal assistant.” A genuine smile appears on her face. “I feel as if I know you.”
“Through the texts.” I giggle not bothered by the tears falling from my face.
“Yes. Very… hysterical messages I must say.”
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