TANNER SIGHED as he turned off his car. He stared at his parents’ house for a long moment, not sure he wanted to do this. His mother had more or less told him he was coming to dinner, but he did not want to talk to her.
Because he knew it’d be about Finley.
He wanted to go running. Not that it helped much, but it was the closest he could come to calming his mind. Maybe if he got through tonight and work tomorrow, he’d shift Friday night and spend the weekend in the forest.
He forced himself out of his car and into the house. “Mom?”
“In here, sweetie,” she called from the kitchen.
Tanner kissed her cheek when he saw her, then pulled back, sniffing. “Steak? What’s that for?”
She grinned at him. “Oh, nothing.”
Oh shit. He was in so much trouble. He narrowed his eyes at her. “I don’t buy that one bit.”
She smirked at him and pointed at the cabinet with the plates. “Just set the table.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“How’s work?”
He sighed. “Not going so well. Having trouble concentrating.”
Her only reply was a quiet “Hmmm.”
He set the plates out and went back for silverware, but paused to look at her. “Have you and Dad ever spent time apart?”
She tilted her head. “Time apart?”
“Yeah, like….” He ran his fingers through his hair, then focused on setting out the knives, forks, and spoons. “Like, has Dad ever gone on trips without you? I know you go to the alpha meetings.”
“Oh hell no,” she said, shaking her head. “We don’t do well without each other.”
Tanner frowned. “Why?”
She blinked at him. “What do you mean?”
“Is it a wolf thing?” He collected glasses and set them on the table. “Or just because you love each other? Or….” He shook his head in frustration.
“Truthfully… I couldn’t tell you, honey. I’ve always gone with him. But I’ve always loved him, so I don’t know.”
Tanner sighed in frustration. “I miss him. Some of it, yeah, I get it. I… well, you know, he’s my best friend and….”
“Do you love him, Tanner?”
Tanner snapped his head up and stared at his mom. “Of course I do! You know that.”
“Does he know it?”
Tanner frowned. “He knows,” he said, though even he could hear the uncertainty in his voice. He tried to remember if he’d ever actually said the words and couldn’t think of a single time.
His mom didn’t say anything, simply focused on cooking, leaving him to think. He sat for a long while, rolling that thought around in his brain. He had to admit, he probably hadn’t said the words, hadn’t told Finley, straight out, of his love. Somehow he didn’t think that would make much difference.
His dad came in then, taking his seat. “How’s it going?”
Tanner frowned, not really wanting to admit it. “Horrible.”
His dad laughed. “Well, that was at least honest. Heard from Fin?”
Tanner tried to decide how much to say as his mom brought the steaks and potatoes to the table. He helped her serve while he gathered his thoughts. “He replied to my texts. Not saying much, though.” He refused to let the thought hurt. His wolf snorted at that lie. “Just basic replies. He’s… he’s got a friend out there.” He swallowed and put his fork down, trying not to lose it in front of his dad. He was suddenly having trouble breathing. He gripped the edge of the table and struggled as the food on his plate blurred. He wasn’t going to do this, not here. He wasn’t. He would not.
Well, he wouldn’t have until his mom touched him. He grabbed her up in a hug, knowing his dad wouldn’t appreciate the show of emotion, but he couldn’t stop it. He buried his face in her hair and tried, a little desperately, to get control of himself.
She patted his back, murmuring nonsense comforting sounds. A few moments later, he was able to let her go and sit back up.
“Sorry,” he muttered, picking up his iced tea and taking a long drink.
His dad didn’t reply and Tanner looked up. Alpha Noah was looking at him, wearing an expression he didn’t expect: sympathy. His dad reached out and patted his shoulder. Tanner realized there was more alpha than dad in that touch, and he found himself calming down. He looked at his dad and tilted his head to the side, showing his alpha he understood where the comfort came from.
“What are you going to do?”
Tanner sighed and spent some time cutting his meat. After taking a bite, he shook his head. “I don’t know. It… I’m trying to keep us from possibly making a big mistake. And all I seem to be doing is driving him away.”
“I know what you’ve said, dear,” his mom said, carefully. “But what’s the real reason you think it’s a mistake?”
Tanner frowned, scrunching his forehead up. “That’s it. I mean… he’s young, Mom.”
“So was I. So was your father.” She shook her head. “We’ve been together twenty-five years, and I don’t see anything happening. What do you think is going to happen, honey? Wolves don’t split up.” She looked genuinely puzzled.
Tanner blinked at her, then shot a look at his dad. “Uh… sure they do.”
His dad looked as confused as his mom did. “He’s not about to get himself killed by mating young, Tanner.”
“What? Where did that come from?” Tanner asked, feeling as confused now as they looked.
“Well, how else would you split?”
Tanner turned to his mom. “He could break the bond,” he said quietly, finally voicing his biggest fear.
“Of course he couldn’t!” she nearly shouted.
“Actually,” his dad said, “he could. It’s just not done.”
“It’s happened,” Tanner said, not able to look up from his plate. He’d lost his appetite and set his fork down.
“What? When?” his mom asked.
Tanner finally managed to look up at her. “Eric.”
“What about him?” she asked, tilting her head.
“It nearly killed him when Kim left him!” Tanner said, shaking his head again. “She broke the bond. Let another wolf claim her. And it tore him up, Mom. Tell me you don’t remember that.”
Her face cleared and she smiled. “Oh, honey. They were chosen mates, not destined! The fates wouldn’t give you someone who’d leave! Kim….” She paused, apparently thinking it through. “Well, there’s no way of putting this delicately.” She sent an apologetic look at his dad. “She was, in a word, a cunt.”
“Carol!” his dad shouted.
Tanner was too busy staring at her in pure shock. “Mom?”
“Well. We are bitches, aren’t we? Not much of an insult,” she said, delicately picking up a piece of steak and eating it.
Tanner couldn’t believe what he’d heard. He shook his head hard. “Am I in the Twilight Zone?”
She chuckled and looked up at him, amusement shining in her eyes. “No, not hardly. Honey…. Kim’s heart was never in the bond. Sure, it took—it would, because that’s how our physiology works. But she didn’t love him.”
Tanner frowned. “Of course she did.”
It was his dad who answered. “No, she didn’t. I even counseled Eric against mating her.”
“Really?” Tanner asked, blinking.
His dad nodded. “Yes. I knew she wouldn’t be any good for him. There was something wrong with that girl,” he said, shaking his head.
Tanner couldn’t seem to absorb what he was hearing. “Eric loved her. When she broke the bond… it just about killed him. He went wolf, never came back.”
“Well, yes, when the heart’s involved, it is devastating. But, dear, Finley would never do that to you. That boy loves you more than anything.”
“How do you know that?” Tanner asked, finally picking up another bite.
“I can tell just the way he looks at you,” she said, laughing.
“Your mother’s right,”
his dad added. “It’s about time you put this foolishness behind you. Finley isn’t that silly little girl. He’d stand with you, boy. Now, eat your steak.”
Tanner knew the subject was closed, at least at the dinner table. Alpha Noah didn’t outright order him to claim his mate, but he knew his father’s opinion, knew what his dad thought of his reasons.
He just wasn’t sure he could manage to convince his own brain they were right.
LATER THAT night, he sat on a high cliff, above the pack lands, looking out over the moonlit treetops. The breeze ruffled his fur, the scents of the mountain giving him the only real peace he could muster. He wondered what Finley was doing right then.
Then he wondered if he wanted to know.
Was he with his friend? Was the friend just that—a friend and nothing more? Or would this friend give Finley what Tanner had been so afraid to give him?
The image popped into his head then, of some faceless man with Finley—fucking him, biting him, claiming him. It tore a long, pain-filled howl from Tanner’s throat. He heard an answering howl in the distance and recognized the timbre as his father’s. He couldn’t exactly translate it, but he was sure his father meant it to be at least somewhat comforting.
Liberally laced with a dose of “get your ass together and fix it,” though not, of course, in that specific verbiage. Tanner lay down, resting his head on his paws, trying to figure it out.
Would he feel it if Finley broke their bond, since it was only partial? Would he know when it happened?
Were his mother and father right? Was he worrying for nothing?
The clarity he’d hoped for in wolf form evaded him. His wolf was as confused and unsure as he was. Even the baser instincts couldn’t seem to override his worry. His stomach grumbled, reminding him he hadn’t eaten much at his mother’s, but he couldn’t seem to care enough to hunt.
The full moon was coming. Even if he knew what he wanted to do, it’d have to wait a few days. He could already feel the pull, which would only get stronger over the next couple of days until the shift was forced on Sunday night.
If he could get through then, maybe he could figure it out. Maybe by then he’d know what was right. He wouldn’t count on it, but he knew he couldn’t drag this out much longer.
Something had to give. He just hoped it wasn’t his heart.
FINLEY PACED the living room of his grandparents’ house, trying not to be nervous. He was being silly. There was no real reason to be nervous. Jamie was a friend. They were going to go hang out, have a bite to eat, see a movie. Something with lots of explosions.
No big deal.
They’d texted a couple of times, to confirm time and such, but not much more. Mostly because Finley had told Jamie he was avoiding his phone as much as possible. He called his mom, let her know he was okay, then turned it off.
He was dodging his mate. Tanner had texted him, more than once, but hadn’t once tried to call. Finley couldn’t bring himself to completely ignore the messages, especially the one earlier today.
Really miss you. Hope you’re ok.
He couldn’t keep from replying, cursing himself for several kinds of a fool the whole time he typed out: Miss you too. Very much. Did a lot of running. Hope you’re ok too. He shouldn’t. He knew he was sending mixed signals, knew he had to be confusing his mate.
If Tanner was still his mate.
Miss you hardly translated into going to claim you.
Finley had done a bit of research on mating. Alpha Todd had a pretty decent library of wolf history and statistics. Much of their written stuff was incomplete, especially before 1965, when a pack in California opened a small publishing company. Since then, they’d been able to produce and print wolf texts. Unfortunately, that was only about fifty years of information, which, compared to at least a few millennia, wasn’t much.
Still, it told him what he was hoping to find. Mating young was the rule. Most wolves found their destined mates shortly after physically maturing—which, admittedly, was a little later than humans, but not by much. Most females matured around fifteen, males around sixteen or seventeen. Destined mates wouldn’t be able to recognize each other until they’d reached maturity. The conclusion the writers came to was that if they were old enough to recognize each other, they were old enough to mate. Thus, most couples were mated by the time they turned eighteen.
Finley could understand that age was being pushed back a little. The younger generations were going away to college and not always choosing mates until later. But there were still plenty who mated shortly after maturity.
Like he should have.
He couldn’t find anything written about destined mates, once found, waiting to claim. In fact, he found more than a few dire warnings of bad things happening to destined mates who waited too long or who separated instead of claiming. Not that he could find any stories of mates who did separate.
And the text that discussed mating didn’t exactly explain what those bad things were. Finley suspected, however, that it felt a lot like what he and Tanner were going through. The ache, the missing, their wolves being so discontent.
After all his research, Finley was just as convinced—if not more so—that it was the right time for him to be mated. Whether that was Tanner claiming him—which he still wanted more than anything—or allowing himself to bond with someone else, he didn’t know. His options were rather limited. There weren’t exactly a plethora of gay wolves.
In fact, the only other one he knew was Jamie, who was due any minute.
Finley turned and paced the other way, stopping in front of the mirror Grammy had by the door to check his reflection. He’d stuck with jeans and a basic green button-down shirt to match his eyes. If it ended up being “just as friends,” he wouldn’t look too dressed. If it ended up a date, he’d look good enough.
He didn’t have any more time to worry because Jamie knocked then. He took a deep breath and opened the door.
Finley forced himself to keep from comparing Jamie to Tanner. Jamie was hot. Long and lean, he had plenty of toned muscles that filled out the blue shirt he wore. The jeans hugged his legs in the right places. And his grin only made his cute face downright handsome.
“Hi,” he said belatedly. His cheeks colored when he realized Jamie was looking him over just as he’d just done, in reverse.
“Hi, yourself. You look good. You ready?”
Finley nodded. “Grammy, I’m going!” he called toward the kitchen.
“Have a good time!” she replied.
“We will!” Jamie called for them.
Finley chuckled, feeling himself relax a little. He followed Jamie to the car—an older, beat-up red Toyota—and was nicely surprised when the door was opened for him. “Thanks,” he murmured as he slid into the seat.
Jamie got in and started the car. “There aren’t a lot of decent places in La Grande, but there are a couple over toward the college.”
Finley shrugged. “I’m not too picky. Uh, about food, anyway.”
Jamie laughed and turned out of the driveway. “That’s good. They’ve got burgers and steaks. I figure red meat, you know.”
Finley grinned. “It’s not elk, but it’ll work.”
That got him another laugh and Finley relaxed even more.
Jamie found a spot right in front of Benchwarmer’s Pub. “Stay there,” he said as he turned off the engine, then came around and opened Finley’s door.
“Thanks,” he murmured, blushing.
Jamie grinned. “I’m happy to.”
They stepped inside, and Finley took a moment to look around. Thursday night in the summer was obviously a quiet time for the place. A long wooden bar took up most of the room, a row of tables filling in the space against the opposite brick wall. Televisions hung above either end of the bar, set to sports and muted. Finley stared at the stuffed bear just inside the door. “Glad it’s not a wolf,” he murmured, too quiet for the humans to hear.
Jamie snorted. “No doubt.”
&
nbsp; They picked a table about halfway back, the waitress greeting them almost immediately. She smiled brightly as she offered them menus. “Tonight’s special is the surf ’n’ turf. And obviously you’re not worried about what’s on tap.”
Finley grinned. “That obvious?”
“Aw, hon, I mean no insult. You’re still cute.” She winked at him.
He shot a look at Jamie, who was grinning as well. He gave her a dramatic sigh. “I suppose I’ll have to take tea, then.”
She patted his shoulder. “It happens before you want it to, trust me. What about you, cutie?” she asked Jamie.
He gave her a wink and what was obviously his most charming smile. “What about me?”
She shook her head, laughing. “How about the tea?”
He put a hand on his heart. “You’re killing me!”
She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “That better?”
Jamie sighed. “It’ll have to be.”
She laughed, patted his shoulder and left to get their drinks.
Finley was still grinning when Jamie turned back to him. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you don’t bat for my team.”
“Naw. I tend to prefer my dates a bit… hmm….” He tilted his head, studying Finley. “Well, I like them to have some muscles, a cute ass, their plumbing on the outside, and to grow fur at least once a month. And if they’ve got dark hair and green eyes on top of that, it’s pretty much a forgone conclusion.”
Finley found himself blushing. “Thanks,” he mumbled, burying his face in his menu. He had to admit, it felt good to be flirted with. He cleared his throat and looked up. “Have you eaten here?” he asked, not knowing what else to say.
“Oh yeah. The steak sandwich is great. You ought to try that.” He looked over his menu at Finley for a moment. “He doesn’t deserve you,” Jamie said softly. “If such a simple compliment is so unusual.”
Finley swallowed, setting his menu down. “He’s not a bad guy, Jamie.”
“Sorry, that wasn’t fair.” Jamie turned back to his menu.
Finley shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to think. Before my eighteenth birthday, I’d have sworn to you that he loved me and couldn’t wait for me. Now? Now I don’t know if he even really likes me all that much.”
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