Finley dropped his gaze to the blanket and fought to keep control of himself. The thing was, he thought Jamie was right. He could see himself loving his friend. He could see himself mated to Jamie. Chosen, not destined, but it could still be good. Except he wasn’t ready for that decision—not yet. He didn’t think he would be for a while either. “I can’t tell you what that does for me to hear, Jamie. But it’s good. Really good.”
Jamie smiled, reaching out and brushing his fingers over Finley’s cheek. “Well, keep me posted, eh?”
Finley barked out a laugh. “Yeah. I will. I think you’ll be one of the first to know.”
“Cool. So… you still up for a run?”
Finley nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.” He glanced up at the sky. “Maybe a midnight snack?”
Jamie laughed. “Let’s see what we can find.”
They stood, and Finley waited for Jamie to toss the blanket into the trunk. He pulled out some paper towels and cleaned himself off, then handed one to Finley, who did the same. Then he shut the trunk, stashed his keys under the seat, and shut the car door. A few seconds later, Finley was looking at his friend as a gorgeous blond wolf.
He squatted as Jamie came up to him and nosed him in the stomach. “Yeah, let’s play. You’re gorgeous as a wolf, by the way.” He scratched Jamie behind the ear, laughing when Jamie put his paws on Finley’s shoulders and gave him a big, long lick in the face. “Thanks.” He laughed again, then when Jamie got down, stepped back and let his own wolf out to play. A few seconds later, he gave Jamie his own version of a wolf grin, licked Jamie’s face once, nipped at his ear, then took off running.
AFTER SNACKING on hares and splashing in the stream, Finley managed to sneak up on Jamie and tackle him to the grass. Jamie rolled, working his way out from under Finley, and danced away. Finley chuffed at him and let his tongue loll out of his mouth in a wolf version of sticking his tongue out.
Jamie charged, surprising Finley with a burst of speed and catching him off guard enough to knock him over. He jumped up, nipping at Jamie’s leg, then biting at his neck. They played back and forth for a while, one getting the advantage, but only for a moment before the other managed to pin the first. Finley thrilled in feeling lighthearted for the first time in what felt like forever. He suspected his not-quite-solo orgasm had something to do with that. He couldn’t think too much about it, though, because Jamie kept him busy, keeping his mind occupied with the play fighting.
They discovered they were pretty evenly matched in weight and speed. Neither seemed able to gain a real advantage over the other. Here, they’d pin the other. There, they’d wiggle away. Then they’d run, first Jamie chasing Finley, covering long stretches of forest, branches scraping them as they flew. Then Finley turned sharply, catching Jamie by surprise. Jamie recovered quickly, though, and took off into the dark. Finley knew Jamie’s scent by this time and caught up pretty quickly, tackling his friend again.
Eventually they wore themselves out and started trotting back the way they came. They paused to drink from the stream again, then continued on their way.
What Finley guessed was still a few miles from the car, they came across a cutout in the rocks with an overhang that formed a basic shelter. Jamie turned to him and tilted his head, then tossed it toward the shelter. Finley got what his friend was asking and paused to think about it. He was tired and knew his grandparents weren’t really expecting him. He didn’t really want to think about what they figured he’d be doing overnight with Jamie, but he put the thought out of his mind. Instead, he considered what he could do, wanted to do, with Jamie, so he nodded.
It felt good to curl up with someone again. It wasn’t Tanner and that still caused a pang, but it was a friend, someone who cared about him. They settled in, curling around each other. Finley licked Jamie’s face a few times in a thank you. He thought again that, if he did decide not to go back to Tanner, he and Jamie could do well together.
He couldn’t hear Jamie’s thoughts, of course, since they weren’t bonded. But the licks he got in return felt like they had the same affection behind them. He nuzzled Finley, who returned it. Then they settled down, curled up tight, and in no time, Finley fell asleep.
Chapter Eight
THE FULL moon had been the roughest Tanner had ever been through. He was still missing Finley horribly, still not entirely sure what he was going to do about his mate. The longer they were apart, the worse he felt.
The first night he’d gone running with his parents. It wasn’t nearly the same as when he’d had Finley to run with. His dad didn’t really play, and halfway through the night, disappeared with his mom somewhere. Tanner very much did not want to think about what they might be doing in private. He didn’t care what form they were in.
It didn’t help that after his dad had taken off, he seemed to stumble across one couple after another. No one else seemed to care—and if Tanner wasn’t in such bad shape, he wouldn’t either—they just waved or chuffed at him and went back to their fucking. It was times like this that he found himself wishing his kind was at least a little more modest about sex.
Really, though, he just missed Finley. Even though they weren’t mating, he’d had someone to spend the time with. Sure, he usually went home the next day and jacked off until he was sore. But while they were out, he had someone to focus on, to curl up with, run, play, hunt with, rather than watching just about every other pack member get laid.
Monday morning found him sitting up, sniffing the air to discover he was mostly alone. He smelled others quite a distance away, but no one nearby. He knew it was time to shift, time to make a decision. He just wasn’t sure yet what it should be. What it could be? What could he do about Finley? What was the bigger mistake? He didn’t know, and the circular questioning was almost worse than the fears.
He shook hard, then nudged his wolf back. Reluctantly relinquishing control, his wolf retreated, and Tanner returned to two feet. He sighed, stood, and stretched, then started the short walk back to his car. Three other cars were still parked there, but none of them were his dad’s Jeep. Apparently his parents had already headed home.
He opened the driver’s door to his Subaru Outback and popped the hatch to collect his clothes. Even though it was June, the air had a bite to it that early in the morning. Jeans, T-shirt, boots, and sweatshirt on, he finally climbed into the car. He picked up his phone and turned it on, waiting for it to get a signal. He wasn’t really expecting any messages, but to his surprise, he had one waiting from Finley.
Will miss running with you tonight. Hope your full moon is good and you have someone to run with.
Tanner frowned at the message. Was that a hint that he’d had someone to run with? This “friend”? The constant ache Tanner had had in his chest since Finley left intensified.
He had to believe that if Finley had done anything with this friend, he’d have felt it. He held on to that with everything he had because the alternative made his wolf absolutely insane. He took a deep breath and tried to think of a good reply.
Not the same without you. Missed you. Want to hear your voice. Can I call?
He didn’t expect a reply. When he checked the clock and saw it was only barely six in Pennsylvania, he knew it was way too early in Oregon for Finley to even be in human form again. So, when he didn’t get one, he didn’t let it worry him. Too much. He connected the phone to his car’s Bluetooth anyway, just in case, and started it up.
He made the drive home on autopilot, his mind too lost to what to do. His fears were valid—he refused to think otherwise, despite what his parents had said. Well, they hadn’t said his fears weren’t, just that it was time he got past them and claimed Finley anyway.
If he could get Finley to talk to him, maybe he’d listen. Maybe if Finley understood, maybe if he could explain better, show just how much he loved Finley… maybe that would be enough.
Or maybe Finley would end up calming those fears. Maybe Finley would show him that there was nothing to worry about
between them. Or that they were the lesser of their worries. Because being without his mate was starting to take a toll on his sanity, he could feel it.
That was, of course, if Finley hadn’t already found a new mate.
He couldn’t let himself think that. That was a recipe for depression. He was already fighting his fears and ache. He didn’t need to borrow more trouble.
As soon as he got home, he took a long hot shower—well, as long as he could with the tiny water heater he had. Then he made some fresh coffee. By the time he’d finished those, he thought it might be a respectable enough time to call his mom.
“Hello, honey,” she greeted him.
“Hi, Mom. You guys have a good night?” he asked, delaying just a little.
“Of course.” She sounded amused.
“You know, I really don’t want to know that,” Tanner said, pinching the bridge of his nose.
His mom laughed. “Honey, you need to get used to this. How did you end up so… repressed?”
Tanner snorted. “I’m not. First, it’s you and Dad. I just… not my parents, please. Just no.”
She laughed again. “Okay, I’ll give you that.”
“And second, I’m not interested in female anatomy. But really, for the most part, the others don’t bother me. At least… when I’m not missing Fin.”
“Well, that I can understand. Have you decided what you’re going to do?”
Tanner blew out a breath and flopped down onto his couch. “I don’t know. I don’t… I do, actually. I’m hoping he’ll give me a chance to talk to him. I… I realize I do need to make sure he knows how I feel. I fucked that up pretty badly.”
He heard his dad’s voice in the background. “Language, boy!” Some days, he did not appreciate his kind’s preternatural hearing.
Tanner snorted and his mom laughed. “Really, Noah. He’s a grown man.”
His dad grumbled. “Not acting like it. If he was, he’d have claimed that boy already.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” He sighed. It killed him just how interested in his sex life his parents seemed to be.
“Well, you did mess that part up. But I think it’s time you let go of these fears, Tanner. If you don’t want to lose your destined mate, anyway.”
He frowned. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m going to call when he’s awake. Hope he’ll talk to me.”
“Let me know what he says, dear.”
“I will, Mom. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Bye now!”
Tanner tossed his phone on the couch and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. He was afraid he already had lost his destined mate. He was afraid he’d let things go for too long.
And if he had? He had no one to blame but himself.
He glanced at the clock but knew it was way too early in Oregon to try to call. With a sigh, he thought he’d try to get some work done.
THREE HOURS later, he’d done little more than minor tweaks on two of his website projects. He had answered a couple of e-mails, but that was it. He gave up for the moment and picked up his phone.
Still no messages. He frowned, swallowing, and tried not to let the lack of answer get to him. He had to believe Finley loved him, still wanted him. The texts he had received had only reinforced that. He took a deep breath and decided to try anyway.
Four rings in, a male voice Tanner didn’t recognize came through. “Hello?”
Tanner blinked. “I’m sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number.” That didn’t make any sense—he’d used speed dial—but weirder things have happened.
“Who are you looking for?”
“Finley Cooper. I’m sorry to bother you.”
“This is Finley’s phone,” the voice said before Tanner could pull it away to hang up.
Tanner blinked for a few seconds into space. “Wait, if this is Finley’s phone, where’s Finley?”
“He’s showering. Should be out any minute. He ended up in mud on the run last night, got it all over his fur.”
As soon as he said that, Tanner recognized the sound of water running in the background. The reference to Finley’s fur only barely registered. What took precedence in his head—and his wolf’s—was the fact that someone was near Finley while his mate was showering. “Who is this?”
“Who is this?” the voice countered.
“I asked first,” Tanner replied, knowing it sounded childish and not caring. He was too busy trying to keep control of both his voice and his wolf. He was only barely winning the fight.
“I think you know,” he said, quietly.
Tanner realized he was growling and forced himself to stop. He vaguely heard the water cut off in the background. He kept his voice quiet when he spoke. “This is Finley’s mate. Who the fuck are you?”
There was a long pause. “Finley doesn’t have a mate. Not anymore. Not yet. This is his boyfriend.”
Tanner felt like he’d been clawed in the chest. He didn’t recognize the sound that came out of him, a keening he’d never made before. His wolf clawed at him, threw itself at his consciousness, trying to take over. Tanner fought it, fought the pain in his chest, fought the despair. No. No, no, no, no, no. Finley wouldn’t have said those things, not if he’d already decided. No!
With effort, he managed to get control of himself and make the noise in his ears fade. As he did, he realized the man on the other end of the line was shouting.
“Shit! Asshole! Get back on the phone!”
Tanner fumbled with the phone. “What?”
“Finley just shifted and took off.”
“What?” Tanner asked. Something wasn’t making sense in his head. “What do you mean?”
“When you… whatever it was you did, that sound, when you did that, Finley looked like he’d been shot and shifted on the spot. He’s gone. I saw him run out to the woods.”
“Shit. Fuck. I need to talk to him. I refuse to accept he’s given up on me.” He was talking more to himself than anything, so he was surprised when he got a reply.
“He hasn’t, you jackass. And I’m not his boyfriend, though not because I don’t want him.”
Tanner was taken aback at the tone of voice. “You’re… not?”
“No. He’s still stuck on you.”
“Why did you say that, then?” Tanner asked, scowling, even though the guy couldn’t see it.
“To get a reaction out of you,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Tanner had to admit, it was.
“Who is this?” he finally asked.
“My name is Jamie, and I have to tell you, from what Fin’s told me, I don’t think you deserve him.”
Tanner swallowed. “I don’t, you’re right.”
Silence filled the line for a moment. “Aw, fuck. You had to go and say that, didn’t you?” He sounded exasperated now.
“Uh….”
He sighed. “You really don’t deserve him. Not one fucking bit. But, dammit, he wants you. That’s all he’s wanted. He doesn’t understand the waiting and, seriously, neither do I.”
Tanner’s laugh completely lacked mirth. “No shit. Get in line.” He sighed. “I… I need to talk to Fin about it.”
“You need to get your ass out here and claim him. You know, he thinks you don’t even like him? That you’re not really even attracted to him sexually?”
What all had Fin told this guy? “I… yeah, I am, and then some. My balls have been blue for two fucking years.”
“That’s your own damned fault,” Jamie said.
“Unfortunately, you’re right,” Tanner said.
“Well, he wants you, asshole. Can’t so much as kiss me without his wolf freaking the fuck out. Believe me, I’ve tried.”
Tanner gritted his teeth and forced himself to keep from throwing his phone against the wall. His wolf howled in his head. With effort he shut it up to focus on the conversation. “You kissed him?”
“Yes.” Jamie paused briefly as if deciding what to say. “The rest is for him to tell
you. But he couldn’t kiss me. His wolf is too fixed on his bond with you.”
Tanner’s wolf was ecstatic to hear that. Tanner was ecstatic to hear that. Not about the fact that Finley may have kissed someone, but that the bond was stronger than he’d thought.
“I don’t get it, man. If he’d been my mate, I’d have claimed him two years ago. Future alpha or no.”
“You know what happens when a future alpha claims his mate?” Tanner couldn’t hide his surprise. He’d have thought this guy was too young to have seen it.
“Duh. Everyone does. The alpha’s son from my old pack found his mate a while back.”
Tanner didn’t know what to do with that knowledge. He couldn’t deal with that right then.
“Do you love him?”
Tanner didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
“He doesn’t know that. He thinks you don’t. Love him or want him.” He paused, and Tanner got the impression this guy was pissed at him. He didn’t know quite what to say but before he could, Jamie did. “I gotta go see if I can find him. But let me tell you this. If you don’t come get him before the next full moon, I’m going to claim him myself.” With that, Jamie hung up.
FOUR INTERNET searches, six phone calls, two hours, and twelve hundred dollars later, Tanner had booked tickets for three separate flights for the next day. If they all managed to be reasonably on time, he’ll land in Pendleton, Oregon around four thirty in the afternoon. He’d reserved a car with Hertz and even printed driving directions from Google that showed him getting to La Grande, an hour and a half or so beyond that. With any luck, he’d be on solid ground again in La Grande looking for Finley in some thirty hours. Too long.
He rubbed his face and checked the time. It wasn’t even fully noon yet. He’d tried to get a flight for later that afternoon, but there hadn’t been any. His flight left at just after six in the morning, however. And he had plenty to do before he left, including a mess more phone calls.
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