“All I could think about tonight was the fact that I get to make love to you every day for the rest of my life,” he whispered as his tongue traced my throat.
“Every day?”
“I have no problem with that,” he said, hovering over me for a moment before his mouth landed on mine, his tongue diving in greedily. “And I plan to start right now.”
I didn’t say anything, but my body told him I was perfectly fine with that.
Twenty-Four
I was relaxed after the party. My parents had spent a couple of more days in the city before heading back to Iowa. Despite some of the tension with my mom, part of me was sad to see them go. Still, I couldn’t deny it was nice having our little bubble back. Drew was only in New York for the rest of the week, but I had easily fallen into our routine again and it was easy for me to delude myself into thinking he wasn’t going back to California.
We spent our evenings making dinner together after work and watching TV the way we used to before his relocation. We even went on a few walks together through Central Park and for that week, the world seemed right again. Inevitably though, Sunday came and Drew was flying out first thing Monday morning.
We’d stayed in the apartment most of the day, except for a morning jog. We’d taken a memorable shower together, but after that, we’d remained in our sanctuary, binge watching on Netflix while I lay in his arms. He insisted on making dinner for me though and from the smells emanating from the kitchen, I could tell it was going to be delicious.
“Dinner’s ready,” he called out to me and I walked in to join him, eyeing the meal he had spread out on the table.
“Chicken parmesan? I wasn’t expecting something so fancy.”
“I’m always trying to surprise you, Natalie,” he grinned at me and I walked over, kissing him before sitting down. He joined me a moment later, placing a salad and garlic bread down alongside the main dish. He poured us each a glass of wine then and sat down.
“This is delicious, Drew,” I told him after the first bite.
“Glad you like it,” he said and it grew quiet for a little while as we ate. We’d grown accustomed to this heavy feeling that settled between us before we had to separate. “Have you looked at any more colleges?” he finally asked.
“I’ve been browsing.”
“Application deadlines must be coming up. You should probably make a choice if you want to start in the fall. You can always request an extension, but if you’re really serious about this....”
“You don’t think I’m serious?” I interrupted.
“You say you are, but you haven’t applied yet. If you want this, you’ve got to get this done.”
I glanced up from my plate and met his eyes in a harsh stare.
“Are you upset about something, Natalie?”
“No,” I answered.
“You’re lying. I can tell something’s bothering you,” he insisted.
I’d been excited about applying to graduate school, but the more I looked and the more I thought about it, I was torn. Drew was splitting his time between both coasts and that made it difficult for me to make any real decisions about anything.
“I guess I’m having a hard time figuring out what to do in the future when I don’t know about our future.”
He put his fork down and leaned in towards me, his eyebrows furrowing angrily.
“Where is this coming from? We’re engaged. I asked you to marry me. What’s there to be confused about our future?”
“I’m talking about living 3,000 miles away from each other. It’s hard to make decisions when I don’t know what coast my husband will be on.”
“Why are you just now bringing this up? We’ve had all week to discuss it and yet you decide our last night together is the time to do it?”
“Because I didn’t want to fight.”
He was quiet, taking a long drink of wine and setting it down forcefully.
“Well, it looks like you’re not getting your wish.”
It grew quiet for a few seconds as I thought about what to say.
“You’ve been so supportive with me applying, but it’s hard to make plans for my life when it’s contingent on yours,” I said and he seemed to freeze, an icy stare meeting my eyes from across the table before it softened and he sighed, leaning back in his chair.
“I told you I would make it work on my end whatever you decided and I’m a man of my word. Whether it’s in New York or L.A., we’ll do what we have to do if this is what you really want.”
“And what if I want to go somewhere else?”
“Somewhere else? Where else is there?”
“I don’t know. I’m just saying I only have two choices according to you.”
“According to me? You sound as if I try and control you. We had a perfect week, Natalie. Where is this coming from?”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I said, shaking my head.
“Then what do you mean?” he asked, our eyes meeting again, the tension palpable between us.
“I don’t know,” I said, honestly a few seconds later and our eyes remained locked until he picked up his fork, staring down at his plate as he stabbed at his food. “I want you here. I don’t want to come home to this apartment being empty again tomorrow.” I waited for him to speak, but he continued to eat in silence. “Drew…say something.”
“What do you want me to say, Natalie?”
“I don’t know. Something,” I pressed and he sighed again, bringing his eyes to mine.
“Do you think I like this anymore than you? Do you think I want to get on that plane tomorrow and leave you here? Hell no. That’s the last thing I want to do. I’ve asked you to come with me, to be by my side, but you won’t and so we must learn to deal with the predicament we’ve found ourselves in until you find a way to pay for all of this, unless, of course, you’re content going back to that lovely one bedroom palace on the Upper Eastside that you used to live in.”
His sarcasm was sharp and I could feel my mouth open as I thought of something to say in rebuttal, but my vocal chords didn’t seem to work. I could feel the warmth in my eyes though.
“It’s always going to come down to this,” I finally said, my voice barely above a whisper. “I never felt it until just now, but it’s always there, even when I tell myself it’s not. It’ll always come down to your money and the fact that you have it and I do not.”
“No, Natalie,” he said, his face softer now.
“I’m tired, Drew. Thank you for cooking,” I said, standing up, hoping he didn’t hear the defeat in my voice as I took my half-eaten dinner to the sink and dumped it into the garbage disposal.
He was beside me a moment later, his hand on my back.
“Natalie,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound insensitive.”
“You’ve never made me feel my station in life wasn’t equal to yours until this moment,” I said softly, walking away from him.
“Natalie, baby,” he pleaded, coming towards me, reaching for me, but I backed away. For the first time since I’d met Andrew Saben, I just wanted him to leave me alone.
“Please don’t,” I said, not waiting for him to say another word before escaping to our room.
I brushed my teeth and washed my face, trying to put his hurtful words aside. I could feel my chest tightening, wanting to cry to release the hurt and as I stared at myself in the mirror, I lost my battle of trying to hold it back when a tear slid down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly and climbed into bed. It was only seven o’clock, but I didn’t care. I curled up under the covers, grabbed my Kindle and read to escape until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer and I drifted off into a restless sleep.
~~~
I knew when he walked in. I’d been waking up off and on and the sound of the turning doorknob roused me awake fully. I didn’t move though. I stayed on my side, staring at the blackness of the walls. I heard him walking towards the bed and when I felt the indentation of the mattress, I knew
he was beside me. He brushed the hair from my neck and I could feel his presence heavily behind me, his warm breath tickling my skin.
“Natalie,” he whispered. “Are you awake?” I didn’t answer at first, but then he asked me again and I responded with a quiet yes. “You don’t have to say anything, but please listen to me.” His lips rested on my neck, kissing it gently before he started talking. “I love you, Natalie…in a way I never knew I could love someone and I’m sorry for hurting you tonight. I wake up every day thinking about how I can show you that and when I saw your face tonight… how I hurt you with my words…I never want to see that look again.” His lips were on my neck again, this time lingering longer as goose bumps found their way under his kiss. “But I can’t bear to think of our last night together like this, to know I’ve hurt you. It was my frustration talking, nothing more. The frustration of leaving you again tomorrow. I didn’t mean to demean you in any way and there is no excusing my words.”
His lips were on my neck once more and they remained there as I felt him breathing. I lay in silence for a few moments before I finally turned to him, a look of worry covering his face in the shadows of the room.
“Every night I’m not with you, I dream of you,” he whispered, his fingertips brushing my cheek. “And of lying with you and coming home to you every night. I want to be in New York. I want to be here and I assure you, I will be back as soon as I can.”
I could see the apology all over his face. I knew he was sorry and I knew my silence was killing him.
“How do you see me, Drew? Honestly?” I asked and I could tell he was looking for clarification. “Am I your equal or am I a doll you have to take care of?”
His face immediately transformed to worry and he sat up, gazing down at me fiercely.
He took my hand, pulling it up to his lips and kissing the back of it.
“It gives me great pleasure to do things for you and see you happy. I enjoy taking care of you, but the truth is, when I think I’m taking care of you, it is you who’s actually taking care of me. Before you, I lived my life for me, but you’ve shown me living my life for someone else is so much greater. So, when you ask me that question, the answer is that I see you as neither. You are not my doll and you are not my equal. You’re my superior, Natalie, because everything about you is better than me. Bank accounts have nothing to do with anything. I am a better person because of you and it crushes me that you wouldn’t know that by now. I love you to the point it scares me sometimes,” he said, kissing my hand again, this time holding it against his lips for a few seconds. “I can’t go back to L.A. tomorrow without your forgiveness.”
I felt the tears stinging my eyes as his words resonated through me. I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to spend one more moment of our limited time doing anything but lying in his arms.
“I forgive you,” I whispered and a smile graced his face before disappearing again as he hesitated. I knew he wanted to kiss me, but he was waiting for my permission. My lips were aching to feel his and when I inched slowly forward, they met and I could feel the tension from earlier eroding. “I’m sorry for getting so upset. I’m frustrated by this whole situation,” I said between kisses and he pulled back.
“Don’t apologize. I want to know when you’re not happy. I want you to tell me how you feel so I can make it better.”
Our eyes met and I knew the discussion was over. We didn’t need to talk about this anymore. He’d said something in frustration and I’d taken it to heart, but I didn’t want to waste any more time on it.
“I miss you so much when you’re gone,” I whispered.
“I miss you too, baby. More than you know.”
“Please come home as soon as you can,” I pleaded quietly and he nodded slightly.
“You know I will, but right now, I want to focus on you and making sure you don’t forget me when I’m gone.”
“I could never forget you,” I said, grinning up at him.
“And I’ll make sure of it.”
“Oh yeah? How’re you gonna do that?” I asked coyly and a wry grin spread on his face as he came towards me, crawling slowly onto my body, his lips finding my neck as his hands inched up my shirt.
“Like this,” he said, his voice fading as his mouth covered mine and his hands continued to move over my body. I closed my eyes and got lost in his touch and sure enough, just like he’d warned me, by the time he was done with me, he was the only thing consuming my thoughts.
“You won’t forget me now, now will you?” he panted in my ear as I clung to him when it was over.
“Never.”
Twenty-Five
Drew had been back in L.A. for almost two weeks. I stayed busy with work and graduate school applications. Despite our tiff, Drew’s words had lit a fire under me and I barely made the deadline. I’d only applied to three colleges: NYU, UCLA and Iowa State, just for fun. I figured one university in each state was a good bet. I may not get into any, but if I did get into one, it might help me decide where Drew and I would end up. And if all of them rejected me, then I’d have to rethink my whole plan. Either way, I had to decide soon.
I was tired after a long day. I’d edited five stories plus I’d sat in on a meeting with some of the producers. I didn’t play a part in the meeting at all, except to make sure the coffee was fresh. Still, it was interesting to listen in on their conversations as I learned more about the way the industry worked. After the meeting, Ava and I sat in with Mitch as he edited a segment he and Kara had done about a string of robberies in Chinatown so when it was time to go home, I was beat. All I could think about was curling up on the couch for a night of TV and junk food binging. My sweet tooth had been exceptionally strong lately, which was good because the sugar helped keep me awake since I’d been more tired than usually lately. It seemed no matter how much sleep I got, I was always groggy with no energy to speak of, so a night of doing nothing sounded ideal.
I was already half way through an episode of my latest obsession, a British import called Poldark that I couldn’t get enough of, when the intercom buzzed. I sat on the couch, staring at it, wondering who it could be. I rarely got pop-ins, especially since Drew had been away.
“Can I help you?” I asked once I’d made my way to the door.
“It’s Christina. Can I come up?”
I felt my jaw drop to the floor. That was the last name I expected to hear.
“Yes,” I said after a few seconds of noticeable silence.
I waited anxiously for her and I was nervous when I heard the knock. I opened the door and was greeted by Christina and her fake smile, looking as sheik as ever in a pair of tight jeans and a high-end green blouse that nearly matched her eyes.
“Aren’t you going to let me in?” she laughed, brushing by me and not waiting for an answer.
She stood in the middle of the living room, looking around the apartment.
“I forgot to tell you what an excellent job you did redecorating this place. All that gray and black was starting to make me feel like I was trapped in an old I Love Lucy episode,” she laughed again and I forced myself to crack a smile. This woman was seriously unstable with her different personalities. “You’ve certainly dug your hooks deep into my brother.” She chuckled again, but I wasn’t stupid enough not to catch the bitter tone in her voice she was trying unsuccessfully to hide.
“What are you doing here, Christina?” I asked and she cocked her head, smiling that way she did that intimidated me so much.
“I’m in town visiting a friend and since I was in the city, I thought I’d stop by and see how you are since my brother’s away and all. I hope it’s all right. I mean…I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” she asked looking around. “You don’t have a secret fuck buddy hidden away, do you?” My mouth was trying desperately to form some words, but I was so shocked, nothing would come out. “Lighten up, Natalie,” she laughed again. “I was only messing with you. Any woman sleeping with my brother wouldn’t be stupid enough to hook u
p with anyone else.” Her eyes were giving me a subtle warning look. “I mean…we already know you don’t mind fooling around. That’s how you and Andrew hooked up in the first place.”
“Christina…” I began, but she cut me off.
“We all have to own our pasts, Natalie. We can’t hide from it no matter how badly we wish we could, so I wish you wouldn’t get so testy when someone simply brings up the truth.” Her voice was still as sweet as sugar, but it was all a façade and my heart pounded, waiting to see what she’d come out with next. “Do your parents know about how you and my brother met?” she asked and then started shaking her head. “Poor Ethan. So devoted and so in love with you and you just crushed him, screwing my brother in the bathroom while your poor Ethan was left all alone, wondering where in the world his precious Natalie had disappeared to. He didn’t stand a chance though. I mean, who would choose that hovel you shared over this?” She gestured to the grandeur of the apartment.
“I think it’s best that you go now,” I said through gritted teeth, desperately hiding how much she was affecting me.
“I just got here though.” She tossed her purse on the coffee table and went straight for the wine refrigerator. “Would you like a glass?” she asked as she poured herself one. “Drew always has the best stuff.” She took a delicate sip and then swirled it around her glass for a moment before taking another drink.
“I don’t drink on weeknights.”
“Oh, that’s right,” she said with feigned enthusiasm. “You have that job now. Proof reader or something, right?”
“I’m a non-linear editor.”
“Whatever the hell that is,” she said, taking a drink. “At least you’re making an attempt not to be a complete gold-digger, trying to convince everyone that you’re not after my brother for his money. It seems like a pretty good ploy, but you’ve got a pretty good gig going on here regardless of your paycheck.”
She was openly glaring at me now and I wished I could find my voice instead of standing there paralyzed from shock.
The Heart of Tomorrow (Book Two) (The Tomorrow Series 2) Page 18