“Has Kevin told you how he feels, about Cory, I mean,” Richard asked.
“No, he hasn’t said a word. But I can see it though, the way he lightens when Cory comes over, or when Cory calls or when Cory’s name is even mentioned. I hope he does eventually, but I won’t push him. Kevin’s pretty self-confident already, but he hasn’t said anything to me yet. I think he’s holding back because of his dad. He’s probably wondering how he’ll react. But one day he’ll tell me.” She paused for a moment. “Has Cory said anything to you?”
“I have to be a little truthful here. I appreciate your candor, and will return the trust you’ve shown me by bringing this up.”
Richard paused as Ellen gave him a questioning look.
“Cory’s not mine. Well, I mean he is, but I’m his foster parent. Cory’s father kicked him out of his home a few months ago.”
“Whatever for? Cory seems like such a good boy. I can’t imagine him doing anything that would warrant that.”
Richard knew he had to answer her, but how do you say that there are reasons why some people do the unimaginable?
“Cory’s gay.”
Ellen said nothing for a few moments, but rather looked straight at Richard.
“Yeah, I figured that. I’m not shocked, by the way. And so is Kevin, he just hasn’t told me yet. So, you knew about Cory all along?”
“From the day I met him. I picked him up as he was trying to hitchhike to Florida one night. He was so miserable, and I couldn’t leave him there. It was the night his father beat him and threw him out. I don’t understand parents who think that their children are something that can be thrown away.”
Richard paused for a moment collecting his thoughts.
“In a way, Cory has helped me more than I’ve helped him, more than he will ever know.”
Ellen didn’t say anything, so Richard continued.
“I took a chance with Cory. I took a chance with my own life too. I saw something in Cory that night that scared me a lot. It scared me because I didn’t know what to do then. I saw a little boy who could become a man destined for greatness. I can’t really explain it, but in a way, what I saw was a ‘will’ to be himself – a form of purity, innocence, you know, the innocence of a child? But that ‘will’, that individual force that some people have, that determination registered on me. I remembered a little of myself too, what I was like a few years ago. I decided that night to forget my fears and to grasp at my former self. I was going to make his life different from the hell he was in, to allow that greatness to emerge.”
Richard let those words sink in for a moment. Then he pressed on.
“I think Cory has a great capacity to love. I’ve seen a lot of people who don’t. That’s how Cory has changed me. After my wife died, I sort of lost it. I couldn’t care or love. I’d lost it all. I was pretty indifferent to just about everything around me. Well, Cory brought all that back to me. Did he save my life? Was it that powerful? Was it that earth shattering?
“Yeah it was. I owe my integrity and happiness to him.” Ellen said nothing then, but looked into Richard’s eyes. After a few moments, she tilted her head.
“I see you in Cory. I see your influence on Cory. Kevin sees it too.”
After another moment, Ellen asked, “So, they’re boyfriends now, huh? If it had to be anyone, I’m so glad it’s Cory.”
“Well, actually, I don’t think so yet. Cory and I do discuss his sexuality rather openly. He’s not afraid of it. But he’s very worried about how the rest of the world is going to react. One of the things he’s worried to death about is losing Kevin. Yes, he’s so totally in love with your son that he’ll just do about anything to not lose him, to protect him. He’s afraid that if he comes out to Kevin, he will in fact lose him.”
“Stupid kids! I believe Kevin’s the same way. This is almost too ridiculous. They’re going to lose each other unless they find a way to start trusting each other a little more and tell each other the truth about how they feel.”
After the dinner dishes were cleaned up Richard gave Kevin and Matt rides back to their homes. Cory had returned to his room to try and finish his homework. Twenty minutes into his studies, a knock came from his door.
“It’s open.”
Richard popped his head in.
“How’s it going?”
“Good. I’m finally getting these Geometry problems. Kevin helped me yesterday during our study hall. He has a knack of making everything so clear to me.”
Richard walked over to Cory’s bed and sat down facing him.
“I’m glad you brought that up, about Kevin, I mean,” Richard opening the conversation.
“What’s this about, Richard?” Cory asked while turning his head from his homework.
“Kevin.”
Cory then turned completely around to face Richard, and asked, “What about Kevin?”
“Well, have you told him yet?”
“Richard, we’ve been over this before. You know I can’t.”
Richard understood Cory’s resolve, but he had to think of a way to get Cory to face his fear of losing Kevin. He thought for a moment, and all of a sudden, it came to him. It was so simple.
“Hmmm, He’s pretty good at math, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, so?”
“You had a lot of faith in him, and trust, to ask him to help you with your Geometry, right?”
“Well, yeah, he’s good in that.”
“Think Kevin would have purposely given you the wrong way to do those problems?”
“Hell no! I trust him.”
Richard paused for a moment and then continued.
“Let’s see. Kevin joined the swim team with you, didn’t he?”
“Yeah, so?”
“And you two are on the same relay team, right?”
“I don’t get where this is going, Richard.”
“Okay then. What do you feel when you pass the next lap over to Kevin?”
“Well, I feel that he’s going to do his best at his part of the relay, just like I try to do my best at my part.” “
You know that he’ll to do his best, right?”
“Yeah, of course, I know him.”
“You trust him to do that, right, to do his best?”
“Of course I trust him. I trust him a lot. Where is this going?”
“Take a look at what we’ve been talking about. Listen to your own words.”
Cory looked straight into Richard’s eyes, shaking his head. This was going nowhere fast. He had no clue about....
Suddenly Cory’s eyes bulged.
“Oh shit!”
“Get it now?”
“It’s about trust, isn’t it?” Cory slowly asked.
“I think you get the point. Now, let me ask you again. Have you told Kevin how you feel?”
“God, I feel like such an ass right now. I should have known how he’d react.”
“Don’t be scared Cory. You know that Kevin will be cool with you no matter what.”
“Do you know something I don’t know?”
“No. I just feel that this will turn out all right. That’s all.”
“You know something, Richard? I really do hate you.”
Richard looked at Cory in shock, “Why?”
“It’s because you’re so God damned right all the time.”
“Don’t swear!”
The next day after school had let out, Cory walked over to meet Kevin at the bike rack. Today was the day that was going to change his life forever. Cory knew that today was the day that he was going to tell Kevin. He was going to trust him. The cards may not fall the way he wanted them to, but he had to do this. Cory was scared to death.
Kevin bound down the front steps of the school, almost skipping across the sidewalk as he saw Cory waiting.
“Hey, what’s up, dude?” Kevin shouted.
“Just waiting for your skinny ass, that’s all.”
“It’s not skinny, shithead. It’s getting plumper by the week. Se
e!” as he turned around and bent over.
“Come on plump ass. Let’s get to my house. I have something to ask you, or tell you.”
“What’s up?” Kevin asked.
“Wait till we get home, okay?”
Kevin’s face showed his fear rising.
“Ah, what’s going on Cory?”
“Just wait till we’re home, okay?”
As they walked home, Cory knew that this already wasn’t going well.
As Cory threw his bag on the floor, Kevin stepped into Cory’s room rather cautiously.
“Are you going to tell me now?” he asked.
“Have a seat, Kevin, this isn’t easy.”
Kevin sat on Cory’s bed wondering what the hell he’d done now.
Cory began pacing slowly around the room, his eyes unable to find Kevin. As he stopped by the window, he paused a moment and stood silent.
“Man, you gotta tell me what this is all about, Cory,” Kevin let out. “You’re scaring me.”
“I can’t, man. I mean I don’t want to, but I need to.”
“Do you trust me Cory? We’re best friends, man. Whatever it is, I won’t feel any different about you.”
There it was. Kevin had just said it, that word, ‘trust.’ Cory’s mind screamed inside of his head. He lost it and immediately and burst into tears.
Kevin jumped from the bed and wrapped his arms around Cory, holding him. Cory stood there with his arms at his sides, and placed his head on Kevin’s shoulder, his uncontrolled sobs not abating.
“What is it Cory? Please tell me.”
Cory’s tears slowly stopped, and he remained silent for a full minute, all the while remaining in Kevin’s arms. Without looking into Kevin’s eyes, Cory silently spoke.
“I’m in love with you Kevin.”
“I love you too man. I’ve told you that before.”
Cory then turned his head to look directly into Kevin’s eyes.
“No Kevin. You don’t get it. I’m ‘in’ love with you. Don’t you understand? I’m gay and I’ve been in love with you from the time we first met.”
Cory pushed Kevin back, but Kevin grabbed Cory’s hand and wouldn’t let it go. They looked into each other’s eyes without speaking for another long minute. Cory finally had to break the eye dance and look away.
“Kevin. You can hate me, you can even despise me, but I have to be truthful with you, and if that’s what happens, it happens, okay? But no matter what, I will always love you.”
Kevin reached down and took Cory’s other hand.
“Look at me Cory, please,” he said softly.
Cory looked up.
“You really trusted me, didn’t you, to say what you just said?”
“I do Kevin. I couldn’t keep this from you any longer.”
“I mean you put your life in my hands didn’t you?”
“I’ll do that again and again, but I believe that we could never be even friends if I...if I didn’t let you know who I really am, and how I really feel. I had to believe that you’d do the right thing, no matter what that was.”
Cory’s tears were obvious to Kevin again.
Kevin released Cory’s hands and slowly put his hands on Cory’s hips and pulled him closer.
“You are so beautiful. Do you know that?” Kevin softly said, looking directly into Cory’s eyes.
“Huh?”
“I just told you. You are so beautiful.”
“But....”
“No buts, Cory. Don’t you see what’s happening? I’m telling you that I’m ‘in’ love with you too. Cory, we’ve been unofficial boyfriends for so long, too long. But we’ve been so scared to death to admit it, to tell each other. I think our friends think we’re a joke. I was just so afraid that you might not think of me the same way if I told you. Oh God, I love you so much and I just can’t lose you.
“And I don’t love you like a straight guy either,” Kevin finished.
“You? You’re...?”
“Yeah, I’m as gay as the sun is bright. So now, finally after all this time, we’ve both said it.”
Cory looked up at Kevin, quizzically.
“Kevin? That day we had lunch with Matt, you know that second day just after I started school....” Cory started to ask.
“What about that day? I could see us heading for a friendship even way back then.”
“Well, you said something that, well, it changed how I was thinking about you.”
“Huh? What’d I say?”
“Remember pointing out those two gay kids, the ones goggleeying each other?”
“Yeah. What about them?”
“Well, you called them fags and said that it was disgusting. All I could think of then was that you were straight and that you’d never like me if you ever found out that I was gay.”
Kevin had to think back for a moment, trying to remember the conversation. Then it hit him.
“Uh, Cory, I also said that they weren’t for each other. That’s what I really meant.”
“Huh?”
“Look, Cory, I know those two guys. One’s a really nice guy, but the other one’s a real jerk. What I meant was that they couldn’t get beyond their goggle-eyes to see what the other guy was really like. That’s the disgusting part. They hadn’t become friends, nor probably ever would. That’s a real shallow relationship.”
“I guess I took it wrong. I jumped at something that wasn’t true, and it, well, it kept me away from you. I knew I was falling in love with you, but I didn’t want to lose our friendship. I was always thinking that you’d leave me if you’d found out.”
Kevin was quiet for a moment.
“Cory, I need to say something to you too. Just listen, please.
“I felt something happening to me when you walked into your first class and sat next to me. That was one of the happiest days of my life, but I didn’t know exactly why. When I saw you in our gym class that day, I was thinking about you. I looked up, and there you were. When I saw Jeremy almost knock you over, I jumped to try to help you, but I stopped, because I saw that you had walked away from Jeremy. You were safe then. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but all I wanted to do was to protect you, to hold you. It was crazy. I’d only met you an hour before, but then at that moment in the gym locker room, it all came to me. At that moment, I knew. I knew it right then. Do you know what an epiphany is, Cory?”
“Somewhat.”
“It’s when everything comes together in your mind. Everything fits and you finally see something that’s there, that’s real. Right there, in that locker room, I had an epiphany. You came together in my mind. You came together to fit into my life. I’m a stupid kid and I’ve never had these kinds of feelings before. But I knew that this was so different and so exciting that it had to be real. From that moment on Cory, I was so totally yours.”
“But Kevin, you had a girlfriend. You said so at dinner last week.”
“I dated, yes, but so did everyone else. I was doing what I felt was normal, what everyone expected me to do. It wasn’t until we broke up that I really started to look at what I was doing, how I was lying to myself. That’s when I changed. I really wanted to be me. In a way, my ex really helped me.”
“I’m glad she did.” Cory whispered.
They continued looking into each other’s eyes.
Time had ceased being.
Cory leaned into Kevin slightly.
“Remember the day before my birthday party when we were just leaving school?” Cory softly asked.
Kevin leaned into Cory.
“Yeah, just before we walked to your house, you got a little embarrassed, didn’t you?” Kevin whispered.
“Yeah, you said you were going to come out.”
Closer.
“I meant it, too. I really was going to tell you at my 16th birthday party.”
“You really meant it, didn’t you? I was so scared then.”
Closer.
“Yeah, I wanted so much to tell you then. And then
later on that night in the pool, when I kissed you, I wanted to touch you, to feel your lips on mine, but I chickened out.”
Closer.
Their eyes were unable to move away from each other, clouding over with total longing. Cory and Kevin each slightly tilted their heads to their left.
“I wanted so much to do this that night,” Cory barely audible.
Closer.
Their lips a fraction of an inch apart, their first real kiss imminent.
“I wish we had done this a long time ago,” Kevin just barely breathed out.
As their lips softly joined, Cory felt the softness against his and his mind exploded. Never in his life had he tasted something so wonderful. This was Kevin. Cory wanted this taste so much. He was joining with Kevin, pulling in Kevin’s body, pulling in Kevin’s soul, to be one being with his own being. He was now complete. He was now one with Kevin. They were together one entity, one being.
As Cory pulled Kevin in closer and tighter, he could feel Kevin’s erection under his clothes trying to join with his own.
“AAAUUUGGGHHHH”
Cory jumped back instantly. He knew what he had just done.
“Oh God, I’m sorry Kevin. I’m so sorry. I forgot about your rib.”
“It’s okay, Cory. We just need to take this slow, okay?”
“Hey boys! Dinner’s ready.”
“Hmmm, let’s continue this latter, okay?” Cory laughed.
“Definitely.”
“Coming!” Cory yelled to the door. Kevin and Cory looked at each other and then cracked up. They knew the significance of the word.
“Ah, Kevin? If it’s alright with you, I’d like to tell Richard.”
“Does he know that you’re gay?”
“Oh yeah. He’s known all along. As a matter of fact, he’s been after me to tell you how I’ve been feeling.”
“Really? He’s cool with you then?”
“More than just cool, but he doesn’t know that we’ve finally talked.”
“Okay. Let’s do it, but can we do it together?”
“That’s the way it should be. I mean, we are together, right?”
“Forever, just like your bracelet says.”
Cory and Kevin bounded down the stairs screeching across the kitchen floor in their stocking feet, almost colliding with Richard.
“Hold it boys. What’s gotten into you? Where’s the fire?” Richard asked while pulling up his arms in defense.
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