One of the guys started dancing really close to me and it made me feel a little uneasy. He didn't know I was a wolf shifter and could have snapped his neck in two with one snap of my jaws. I remembered giggling just thinking it. Of course, I was only sixteen. My wolf hadn't emerged yet, but the signs were there that she would soon. Most shifters didn't change till sometime between eighteen and twenty-one. My mom always said I'd be an early shifter. I was very excited about it and couldn't wait for my wolf to show.
By intermission I'd had five beers and the room was spinning. I was upset with Jordan for not joining me, but I was having the time of my life. Six college guys and all their focus was on me. They told me they had a club box upstairs and invited me to join them. Hell, yes. I was ready to party!
The small room was so cool. My dad was our Pack Alpha, so I was used to luxuries other shifters weren't, but this was just awesome. It was entirely soundproof. There was a private balcony of seats you could sit on for the concert, and if you opened the door you could hear the loud squeals and cheers as the band took the stage again. I opened the door and closed it three times, reveling in the noise to total quiet. The guys were fun and joined in with my excitement. One flicked on a button that suddenly had the concert mic'd into the room. We danced and sang along. It was the best night of my life—and then it wasn't.
I don't remember any of their names. Only in my nightmares can I even remember the vaguest details of them. I was so drunk, and then the room started spinning out of control as we danced and my body went limp. Someone caught me before my head hit the floor. I couldn't move. It was like I was paralyzed.
“How much of that shit did you give her?” I remember one of them asking.
“Enough,” someone else responded, laughing.
“I want her first.”
I could move my eyes frantically, but for some reason I couldn't make a sound, and no matter how hard I fought with my own body, it wouldn't respond. I could hear them and see them, though. Stuck in that awful state of awareness I watched and listened as they each in turn beat and raped me to within an inch of my life, as they cheered each other on. A heightened state of awareness allowed me to feel every second of it, too. At some point I had blissfully blacked out, only to awaken two days later stuffed in a bag in a dumpster behind the coliseum.
A homeless man had found me and I was rushed to the hospital. I was too embarrassed to tell them my name. Annie Winthrop was my legally assigned, state-appointed guardian while they sorted it all out. I wouldn't talk to her or anyone. They listed me as Jane Doe and I kept the name Jane as the years went by. I was broken beyond repair and somehow, I knew that my wolf had died that day, too.
I was assigned to a girls’ home, but continued to meet with Annie three times a week after they released me from the hospital. From the medical reports they had a pretty clear picture of what happened to me, but I never once told anyone, not even her.
The girls’ home was hard. The others could be downright cruel, but by then I was so withdrawn and depressed that I just didn't care. There was no life left in me. They had destroyed me. Twice I was put on suicide watch, and for good reason.
Six weeks after being released from the hospital I had withdrawn to the point I wouldn't eat, and when they forced me, I'd just throw it up. Annie had fought for me. She begged me to live. She begged me to talk about it. I didn't want to do either. Then it was confirmed. I was pregnant.
Sixteen. Pregnant by a vicious gang rape. I couldn't go home. There was no way I could ever face my family again. The thought of a lifetime of grounding wasn't what scared me. I would be an embarrassment, a failure, the joke of the entire pack, and I could never do that to my parents, or my brother and sisters. My scandalous behavior would not destroy them as it had me.
Annie and her husband Jacob took me in after the pregnancy was confirmed. They were granted permanent guardianship of me and the baby until I turned eighteen. I didn't want a baby. I didn't want a constant reminder of what had happened to me. I would never even know who the actual father was. It was too much for one small girl to handle.
Annie sat me down one day and told me, “Jane, stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. I know whatever happened to you was horrific, but that child you are carrying cannot be blamed for it. You have to eat to be strong for him. You have to sleep so he'll rest, too. You have to get up and start living again, for him. God doesn't make mistakes with babies, but we humans can. You are going to be a mother for a reason, child, now get up and start acting like it.”
I hadn't spoken in days. My throat burned when I finally asked, “How do you know it's a boy?”
She had smiled back at me like she had all the secrets of the world. “I don't, but there's a fifty-fifty chance I'm right.”
Six months later, making an appearance a little early at a whopping four pounds ten ounces, Oscar Jacob Winthrop was born. I had come back to life, for him. I had survived, for him. Seeing his little body stuck in the NICU those first few days had suddenly been the worst and hardest moments of my life as I watched my tiny newborn fight to survive. Not the rape. Not giving up everyone and everything I had ever known. Not a teenage pregnancy. Not even losing my wolf. That helpless feeling of watching my child struggle, knowing there was nothing I could do, that was the hardest thing I have ever been through.
I turned eighteen shortly after Oscar's first birthday and I prepared myself to leave the Winthrops and set off on my own course in life, but they had other plans in store for us. They had opened their home, their lives, and their hearts to me and Oscar, and we would forever be grateful. They were our family.
Six years later, I still struggled with anxiety. Annie, who specialized in child psychology, attributed it to post-traumatic stress syndrome. She never pushed me to talk about what happened, but has been instrumental in helping me with coping mechanisms. For the most part now, I'm fine, but changes in life, even little ones like a trip to the big city, are difficult struggles I push through for Oscar's sake.
He's a great kid. Super smart, serious, but very laid back, calm. He soothes me in a way I can't fully articulate. I honestly do not believe I'd still be alive today if it weren't for him.
Waking up groggy, I knew I shouldn't have fallen asleep in the car. I mean, I was grateful for the sedatives Annie gave me, but when I did finally wake after the usual flood of memories that haunted me, Oscar wasn't there. I still relied on smells more than a normal human. It's sort of a wolf thing and even though my wolf had never surfaced and I no longer felt the connection to her that had been starting to form before the rape, there were certain attributes, like smell, that I had never been able to fully stop.
One sniff of the air around me and I knew we were far from home, but not yet in the city. There were too many unfamiliar smells, and I knew before my eyes opened that Oscar was nowhere around. That set my anxiety on high alert and I started to go into a panic.
I jumped from the car and searching around frantically, I was surrounded by a much too familiar scent. Wolves. Where were we? I quickly checked around the area and I knew we must be in or near Westin Pack territory. I had grown up attending summer camp every year with Lily Westin and her siblings. We had been practically inseparable. I knew it was a long shot, but someone could recognize me. I had changed so much, but it wasn't a risk I was willing to take either. By now I knew my family would have celebrated my death, made their peace, and moved on. I wouldn't give them false hope that I was still alive, because the Madelyn Collier they knew wasn't. Jane Winthrop wasn't that same girl.
I spotted Annie sitting on a bench outside a restaurant we had stopped at. I didn't have to say a word; it was like she knew I was freaking out before I even reached her and she immediately began soothing me with confident, safe words. Sometimes Annie just seemed to have a way of knowing things she couldn't possibly know.
“Jane, honey, you're safe. I promise. We're not going to let anything happen to you.”
“Annie, you don't understan
d. I can't explain it, but we cannot stop here. Please, just get them and let's go.”
“It's not good for you to be so agitated. You were making such good progress.”
Goosebumps stood up across my entire body and I quickly scanned the area, settling on a man. He was tall, muscular. I could tell even with the impressive suit he wore. He had sandy-brown hair and when I met his golden eyes I felt more exposed than ever. A ripple of calm started to flow through me from my head down to my toes. It resulted in a full-on panic setting in.
When a group exiting the restaurant broke my view, I turned and grabbed Annie and dragged her into the building. They were just calling Jacob's name for a table and he smiled as we approached, then instantly frowned.
“What's wrong?”
“We have to go. NOW. I can't explain it, just please. Where's Oscar?”
I could feel my heart beating fast in my chest and I was struggling to breathe evenly.
“Okay, okay,” Annie said, rubbing my back in a soothing manner. “Jacob, get Oscar and meet us in the car. Jane, just breathe, sweetie. In and out. In and out.” She kept talking calmly all the way to the car.
When Oscar saw me he just smiled sadly, climbed into the backseat next to me as Jacob started the car and pulled out, and wrapped his small arms around me. “It's okay, Mommy. Their chocolate milk wasn't even that good.”
Liam
Chapter 3
Scanning the area, I couldn't find my mysterious woman. Maddie. Madelyn Collier had disappeared when we were teens. She and Lily had been close childhood friends, and while I had my own friends, I always hung out with my twin, too, especially when Maddie was around. Her father was Alpha of the Collier Pack in Wyoming. I had visited her family on numerous occasions. Their land was magnificent, even better than Westin with its wide-open fields to run in. They weren't the largest pack in numbers, but their massive property was quite impressive.
I remember the day we found out about Maddie's disappearance. I spent much of that week comforting Lily, distraught over the news of her friend. All anyone knew was that Maddie and a friend from the pack had snuck out to attend a concert in a city several hours away. She had been grounded and told not to go, but when Madelyn Collier set her mind to something, there was no changing it.
Her friend's account said that they arrived and were having a good time when they met some boys who offered them beer. Jordan, the friend, said Maddie accepted, but she did not. When Jordan went to use the restroom during the intermission of the concert, Maddie refused to go with her and when she returned, Madelyn was gone. Vanished. No sign of the boys either, but there wasn't a good enough description of any of them to track them down.
Madelyn had never been seen again. It was largely assumed that something awful happened and she was dead. The family even held a memorial for her to help the pack, but I knew her father was still looking for her, holding on to the hope that she would one day return home.
I hadn't thought of Madelyn Collier in years. Something about the frightened woman had triggered her memory. I had heard the woman with her clearly call her Jane, not Maddie, but I couldn't stop the feeling of unease that arose in me. Something was clearly wrong, and it hadn't entirely gone unnoticed that my wolf had recognized her too. She had to be a shifter for that to happen.
Mate. The word kept playing over and over in my head. Impossible. Still, it freaked me out enough that I started walking the parking lot looking for her. I saw the boy I'd shared a drink with at the bar get into a car. He smiled sadly at me and gave a little wave. I watched as the car pulled away and only as it passed did I realize the woman I was looking for was sitting in the backseat with him.
I rushed into the restaurant and gave the hostess a description of the man that the boy had pointed out as Papi, who was waiting for a table. She looked it up for me, even while telling me she wasn't supposed to. Jacob Winthrop. The hostess was a chatty one and started telling me how odd it was, that the girl had come in freaking out and just as their table of four was called, they all left.
Jacob Winthrop.
It wasn't much, but it was something. My wolf was restless and my skin was itching as it did when I needed to shift. No way was that happening here. I took a deep breath to calm myself. It backfired. All I could smell was her lingering scent above all else. It was so strong, I dared believe I could actually track her. Leaving the restaurant, I sat in my car and took out my phone. Pulling up a web browser, I typed in the name Jacob Winthrop.
The first site on the list was for a genetics conference in San Francisco, where guest speaker Dr. Jacob Winthrop would be speaking on some new gene found in humans. Blah blah blah, I didn't really care about the details. The picture on the website confirmed he was the man I was looking for. Nothing was going to stop me from going after her and getting to the bottom of who she was.
My phone rang in my hand. I glanced down and saw my twin's face on the screen. Sighing, I answered. “Hey, Lil.”
“You still down in town?”
“Yeah, just about to head out, why?”
“Can you stop at the party store and pick up another bag of balloons?”
Balloons? Oh crap, Zander's birthday party! In the time since I'd first laid eyes on the woman, I had completely forgotten about my nephew's party.
“Um, yeah, sure.”
“What's wrong?” Lily knew me better than anyone. I wouldn't be able to hide this from her, but I wasn't ready to share it either. She had this sixth sense when it came to me. I sometimes pretended I could feel and understand things about her too, but only because it made her happy to know I felt the connection. It was all a bunch of bunk, that twin bond and stuff, but she believed so much that I just played along.
“Nothing's wrong, Lil. I have one more stop anyway and then will head back. I'll get your balloons.”
“Something's wrong. I can feel it.”
It did sort of creep me out at times like this when she actually got it right. Something was definitely very, very wrong.
“You're being ridiculous. I'll be home in about two hours. Plenty of time for the party.”
“Okay, see you then. You're sure nothing's wrong?”
“Positive. Bye.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too,” I said, rolling my eyes.
Before I put my phone away, I scrolled through emails, quickly finding the one I had read just last night inviting me to a fundraiser in San Francisco Friday evening. Double-checking to confirm the convention Jacob Winthrop was speaking at would last through the weekend, I quickly RSVP'd my acceptance and sent Christine a text to book me a room. I was leaving in the morning. I knew I wouldn't find any peace until I got to the bottom of the Maddie look-alike called Jane.
Stopping by the supercenter store, I picked up the balloons first. I knew Lily would never let me hear the end of it if I forgot them. Next, I wandered through the children's clothing section on my way to toys and sporting goods at the back of the store. I found I cute little suit complete with bow tie that I knew would drive Kyle nuts. Even as the former CEO of Westin Foundation, my brother hated dressing up. I didn't mind. I knew I looked good in a suit and tie, but I doubted Kyle had put one on since his last official day at the Westin Foundation. Our little man was going to look sharp.
I also grabbed a pair of baby Chucks to go with it. While I didn't mind the suits, I despised the normal footwear. Zander was going to be the coolest kid around in this outfit. I threw in a couple pairs of PJs he probably didn't need and headed for the good stuff.
Walking through the toy aisle, it was one electronic thing after another. I already knew Kelsey really didn't like him having those. A small part of me was tempted to get one just because of that, but I suspected Chase had it covered already. Stuffed animals were too girly for me. I looked at the small bikes, but he seemed too young even for those. That's when I remembered—basketball.
My thoughts immediately went back to the kid and the mysterious woman I could only imagine wa
s his mom. The Maddie look-alike that my wolf was so worked up over. She couldn't be Maddie. Maddie wasn't old enough to have a kid that age, but the resemblance was uncanny. I was already obsessed. It wasn't like me to behave in such a way.
Girls were a dime a dozen, and I knew I could have my pick, and I didn't want to settle down, anyway. My wolf had never responded to a female the way it did this Jane chick, though. I didn't want to believe it was the girl herself, just the mystery behind her resemblance to an old friend who had disappeared without a trace. Still, I knew I had to see her again.
Oscar had been right, they actually did make a basketball hoop for toddlers. It said eighteen months and up on the box. Close enough for me. Plus, I was likely to have the biggest present of the day. I knew it shouldn't be a competition, but of course I wanted mine to be the best present of all. It came with a small soft basketball, but for good measure, I got a small real basketball, too. I liked to play. Why not teach him? Oscar had lit up like a Christmas tree talking about basketball. Maybe it was an omen.
I grabbed several rolls of wrapping paper along with scissors and tape and headed out, suddenly thankful I'd taken the truck, because otherwise that beast was not making it home. I was going straight there and didn't want the others to see what I'd gotten. Boy, were they going to be surprised.
It became a bit of a comedy act as I made a poor attempt to wrap the thing in the back of the truck in the middle of the parking lot. Two giggling girls took pity on me and came over to assist.
“Awe, it's so cute. Is this for your son?”
I knew she was fishing, but I answered honestly anyway. She was cute enough. Maybe she'd take my mind off Jane for a while. “No, ma'am, it's for my nephew. He turns one today.”
Forever Mine (Westin Pack Book 3) Page 2