by C Renee
I walk up to the door, with my suitcase in tow, leaving my heart back in LA. Here without a car, no job and no soul.
I hate life already.
I knock on the front door and Matt answers it, he blows out a whistle and says, “Look what the cat dragged in.” He looks me up and down before motioning me to come inside.
I’m walking right back into hell. How can I go back to the way things were when I’m starting to feel something for Alex, and if I let something slip, I know Matt will go after him without a second thought. I have to pretend like my life depends on it, and well, it does.
“It’s good to have you back Lou, here let me take your bags. The boys are out back.” He reaches for my bags but he doesn’t take notice of the slight flinch I give. This is going to be hard.
“Ah, sure” I mumble and I walk down the hallway, bringing back some good but mostly bad memories. The memory that comes flooding back is of the night Matt came home drenched in blood and he sank to the floor crying.
After a year and a half I was with Matt, and it was amazing. He was the love of my life, he was everything to me. I knew that was the man I wanted to marry and who would father my children. I began making dinner in the kitchen, like always. I knew Matt would be home later that night. He called and said he was held back at the club because the President of the Bloody Eagles wanted to speak to him, and since it was his dad, he had to do it.
I knew a little about the club and the business that went down. You could say I wasn’t pleased to finally find out the truth and to fall in love with someone who handled the illegal side of things but I couldn’t leave him.
A few hours later, I went to bed, I hoped Matt would come home soon. I missed him.
I started to drift off to sleep when I heard a loud bang. I jumped up out of bed, I hoped it was Matt and that he couldn’t find the hallway light, but when I turned the corner of the bedroom doorway, I saw him.
He had sunken to the wood floors. I could only make out in, the dark, that his body was shaking. I walked over to him and got on my knees.
“Matt, hey, are you okay?” I heard little sobs and I reached down to pull him towards me when I felt it, the sticky stuff on his jacket, on my hands, and the smell of metal, death and blood.
What the… I got up and fumbled with the light switch on the wall. Once I adjusted my eyes, I looked down at Matt and he was covered in blood. Oh god, what happened? I was back on my knees and started shaking him.
“Matt. Matt. Matt, are you okay? Matt talk to me god damn it!” I shook him and I started to cry. This couldn’t be happening.
“I’m… fine, I’m … okay,” he croaked and cried harder.
“What happened Matt, and whose blood is this?” I asked in a soft voice, not to scare him.
“Dad.”
Oh no, it was his dad’s blood. Thoughts started to run wild and I was afraid to ask if he’s okay or what happened. I just pulled him to me and rocked back and forth. “Shh, it’s okay baby.” I continued to rock back and forth until his sobs subsided.
“Oh, Lou, it was horrible.” I started to pull him up, he needed a shower and a strong drink if he was planning on telling me what happened.
I led him towards our bedroom and to go straight to the shower. I turned on the water and started to strip him. He hung his head so I couldn’t see his face but he didn’t object to me taking his clothes off.
I made a pile of his bloodied clothes in the corner and once he was naked, I stripped too. This was not about sex; this was about taking care of my broken man.
I tested the water and once I was happy, I pulled Matt into the shower. I got the soap and lathered my hands. I started with his chest; I rubbed my soapy hands along his shoulders and down his pecks. I moved south and rubbed along his abs, and around to his hips, continuing south. I noticed that Matt is getting hard but I don’t try to encourage anything. I got down on my knees and washed his legs and the tops of his feet.
I got back up, turned him around, and repeated the process. I made sure his body was all clean. I got his woodsy smelling shampoo and washed his dark locks, massaged his head and neck before rinsing it all out. By then he finally looked up at me and my breath left my body in a rush. The look in his eyes was of pure pain and lust.
I didn’t know how I could comfort him if he wouldn’t talk to me, but I waited.
“Lou, can we please leave the shower? I want to go to bed and forget about tonight.”
“Sure, let me turn this off and I’ll grab some towels.” I left the shower and got two white fluffy towels. I wrapped one around Matt and I did the same to myself.
Once I felt he was capable of drying himself, I lead us to our bed.
We got into bed and pulled the covers over us. I moved closer and rested my head on his chest. I felt it rise and fall with every breath he took.
“Matt, please tell me what happened tonight, I hate seeing you like this.” I whispered to him in the darkness of our bedroom, maybe he had fallen asleep.
“Lou, it was awful.” His body began to shake again with his silent tears.
“I… was bombarded at the club by everyone, mainly the vice president, and he told me that if I didn’t kill my own father, they would come and kill you. They would make me watch while they did horrible things. I couldn’t let that happen, so I had to do it, but the worst part was that I couldn’t do it fast and painless. No, they wanted him to suffer. So I did just that.” He sobbed. I was speechless. I can’t believe my man had to do that.
Chapter Twelve
Louise
I FIND THE REST of the boys in the backyard drinking beer and they all look up at me when I open the sliding door. Their shocked expressions tell me that they were not expecting me home, or to even be alive.
“Well, well. Look who came back from the dead,” Rover said while looking back and forth between Matt and me.
“You look well for a dead girl walking,” Sanders said while walking past me to head back inside. Hasn’t he changed since I left? The baby of the group was now one of them.
What have I gotten myself into by coming back here? I have to keep remembering that I’m protecting Steph and Alex.
Matt walks up behind me, places his arm around my shoulder and says to the boys “It’s good to have you back Lou; we all have missed you terribly. Rover, Sand, cut the shit will you and cancel my visitor for tonight, I won’t need her.”
Seriously, I’ve been gone a few months and he has call girls? Typical.
Matt turns his attention to me and really looks at me. He hasn’t done that in so long. I start to get goose bumps on my arms, and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. I’m getting nervous, not knowing which way his mood will turn to. I have not missed this.
“Come on Lou, we need to get re-aquatinted.” He grabs my hand and leads towards his bedroom. I walk in and look around. It hasn’t changed much, but it doesn’t feel like home. He’s changed the bed covers, added a few feminine touches, a change of curtains and a chair in the corner near the bathroom door. I don’t think he did that for me, so it has to be someone new, and now he’s given her up for me.
Aw how sweet.
He makes me gag.
“Go take a shower and come back out into the kitchen. We have so much to discuss.” He leans over and kisses me on the side of the head. I tried so hard not to move away or tense up, but he noticed it.
I watch Matt’s back as he leaves the room. I exhale a breath I didn’t know I was holding and sag against the wall. I hope this is still a good idea, coming back here, but I know I have to face my demons and this particular demon is Matt.
I head towards the bathroom, grab a pair of jeans and a tee from the bag I’ve packed with fresh underwear. I chuckle under my breath when I pull the granny panties, it’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone.
I get undressed, turn on the shower and turn towards the mirror and I just stand there, looking at myself. I wish things were different but they aren’t.
The water is finally hot so I climb in and I scrub every inch of my body. Washing away the traces of the life I’ve left behind, of Steph and Alex, even though I didn’t have him in the first place. He still felt like home whenever I was near him. Those soft green eyes, the sexy smirk he always wore, and the broadness of his shoulders that spoke volumes of being protected. Now I have to do the protecting if I wanted them to live.
I scrub a hand over my face and feel hot tears on my cheeks. I didn’t need Matt to see how he’s already gotten to me. He feeds off the weak. To survive this time around, I need to be smart and play him at his own game.
I walk out to the kitchen and see that the boys have left. Matt is sitting at the kitchen table nursing a shot glass, probably scotch or whiskey, I’m not sure anymore.
I start getting nervous as I make my way towards the other end of the table to where Matt is sitting and bring the chair out to sit down. My palms are sweating and I have unwanted butterflies in my stomach. This could turn for the worst.
“Well, Louise. I didn’t expect you to come home at all. As far as I knew you were dead from that car accident, and then when I had men follow Jax and found out he came to you, let’s say I was a little surprised. I didn’t bother going to the hospitals or watching that pretty blonde friend of yours, so you can thank Jax for slipping up. So, now you’re home. I wonder what kind of punishment I can hand out, since you were a very bad girl.” He looks me over and I suspect he knows exactly what kind of punishment he is going to give me and I know it’s not going to be good, but I hold my ground and show him no weakness.
I raise my chin to strengthen my next words. “Go on then, punish me for running away from the big bad wolf, for surviving and living a life I’ve always wanted.” I spat the last words. I have no fear anymore.
“Well, well… haven’t you gotten brave and mouthy since the last time we spoke. Maybe I should show you how I like your mouth, when I shove my dick past those plump lips of yours, pushing deeper than you can take. How does that sound, for your first punishment of course?” He raises his eyebrow waiting for my response. He will not make me a submissive again. He can shove his dick up his own ass for all I care.
“Now that I have your attention, what will be my second choice of punishment for staying away for so long and not coming home when you should have? Maybe a spanking over this table, counting all those wrongs you have been doing since you left. I want the truth, to know whether you have fucked other men, drank without my permission, dressed like a skank, or masturbated without consent. Oh Lou, the list continues. My hand is twitching to get your ass so red it welts.” He stands up, undoes his belt, pulls it through the hoops and gives it a big crack in the air, waiting for the belting to begin. Oh god, this isn’t what I had in mind but I can’t back out now.
“Now Lou, come over here. Drop those sinful jeans and show me your pale ass. I want to give it some color.” I rise from the chair and slowly make my way to Matt and my doomed fate.
“Turn around, drop those pants and leave your undies on,” he demands. I haven’t seen this side of him before.
I drop my jeans and lean over the wood surface of the table. I’m so glad I wore my ‘Not yours’ granny undies, I think it’s very fitting for this moment. I lean all the way forward so my breasts rest on the table and my ass sticking up in the air. I hear a hiss from Matt and a chuckle when he sees what’s written on my undies. Ha!
I suck in a breath when the cold air hits between my legs, feeling the material of my undies scrape down my legs and gather around my ankles.
“Now, since I enjoy seeing your ass, your undies have been uncalled for and now that adds another hit to your pale ass. I will give you 15 hits and you will count them out loud. If I don’t hear you count, there will be another one added and so on. I hope you do as you’re told for once Lou.”
I wait for the first hit and when I hear the crack in the air I scream. I feel the stinging from where the belt hit my flesh. I cower and lean out of his reach, tears are blinding my sight and I can’t catch my breath. Before I know what’s happening, there’s another hit across my ass. Matt pulls my hair and growls in my ear. “I told you to count whore. Now you’ve added another hit to your list.”
I inhale a deep breath, trying to calm myself, but it’s not working. My heart is breaking, my inner strength wants to claw its way out of my chest and make a run for it, but I can’t. I shut my eyes so tight that I’m seeing white spots and begin to count.
“One… Two…” I cringe when I know there are fourteen more hits to come.
“That’s better, now let’s continue before I get you to sink to your knees and suck my hard cock.”
Another whack across my ass has me whimpering, and ready to pass out. “Three…” I start to see black now, I can feel my body becoming numb and I feel like I’m floating and my body is becoming weightless.
“Lou, wake up.” I feel a slap across my face, I blink back the dried up tears and peer up at an angry looking Matt. What happened? Did I pass out from too much pain? Oh god I hope not.
“We only made it to three before you passed out. You still owe me thirteen more hits, but lucky for you, I have already handed my blue balls to Marleen over there.” He points to the couch to where a red head sits, completely naked. She doesn’t even look this way when Matt talks about her and points. Did he really call her to punish me?
I’m kicking myself because Matt doesn’t want me back. I thought maybe deep down he would still love me, but in fact, he actually doesn’t. This just keeps getting better.
“Lou, I think we need to continue before I really lose my temper and something terrible happens to Marleen over there.” He tilts his chin in her direction and she’s just sitting there playing on her phone. It seems that her fate is in my hands and if I don’t take these hits, it’ll be the end of her. Damn it, more pressure on my shoulders. I need to suck up the remainder of my strength and push through this.
“Okay, just get it over with,” I say towards Matt, hoping he makes the next hits fast.
“Don’t forget to count or you know what happens when you don’t, we will be here all night and poor Marleen won’t get the pleasure I’ve promised.”
“Sixteen,” I croak out, finally we have reached the finish line and I feel hot droplets slide down my ass and legs, and hear the drip, drip on the tiled floor. The smell of blood in the air is churning my stomach and I’m on the verge of vomiting. I can only imagine what my ass looks like. I turn around to see Matt standing in front of the red head with satisfaction in his eyes, smirk on his face, and his arms crossed over his chest, his shirt slightly raised and exposing his abs, and his pants are down around his ankles.
I look down further and see the red head going crazy on his cock. Yep, I’m going to throw up.
I get up off the floor and grab my clothes and head straight towards the master bedroom. Once I make it, I slam the door shut and just make it to the toilet to throw up anything remaining in my stomach.
I’m dry retching now and I think I’ve finally finished throwing up. I rest my forehead on the toilet seat and think about today’s events.
My head hurts from drifting back and forth into sleep and resting my head on the toilet seat. I decide to get up, flush the toilet and check out the welts on my ass. I can feel the dried blood pull at my skin when I stand. I turn around and I gasp. Holy fuck! My ass has about twenty red lines coming from all different directions, the deeper the cuts the more blood is seeping through the cracks. I’m too scared to jump into the shower and wash away the blood. I’m too scared to sit down and hurt myself more. Will I even be able to wear undies or pants?
I decided to be brave and have another shower, it can’t be that bad.
I set the shower to lukewarm and get the lotion ready on the counter to rub on my ass.
Oh yeah, it can’t be that bad, it’s fucking killing me. I can’t have any more hits on the ass. I hope Matt doesn’t have anything else planned. The first couple of warm dro
ps hit my ass and I fight back a scream, it comes out as a hiss instead.
When I look down at the floor and notice that there’s no more blood mixed with the water, I turn off the taps and wrap the towel around my body.
I dry the water off and apply the lotion on my ass. I walk into the bedroom, locate my bag, and grab my PJ’s out. Thank god the pants are a loose fit and won’t affect my wounds that much. I didn’t even bother to put undies or a bra on. I will demand that Matt let me stay in one of the spare rooms so he can use his for his… uses. I don’t want to interrupt him.
I gather my things, and march across the room to the hallway. I walk past other rooms, I find one that is on the other side of the house and set my things down. Yeah, this seems much better than being suffocated in the same room as him.
Chapter Thirteen
Alex
I’M READY TO PULL my hair out. I’m going that mad. I can’t seem to think straight. I need to see Louise again, I need for her to understand why I went with that woman from the bar; why I choose other women over her; why I can’t seem to think clearly when I’m around her.
Friday afternoon, I arrive at the ambulance bay department half an hour before my shift starts, and see Reece gearing up one of the ambulances, knowing we are going to have a hectic night.
“Hey man, its good seeing you. How is everything going with that special woman of yours?” Reece waves me over to help him lift the new monitors in the back.
“Yeah, alright, can’t seem to get her out of my mind. I thought fucking another woman would help me, but I can’t seem to stop.”
“Jeez man, seems like you’ve got it bad. Maybe you should take her to bed and fuck her out of your system? Maybe that is your solution?” He gives me this knowing look, a look I’ve seen too many times over the years.