by B. M. Hardin
“Why not? She’s a good fit for you.”
“She ain’t you,” he mumbled.
He had been mumbling and saying a lot of things under his breath lately.
“What did you say Polo?”
“Nothing. I said that ain’t nothing new. You always think you’ve found a good fit for me,” he said.
That isn’t what he’d said.
Or was I hearing things?
He didn’t bother to give me eye contact and only a second later, the front door opened and in came Eddie and the kids.
Our sons were six and three and they meant the world to me. I loved them so much and I was willing to do anything to make sure that they were always happy.
They both headed in my direction and showered me with hugs and kisses.
Eddie followed behind them and leaned down to kiss me.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Polo glance in our direction but he quickly turned his attention back towards the TV.
Eddie headed towards him next.
Polo stood up.
“Hey bro,” Eddie said and they did their little handshake and brotherly hug as usual.
They headed off to their man cave, and I was left to tend to the kids.
I know that I’d heard him correctly.
What did he mean that she wasn’t me?
Of course she wasn’t me.
I was sure that’s what he’d said, but then again, maybe I was wrong.
I shook my head but the thoughts didn’t go away.
Something was going on with Polo and I was going to make it my business to find out what it was.
“Has Polo been acting weird to you lately?” I asked my husband as we prepared for bed later on that night.
“Not really. His drinking is getting worse though.”
“What do you think is behind it?”
“I don’t know. Why? Has he said anything to you about it?”
I didn’t know if I should mention the comment from earlier because now I was unsure if he’d even said it.
“No. I’d mentioned hooking him up again but---,” I started to say, but Eddie cut me off.
“He doesn’t like when you do that. He always says that he can find his own woman. Granted he usually ends up sleeping with them, but he complains that you were way off and that he was just doing something to pass time. Just leave him to his own match making okay? I think he needs to find one special lady and be done with it too, but he will when he’s ready,” Eddie signaled that the conversation was over and got in the bed beside of me.
He kissed me and I kissed him back.
I was hoping that he didn’t want to fool around, but of course he did.
But for the first time, in a long time, I didn’t get upset when he came just as fast as he always did.
I was actually glad that it was done and over with.
A few minutes after, Eddie was snoring, and I was left to lay there and dwell on my thoughts.
And for some reason or another, they were all about Polo.
.~***~
“Come on,” I tugged at Eddie’s shirt, leading him into the Women’s bathroom.
Seeing that the coast was clear, we headed to the handicapped stall and I locked the door behind us.
“No Sassi, not here.”
I kissed his neck.
We hadn’t done anything spontaneous in years and I was trying to pull a few tricks out of the bag in hopes of making our sex life better.
I was trying to get that spark back.
I was trying to rekindle some flames.
Basically, I was trying to save my marriage.
“Stop Sassi. Someone just came in here,” Eddie whispered.
“Shhh,” I said to him and kissed him anyway.
He giggled and squirmed like a virgin and then he grabbed me by my wrists.
“No. Come on. Let’s get out of here before someone sees us,” he said, peeked out of the stall and seeing that the other woman was already using the bathroom, he scurried out of the stall like a little mouse and headed out the door.
Instead of following him, I stood there for a while.
Ugh!
Ole’ punk ass!
I’m trying to help out or relationship, but he couldn’t see that even if I wore a big ass sign with red letters that said “I’m Horny and Unhappy.”
I’d been feeling really unhappy lately and though I’d done so well with hiding it and overlooking it before, it wasn’t so easy all of a sudden.
But he just didn’t get it.
Nevertheless, I took a deep breath, and headed out behind him.
Of course his boring ass was standing there waiting for me.
He looked at me and I didn’t even try to hide my disappointment.
As we made our way back to the table, the waiter was standing there with our food.
We both smiled at her and sat down and started to eat.
“Do I make you happy Sassi?”
I looked at my husband.
Hell to the no, is what I wanted to say but I didn’t.
With him actually asking the question, though I felt like I wasn’t, I actually took the time to think it through.
It wasn’t that he didn’t make me happy, I was just unhappy with the way that our relationship had been lately.
The Hawaii trip had been the best time that we’d had together in a long time.
We just needed to get back to how we used to be.
Even back then I had small doubts and questions, but Eddie made it so that the issues that I saw didn’t matter.
He made me forget the bad and simply enjoy the good.
I didn’t need the whole flame; just a little spark would do.
If anything, I was unhappy that he didn’t see it or feel it too.
But this might be the perfect opportunity to voice a few concerns, again.
But if I was going to do it, I had to do it just right.
So I lied.
“Of course. Why did you ask me that?”
“No reason. I just get the feeling that I’m not doing something right. I’m trying to be the best husband and father that I can be. I really am,” Eddie said and took a bite of his food.
“And I really appreciate everything that you do I really do.”
“I’m glad. Because I’m nothing without you. You know that right?
I nodded.
See, how in the hell was I supposed to complain about sex and the lack of excitement in our relationship now?
He was always so genuine, and so sweet, that it killed me to say anything that might hurt his feelings.
But he was just so damn boring!
And he needed to hear it.
We didn’t really seem to have much in common these days, if we ever really did before.
If it wasn’t about bills, sex, kids, or work, we didn’t really have much to say to each other.
We told each other that we loved each other often, and he did crack a few jokes here and there, but that wasn’t enough.
It just wasn’t enough.
I needed more good sex and more good times with my husband.
If he could give me those two things, we would be fine.
I guess I should tackle the sex topic first.
“Oh you’re so good to us. Thank you for being such a good husband and father. But I have to ask you this. Do you think that we are lacking some romance and fire? Does it feel like something is missing? Especially when it comes to chemistry and sex?”
I figured this was the best way to ease him into the conversation and my confessions.
“No. I think everything is fine. Don’t you?”
Uh, hell no!
That was the purpose of me bringing it up, duh!
“Really?”
He couldn’t be serious.
If he thought that, he wouldn’t have tried a different approach with sex.
Eddie was far from a stupid man.
He sat his fork down.
No more sa
ying it the nice way and being indirect, it was time to just put it all out there.
“Are you saying that I don’t satisfy you Sassi?”
Here goes nothing.
“We’ve kind of had this conversation before. And with the way that you tried a different approach in Hawaii, I assumed that you noticed it too. I’m not saying that you don’t satisfy me, I’m just saying that you don’t bother to try to. Or maybe you want to but you can’t. I’m not sure. I don’t know just sometimes you finish really quickly; well, most of the time. And most times, I don’t get anything out of it. So, I guess maybe I am what you would call not satisfied.”
I took a deep breath.
There it is, in a nut shell.
I mean, he simply couldn’t get mad at the truth.
“Okay.”
I could tell that my comment either hurt his feelings or pissed him off but he just started eating again.
“No, let’s talk about it.”
“What is there to talk about? My wife doesn’t like having sex with me.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“Don’t be like this Eddie.”
“Like what? I completely understand. My dick ain’t good enough for you.”
“I didn’t say that. What I said was that you always get yours and I rarely get mine.”
“Like I said, my dick ain’t good enough.”
“If that’s how you want to take it Eddie, then fine. But that’s not what I said. Yes, it has been better, and I’m just trying to find a solution.”
“Or find a way out?”
And with that he got up, and walked away from the table.
We were at a restaurant so I asked for the check and a few minutes later, I headed out to find Eddie.
He had some what got offended the previous times that I’d tried to say it but never had he acted out like this.
I walked to the car and he was already in it with the engine running, waiting for me.
“Eddie,” I said fastening my seat belt.
“You think I don’t already know that my sex has changed. I do. Just hearing you say I don’t please you makes it all realistic. I don’t know what the problem is as I told you before.”
Maybe he couldn’t help it and I sort of felt bad that it was an issue, but was I supposed to do?
Deal with it forever?
“Sorry for the way I reacted. But no husband wants to hear that he doesn’t sexually please his wife,” Eddie said.
“It just goes by so fast. That’s all that I was saying. Maybe it’s stress from work.”
“Maybe. But I’ll fix it.”
And with that, he started to drive.
For the most part I was just glad to have really gotten it off of my chest.
Maybe we could find ways to help him, together, and at least get our sex life back where it used to be.
Good sex would make everything else that I was feeling seem small and irrelevant.
Most of it anyway.
The excitement part of our relationship still needed to be discussed, but I would tackle that conversation another day.
There wasn’t any point in adding fuel to a burning fire.
We picked up the kids from his parents, and once we were home and the kids were in bed, I felt bad, so making the first move, I came on to Eddie.
But he turned me down.
I was sure that his ego was a little bruised or maybe he wanted to wait until he figured out a solution to make it better.
Either way, I could understand, so I ran myself a bath and took care of myself.
I liked it better when I did it anyway.
~***~
Things around the house were still a little tensed but I could tell that Eddie was concerned and thinking of a way to make me happy.
That’s just the type of man that he was.
He hadn’t even attempted to touch me and I had found the time to tell him that we didn’t have any fun anymore and that we needed to do something spontaneous from time to time.
The look on his face when I told him said it all.
“If this bitch complain about one more damn thing!”
He didn’t say it, but I knew that he had to be thinking it.
But I was just trying to get our marriage back in a better place; a happy place or at least a place where I could forget all of the obvious and just focus on the positives.
“Where’s Eddie?”
“I don’t know. He said that he would be back soon.”
Polo seemed nervous.
“I need to talk to him.”
“Call him.”
“No. I need to do it face to face. I’ll wait.”
“Well, I’m a good listener. I might can help,” I offered my services and sat beside Polo in a rocking chair on the front porch.
“No. It’s guy stuff.”
“Oh.”
I pondered the thought of mentioning what was going on with me and Eddie.
If Eddie was going to listen to anybody, it was going to be Polo.
Polo could get things through him that I couldn’t.
I was sure of it.
Maybe I could be limited with details but tell him enough to get results.
My biggest concern was whether or not Polo would mention our conversation to Eddie. If Eddie found out that I’d discussed private, intimate matters with Polo, he would surely die.
Or maybe I would come up missing or something.
Either way, he would be pissed!
“Well, I have a favor to ask of you.”
“Anything.”
“Well, it’s kind of personal.”
“About you?”
“And Eddie.”
“What? You wouldn’t want me to say anything to him about the conversation?”
“I do. But I don’t. It’s complicated.”
“What is it?”
“If I tell you, you can’t tell him that I told you. But maybe you could discuss the topic or something.”
“What is it?”
“Well, we have been having some trouble lately.”
“Sex trouble?”
“He told you?”
“We tell each other everything.”
Well, of course they did.
“So what did you tell him to do?”
“I have a few ideas. That’s actually what I was coming to talk to him about.”
I looked at him with relief.
Leave it to Polo to have a solution.
“Don’t worry. Y’all will be humping like rabbits from now on.”
The way he said it made me uneasy.
“Is whatever it is safe?”
“Yeah. I haven’t tried it because I don’t need it, but I’ve heard great things.”
My mind was about to go left, but I didn’t allow it to.
“Well, thanks.”
“No thanks needed. I’ll do anything for him, especially if it involves saving his marriage. Even if it isn’t easy,” he said.
“What does that mean?”
Eddie pulled up and Polo smiled.
“Like I said, even if it isn’t easy.”
He left me sitting on the porch and headed to meet Eddie before he was even out of the car.
Even if what isn’t easy?
Was Polo jealous of our marriage?
I left them to chat, and I headed in the house with hope in my heart.
I hope whatever Polo had up his sleeve actually works for Eddie and I.
And that was nothing but the truth.
~***~
So…things were better!
Thanks to Polo!
I wasn’t sure what kind of pill Eddie had gotten from him or where Polo had told him to go and get it, but he had recently been a beast in the bedroom and it was me that couldn’t keep up these days.
The sex was lasting almost too long sometimes and I would be the one to tap out or at least need a day in between to recover from the pound game that Eddi
e would put on me.
The good news was that now I was always satisfied first; but Eddie had to damn near kill himself to get his.
He would pump and pump and it would seem like he was constipated with at nut or something.
I could tell by the look on his face sometimes that it was bothersome and just when he would be about to say forget it, he got it.
But I could tell that he didn’t care about anything except for making me happy.
And sexually, finally, I was.
As far as putting a lot more fun back into our relationship, it wasn’t happening yet.
I could tell that on some days he would try to pretend to be someone that he wasn’t to keep me smiling and laughing, and enjoying his presence.
But I could see straight through it.
I couldn’t change who he was or who he had become.
He could only pretend for so long and then he would go right back to being himself.
And I had to set my feelings aside and realize that he was who he was and he had been the same man since before we were married.
I accepted it then.
So I had to deal with it now.
I couldn’t change him, nor could Polo’s talks change him.
But I could manage.
Hell, I had been for years.
“Take out enough to cook for Polo too. He’s coming over tonight,” Eddie said on the phone.
I was already home from work and enjoying my two hours to myself before Eddie was off and picked up the kids to come home.
Hanging up, I headed to the kitchen and pulled out enough steak for my family, and Polo, poured myself a cup of iced tea and headed back to the living room to relax.
I thought to make a few phone calls and girl talk, but I decided against that.
I didn’t want to do anything.
Just for a little while I wanted to enjoy doing nothing.
I thought about my life and where I really wanted to be professionally.
It was about time that I found my dream job; writing somewhere, anywhere.
The book writing idea had been on my mind so heavy lately and maybe it was time to do something about it.
I never seemed to have time to do anything for myself or anything that I actually enjoyed.
And then it hit me.
These two hours alone, five days a week could come in handy.
I had a brand new lap top that I hardly ever used.
It had been a gift from Polo.
Of course, he and Eddie knew of my love for writing and last year he’d gotten me the most expensive lap top that he could find as a Christmas present.