Miss ~ Harloe Rae

by Rae, Harloe

  She winks at me. “Wishful thinking.”

  “Isn’t it my job to be the bossy one?”

  “Oh, you are. But not right now. Consider this a little role reversal. It’s always helpful when you push me to realize the truth. I want to return the favor,” she presses.

  I pick at a glob of glue on the counter ledge. “I’d hardly say this is the place to divulge secrets.”

  Raven makes it a point of peering around the empty salon. “Nice try, but you’re avoiding. There’s something bothering you and I’m here to be supportive. Spill it.”

  I scratch my scalp while the knot inside my stomach tightens. “I’m perfectly capable of handling my own needs, thank you very much.” I give her a quick side-eye. “But most recently? With you happily humping Trey and Addy making kissy faces at Shane, I feel a bit left out. Mostly because all the romance clogging the air makes me think about . . .” I let my implication hang between us.

  Raven gapes at me. “Zeke?”

  I pop my lips while a lead weight drops on me. “Wasn’t going to say his name, but yes.”

  “Does this have anything to with the news Marlene shared the other day? Do you think he’s back in town?”

  I make a seesaw motion. “Sort of? Her suggestion definitely brought him to mind. But he’s already been swirling around in there for years. She was probably referring to one of her crotchety grandsons. That woman is desperate to marry them off.” I glance at her from the corner of my eye. “This is going to sound weird, but no judgement?”

  She nods and motions for me to keep going.

  “It’s like I can sense him nearby within the last few weeks. I sound crazy, but it’s always been that way with Zeke. I’ve determined the summer heat and sexual drought are playing tricks on me,” I quip.

  Raven squeezes my arm. “Sounds like you’re missing him more than usual.”

  “You have no idea how much I hate this. He makes me feel weak and stupid.”

  “But you’re not. You’re a strong warrior. You know that.”

  “Do I? Honestly, I’m not so mighty when it comes to him.”

  “You don’t have to constantly put on a brave face. It’s okay to be vulnerable, D. Especially when it comes to this guy. He made a huge impact on your life,” she soothes.

  I shoot her a sassy smirk. “You’re being awfully wise.”

  Raven makes an agreeable sound. “This is a safe space. Blab away.”

  Emotion stings my eyes and I hate that Zeke has this power over me. “I shouldn’t feel this way anymore. It’s been over five years, Rave. I probably never cross his mind.” I sniff, getting a heavy dose of polish remover.

  She bumps me lightly. “Yeah, right. No one could ever get over you.”

  “You have to say shit like that in these situations.”

  “Not true. I could make up something far sweeter. Such as you’re brilliant, selfless, gorgeous, crazy successful, yadda yadda, on and on.”

  I grimace. “That sounds like a dating site profile.”

  Her baby blues sparkle with interest. “That’s an entertaining idea.”

  “No, thanks. I’ve got enough trouble in the men department.”

  She holds up a finger. “Right. Sorry. I got distracted. Why wouldn’t Zeke be constantly thinking of you? You told me a bit of your history together. Maybe it would offer some sort of relief to purge more. Since he’s already on your mind?” She looks at me expectantly, urging me in her subtle way.

  I puff up my cheeks, then release the pent-up air slowly. That’s how my entire body feels—trapped and suspended in this stagnant spot. All because he’s got an unrelenting grip on my heart. “We weren’t ever going to bring him up again, remember?” I tease.

  Raven lifts a shoulder. “Meh, rules don’t apply to us. Tell me whatever you want.”

  I bite the inside of my cheek, deciding what else to share. Talking about Zeke is like stabbing at a wound that refuses to heal. Might as well scrub the surface and hope the damage finally scabs over.

  “Zeke was different for me from the beginning,” I whisper. “He moved into the house next to mine, so obviously destiny was involved. I was certain the stars aligned and all the elements pointed to us living happily ever after. All after five seconds.” With a finger at my temple, I imitate having a screw loose.

  “I was sunk from the moment he stepped out of the U-Haul. I blame his eyes. They’re a special shade of blue. Those bad boys sucked me in like Lake Superior.” I point at hers for emphasis. “With his dark hair, he’s got that attractive contrast going on. Plus, he leveled me with a cocky smirk. That kid knew he was hot. I was a bee stuck in honey and couldn’t race out there fast enough to introduce myself.” I laugh, but the sound is flat. “Lost cause right here. Or hopeless. Either way we managed to hit it off. Over five years, tween innocence morphed into all-encompassing love. We were rarely apart and barely argued. At least until he left,” I force out past the lump in my throat.

  I shrug weakly. “I don’t fault him for going. His dad was abusive and a mean drunk. Zeke became his personal punching bag after a night at the bar. He needed out of that shitastic situation before things went beyond repair. I’m glad he survived that and moved on,” I tell her honestly. “But I gave him everything and always thought we’d be together. Our future dreams were each other. So, the part I haven’t gotten over is his broken promise. That’s what has me trapped in the past.”

  My chest is tight and I rub at the ache. “Zeke told me he’d come back for me. He was supposed to call, but that didn’t happen either. Turns out the lying asshole couldn’t be fucking bothered to pick up the phone.” A sob hiccups out of me and I cover my mouth. Every cell in my body is screaming, but there’s no escape. I squeeze my eyes shut against the onslaught of memories. His striking blue gaze attempts to penetrate my thoughts, but I shove him away.

  I snap out of it when Raven rubs my back. “Hey, let’s drop it. I didn’t mean to push so hard. I had no idea—”

  “It’s fine,” I cut in. “I should talk about him. Maybe I can finally get rid of this lingering crap shackled around my ankles. Like desensitizing? Is that a thing?”

  “Uh, maybe? Sounds like a fancy term a therapist would use. Have you ever tried finding Zeke on social media?” Raven suggests.

  I scrub at my stinging face. “That’s a good joke. He was always very private about his life. There’s no way he’d be caught having an online account.” She gives me a blank stare and I roll my eyes. “Yeah, I double checked.”

  “Maybe we could make a voodoo doll and expel the negative energy.”

  A genuine laugh bubbles out of me. “Oh, yes. Let’s do that for sure.” I twist my lips while looking at her. “Thanks for being here. In case I don’t tell you enough.”

  Raven blows me a kiss. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. Love you, sista-friend.”

  “Love you more, bestie.”

  Quiet contentment settles around us. The barely-there buzz from the dryer’s fluorescent bulbs stops, reminding me to start the timer for another round. I tap Raven’s machine while I’m at it. When I look over, her bright blues sparkle mischievously.

  “What are we doing after this?” she asks.

  “By the looks of it, you’ve already got an idea,” I say with suspicion in my voice.

  “Are you up for a little adventure?”

  “Maybe, but that depends. You’re kind of freaking me out.”

  She rubs her hands together. “What if Zeke is actually at Roosters? Can you imagine? Let’s wander down there, just for fun. If he does happen to be around, you can give him a piece of your mind.”

  I’m already shaking my head before she finishes. “Not happening.”

  “Why not?” she whines. “The unknown is bothering you. I can tell.”

  “Which is fine. I can manage. If by some small chance he’s working on the rebuild, that jerk-face can come to me.” I cross my arms defiantly.

  Raven laughs. “That’s true. But he
doesn’t need to know we’re spying.”

  For a moment, I’m stunned silent by the potential of seeing him again. My chest is heavy and it’s difficult to get a decent breath. That reaction alone tells me I need to stay the eff away.

  “I think shopping is a safer choice,” I mumble.

  She pouts for only a second. Then, she suddenly bounces in her seat. “Oooh, for new panties? That always makes me feel better.”

  I shrug. “Sure. I can get hip to that.”

  She taps her chin. “What can I surprise Trey with most?”

  “A sex swing?” I joke.

  She blushes. “We, ah, already tried that.”

  I giggle loudly. “Why am I not surprised? You’re such a kinky hussy.”

  “Only for him,” she states proudly.

  “I’m happy for you guys,” I tell her honestly. They’ve got that special sauce that lasts forever.

  Raven smiles. “Thanks, babe. Next on the love agenda is finding your Mister Right.”

  “Yeah, good luck with that,” I reply dryly.

  That’s a lost cause because I’ve already found him. Too bad he didn’t want the title.

  AGAIN

  Zeke

  I COLLAPSE ONTO the lumpy sofa with an exaggerated groan. The workload has been brutal this week. Cleaning up after a bulldozer and wrecking ball is no fucking joke. I wince as a roaring ache rolls through every part of me. Even my damn teeth are sore. I couldn’t lift another chunk of concrete if my paycheck depended on it. Luckily Devon called it quits before I had to make that choice.

  The clock on the stained wall reads a quarter to five. Might as well be midnight for how drained I’m feeling. I glance around the rundown cabin while pleading with my muscles to quit twitching. The couple that owns Roosters was kind enough to book a bunch of these so-called luxury rentals at The Mossy Den resort for the construction crew. Other than being walking distance to the jobsite and one of the town’s nicest lakes, Grove Gulley, I’ve found no other perks. Guess all that matters is having a spot to sleep at night. Lord knows I’ve seen far worse conditions.

  I slouch deeper into the worn cushions to rest my head. Just as I’m dozing off, someone kicks the couch. I peel an eyelid open to give my intruder a death glare.

  “Coming out with us?” Lewis asks. He finishes buttoning his shirt before looking at me.

  “What the hell do you think?” I manage to mutter. “I was barely able to stand in the shower.”

  He shrugs. “Good thing you washed the stank away. You reeked worse than this place. Now it’d do you some good to get out of this musty pit for a night.”

  “The answer’s no, man.”

  “Fucking fun sponge.”

  “Damn straight. Now run along,” I say with a wave. “There’s plenty of beers that need drinking and lonely women wanting company. Good luck with all that.”

  Lewis makes a frustrated sound. “What the fuck are you gonna do? Sit around and mope? I know you’re too tired to beat on the punching bag.”

  “Fuck off,” I jab, but there’s no heat behind it. I have no strength to argue. And he’s right.

  The good thing about busting ass on this restoration is not feeling the need to wreck myself in the gym. I can barely stay awake past nine o’clock as it is. I clear my throat and say, “I was about to take a nap and you’re ruining it. Why do you always gotta be so loud?”

  He chuckles. “Quit bitchin’. Not like you gotta stay here. Don’t you have buddies around to crash with? Why do you wanna be stuck in this shithole with us?”

  An angry wave of guilt crashes over me. Delilah isn’t the only one who’s received a cold shoulder all these years. My best friends, guys I grew up with, haven’t heard from me either. I’m not even sure they’re still around. I reach for my neck and rub, trying to alleviate the strangling pressure that shame has on me.

  “That would defeat the purpose,” I choke.

  His brow bounces up. “Of what?”

  “Staying under the damn radar.”

  “You realize we’ll be stationed in Garden Grove for close to six months, right?”

  I stare at the peeling paint on the ceiling. “So I’ve been told.”

  “Well, that’s a long damn time to keep hiding.”

  “Thanks for the unsolicited advice.”

  There’s an awkward beat of silence before Lewis says, “Bet she’d forgive you.”

  His words have me jerking upright in a split second. “What was that?”

  If he’s aiming for a reaction, I’m giving him one. I can feel the heat rising in my blood, begging for a fight. Talking about Delilah is a sure way to piss me off. I shut down his questioning when we saw her at Dagos. Not sure why Lewis insists on pressing the issue.

  I’m tossing down the gauntlet with a frosty glare. A challenge is thrashing between us, and I almost throw out a taunt to get him talking. But I wait for his comeback, daring him to take the bait.

  I shouldn’t blow up like this. The dank air stings my nostrils when I inhale slowly in an attempt to calm down. It’s just that the fire inside of me is reflexive and unavoidable.

  The temperature seems to skyrocket while our standoff drags on. Who’s going to crack first? I guaran-fucking-tee it won’t be me. When Lewis takes a step back and cracks a grin, a sliver of relief passes through me. That’s his version of a surrender, and I accept it as always. It’s not his fault I’m a fucking hothead. With hands buried deep in his pockets, Lewis’s posture is loose and relaxed. I’m strung tighter than a hunter’s bow.

  “I sure know how to piss you off, huh?” he murmurs.

  Before I can respond, Brody and Kayne emerge from their room. They look between us with wide eyes. The lingering tension must be visible because their lazy pace speeds up. Kayne moves closer and claps Lewis on the shoulder.

  “Ready to go?” he asks, giving me a sideways glance.

  “Yup,” Lewis replies. “Just wrapping up my chat with Zeke.”

  Kayne looks at me with purpose this time. “You coming?”

  I shake my head, choosing to stay quiet. I’m a grumpy asshole, but they put up with me.

  He jerks his chin. “Have a good one.”

  Lewis hangs back, and I glance up at him. “We all right? Sorry for bringing up shit I shouldn’t. I can’t seem to help it,” he says with a shrug.

  I press along my throbbing temple. “Yeah, we’re solid. Have fun tonight.”

  He nods. “Will do. Later.”

  I offer a half-assed wave, and then he’s gone. When the door closes behind him, all remaining energy pours out of me. I’m wiped and more than ready to pass out. I sprawl out on the couch with every intention of putting this day to rest. The only problem is my brain won’t shut off. I can’t stop thinking of Delilah. With my eyes closed, she’s all I see.

  Blonde hair, green eyes, curves in all the right places.

  Fuck, I’m getting hard just picturing her thighs opening for me again. Arousal replaces exhaustion when I reach under the waistband of my sweats. I give a few trial tugs, testing out the possibility. My bicep screams in agony but I ignore it. The relief of a release will be worth a bit more pain.

  I fist my cock and start jerking. The heat that’s flooding me now is pleasurable, and my motions speed up in response. This shouldn’t take long at all. In my mind, Delilah takes control and strokes me with her silky palm. She bites her lip and grins coyly, like there’s a secret between us. No one can know she’s doing this for me. I grip harder and feel the raging pulse in my dick. The pressure builds in my groin, signaling a fast approaching climax. Blinding desire rips into me when I imagine Delilah tightening her grasp, those talented fingers forming a snug vice. But suddenly her smile morphs into a frown. She pierces me with anguish, with tears clumping her lashes. My euphoria and burning need evaporates instantly. There’s no fucking way I’m getting off when she’s crying, no matter how imaginary this is. Ice freezes my veins, and I yank my hand away with a frustrated grunt.

  What
the hell was that?

  I lay panting in a half-dazed state while deciding my next move. Even my fantasies are fucked since returning to Garden Grove. A knot builds and squeezes inside my gut. I watch my chest rise and fall, knowing what needs to happen. I’m just too damn petrified of the result. She deserves answers at the very least. The need to speak with Delilah, at least once, has been growing inside my gut like a poisonous weed. To make matters worse, Addison’s words have been haunting me since our little chat at Dagos.

  The years away from this town haven’t been kind. I’ve been kicked and beat down more times than I can remember. My own relatives turned their back on me. The cramp in my stomach intensifies while I recall their words. It’s hard to keep a positive attitude when everyone thinks I’m a piece of trash. Just like my father. I’m no longer under his thumb, but the toxic shadow still clings. How could I not fall victim to their attacks?

  I grab my wallet off the table and take out the faded picture. This is the worst form of torture. I brush my finger over the image, tracing Delilah’s youthful features. Her lanky arm hangs around me as we smile for the camera. Braces decorate her crooked teeth, and I can almost hear the high pitch of her complaints. These were good fucking times. And I ruined them.

  Delilah was the only one who could piece me back together. But that wasn’t her job. I relied on her too much, which became abundantly clear when she was no longer around. Without her building me up, the doubt slithered in. My confidence crumbled faster than a cardboard box in the rain. I have zero worth. Why would she want a piece of shit like me? My own father couldn’t love me. He could barely stand the sight of me after my mom died.

  Feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to solve shit, of course. If anything, this pity party makes the dread heavier. Maybe I should actually do something productive this time. The physical labor is supposed to dull me, calm the turmoil constantly thrumming beneath the surface. But it turns out today wasn’t enough.

  Before I can stop myself, a decision strikes like a match. There’s no stopping the idea after it sparks and takes shape. I don’t have control over much, but this is well within my reach. I can be strong and face this head-on. The moments of hiding in the shadows are over.