Margo would expect more. His beautiful wife would have wanted him to be happy. She would have expected him to start to live again.
April shouted his name, her tone so chilling it made goose bumps rise on his skin. He raced to the edge of the hallway.
“It’s Shay,” she called from the bottom of the stairs, already shoving her feet into snow boots. “She’s gone.”
“And so is Jingle,” Ranie said on a sob. “She took him and—”
“No.” Connor hadn’t realized he’d shouted the word until both of them glanced up. “I mean, that’s impossible. It’s freezing out, and it only stopped snowing a few hours ago. She must be hiding, playing a trick because she’s angry.”
Ranie shook her head. The girl was panting for breath, her blue eyes wide and terrified against skin pale as a December moon. “I’ve looked everywhere, and she wouldn’t do that anyway. Shay is afraid to be alone.”
He thundered down the steps and grabbed his coat. “Then why would she run away?”
“I don’t know,” Ranie said on a sob. “She was so upset about Jingle. They’re gone.”
“We’ll find both of them,” April told her.
“This is your fault,” Ranie screamed. “She ran away because you won’t let us stay.”
Connor saw April’s head jerk back as if the girl had struck her.
“There’s no time for that now,” he said, laying a hand on Ranie’s shoulder. “We all need to look for your sister.”
He opened the back door and held up a hand. “I can see her boot prints,” he said, pointing to the tracks in the snow leading toward the woods. “And it looks like...damn it.”
“What?” April tried to peer around his shoulder. He took a step out into the fading sunlight and crouched low. “Look at the tiny paw prints mixed up with hers. It looks like Jingle got out and she went after him.”
“Oh, no.” April’s gaze followed his. “They disappear into the forest.”
“We need to find her soon,” Connor said, looking at the girl’s small tracks. The sun hung low over the craggy peak that rose to the west of the cabin. “Before we lose the light. We only have about an hour.” He shouted for Shay at the top of his lungs. The only answer was a hollow echo and the sound of a squirrel scurrying along a branch.
“She hasn’t been out here long,” April said, and her voice sounded like a plea. She called for Shay as well, but received no response. “Should I call the sheriff?”
Connor shook his head. “They’ll take too long to get up here. Damn it,” he repeated. “There are two sets of tracks. It’s like the kitten was running back and forth at the edge of the forest and Shay was following. I can’t tell which way she went.”
Ranie let out a pained whimper. “We need to find her.” She rubbed her gloved hands together. “It’s freezing out here and her coat was still hanging by the door.”
“We will,” Connor said, letting no trace of doubt slip into his tone. “We’re going to split up. You two take the south and west side of the house. I’ll cover the north and east and check around the caretaker’s cabin. Call for her and keep looking for tracks. She’s out here.”
April nodded but her eyes were as panicked as the girl’s. Connor grabbed her arms and gave her a little shake. “We’re going to find her. I need you to believe me.”
“I do,” she said without hesitation. She swallowed and then gave a more forceful nod. “I believe you.” She gently nudged Ranie and they both headed to the far side of the cabin, taking turns yelling for Shay.
As their voices became fainter, Connor started calling again. He stood in place for a moment, studying the puzzle of footprints, trying to determine which way the girl had gone.
Icy tendrils of panic buzzed up his spine and before he’d taken one step, he was transported back to the accident. It was like reliving a nightmare, images flashing in his mind as his body heaved under the weight of his failure.
Suddenly he was no longer on a snow-covered mountain. It was a rainy night on a curvy California highway and he could feel the heat of the flames licking at him as he tried to run, tried to find the strength to move toward the burning car. The mental picture changed again and he was on his knees, the car exploding in front of him. The heat from the fire burned his eyes and he blinked, suddenly finding himself on all fours in the snow, white and icy under his hands, the chilled wetness seeping in through his pant legs.
Not again.
The two words were like a mantra as he forced himself to stand. This was not that horrible night. He would not fail Shay the way he had his wife and son. He was strong now, capable. He wouldn’t allow his fear and his weakness to paralyze him the way they had after the accident.
He examined the footprints again and then headed into the woods, his boots crunching in the snow. After taking a few more steps, he glanced over his shoulder and realized that due to the hill behind the cabin, he could no longer see either of the structures. Everything around him was a mix of white, brown and green, and it was clear how a young girl could have gotten quickly turned around.
Daylight was quickly fading, sending shadows across the ground and making it more difficult to see her trail. He continued to call and if he had to admit it, began to pray. Not to God or some higher spirit—his faith was too shattered for that. Instead, he allowed his heart to reach out to Margo, wherever she might be.
“Help me,” he whispered into the silence of the forest. “Help me rescue that little girl the way I should have saved you and Emmett.”
His chest squeezed as he reached out to the woman he’d lost, or maybe to nothing. He was desperate enough at this moment not to care. An icy wind blew through the trees, battering his exposed skin, and he shouted Shay’s name again.
This time when he listened for a response, there was...something. A soft whine from somewhere in the trees. His gaze darted around until it fell on a flash of color and he moved toward it as fast as he could in the snow, pushing branches out of the way as he went. He rounded a rock formation and saw a pair of pink snow boots sticking out from under the branches of an enormous pine tree.
“Shay,” he shouted again, dropping to his knees and scooping her into his arms.
She blinked several times, relief clear in her sweet blue eyes, and then bent her head. “Jingle ran away,” she whispered, her voice hoarse. “But I found him. I’m keeping him safe.”
“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered, seeing the kitten’s black head poke out from her fuzzy sweatshirt. Her skin was pale, her tiny rosebud lips tinged with blue. He unzipped his coat and shrugged out of it as best he could without letting go of Shay. Wrapping her and the kitten in the thick down, he held her close and walked as quickly as he could back to the cabin.
“Stay awake, Shay,” he told her. “April and your sister want to see your beautiful smile when we get back.”
She gave a tiny nod, but her eyes drifted closed.
Connor yelled for April as he made his way through the trees and snow-covered debris of the forest floor. Every time he shouted, Shay opened her eyes, which he hoped was a good sign. She was shivering like an aspen leaf in a strong wind. He tripped over a fallen log and she jerked, the kitten mewling pathetically as he righted himself.
He heard April’s answering call, and Ranie ran to the edge of the property to meet him as he came into the clearing. “Is she okay?”
“She’ll be fine,” he answered, hoping with everything he was that he told the girl the truth. April was at his side a moment later.
“Oh, Shay,” she murmured, her worried gaze clashing with his.
“We need to get her inside,” he said, forcing himself to remain calm and focus on the action it would take to warm the half-frozen child.
April nodded and when she turned her head, he realized she was on her cell phone. “I’ve got Jake Trave
rs on the line. He wants to know if she’s responsive?”
“Yes, she spoke to me. She seemed tired but lucid.”
She repeated his words into the phone. “She’s pale but her breathing seems regular. It’ll be hard to tell until we get her into the house.”
Ranie was crying quietly on his other side. “We’re going to take care of her,” he assured her, again with a confidence he wasn’t sure he felt.
April disconnected and ran ahead, holding the cabin’s door open for them. “Jake says to change her out of anything wet and use dry heat to warm her, starting at the center of her body. He’s on his way up to check on her.”
He stomped the snow off his boots as he entered the cabin, then headed up the stairs to her room. “Shay, honey, are you awake?”
“I’ll get a heating pad,” April said from behind him.
The girl shifted in his arms, one side of her mouth curving into a faint smile. “Jingle’s tickling me,” she murmured, and then breathed out a sigh. He lifted the kitten away from her and handed him to Ranie, who wrapped her hands around the animal and held it close.
From what Connor could see, Jingle hadn’t suffered any ill effects of his time exposed to the cold, likely because Shay had kept him warm with the heat from her body. He wondered if the cat had any idea how lucky he was to be loved by that little girl.
“Shay, you’re going to be okay,” Ranie said as Connor removed Shay’s boots and his coat, then pulled back the covers and lowered her to the sheets. “Do you hear me?”
Shay’s eyes fluttered open and she looked directly at her sister. “I saw Mommy,” she whispered. “She was so pretty, Ranie, like she was before.” Another wispy smile flitted across her face as her eyes closed again.
A flash of envy stabbed through Connor at the idea of seeing his wife and son again in the way he imagined Shay was describing. Almost immediately, he put the thought aside, because he didn’t want to think what it might mean if Shay was having visions of her dead mother.
Ranie started to cry harder and, moving on instincts rusty from years of not being used, Connor wrapped his arms around the girl and murmured words of encouragement against her hair. No jokes, no teasing. Just the support of an adult for a child in need.
After a few moments, he turned her to face him and bent to look in her eyes. “She’s going to be okay. I promise.” He wasn’t sure what prompted him to say those words, since he no basis on which to make that pledge. He offered up a silent plea to Margo for help, then took a deep breath.
“We’re not helping her this way,” he told Ranie firmly. “We need to believe she’s going to be okay.”
April hurried into the room. “Jake texted. He just turned onto the mountain road.” She held a heating pad in her hand. “Let’s do our best to warm her until he gets here.”
Connor dropped a soft kiss on the top of Ranie’s head. “I promise,” he repeated, and started the process of warming the younger girl.
Chapter Twelve
April stood in the doorway to the girls’ bedroom late that night, the hallway light illuminating the darkness enough that she could see the two of them curled up together under the covers of Shay’s twin bed. Jingle was wedged between them, purring contentedly.
Jake had given the girl a thorough examination, and Shay had woken long enough to eat a bit of soup. April was so thankful that Shay seemed to be on her way to a full recovery.
According to what the girl told them, she’d opened the cabin’s door to check the temperature before going out to play and Jingle had darted onto the porch and across the driveway. Without watching where she was going, she’d chased him into the woods, but by the time he’d finally slowed enough that she could catch him, she hadn’t been able to find her way back to the cabin.
The thought of Shay lost in the frozen woods with darkness approaching still sent panic spiraling through April’s gut. She couldn’t imagine what would have happened if Connor hadn’t found the girl when he did.
There was no talk about how angry Shay and Ranie had been with her earlier. April’s belief that Shay had run away to punish her now seemed petty. The one good thing about her terror was that it put everything else into perspective. As Connor had said, life could change in an instant and she wasn’t going to waste another minute living in fear.
She felt Connor’s presence behind her and shifted so that he could stand next to her.
“It’s a miracle that Shay’s okay,” she whispered.
His breath hitched but he nodded.
She leaned into his arm. “You saved her.”
“You and Ranie would have found her if you’d been in the right area of the forest.”
Shay hummed softly in her sleep and scooted toward Ranie, who automatically pulled her closer.
April quietly closed the door and laced her fingers with Connor’s, leading him down the hall to her bedroom.
“I shouldn’t...” he said, but didn’t pull away. “My flight goes out early tomorrow and—”
“I need to talk to you,” she interrupted. “Please.”
His jaw tightened, but he nodded.
Nerves and fear and hope wove together in April’s chest, making her heart beat like she’d just summited one of the high peaks that surrounded Crimson. “You were right.” She bit down on her lip to keep from shouting the words at the top of her lungs. “You were right,” she repeated in a quieter tone.
His brows furrowed. “About what?”
“About me living in fear. I’ve been letting the past dominate my life, which has kept me from the future I want. But I’m through with that. I’m going to keep the girls, Connor.”
He sucked in a breath.
“At least,” she clarified, “I’m going to ask them if they still want to stay with me. I hurt them by not committing sooner, and I have a lot of mistakes to rectify. But Jill entrusted them to me, and I want to honor her wishes.”
“Because you feel obligated?” he asked carefully.
“Because I love them,” she answered with a smile. “Having them with me is a gift, and I’m not going to throw it away. The future isn’t a guarantee, but I’m meant to be their family, and they’re supposed to be mine.” She squeezed his hands. “Just like I hope you’ll be mine.”
His fingers slipped from hers. “I don’t understand. This morning you were so sure.”
“This morning I was stupid and afraid.” She laughed. “I’m still afraid, but who isn’t? I won’t let it rule my life. Ask me again, Connor. The question from this morning about making a family with you and the girls.”
She could see his chest rise and fall and she wanted to reach for him, to see if his heart was beating a crazy rhythm that matched her own.
“I didn’t actually ask anything.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I only proposed the possibility of a question.”
The word proposed had a lovely ring to it coming from this man. “Such a stickler for language,” she chided gently. “You know what I mean. Ask me now.” She let everything she felt show in her eyes and held her bruised heart out to him.
His face went completely blank.
Not a good sign.
“I...” He turned, placed his palms against the top of the dresser as if he needed the support. “I told you my heart died with Margo and Emmett.”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“That’s not true.” She laid her hand on his arm, the lightest touch, in an attempt to gentle him. April understood what it was like to do battle with internal demons, and she wanted...needed to bring Connor into the light. “I’ll be brave for both of us, Connor. Your new book is a beautiful tribute to Margo and Emmett. But they’d want your life to honor them as well.”
“Shut up,” he roared, w
hirling on her so violently that she stumbled back against the bed. “You don’t know anything about Margo and Emmett. You and I have nothing.” He swept out his arm, gesturing wildly. “This is nothing but make-believe.”
“No.” She whispered the word, not even certain if he could hear her with whatever noise was clattering through his head right now. “What we have is real. Those girls sleeping in the next room are real. You were here when they needed you. You found Shay.”
He gave a sharp shake of his head. “Anyone could have—”
“But, more importantly, you saved Ranie.”
“She wasn’t lost.”
“Yes, she was. In the same prison of sorrow that has you trapped. But you helped her. She trusts you. She needs you. You still have more to give, and I’m asking you to take a chance. Just try.” She took a breath and then whispered, “Make the effort.”
He grimaced and her instinct was to comfort him, to try to take away his pain despite the fact that her heart was shredded at his feet.
“I can’t,” he said, and walked out of the room.
It was as if he’d thrown her off a great cliff. At first there was only the sensation of falling, weightless and terrible. Then came the crash that shattered her until nothing was left but broken pieces.
* * *
April bent in front of the fireplace the next afternoon, carefully picking the pinecone figures out of the ash.
“I did that,” Ranie said from behind her. “I’m sorry. I was mad about going to Aunt Tracy’s and I threw them away.”
Tapping the gray dust from the figure holding a yoga mat, April glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “It’s a good thing we didn’t light a fire last night.”
The girl hesitated and then offered a tentative smile.
April turned and sat on the fireplace surround, patting the cool stone next to her. “What is it, sweetie?”
Slowly, Ranie lowered herself to sit, her hands clenched in fists on her thin legs. “What if you change your mind? I know I’m not all sunny and sweet like Shay, and I haven’t been very nice to you. Are you sure you want me to stay, too?”
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