by Wahida Clark
“Ahggg!” She groaned as her body peeled from the soiled sheets. She turned on her bedroom light and looked into the mirror. The left side of her face was swollen, the right side was blue and black, her hair was matted to her neck and scalp. Her loose tooth was now gone. She looked as if she was auditioning for a horror movie. The stench in the room was horrendous. Her body was so sore that it took her almost twenty minutes to take the linen off the bed and throw it into a trash bag. She then thought about Shadee and Shan. She called them both only to get their voice mail.
She then dragged herself into the bathroom and turned on the shower. It was so hot her skin was turning red but she didn’t care. She began crying and scrubbing her skin so hard she thought that her skin would begin bleeding. When she couldn’t take the pain anymore she got out and dried off. When she sat down to pee it burned so bad she cringed in pain. That’s when she decided to dial 911.
After being questioned by the police she was taken by ambulance to the hospital, the Med. She was assigned a rape crisis counselor and then given a thorough exam. She needed six stitches in her anus and she had a yeast infection. Two days later, before she was released, the doctor, with his back to her, told her that she was HIV positive.
“What?” she asked in disbelief.
He turned around, faced her and said again, “You’re HIV positive.”
“Doctor, please. Don’t do this to me.” She got up and went over and grabbed him. “Are you sure?”
“Yes ma’am. Here are your test results.” He held up the folder.
“Noooo!” Brianna screamed. “That can’t be right. You have to do them again! Doctor please,” she begged.
“We can run the tests again but more than likely the results will be the same!”
“You don’t know that!” Brianna screamed. “You don’t know that!” She began trashing the room. Two nurses came running, along with a male nurse’s aide to see what was all the commotion.
The nurse’s aide grabbed her, held her, trying to soothe her. “You can get through this baby girl. C’mon now.”
“Oh, Goddd!” She sobbed into his chest.
The Filipino doctor felt relieved because he was so scared that she was gonna attack him he thought he was gonna piss in his pants. “Nurse Richie, here are her discharge papers.”
“Okay. I can handle it from here.”
“Thank you.” He then bolted for the door.
“Dr. Huron,” Brianna yelled.
He reluctantly came back in. “Yes?”
“I was just raped less than seventy-two hours ago. Isn’t it impossible to show up this fast?”
“Staff, please excuse me and my patient.” When they all dispersed he motioned her to the chair. “Have a seat.” He then handed her some tissue and waited until she finished blowing her nose. “To answer your question, yes it is impossible to show up that quick. That’s why we had you list your previous sex partners. It had to be contracted from one of them.”
As Brianna rode in the back of the cab her thoughts kept going back to Shadee. As she looked at the engagement ring on her finger she said, “He wouldn’t do this to me! No. I know he wouldn’t. That fuckin’ nigga.” Brianna kicked the back of the seat. “That nigga fucked me on purpose.” Calm down, girl. She told herself. You jumping to conclusions.
“That’ll be $14.40, ma’am.” The cab driver interrupted her thoughts as he pulled in front of her apartment.
She gave him $15.00 and stepped out of the taxi like a zombie. All she saw was revenge. The closer she got to her front door the angrier she got. She couldn’t open the front door because the tears weren’t allowing her to see. “Shit!” She kicked at the door, then wiped her eyes. “I hate y’all motherfuckers!” she screamed, finally getting inside where she immediately began trashing the place. “Who raped me god-dammit!” she screamed. “Who infected me!” She was going berserk, tearing down the curtains, turning over the coffee table, throwing CDs everywhere. “I hate you all!” She moved from the living room to the kitchen where she wreaked more havoc. Tossing dishes, including her expensive china. Slipping on a plastic spatula she fell onto her ass. Crying hysterically she banged her head repeatedly up against the cabinet.
“God why do you hate me so much?” she screamed over and over before blacking out.
23
SHAN
I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t even think logically anymore. For example, last week I invited Briggen over to ask him to send somebody over to Brianna’s to fuck her over, just like she fucked me and my brother over. He asked me if I needed some money and me and my dumb ass said no. I was so bent on getting some payback. Now I haven’t been able to get in touch with him to tell him, hell, yeah. I need some loot.
Now here I am, sitting in front of the prison, my job waiting on a bitch to come see her husband. Crazy ain’t it? I feel like I’m falling and can’t get up.
As soon as Shan saw Nyla and their daughter get out of a minivan she got out of her car and walked towards them.
“Come on Tameerah.” Nyla grabbed her hand.
Shan caught up to them. Her stomach was doing flips. “Um, excuse me. Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Who are you and what about?” Nyla looked Shan over in contempt.
“I’m the computer teacher. Your husband works for me.” She had Nyla’s full attention but she wasn’t gonna let her know it.
“Tameerah go stand behind Ms. Jenkins and hold our spot in the line baby.”
“Okay Mommee.” She gladly takes off running.
Nyla stops and stands where she can keep an eye on Tameerah. “So, who are you again?” Still looking at her like she’s shit while noticing how Shan looks like she’s stressed the fuck out.
“My name is Shan. Forever works for me. I’m pregnant by him.” She paused, waiting on Nyla’s response. Nyla looks at her like she’s crazy. “I’m keeping it despite the fact that he wants me to get an abortion.”
This bitch has a lot of fuckin’ nerve and balls, stopping me and telling me this bullshit. Nyla was about to snap when Tameerah yells, “Mommee, c’mon. It’s our turn!”
“I’m coming baby.” Thankful that the sound of her voice brought her back to reality. The here and now. She calmly said, “I don’t know you. And it’s very hard for me to believe that you’re that hard up for a man that you have to get a job at a prison to get some dick. All this free dick out here. So you need to take the bullshit elsewhere ’cause I am not the one. And I suggest that if you’re liking my husband, you better do it from afar. As a matter of fact, I suggest you get another job, and fast. Because like I said, I am not the one.” She stormed off leaving Shan standing there looking dumb. But after she thought about it she turned around, snapping her fingers and said, “Excuse me.” Shan was still standing in the same spot, mouth hanging open. “My husband did tell me that there was a hoe in here harassing him while y’all are supposed to be gettin’ money. He said he explained to you that this is business and that he needed you to bring his dope in and if it called for a little dick, well, he had to do what he had to do. So I gave him that. But he said you caught feelings. And now you want to have his baby? Girlfriend, I suggest you let it go. You see this diamond tennis bracelet?”—she held out her wrist—“thank you. I just bought this last week. And what? You can’t even get him to give you four fuckin’ lousy dollars to get your brother out?” Shan’s hand went up to her chest. “Yeah. I know all about you. Hoe you being used, like some shitty toilet paper. Since you’ve been riding my man’s dick, I’ve been wiping my ass with thousands.”
Mr. Forever? He got me fucked up! Here I am holding it down for this nigga and he’s on the inside fucking bitches? Oh, hell no! Once I get all of the facts, it’s gonna be on. I’m getting ready to show him my true colors, Nyla screamed to herself.
“Bitch, I’m wifey. So whatever feelings you got for my husband that’s all you got is feelings. Forever is mines, always and forever.”
24
&
nbsp; FOREVER
“Dayum dawg. That’s fucked up. That’s really fucked up.” Zeke sat up in his bed for emphasis.
“I know man.” Forever finally told Zeke that Shan was pregnant and refused to get an abortion. Zeke was so damn dramatic, which was why he really didn’t want to tell him.
“So when you gonna tell wifey? Today when she comes? You know you gotta tell her before that hoe tells her!” Zeke fired at him.
“I know man.” Forever dragged.
“You sound like you ain’t gonna tell her.”
“I’ma tell her. But not right now.” Just then Forever heard his name over the intercom calling him for a visit. He was glad because Zeke was about to start grillin’ him.
“You need to tell her today and get the shit over with!” Zeke yelled at him as he walked away. Forever acted as if he didn’t hear him, concluding that he couldn’t fill Usher’s shoes. No, not today.
“What’s going on, Thompson?” A cool white guard named O’Neill asked him.
“Same ole, same ole. What’s up wit’ you?” Forever asked as he began taking off his clothes for the visit. It’s a damn shame, you gotta strip before you go on the visit and strip when you come off of one. Shit’s stupid. If you gonna bring something in they can’t stop the shit no way. Stupid muthafuckers! Forever thought to himself.
“Trying to survive, that’s all.” O’Neill sighed.
“I hear you man. That’s the name of the game—survival.” Those were the only words exchanged as he was processed through.
“Daddee! Daddee!” Tameerah flew across the room. She looks just like her mother. I can’t wait to get home and spend some quality time with her. Forever smiled to himself.
“Here’s my baby.” He picks her up and gives her a big kiss on each jaw. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too!” she yells as she hugs him around his neck.
“Where’s your momma? You mean you’re that big that you drove down to see me all by yourself? I didn’t know you could drive,” he teases her.
That cracks her up. “I can’t drive Daddee. You know I’m too little to drive. My mommee drove me up here in our new truck.”
“Then where is she?”
“She’s in the bathroom.” She said it as if he was supposed to know that.
“Oh okay.” She didn’t give Forever a chance to steal another kiss because she started squirming, trying to get down.
“I want a strawberry ice cream, Daddee.” She meant strawberry yogurt. Nyla had tricked Tameerah into thinking that yogurt is ice cream. She was now pulling Forever towards the vending machines.
“How’d you get so strong?” Forever teased her.
She stops and flexes her arm. “I got muscles like my friend Dayshawn. And last night I ate all of the vegetables on my plate.”
“I see.” Just then Nyla comes out of the bathroom. Forever stares at her with pride, thinking that she is soo fine. Her complexion is so smooth without a single blemish. She has on one of Forever’s favorite “we are gonna fuck today” skirts and blouse. Ma Ma has always been down for whatever. He enjoys the scenery as she comes over to the vending machines.
“Mommee, give me the money for my ice cream please.”
“Hey baby.” Forever steals a kiss and rubs his hand over that nice ass. She tenses up. “You a’ight?” He slaps it to make it jiggle. She doesn’t respond to him.
“Is there anything else you want outta here?” she asks Tameerah as she places the five dollar bill in the slot for the yogurt.
“Can I have a Nestle Crunch too?” Then she looks at Forever. “Daddee what do you want?”
“I want an ice cream like you.”
“Mommee, Daddee wants ice cream too.”
She gets two of them and gives them to Tameerah who runs to their table and sets them down. Then she dashes back and gets some napkins. “What’s up?” He asks Nyla as he leans over to kiss her on the lips.
“You got something you want to tell me?” she fires at him.
“Where’s my kiss? I miss you. I know Daddy can get a kiss.” He teases her.
“I don’t think so.”
Now what the fuck is her problem? He’s thinking to himself. I know she don’t know about Shan. Guilt was already settling in. “What I do?”
“I’m waiting on you to tell me,” she snaps back.
“What did Daddee do Mommee?” Tameerah asked.
“I’m waiting on Daddee to tell me.”
“What’d you do Daddee?” She looks up at him with that face of innocence.
He shrugs his shoulders and pokes out his lips in a pout and Tameerah starts laughing. They both eat their yogurt as Nyla sits with her arms crossed, obviously pissed off.
As soon as Tameerah finishes off her yogurt she asks to go play with the toys. She runs off without giving Forever a kiss. What’s going on with the women in my life?
“So Forever, do you have something to tell me?”
“What are you talking about Nyla?”
“Forever don’t play with me. What are you holding from me?” The longer she stared at him the more paranoid he got.
“Nyla if you got something to say, come on wit’ it.”
“I don’t have shit to say, not yet anyway. You are the one who has fucked up! Not me.”
Aww shit! Beads of sweat were forming on his top lip and he could feel the moisture forming under his armpits. I know she don’t know. I just told Zeke on my way out here. That was a few minutes ago. Shan don’t even know Nyla.
“What? Cat got your tongue?” She was really beginning to fuck with his head. “I tell you what Mr. Forever. I’ma make a deal with you. I’m going to get me a cup of coffee and when I come back if you are not ready to tell me what you have to tell me, I’m walking outta here and you will never, ever see me or your daughter again. On the flip side, you tell me what’s up and I just might work with you.”
Before he could swallow the huge lump that had formed in his throat she got up and headed for the vending machines. He was sure that all of the color drained from his face because he was feeling quite peaked. He was busted but the big male ego and that fabulous male pride is a muthafucker! He couldn’t admit that he was guilty of the ultimate fuck-up! He looked around the room because it was feeling like all eyes were on him but actually no one was paying him any attention. He was just paranoid as hell. The guilt wouldn’t allow him to look at his wife as she headed towards him. It felt like the closer she got to him the more powerful her aura was. His mind was definitely playing tricks on him. After what seemed like forever, she finally sat down, still holding onto the cup of hot, steaming coffee. She sat there looking at him, refusing to break the silence. He couldn’t look at her. His eyes were glued to that cup of hot, steaming coffee. He knew he wasn’t about to confess to shit as long as she was holding onto that.
“Forever.” After a few seconds she finally said something.
“What? If you got something to say Nyla, then say it,” he said, trying to see what all she knew.
“This…is…my…last…time asking. Is there something you want to tell me?”
He got bold. “Nyla, what the fuck are you talking about?” Then he sees the coffee cup go up. He covered his face with his arms while biting down on his lip to keep from screaming. “Shit, Nyla!” he curses while tearing off his shirt. “Shit, Nyla! That’s fucked up!” The majority of the skin areas that the coffee hit were already turning red. A couple of blisters were starting to form.
“Shit!” Only a few people noticed what had happened. Nyla was sitting there just as calm, arms and legs crossed, wearing a smirk on her face. “Why the fuck you do that Nyla? Damn! Look how red my arms are. That could have been my eyes Nyla. I know they are not going to let me go change shirts and come back.”
“Come back? Nigga I already told you I’m outta here. I gave you a chance Forever. Several chances! So you know what? If that hoe means that much to you, y’all look good together. Fuck the both of y’all. Nigga take a long
good look at your daughter, you worthless piece of shit! Tameerah, time to go baby,” she yelled as she stood up.
“No baby. Wait.” He began pleading like a bitch. “Please. Don’t leave. It was just business. I was—” Pop! He was startled. Nyla, his baby, had just punched him in the mouth.
“Ha ha haa. Daddee. Mommee punched you.” Tameerah was laughing at him as she ran over to where they were.
“Go back and play baby.” Nyla told her. They watched her run back to the play area. “Nigga please! If it was just business then why is the hoe saying she pregnant Forever?” She reached over and slapped him again. He got up, because he needed a minute to get the balls to confess and needed to change his shirt. It had cooled off but his arms were stinging.
“Don’t walk away from me. How could you do this to me? To us?” she seethed.
“Let me see if they will let me change shirts. Please wait for me. Don’t leave baby, a’ight?”
She jumped up and went towards the bathroom.
After some serious negotiating, Forever was allowed to go wrap gauze around his blisters and put on a clean shirt. He eased by Zeke’s cell and was praying and hoping that Nyla was still out there. It was time to face the music. At least, he was gonna try.
“You all right Thompson? I heard you had quite a mishap out there earlier. How did I miss it?” O’Neill questioned him.
“Wasn’t nothing to miss. Don’t be listening to fools around here. They just want something—anything—to talk about.” Forever snapped while hoping this clown wasn’t going to make him cuss his ass out. Now was not the time for jokes. He was relieved to see that Nyla waited for him. She was still pissed off and was holding their daughter who had dozed off.
“Do you love her?” She didn’t give him a chance to sit down.